This one's hella hella hella weird. Oh my god what did I hecking write???
Whatever read it I guess :D

LITERALLY ZERO ANGST DO NOT GET FOOLED BY THE TITLE (okay but maybe like 0.00000001% angst idkk)

Jk PLEASE FREAKING READ IT I WANT MORE READS OBVIOUSLY

**read end notes for updates on Peter Thorsen**

~~~~~
The Avengers came back from a mission exhausted and crashed on the couch.

"Hey FRIDAY, where's Peter?" Tony said eager to see his son.

"He's out at a party with his friends." FRIDAY responded bluntly.

"WHAT!?! WHO LET HIM?" Tony exclaimed, as all the Avengers sat up straight in alert.

"Loki did, sir."

"Get him for me." Tony was silently seething.

"Sure thing, Boss."

Loki shortly walked in and looked at Tony.

"What?"

"Why'd you let Peter go to a high school party?" Tony asked, characteristically calm.

"I don't know, I just let him go."

"What happened to Bruce and Strange?" Bucky asked.

"Strange had important business to attend to and Bruce was busy so I ended watching over him. It was getting boring sitting around and staring at him, so I let him leave." Loki said rolling his eyes.

Steve face-palmed right as Tony got a call from Peter.

"Hello, kid?"

"Mr. Stark. This is Michelle Jones, Peter's friend."

"What's wrong?"

"I found Peter passed out at Flash's 'party', but I know for a definite fact that he didn't drink anything but kombucha. He didn't take drinks from anyone either. There's also something really weird on his neck."

"On my way." Tony ended the call and ran out with his suit encasing him.

~~~~~

An hour later, Tony came back with a pale and limp Peter Parker in his arms.

Everyone quickly stood up and followed Tony to the med bay. They were all worried for their baby spider.

Tony ran into the room and set Peter on a gurney calling Bruce to meet him there. 

Bruce rushed in after hearing FRIDAY call for him.

"What's up with him?" Bruce asked glancing over at a eerily still Peter.

"He went to a small get-together at his friend Flash's house and some seniors crashed it. His friend Michelle found him unconscious, but FRIDAY said his blood alcohol content level was 0% and he has no drugs in his system either." Tony rushed with the summary as he set up Peter's IV. 

The heart monitor turned on and all you could here was a loud and prolonged beep. 

Everyone's hearts dropped. 

"He's dead!?" Clint yelled in disbelief as Natasha elbowed him.

"G-get a defibrillator, Bruce! Do something!" Tony said in disbelief.

"He's been dead for a few hours, Tony." Bruce choked out, solemnly.

Tony covered his eyes to conceal his flowing tears while the rest of the Avengers took comfort in each other.

Their baby arachnid was... Gone.

Suddenly a small groan was heard. Everyone probably got whiplash from how quickly they looked over at Peter's bed. 

Peter slowly opened his eyes and looked around. 

"Where am I? Why is it so bright?-" Peter suddenly turned and retched into the trashcan next to the hospital bed. "I don't feel so good."

"Peter? WHAT THE FU-" Clint shouted but was immediately muffled by one Steve Rogers. 

Peter was talking and moving and throwing up all while he was still hooked up to the heart monitor telling everyone he was dead. 

"Is there something on my face?" Peter asked, confused as to why all the Avengers were staring him down.

"The monitor must be broken..." Sam concluded. 

"FRIDAY, run a diagnostics check on the equipment." 

FRIDAY hummed and a few minutes later responded with an answer.

"Everything is in check and working perfectly."

Everyone's mouths dropped. 

"Must be something up with FRIDAY..." Tony muttered looking over at Steve and Wanda. 

Wanda just sat there, nose scrunched up and thinking hard. 

"I'm going to my room."

Peter chose that moment to get up and go to his room. Nobody stopped him. And no one mentioned the unusual bite mark on his neck.

~~~~~

The next morning, Peter walked into the kitchen looking pale and with something red on the side of his mouth. Bruce looked up at him and furrowed his eyebrows. 

"Hey- what's that on your face?"

"What's on my face?"

Peter looked into the reflection of his toaster and widened his eyes turning his head up fast.

Peter responded with a nervous "uhhh nothing?". He chuckled anxiously and looked away. 

Bruce used a napkin to wipe his face and stuffed it in his pocket, without Peter noticing. The rest of the Avengers raised their eyebrows at that. Bruce shortly left the room after. 

~~~~~

Tony got a text from Bruce to tell everyone to meet him in the lab. Without Peter. 

He raised an eyebrow and did so. 

As everyone filed into the room they saw Bruce with messy hair and a wild look in his eyes. 

Thor stepped forward and put a hand on his shoulder. 

"Banner, what is it?"

"P-Peter, h-he-" Bruce let out a strangled choke. 

"What did Peter do?"

"That's the problem! I don't know!"

Thor tilted his head in confusion and looked over at the equally confused Avengers. 

"He had rat blood on his mouth! A rat's blood!" Bruce finally exclaimed.

Everyone gasped in horror. 

"Y-you don't think?" Steve began.

"A vampire? No no no no. V-Vampires don't exist right??" Clint continued, terrified out of his mind. 

"J-Just keep an eye on him. Okay?" Bruce warned. "If you see anything suspicious, take a video and send it to the PPPS group chat."

Everyone nodded their heads and quickly left the room in shock.

~~~~~

The Avengers noticed the small changes soon after. How Peter was constantly pale and how he would never eat his food. He never laughed or showed his teeth around anyone. He always covered his mouth while talking and chewing food. They noticed how he tried to discreetly spit it out into the napkin. Clint even found an empty hospital blood bag in Peter's room and quickly sent pictures to the PPPS group chat. 

It went on for another week, when one day they heard a loud shout of anguish from the living room. 

FRIDAY started to say something before she started to malfunction. 

(trigger warning: slight "gore" LMAO XD)

The Avengers soon found themselves in a room with a bloody body and Peter on top of it. Dr. Strange quickly rushed forward to pull Peter off of the body that was soon revealed to be Bruce Banner. 

Peter hissed and opened his mouth to reveal his teeth turning into long fangs. His eyes were red as he webbed the knife out of Loki's hands and turned around to stab Stephen in the neck. Stephen gurgled in strain as Peter pounced on him. Stephen quickly used the time stone to reverse the knife out of his neck and Wanda held Peter back with his magic. 

Peter hissed once more as he rolled over next to him. 

He leaned onto the ground and took in deep breaths as his shoulder started to shake. He looked up and smiled along with Loki, Stephen, and Wanda at the disturbed Avengers. Bruce laid limp on the ground, blood pooling around him. 

Tony Stark had long since jumped into a terrified Steve Rogers arms, while both had their mouths wide open.

Natasha had fell over onto the wall in shock before quickly recovering and keeping a poker face. 

Clint was gawking as he peeked up over the kitchen counter.

Sam had his wings out and decided to crouch on Bucky's shoulders, as Bucky held a hand over his heart in shock, his eyes wide open along with his mouth. 

Thor had his hammer out and was wildly pointing it at Peter with a similar expression. 

(^ Basically Thor but with his hammer XD)

Peter started to double over in laughter. Soon, Stephen, Wanda, and Loki joined in as well. Tony slowly slid out of Steve Rogers arms and awkwardly coughed. Sam retracted his wings and went to stand next to Bucky while Thor slowly lowered his arms. Clint stood up, looking around in surprise.

Then a new voice joined their laughter, and everyone slowly turned to see Bruce sitting up straight and clutching his stomach. 

This made all of the remaining Avengers - besides Natasha - to scream like sleep deprived banshees. 

"WHAT THE FU-" Clint said but was cut off again by Steve, who jumped up and slapped his mouth, activating the Eyebrows of Disappointment™. 

~~~~~

A week earlier...

Peter cried as he finished the last episode of the Vampire Diaries. He always got emotional when a show ends. But he had just binge watched the entire show in 2 days. He kinda forgot what sleep even was. Whatever it was, he knew he didn't need it. What he did know was that he had to do some sort of a tribute to this masterpiece of a show.
He thought for the longest time and eventually gave up, deciding to get some food from the kitchen.
Peter lazily slid off his bed and slowly got up before falling down to the floor again. He had a hard time remembering how to walk. He tried again and made it to the kitchen after falling about 5 more times. He still didn't regret not moving for two days straight. 'It was worth it' Peter thought every time he fell.

Peter opened the refrigerator and immediately got splashed with what he guessed was a mixture of flour and salty water. He internally growled, when he heard some giggling from behind him. Clint.

He turned around and wiped his eyes and was surprised to find that almost all of the Avengers were sitting in the living room laughing at him.

"Who's idea was that?" Tony said out loud, cackling.

"All Clint's." Natasha replied, with a smirk.

Everyone continued to laugh their asses off, while Peter pouted. Which made them laugh even more.

Peter widened his eyes. He had just come up with the best tribute in the entire world. He was gonna prank the hell out of everyone here.

Peter smiled at the laughing team minus Dr. Banner who grabbed the towels that were conjured up for him by Mr. Loki, Dr. Strange and Wanda who both were glaring at Clint.

"Thanks guys..." Peter muttered sarcastically, "So, Clint did this?"
Clint nodded his head.

"Nice one Clint! Maybe I'll use it on Flash sometime." Peter said with a 'genuine-looking' smile and walked away.

The Avengers looked at each other, surprised.

"He took that well." Steve said, voicing everyone's thoughts.

~~~~~

Peter had spent the next week planning his perfect prank. The Avengers except for Bruce were on a mission. Loki stayed home because he didn't care and Stephen came over to babysit Peter because Bruce was working and Tony didn't trust Peter alone with Loki.

Peter decided that Stephen, Bruce, Loki, and Wanda could help, along with MJ and FRIDAY.
It took a lot to convince FRIDAY to help, seeing as she wasn't allowed to withhold information from Tony. Once Peter told her that Tony would eventually find out, she happily agreed to help. She said it was payback for Tony muting her.

Peter walked into the living room to see Loki, Stephen, and Bruce sitting on the couches doing various things. He cleared his throat to get everyone's attention.

"So... Uh, remember when Clint pranked me and everyone laughed at me except for you three?"

"Yeah..." Stephen said, as Bruce and Loki nodded their heads.

"I want to get them back with an elaborate prank, BUT I need your help and secrecy."

All three of them looked at each other, having a silent conversation with their eyes.

"What do you need us to do?" Loki smirked.

~~~~~

"Then, I told Wanda later so she was in on it too."

"I-It was fake???" Steve asked in surprise. 

"Yeah, guess I could be an actor, huh?"

"Or Satan." Clint suggested, shuddering at the kid. He was never pranking him again. 

They decided, then and there, that they would be much nicer to Peter Parker. 

~~~~~

OMFG THAT WAS ACTUALLY TRASH. LMAO

HOPEFULLY THAT TRIPPED Y'ALL UP

**UPDATES - PETER THORSEN**

sOO sorry I haven't updated yet ahh.

I know I promised Wednesday and TODAY but that just is not possible at the moment. 

I have this huge bio and math midterm coming up soon and I have to do good in it to bring my GPA up. It's 10% of the final grade! So imma little stressed. 

This oneshot was in my drafts forever and I just needed to edit it, but I didn't and just posted it hahahahhhahahahahahhahah. 

Sorry for the wait. 

LOVE YOU ALL

~ stuffy <3