It was supposed to be an easy mission: "get in, beat some asses, get the fuck out" kind of mission.

Of course, Spider-Man's Parker's luck had to strike.

It was only him and Captain America.

There wasn't a particular reason as to why it was only the two of them, it simply happened that they were the only two at the compound  on a Tuesday afternoon who were willing to deal what Tony called "a one" on the Avengers Security Scale.

It's simple, you see: a ten on the A.S. was a Thanos level threat whereas a one or a two was just some random hillbilly that caused minor ruckus in the city. The higher the threat, the bigger the pain in the ass it was for the team (and, in occurrence, also the world). They affectionately nicknamed the Avenger Security Scale "Ass" just for that.

...

Yes, it was Tony's idea, what's your point?

Let's go back to our horses:
the threat wasn't even a one, just a zero-point-seventy-five. Peter had volunteered to take care of it, but after his day ('cause of some corporate government bullshit: whatever, who cares), Steve also wanted to beat some asses.

They hadn't anticipated the guy to even have a supervillain costume, never the less a villain name.

They called themselves "The Regulator". They were an individual who wore a mask so colourful, it almost looked like a unicorn puked on a menstruation pad. Almost. Spidey and Cap never saw their face, never heard their voice or saw anything other than the huge ass laser gun pointed at them.

"DoN't wOrRy, yOu'Ll jUsT fEeL a pInCh," said the villain in an evil robotic tone slaughtered with high pitched by the voice modulator.

Stark at been right though... it had been easy, just, not for  them. And they did "Get in, beat some ass and got the fuck out". The only difference was that the asses beaten was theirs.

A quick flash.

A loud machine noise.

Another flash.

And poof: the both of them were unconscious.

When Peter woke up, he noticed that they weren't at the abandoned factory on the 29 main St. in Nyack. Instead, he was laying on his own personal bed in the infirmary. As he opened his eyes, he rapidly noticed how everything surrounding him was blurry.

"Thank Gods, kid!" sighed Mr. Stark with relief when he saw the teen awake. "You scare the hell out of m— us. And me. You both scared us to death. Even Robocop. Mostly Robocop. And me. Fuck, Pete, what happened?!"

His eyes settled on what he assumed was a Sitting Tony Stark by his side. The blurry stain of color seemed to correspond to his childhood hero and mentor.

"I... I can't see," informed the teenaged.

The words rang all kind of alarms in Stark's mind.

"What do you mean you can't see?" the genius repeated before holding out his hand. "How many finger am I holding up?"

Peter squinted to see better.

"I don't know, three?"

"It was one."

"oh."

They didn't wait for Steve to wake up before Doctor Cho was called to take blood sample from both of them.

Looking at their Captain, the three of them noticed how smaller the man seemed to be. His cheeks were dug in, as if he hadn't eaten since June first 1942. He looked sickly, yet nobody could deny that the person in the bed on the far right side of the Avenger's infirmary was none-other than Steven Grant Rogers.

Doctor Cho had just finished taken Steve's blood sample when Doctor Banner and Sergeant Barnes walked in.

"I tried to keep him out," Bruce justified.

"You failed," Stark replied, a death stare never leaving Barnes's outline.

If the mysterious ray gun had been an enigma for the last forty-three hours and fifteen minutes, it no longer was.

"Stevie?" the (ex) fist of Hydra choked up.

Hearing his childhood's best friend's voice, Steve opened his eyes.

"Hey Buck," came the slightly less deep voice of a newly awake Captain America. He blinked rapidly a few times. "What happened to the colors?"

His eyes grew ten sizes larger.

"Buck, I can't breath," the panic was evident in his shaking tone.

Automatically, as he had done hundreds of time before, Barnes grabbed a chair and pulled in on the right side of Steve's bed.

"Come here," he calmly spoke.

Gently, he rubbed pal's back in a familiar pattern until the latter seemed more collected with his breathing. Expertly, he pressed two fingers on Steve's wrist (the right one) between the bone and the tendon over the artery. He then counted fifteen seconds, did a few maths in his head, and released the arm. Finally, he gesture to Steve to turn around. He raised the t-shirt and laid his left ear on his back. As if Cap knew, he coughed two times. Now, almost satisfied, Bucky pulled away and raised back down the T-shirt. Finally, once Steve had return to his sitting position, Barnes snap his fingers three times on Steve's left side.

"What do you hear?" he asked.

"N-Nothing."

Realization fell on him.

"Oh." was his reaction.

"Great, now that Doctor Cyborg is done, care to explain to the room what you found?"

"It's the serum... It's gone."

•••

"... Asthma, scarlet fever, rheumatic fever, sinusitis, heart palpitations, nervous trouble, bone/joint/other deformity, color blindness, scoliosis, high blood pressure, diabetes, anemia, partial deafness, astigmatism, HIV, easy fatiguability, seasonal allergies, food allergies to nuts, treenuts, sesame, mustard, lactose, leguminous, celery... Christ, Steve, the list goes on," Banner recapitulated.

Of course, Bucky knew those things by heart, but it was always a shock to hear them over again.

"How... How the fuck are you alive?" gasped Stark.

"'Cause he's a stubborn ass. He got his last rites six times and he still refuses to kick the bucket," Bucky smirked.

"Hey! You jerk! I'm only deaf in my left ear, it doesn't mean that I can't hear you !" Steve added.

"Punk," he bopped his friend's nose with his metal index finger.

It had now been three days since the mission. The blood results had came back earlier than expected, but it still didn't explain why Peter and Steve were suddenly powerless. To the teenager, not being radioactive wasn't a death sentence. However, for Steve, it might as well be.

"So if I understand correctly, America's World War II's best strategist in the history of our entire country and Spider-Man — who can senses when danger comes— BOTH went in an estranged establishment without a main plan, a backup plan, a backup backup plan or just a map of the building?! You just rushed in without evaluating the situation?! Are you both stupid?! It's not because it's an Ass one that it's not important!! Look at you! Peter, you're exactly the mental image of a nerd with glasses and asthma I picture every time I hear about the stereotype and Steve is being devoured to death by almost a hundred different illness, including HIV— wait, HIV?" He turned to Steve who became red. "I don't wanna know— The point is, YOU WERE BOTH RECKLESS! Underoos, what would have had happened if you hadn't woke up? If you had died right there on the abandoned dirty Charmin factory floor? What would I have said to May!? If you die, that's on me! And Cap! You were the responsible adult! How could you let that happen?!?!"

🚧unfinished work