I think I have cancer! Sometimes my pee is white, thick and sticky!

At first, Doctor Mario thought this was somebody's idea of a joke. He knew several students in the school depraved enough to do it. That was until he realised who wrote the note. Ash Ketchum was a talented student; strong, athletic but academically challenged. That was the term he had to use now. One more use of a certain word and he would be queuing in the job centre.

As protocol, he had to take all the student's concerns seriously. He observed the collected specimen, then ran multiple tests on Ash. Less than fifteen minutes, Doctor Mario had come to a diagnosis.

"Okay Ash," Doctor Mario said with a white pot in his hand. His office desk was covered in pills and paperwork. "I think we need to have a good talk."

"Oh no!" Ash shuddered in his chair. Doctor Mario recalled the days where he hit puberty, it could have been an eternity ago. He observed Ash when he buried his head in his hands and hurled into a ball. "I'm not ready to die! I've got so much to live for!"

"Ash?" Doctor Mario tapped him on the shoulder. "I can assure you there's nothing to worry about."

"I won't be able to battle, travel or see my friends again!" Ash wailed, wiping the tears of his red face.

"No..." Doctor Mario couldn't hear himself talk, let alone think. So he waited for Ash to calm down.

"I'm dying..." Ash croaked on the edge of hyperventilation. "I'm going to be chained to a bed and wear diapers for my dying days."

Doctor Mario smiled. He couldn't laugh, no matter how much he tried not to. "Actually, I have good news. All your obs have come back normal."

"But Doctor Mario, my pee is white!"

Doctor Mario nodded, holding the specimen in his hands. Holding back chuckles, he leaned closer to Ash and said his name. "Ash, this is not urine. This is actually a fluid known as semen. You may have also heard it being referred to as cum or spunk."

"So does that mean I have cancer? Just like what Vicky Pollard and Eric Cartman."

"Vicky Pollard and Eric Cartman are good at many things," Doctor Mario said. "Giving out medical advice, is not one of them."

Ash gasped. "So I don't have cancer?"

"No, it's not cancer! You simply had a wet dream. It's completely normal. All guys go through it. There must be somebody that you are attracted to."

Ash heaved. "Of course not."

"Well, you've still did the right thing speaking to me. I suggest you book an appointment with Mr Mackey sometime today due to your high stress. I also suggest talking to a trusted adult, perhaps somebody from your family."

"I can't tell Professor Oak," Ash yelled, crossing his legs. "He'll think I'm crazy and tell my mom."

"Well, what about your father?"

"That is my father! Don't tell anyone about this!" Ash begged. "My reputation will be in ruins."

Doctor Mario nodded. "I can assure you that everything said in this room is completely confidential!"

Principle Tsunade marched into the office. Startled, she tiptoed back. Blackadder and Baldrick remained behind her.
"Oh sorry, I didn't realise you had a student here."

"Good morning, Principle Tsunade. What can I do for you?" Doctor Mario stood up and bowed.

"Do you have the keys to the history room?" Principle Tsunade asked.

Doctor Mario pondered around the dozen keys dangling above his desktop. He leaned over to one in the middle, then passed it to Tsunade. "Here you go!"

"Thank you."

"And who are these people with you?" Doctor Mario asked.

"This is Mr. Edmund Blackadder, our new History teacher. And this is assistant, Baldrick."

"Ah! Well me and Ash have just finished our consolation. You may go." Ash escaped the room, twice as nervous as he was when he came in. Doctor Mario gazed at Baldrick and his ragged hair and warts. "Mr Baldrick, if you don't mind, I think you could with a check up. Please come this way!"