Percussion Combustion and Unexpected Stage Gay

On the day of Lollapalooza, I drove to LAX for my flight to Chicago. Thankfully, when I arrived at the airport, I spotted Alan, Miles, Karim, and Byron at the end of the line with their suitcases, along with Sara and AJ. "Hi Bianca," Alan said as I entered the line.

"Hi everyone," I said. "It's good to see you guys."

"It's good to see you too," Sara said.

"Where's Serenity?" I asked Sara.

"She's with a babysitter," Sara answered. "I wasn't sure if she could make it through the plane ride, so I figured that it would be better for her to stay at home."

"That makes sense," I said. "Alan, are you excited for Lollapalooza?"

"Yes!" he exclaimed. "It's going to be such a great show."

"Alan, you've looked at the setlist, right?" Byron said, but Alan didn't answer. "You'd better look over it on the plane then, since you'll have four hours to do it. I don't want anything to go wrong with this show."

"I'm just really excited," Karim said. "This is going to be so much fun. In fact, I think we should take a picture to commemorate this."

"I'll take the picture," Sara said. She took out her phone and the members of Phantom Cat smiled as she took their picture. "How does this look?" Sara asked when she showed the picture to Byron.

"Take it again," Byron said. "It's a little blurry." Sara attempted to take the picture again, but Byron still didn't like it. "This one's even worse."

"What did you expect?" Sara asked. "I'm a statistician, not a photographer."

"I'll try," I said. I took out my phone and took a picture. My initial attempt wasn't any better than Sara's, but my second try turned out well.

"Send that to me," Karim said when he saw the picture. "I want to post it on Twitter."

I texted the picture to Karim, but while I did, Alan pulled out his phone and took a selfie. He then promptly posted it on Twitter, along with the caption "waiting in line at the airport #chicago #lollapalooza #linesreallysuck #phantompalooza2k16."

"Alan, was that necessary?" I asked him after I saw what he had posted.

"Yes," Alan answered, and that was the end of that discussion.

All of us went through security, waited for a while longer, and then finally got on the plane. We were the only people in first class, strangely enough, and we were certainly an odd group to be sitting there. One of the flight attendants seemed to be quite surprised to see a pregnant Korean woman, a slightly scruffy looking man who was humming a Sunny Day Real Estate song, and the frontwoman of a band widely regarded to be a one hit wonder accompanying the world's most popular San Francisco-born, Los Angeles-based pop punk/power pop/alternative rock quartet.

For most of the plane ride, Alan took advantage of the free Wi-Fi in first class. "Hey look!" he exclaimed at one point. "My selfie has one hundred thousand likes! #phantompalooza2k16 is going to be trending in no time!"

"My photo isn't even close to that," Karim complained.

I ignored them and tried to read, but it was hard to focus with Byron and Miles talking rather loudly about the show, and AJ occasionally interjecting something. Sara was the only one who was quiet as she focused on solving her Sudoku puzzle.

After a few hours, Alan and Miles both fell asleep. "They should really give us pillows on these flights," Miles mumbled as he rested his head on AJ's shoulder. "I don't know why they only do it on international flights."

"I don't mind," AJ said. "You're comfy enough."

Alan snored loudly, and I nudged him. "We only have another hour left to go," I said. "You can stay awake for this."

However, Alan didn't wake up until the plane had already landed. "Are we really in Chicago already?" he asked.

"Yes," I said. I grabbed his hand and the two of us got off of the plane. "Where are we going next?" I asked Alan.

"I don't know," Alan said. "Byron? Where are we going?"

"We're taking the taxi to the hotel to drop off our stuff, and then we're going to Grant Park for the show," Byron explained.

It was hard to fit all seven of us in one taxi, but we made it work. When we arrived, Alan and I dragged our suitcases into our shared hotel room. Once everything was in place, Alan turned on the hotel TV and changed the channel to some brainless reality show. He then snuggled with me for a few wonderful minutes before realizing that he would be late for the concert if he didn't leave. Alan put on his sunglasses and ran down to the lobby to meet up with his bandmates, and I figured that I should leave too if I wanted any hope of getting to the festival before the legions of Phantom Cat fangirls arrived.

Sara, AJ, and I arrived at the Obvious Corporate Sponsorship™ stage (yes, that was its real name) in plenty of time. "I'm so excited to see Phantom Cat perform again," Sara said. "I must have seen them hundreds of times by now, but it's always a great experience."

"As long as Alan doesn't do anything silly, I'm sure everything will be fine," AJ said.

"Alan won't do anything silly," I said.

"Honestly, I don't trust him not to mess this up," AJ said. "I'm trying to be optimistic though."

As we continued chatting, hundreds, if not thousands, of people began to crowd around the stage. There were two teenage girls behind us wearing "#phantompalooza2k16" T-shirts. They were talking excitedly about how they would finally get to see Alan Rodriguez, as if there were no other members of Phantom Cat. The two girls didn't even notice us standing right in front of them.

All of a sudden, Alan, Miles, Byron, and Karim walked onstage, and everyone screamed at once. Alan started playing the riff to "Unbelievable," and a few seconds later, Miles started singing the first verse. Despite the fact that it was a relatively obscure track off of Phantom Cat's last album As Pretty As An Airport, there was a fan next to Sara who knew every word by heart.

"How are we -" Miles shouted into the microphone before Alan took it out of his hand. "Give that back!" Miles exclaimed, but Alan had already began to speak.

"How are we doing tonight, Chicago?" Alan asked, and the whole crowd screamed.

Alan gave the microphone back to Miles, and the band cycled into Black Swan next. It was an older song, but the songwriting was masterful. Of course, the girls behind me weren't paying any attention to the music, or even to Byron's unbelievably awkward dance moves. Instead, their main goal seemed to be to get the best picture they could of Alan Rodriguez. The girls tried their best to shove their way into the front row, nearly trampling me in the process. "Stop that!" I said. "I'm trying to see!" However, they paid me no attention. I was simply an unimportant obstacle to their grand quest.

Sometime during Burn It Down, one of girls finally managed to get a good picture. "Oh my God, look at his gorgeous face!" she said as she showed the picture to her friend.

"He's so hot," the other girl replied. "I wish I could marry him."

"Me too," the first girl said.

The song finished, and Miles, Byron, and Karim started to play the next song. However, Alan stole Miles' microphone again. "Can I please have that back?" Miles asked, but Alan ignored him.

"I'd like to thank my beautiful girlfriend, Bianca Madison from Madhouse, for coming today and supporting us," Alan said. "In fact, I'm so glad she's here that I'd like to give you guys a treat by having her sing The Sound with us."

"That wasn't in the setlist," Karim said.

"We haven't played that in years!" Byron complained.

I reluctantly climbed onstage and took a microphone. The band began to play, and despite a few errors, they played pretty well considering that they hadn't played the song in over ten years. I interjected with my backing vocals where it was necessary, and it all turned out pretty well, at least in my opinion. After the song was over, the fans screamed, and I stepped back down into the audience.

The next song was A Farewell To Arms, and Alan, Karim, and Byron played while Miles ran offstage to grab his flugelhorn. He then sang a verse and the chorus, and then launched into an epic flugelhorn solo. "Miles, you can stop now," Alan said after six minutes of playing repeated chords while Miles improvised wildly on the flugelhorn. Miles sighed, reluctantly put the flugelhorn down, and sang the rest of the song.

After that, Phantom Cat played Glowing Lights, one of the more recognizable songs off of their debut album, California Sun. During the guitar solo, Alan placed his precious Custom Alan Rodriguez guitar on the ground, and Miles finished the rest of the solo on his Telecaster while Alan peeled off his shirt. The girls behind me squealed, and I'll admit that I did too. Alan had his faults, but his abs were not among them.

Alan seemed satisfied enough with the screaming fangirls, so he stayed quiet for the next several songs, letting the fans gaze at his beautiful torso. He even let Miles introduce Golden Gate. "This is a song from our upcoming album," Miles said as he quickly re-tuned his guitar. "We've never played it live before, and I hope you guys like it." The crowd screamed once again, and Phantom Cat launched into Golden Gate.

A few songs later, Phantom Cat decided to do a cover. "We're going to play a song from our good friends National Nightmare," Alan explained. Thankfully, one of the technicians had given Alan his own microphone. However, it quickly became clear that while the cover may have been well-intentioned, National Nightmare may not have been the best artist for Phantom Cat to cover. Miles' voice was about an octave lower than Cassidy's, and the electronic elements of the song just sounded out of place in a setlist filled with electric guitars and pounding drums. Nevertheless, the fans seemed to like it, so hopefully, this would translate into record sales for National Nightmare.

Phantom Cat played through Fish and Custard, as well as Achilles, and then ended the set with California Sun. Alan ran through the crowd during the last song, making everyone's heart beat a little faster. After the song was over, the band left the stage, but it was clear that they weren't quite finished yet. The two girls behind me began to chant "PHANTOM CAT! PHANTOM CAT!" Sara joined in, and eventually, AJ and I did too. A few minutes later, the members of Phantom Cat stepped back onstage, and the entire crowd roared.

Miles stepped up to the microphone and began to sing In The Dark, the band's latest hit. At first, the encore went well. Everyone played their parts flawlessly, and although Alan hadn't replaced his shirt, he seemed to be focusing on the music.

About halfway through the song, Alan walked up to Miles. The lead singer tried to back away, but Alan was too fast. He grabbed Miles and kissed him.

"How dare you do that to my boyfriend?!" AJ shouted, but the girls behind me were screaming even louder and frantically trying to take pictures. Miles desperately tried to pull away, but every time he did, Alan only deepened the kiss. By this point, Byron and Karim had stopped playing, uncertain about what to do without their frontman and lead guitarist. This will all be over soon, I told myself. It's all just for show anyways.

Finally, Alan broke the kiss, and the song continued. AJ and I seemed to be the only ones who were relieved that Miles and Alan's spontaneous make out session was over. As Miles finished the song, there was a sort of biting anger to his voice. I can't be the only one who's noticing that, I thought as I looked around, but everyone was still screeching. I reminded myself to talk to Alan after the show and looked back towards the stage, where Phantom Cat was transitioning into House of Cards.

As usual, House of Cards was a fun song to end on. Nearly everyone knew the words, and it was amazing to hear everyone there singing together. Despite the tension onstage, the band members played the familiar chords as well as ever. All's well that ends well, right? I told myself, but all of a sudden, I heard a strange noise coming from Karim's drumset.

Karim seemed just as surprised as I was. "What's happening?" I heard him say. Byron and Miles both looked back to see what was going on, but Alan simply kept playing as if nothing was happening. Alan let the last chord ring, and as it did, Karim's drum set exploded.

Karim jumped backwards to avoid the combustion, but the crowd didn't seem to care that nobody except for Alan knew what was going on. The audience screamed for several minutes before finally leaving. However, my night wasn't over. I needed to talk to Alan about everything that had happened, and judging by the looks on AJ and Sara's faces, they felt the same way I did. We were all sick of Alan's "surprises," and if nobody else was going to confront him about it, then we would.