trigger warning - panic attack
• • • see end of chapter for sympnosis • • •

[Spitfire : Chapter Twenty-Two]

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9 September, 1993

               Isaac didn't feel like himself, he hadn't for a while. Everyday passed quickly with a blink of an eye, the long-lasting feeling of impending doom never left his chest. After a while, he grew used to it; it only made felt even more empty than before. Nothing was going right for the Slytherin boy, it seemed he was destined for grief ever since the day he was sorted into the serpent house.

He saw the way people changed around him. At first, he was simply treated like the typical Slytherin; ignored by every house but his own. But ever since the dirty deed he had done against the poor Muggleborn while in his fourth year, he was seen as an enemy. He was officially known as a lackey of Thorfinn Rowle, a tool who terrorized people because of their blood type.

Not only did the other houses students act differently around him but so did the other Slytherins. Specifically those of whom saw life the same way as people like Thorfinn Rowle, he was considered a perfect Slytherin. People below him looked up to him and those older than him treated him like a little brother that they were proud of. A part of him loathed it, being seen as a saint in the eyes of the enemy, but the other side of him loved it. Finally someone was proud of him, not the ideal set of people but it still gave him hope. Maybe one day he could redeem himself and people will feel proud of him for better things. Like saving a stray puppy or locking psychotic Bellatrix Lestrange into Azkaban.

Then there was Cassie, one of the only people in his life who never put him down for being a Slytherin. The girl who stuck by his side through ruthless teasing from the Weasley twins, the girl who was already seen different due to her ability and only made the judgement worse by being a Gryffindor friends with a Slytherin. Now she was gone, he made her leave. He ignored her and openly stayed away from her just so she would keep away, and it worked. Over the summer he hadn't gotten one letter, she normally wrote to him twice a week.

"Hey Isaac, are you okay?" Isaac lifted his head, beside him he caught sight of a girl by the name of Daphne Greengrass. She was another one of the 'bad' Slytherins, though she was much nicer to him than the rest. The others either ordered him around or awaited orders; like they were a bunch of mini-soldiers. She, on the other hand, was like the older sister he always wanted; the complete opposite of Harper.

"Oh, yeah, fine," Isaac mumbled, placing his chin back on top his arms. They were in the great hall eating breakfast, the bustling of students became a hum in his ears while he lost focus. He could feel Daphne's gaze on him but he ignored it, staring ahead at the Gryffindor table where he saw the back of Cassie's head; blue hair.

Oh how he wished he could be talking to that blue-headed girl over there. For her to place her hand on his shoulder, to wrap her arm around his neck. He would even go swimming with her again just so they could be together, and he hated swimming; especially since the swimming incident the few years before. Plus, it was bloody freezing outside.

"You don't look fine." she observed, poking the middle of his forehead, his brow was causing a crease. He sat up entirely, rubbing his forehead and she continued pestering. "C'mon little Deehan, tell me what's up."

"Little," He scoffed. "I'm older than you."

"And yet," She smirked. "I'm taller."

"By a few inches." He grumbled, looking back at his empty plate in front of him. His body felt weak, it confirmed that whenever he stood up. But as he looked at the foods in front of him, steaming as they were just taken from the kitchens, he couldn't help but feel nauseous. He didn't want to eat, he felt sick at the thought. He didn't deserve to eat.

Noticing the boys hesitation, Daphne frowned. "Oh, this is no good."

Isaac raised a brow. "What's no good?"

"You not eating," Daphne stated, grabbing his plate. "do you want eggs or pancakes?"

"Neither," Isaac sighed, both. "I'm not hungry." I'm starving but I'm too guilty to eat.

"Yes you are," she cooed. "here, since you're being stubborn, I'll decide for you." She continued to fill his plate with a single pancake, a few pieces of bacon, and a slice of toast.

"I'm not going to eat it," Isaac said, he then winced; that sounded mean. "I mean, I'm really not hungry. I'm not feeling so well."

"You didn't even eat dinner last night, Isaac." Daphne pleaded. "Just eat a little something, maybe it'll help you feel better."

"No food can make me feel better." Isaac mumbled, placing his chin back in his arms.

Daphne frowned. "Well I can't relate to that."

Isaac shrugged, looking towards the back of Cassie's head again. Beside her he could spot a hijab; Fiona. Across from them he could catch glances of Rose and Kennedy, he was glad they were doing okay. For some reason he could also spot the Weasley twins and their friend Lee. Cassie seemed to be talking to them, not yelling. Odd.

"You know," Daphne stated, breaking him out of his daze. "staring at her isn't going to make her talk to you. Just go over there, say hi."

"Thorfinn wouldn't like it," Isaac mumbled, now that he thought about it; he didn't even know Daphne's opinion on the girl. Did Daphne consider Cassie a blood-traitor, a half-breed, or just another human being?

"Screw Thorfinn," Daphne scoffed, Isaac went wide eyed and began looking around; please don't be here, please don't be here. Thorfinn Rowle had the hearing of a bat. Noticing his panicked reaction, she sighed. "he's not here, Isaac, he's doing head boy duties."

"Still," Isaac said, squinting at her accusingly. "is this a set up or something? Gonna rat me out once I walk over there? Which I'm not."

"Your view of me hurts, Deehan." She said, placing an offended hand on her chest. He scowled and looked away, she chuckled. "If you go over there, I won't tell. All opinions aside, she's your friend and if you want to talk to her then it's okay with me. I'll even keep it a secret for you."

Isaac frowned, sitting up straight a bit while he thought it over. Every part of his body longed to be with his best friend, or former best friend, but his mind wouldn't allow it. What would he even say to her? 'I'm sorry I've been torturing muggleborns and being the stereotypical bad guy Slytherin, want to be my friend again?'

A few seats down at the Slytherin table Marcella and Estelle sat in silence. Estelle kept making passing glances towards Isaac, normally, when he noticed them close, he'd try to run away from them. She didn't want him to catch sight of her, somehow, behind a few seats from him comforted her a bit — she missed hanging out with him. Marcella, on the other hand, didn't try to hide herself whatsoever while she stared directly at the boy. An unreadable expression on her face.

"Penny for your thoughts?" Estelle asked, Marcella didn't take her eyes off the boy but the question seemed to burst something inside her as she began to ramble.

"He doesn't deserve me leaving him alone." Marcella fumed. "He deserves a lifetime of pestering. Blasted idiot, thinks he can just ignore us and all his problems will go away."

"Marc, something happened, okay?" Estelle defended, trying to calm down her friend. She wanted to go talk to the boy, to hug him and reassure him everything was alright. She knew what he was going through. For the same threats were being made against everyone who wore the Slytherin colors. "He needs to be alone."

"That Greengrass skank isn't leaving him alone and he doesn't seem to mind it." Marcella stated. "Lets that prejudiced bitch around him but not us? I could crack that kids skull open."

"Please don't," Estelle stated, her eyes wide. "he'll come to us when he feels comfortable, Thorfinns probably got him tied to his finger."

"Isaac is his own person. What's Thorfinn gonna do, huh? Kill him? He's still a bloody student. He wouldn't dare try to murder Isaac, especially with Dumbledore constantly around." Marcella rambled. "Besides, we would never let Thorfinn hurt Isaac. Bloody wankers a coward." She continued, shouting the last word a few octaves louder.

"Quiet down," Estelle stated. "I don't think he's avoiding us because he's scared of Thorfinn hurting him, which he could do, he's a You-Know-Who fanatic, after all. I think he's avoiding us because he doesn't want us to get hurt, rather heroic if you ask me."

"I can take care of myself," Marcella stated. "and you know what? I'm going to prove that to him."

"Please don't," Estelle stated, grabbing onto her friends sleeve to pull her down; she actually stood up. "don't be reckless, Marc, almost the entire table is here."

"He should be talking to us not her," Marcella growled, looking at Daphne. "we understand what he's being forced into, or at least we do a little bit. What she's doing is willing, bloody wench is probably encouraging him to stay away from us."

    "He wouldn't listen to her, he doesn't believe what they believe." Estelle tried to reason, she frowned. "would he?"

    "He better not." Marcella growled.

    Isaac had enough of breakfast that morning, the sudden urge to flee quickly vanquished the hunger he had felt. He stood up, Daphne looked at him alarmed as she was just trying to coach him into eating a single piece of toast. "I forgot my potions textbook, gotta go grab it before classes start."

    Daphne frowned. "Time tables haven't even been given out yet." Though, he did not hear as he was already walked away.

    His target was the great hall doors, the ones opposite of the ones leading towards the dungeons — he wanted to avoid Thorfinn at all costs. Only one more year of this, Isaac reminded himself. Thorfinn was in his seventh year, he was graduating in June; soon Isaac'll be free. Or at least free enough as he would be left with the rest of the Slytherins watching him like a hawk.

    Isaac furrowed a brow when he realized he wasn't heading towards the doors, instead, he was walking straight towards Cassie. He tried to make himself inconspicuous and turn the other way but Kennedy and Rose had caught sight of him; damn it. With quick nudges and a point, Cassie whipped over and was facing his side as he tried to quickly walk out. Instead of turning back and ranting about him, like how he imagined her to do anytime he thought about contacting her, she stood up and began calling his name.

    Oh no, public confrontation. Screw Thorfinn! He thought, he then went towards the great hall doors leading to the dungeons. He hadn't realized how slow he was going until he felt a hand clasp on his shoulder; Cassie. He froze in his spot, breathing heavily while he stared at the doors in front of him.

    "Isaac?" Cassie asked, the ringing in his ears made it too difficult to tell whether she was angry or just upset. The ringing turned into a large screeching and there was a bang on the Slytherin table, following that, Marcella and Estelle began walking towards them. Marcella looked as if he wanted to punch him as Estelle was pleading for her to calm down.

    Isaac breath started to quiver and his throat felt tight, he looked down to his feet and could swear he felt beads of sweat drip off of his brow. He tried to speak but only let out a cough; how many people were watching this? Cassie was behind him, expecting for him to turn. Marcella was running up ready to start a scene, Estelle behind her being the saint she is but failing to withhold the girl. His legs began to shake.

    "Hey, Isaac?" Cassie tried again, her voice lower and sounding less confident than before. This time she didn't touch him, she saw and felt the way he flinched when she did it before.

    "Go away." Isaac hissed, he continued his flee. Now there were three girls following him and he somehow couldn't breath.

    "Isaac Deehan," Marcella bellowed, the great hall hushed to a silence. "you better slow the hell down!"

    Isaac did not slow down, instead, he began running. He opened the great hall doors and allowed them to slam behind him. At the first corridor he turned. His chest felt like there was a fist squeezing it shut, spots blurred his vision and his legs craved for him to stop. Though, the three girls behind him relentlessly chased him. It was going to be a three versus one interaction where he can even barely handle his own mind.

    "Isaac, slow down!" He heard someone yell from behind him. He couldn't tell who, his ears were ringing too much. With a wrong turn he caught a dead end. Hogwarts had many of those, sometimes they weren't even real dead ends; just magically created walls made to confuse students. To make sure, Isaac pressed a hand. Instead of it going through like he hoped, his palm touched the cold surface of the stone wall. Isaac gave up, turning and pressing his back against the wall as he slid down. He couldn't breath, he couldn't hear, everything was going wrong in that moment. It felt like the world was ending.

    Cassie was the first to arrive as she was closest to him when he began to flee. She froze in place, unsure if she should start walking up. When she had learned he was walking towards her the first thought to cross her mind was; what do I say? Should she be immediately angry at him, for he ignored her for a year. As well as scared and hurt innocent muggleborn. Or was she to be relieved, to hug him?

     Next was Marcella, following her was Estelle. Marcella, like Cassie, had paused. But instead of staying frozen she quickly regained her senses and began stomping up. She wouldn't have done that if she saw the tear-stained streaks going down his cheeks. "Bloody hell, Isaac, put us up for a wild goose chase for what? So you can sit down?"

    "Marcella—" started Estelle, a pained expression on her pale face.

    "No." Marcella stated, stopping the girl before she could continue. She turned back to Isaac, walked a bit closer and continued. "You slimy rat, how dare you just leave us like that! We are your friends, remember? Marcella Colbert and Estelle Burke — Cassie Snow, even."

    Isaac said nothing, he finally managed to catch his breath but now he couldn't seem to be able to hold it. He hyperventilated, his head dangling with his face facing the floor; tears dripping off his nose and chin. Cassie stood frozen, unsure of what she should do, she hated tough situations. Estella was trying to get Marcella to stop but the girl was ruthless.

    "Aren't you going to say anything, huh?" Marcella asked, stepping forward. "Are you too daft to realize we wouldn't ever blame you for what happened, we know you're the bloody victim, Deehan. And how dare you keep us away from h— wait, are you alright?"

    Isaac didn't move, his body continued to shake involuntarily. By then, Marcella had realized what was happening. "Oh my, Isaac, are you crying?"

    Isaac looked up, he couldn't help but feel pathetic. But he was in a panic as well, he seemed to only be able to suck in his breath rather than release it. "I-I-I can't breathe."

    "You can't breathe?" Marcella asked in a panic. "Why can't you breathe? Are you allergic to something?"

    "Shite," Estelle cursed, and she never cursed. She ran up, accidentally knocking her shoulder into Cassie in the process. "he's having a panic attack."

    "A panic attack?" Cassie repeated, finally breaking out of her daze. "Merlin Isaac, are you okay?"

    Isaac grabbed at his heard, still unable to breath. The ringing began to grow unbearable, his mind swirled with thoughts that only made everything worse. How could he be acting so childish? Crying because he was being confronted, he could only wonder how his father would react to this if he ever heard. When the girls realized what was happening with him they only made it worse while they tried to help.

    Estelle tried telling him breathing exercises while Marcella was touching him everywhere, his shoulders, back, arms, she was trying to calm him down. The touching only made everything tense. Cassie kept reassuring him he was okay, they were all too close. He felt trapped, the wall behind him and three people in front of him. He wanted to run again but his legs were like jelly.

    "What is happening here?" Bellowed a voice at the end of the hall, everyone froze. For a moment, Thorfinns face flashed in front of Isaacs eyes. Instead of the incredibly tall and brooding Thorfinn, Daphne Greengrass was walking towards them.

    "Get away, Greengrass," Marcella hissed upon realization. "can't you see there's something wrong?"

    "Salazar's cape," Daphne breathed, taking sight of Isaacs predicament. She ignored Marcella. "Deehan, are you okay?"

    "Why does everyone keep asking me that?" Isaac croaked, his vision growing blurry. He was now standing whiles everyone's faces close to his grew too overbearing.

    "What did you guys do to him?" Daphne asked, shoving past them and grabbing Isaac by his arm to pull him away. Marcella retaliated by grabbing Isaac's other arm.
Daphne chuckled. "Are you mental?"

    "Are you?" Marcella asked. "It's your fault he's like this."

    "My fault?" Daphne laughed, Isaac grew nauseous while a fight began to brew. "He leaves and I find him here sobbing with you three crowding around him. How is that my fault?"

    "Because it was obviously provoked from us talking to him for the first time in forever." Marcella yelled. "This wouldn't have happened if you guys and your idiotic cult cronies didn't keep him away from us."

    "Say that again, Colbert." Daphne said, her voice snarling. Isaac rarely heard her like that, the only other time was when a muggle catcalled her during the summer. And she didn't do it because she was catcalled, she did it because a 'filthy muggle' looked at her.

    "You heard me." Marcella retorted, her fingers shaping into a fist.

    By then, Daphne was ready to attack. She no longer held Isaac in her grasps. Estelle had took her place instead, moving him aside from everything and sitting him down on the floor. With just her alone, she managed to cool him down a bit. His breaths became more and more as time passed, the ringing of his ears lessened and the impending doom he felt circulating in his blood began to dissipate. The brewing fight, though, only grew more and more intense.

    "Hey, how about we calm down now, yeah?" Cassie tried to reason, she should've stayed with Fred, Kennedy, Rose, Fiona, George, and Lee. No matter how many times Kennedy and Rose flirted with each other. And how many times Fred jokingly flirted with her.

    "You stay out of this, freak," Daphne hissed, pointing at Cassie with a look of disgust in her eye. Isaac went wide eyed and he looked up at the back of Daphne, he knew she had her opinions on the girl but he never knew them to be so harsh. He didn't want to ever imagine them so harsh. Cassie's hair turned a furious shade of orange.

    "What did you just call me?" Cassie asked, her voice low. She was now right next to Marcella. No one there had their wands at ready, but from what Isaac could tell, Daphne was about to grab hers.

    "You heard me, freak," Daphne repeated. "you think you're so cool that you can change your pretty little hair, don't you? Filthy half-breed, I could only wonder what pig and cow mated for you to be born."

    "Oh you bitch," Cassie growled, her dark-expressioned face now contorting into a snarl as she leapt forward to attack. Isaac watched as Daphne pulled out her wand and pointed it right to Cassie's face. Surprising everyone, mainly himself, the wand in Daphne's hand flew and hit against the wall; as well as her body as she was just hit with a spell. Estelle was now standing, her wand raised.

    "You all are bloody children," Scolded the sixth year. "fighting at a time like this? Can't you see Isaac is unwell, or is your pride too important? All differences aside, even if some are bloody horrendous, we should be helping Isaac. Not causing him to bloody pass out."

    "Oh my." Cassie said, clasping her mouth. Isaac looked terrible. His hair was wet with sweat and his ears and face were a matching blood-red color. He was heaving where he sat and his shirt was wet with either tears or sweat. His face was distraught as he stared at Daphne with horror.

    "Isaac," Marcella said, flinching at herself when she remembered the rant she had given during his panic attack. "I'm so sorry."

    "Not now," Estelle answered for him, Isaac silently thanked her. "everyone needs to leave, now. Especially you, Greengrass."

    "You little wench," Daphne hissed, standing up from where she hit the wall. She had her wand in hand, with a swift flick Estelle's wand was now in her hand. As well as the others. Silent magic. "do you know what you've just done?"

    "I punished an unruly student for her aggressive actions," Estelle lowly answered, her voice unwavering. "if you know what's good for you and your relationship with Isaac, you'd leave."

    "Let him talk for himself, Burke," Daphne stated, her eyes now shifting towards Isaac. "Isaac, honey, are you okay?"

    "Did she just call him honey?" Marcella laughed. "After all you did, you think he's still forgiving towards you?"

    "You little brats are the cause of this," Daphne stated. "he was perfectly fine before you guys started talking to him, I regret encouraging him talking to the freak."

    "Don't call her that," Isaac croaked, Daphne flinched. "Daphne, I swear to Merlin, do not call her that again."

    "What are you talking about, Isaac?" Daphne asked, staring at the boy incredulously. "She did this to you, they all did."

    "No one did this to me besides Thorfinn and you." Isaac stated, his expression pained.

    "I've done nothing to you but help you." Daphne stated, an expression of betrayal on her face. Marcella had her arms crossed, a smirk across her face. Estelle was rubbing the boys back, a smile on her lips. Cassie was looking down at Isaac; he really wasn't the bad guy.

    lYou may have been there for me, but you were just as terrible as Thorfinn." Isaac stated, shakily standing up with the help of Estelle. "Everyday at Hogwarts has been an inescapable hell. At home as well. That's because of you guys, forcing me into doing such terrible things. I never wanted to do it, I never believed it. But you Daphne, all of you. You've ruined me."

    "You're talking out of your arse Isaac." Daphne stated, her head tilted and face unreadable. "Just come with me and I won't tell Thorfinn anything you've just said. I'll rub it off as an effect of your small crying session here."

    "It wasn't a crying session," Estelle stated. "it was a panic attack."

    "Caused by you lot." Marcella added.

    "And yet he had it when he was bombarded by you brats." Daphne retorted.

    "Delayed reaction." Cassie shrugged.

    Daphne looked back at Isaac. "This is your last chance, Deehan. Otherwise you are, quite literally, screwed."

    "Thank you for your kindness," Isaac croaked. "but goodbye, Daphne."

    Daphne frowned, dropping the other girls wands. With one last look towards Isaac, she left the corridor. Isaac and the girls were left into a silence before Marcella let out a laugh. "We won Isaac, we got you back!"

    Estelle began to chuckle and Cassie was grinning ear-to-ear. Isaac did not react the same, his former feeling of impending doom returned as he lowly let out with with a rasp in his voice, "Thorfinn is going to kill me." Without another word, Isaac broke down in sobs. His tears wetting Estelle's chest as she hugged him and the girls left shaken by his words. He sounded terrified.

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Authors Note:

Heh heh, here ya go. Vote and comment if you've enjoyed!

July 17, 2019
4,201words