I jumped out, dried off and dressed quickly. I don’t remember supper that evening. I don’t remember anything, not until Padme jumped in the shower, dressed and came back out. I was standing on the balcony, staring out at the city, thoughts wondering, when she came onto the balcony.

She kissed me as she walked by and I held her. She didn’t realize how much I needed her…She didn’t know about Dooku.

I wondered for a moment if I could tell her. After all, she knew about the Tusken Raiders.

She pulled away and went to the edge of the balcony and brushed her hair. Her voice interrupted my thoughts. “What was it like out there?” she asked me. She glanced at me.

I sighed. “It was…difficult. Being away from you I mean. Every second I thought about you. Protecting the endless, nameless Outer Rim settlements became a torture; the battles were easy. It was being away from you that was so hard. The longing became unbearable. I’ve never been as happy as I am at this moment,” I told her.

“Annie, I wanna have our baby back home on Naboo. We could go to the lake country where no one would know…where we could be safe. I could go early and fix up the baby’s room. I know the perfect spot…right by the gardens.”

“You are so beautiful,” I murmured to her.

“It’s only because I’m so in love,” she said. She stopped brushing her hair and turned to look at me.

“No…No it’s because I’m so in love with you,” I corrected her.

“So love has blinded you?” she asked, suddenly serious.

“Well, that’s not exactly what I meant,” I said with a laugh.

“It’s probably true,” she said. We laughed together and then just looked at each other smiling.

“I haven’t laughed like that in so long…” My voice trailed off.

“Neither have I,” she said. I went up to her and hugged her. I brought her close to me, in my arms where she belonged. I didn’t want to let her go.

“Come, let’s go to bed,” she whispered. She walked out of my arms and back into the apartment. I followed her, shutting off the lights with a control dial in the kitchen.

I went into the bedroom and shut the door. I jumped into bed and grabbed her shoulders, gently and scared her.

She jumped, then scolded me and laughed. I laughed too as we lay beside each other and went to sleep.

I saw Padme in front of me. She was lying down, screaming. I tried to reach her but couldn’t.

“Annie! Help me!” she cried. “Help!” she screamed.

“Padme!” I yelled, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t get to her.

A baby cried and Padme’s screams turned into wails. “Help!”

I couldn’t get to her.

Suddenly, her screams cut off with a gasp, her breathing…everything just stopped.

I sat up in bed, panting. My heart broke as I looked next to me.

Padme was there, sleeping peacefully. She didn’t even stir.

She was beside me. She was alive. I sat on the side of the bed, put my elbows on my knees and put my forehead on my hands. I winced at the coolness of my mechanical arm.

Padme dies in childbirth. That’s what I saw in my dream. The dream was the same…the exact same dream I’d had of my mother. I looked back at Padme, but every time I’d close my eyes all I could see was her dying face. Tears were in my eyes and came down my face as I tried to figure this out. I pushed them back, and wiped my face. 

I shook my head and stood up to go on the verandah. I couldn’t go back to sleep, that much was clear. I sat down and stared into nothingness, trying to control my thoughts.

An unbearable feeling of fear hit me in my chest. I couldn’t move, couldn’t blink. I did nothing, but see the dying images of Padme flash through my mind.

This evening had been so perfect and now…this. I couldn’t lose her, I couldn’t live without Padme. I had, I was nothing without her.

I sensed her presence coming onto the verandah. I felt her hand on my back, rubbing it. She gently took her other hand and swept it across my hair. I still hadn’t moved or blinked at all.

I couldn’t. I was frozen in fear. I had to stop this from happening; I was going to stop it, but how?

“What’s bothering you?” she whispered quietly.

“Nothing,” I answered her. I didn’t say anything else and I knew I had to tell her more, but how could I tell her this?

No. It was my job to protect her.

I turned and finally got my frozen body to move. It took effort, but I composed my face and touched the necklace I’d given her when I was ten.

“I remember when I gave this to you,” I said. I let those images come into my mind to push the other ones out.

“Annie, how long is it gonna take for us to be honest with each other?” she asked. Her hands were at her sides now.

I saw the gentleness, love and compassion in her face and I knew I could be honest with her.

“It was a dream,” I answered at last. My voice was a monotone again.

“Bad?” she asked. She began stroking my back again

“Like the ones I used to have about my mother just before she died,” I explained.

“And?” she murmured.

“And it was about you,” I answered. My voice finally held some emotion. Pain, hurt, confusion…love. I looked at her and saw my own emotions mirrored in her expression. She put her hand over my lips and gently touched them.

“Tell me,” she murmured. I couldn’t bear to look at her anymore. Every time I saw her, I saw the dying her from my dream…it was too hard to bear.

“It was only a dream,” I replied with finality. Tears were in my eyes again, so to keep her from seeing, I stood up and walked away, my back to her.

“You die in childbirth,” I said at last. My voice was a monotone, just like my heart. I couldn’t feel anything but the fear there. I clinched my jaw and forced the tears back. I tried calling on the Force to help.

Fear leads to anger…The voice in my mind whispered to me.

“And the baby?” Padme asked after a minute.

“I don’t know,” I replied. My voice broke then and one tear finally came down my face. “I don’t know,” I whispered.

“It was only a dream,” she said. I could feel her hands on my back. I turned to face her and in an instant, had my face recomposed again.

“I won’t let this one become real!” I promised.

“This baby will change our lives. I doubt the queen will continue to allow me to serve in the Senate and if the Council discovers you’re the father you’ll be expel—“

I cut her off. “I know, I know,” I told her irritated. I didn’t need to be reminded of everything else. That could all be saved for later. Her life—and the baby’s—was the most important thing to me.

“Do you think……Obi-Wan might be able to help us?” she asked, almost reluctantly.

Why would she even think of his help? Why would she mention him all of the sudden?

“Have you told him anything?” I asked her, suspicious.

“No,” she snapped. She got gentle and her frustration wore away, “but he is your mentor, your best friend. He must suspect something,” she said.

“He’s been a father to me,” I admitted honestly. And he had. I knew it and I loved him like a son to a father…like a brother, but…”But he’s still on the Council. Don’t tell him anything!”

“I won’t,” she promised.  

“I don’t need his help. Our baby is a blessing. Not a problem,” I told her. I hugged her and stared out into the dark city.

I did need help. I knew. But not from Obi-Wan.

The next morning instead of going to the reporting room, I went straight to Master Yoda’s chambers.

“Master Yoda,” I addressed. I bowed as he told me to come in and sit down. He was sitting on a circular chair with his eyes closed in meditation.

I almost wanted to smile and deep down I knew I had come to the right place. The images from last night lingered in my mind and kept me from smiling or anything.

The fear gripped me and I swallowed back the lump in my throat.

“Help, you need? Hmm? Something bothering you, there is,” he pointed out without opening his eyes.

“Yes, Master Yoda,” I replied. My voice was a monotone. I looked directly at him.

He opened his eyes and gestured for me to say something.

I swallowed again before talking. “I’ve been having visions, Master Yoda. Disturbing visions, dreams at night just…like my mother,” I murmured. I whispered the last part and hoped he didn’t hear that. I felt the need to be honest with him.

Or as honest as I could get.

“Premonitions? Premonitions, hmm. These visions you have….?” he started.

“They’re of pain, suffering…” My voice trailed off before I added, “Death.” My voice was husky and grave.

“Yourself you speak of, or someone you know?” he asked cautiously. Above everything else, I was thankful for the fact that he was keeping my privacy. I wouldn’t want to lie to him, but I couldn’t tell him the visions were about Padme.

“Someone,” I answered, keeping my voice quiet. I channeled in my thoughts and feelings and looked back at Master Yoda.

“Close to you?” he asked me.

I looked up at him and swallowed again. “Yes,” I answered finally, almost reluctantly. I knew he could sense the fear inside me, but I couldn’t stop it. It was growing deeper and deeper. That’s why I had come to Master Yoda, because I knew he could help.

“Careful you must be when sensing the future, young one. The fear of loss is a path to the dark side,” he said.

I nodded, slowly. I knew that, but I didn’t know how to let go of the fear raging on inside me. Determination replaced that fear, if only for a few minutes. “I won’t let these visions come true, Master Yoda,” I promised, looking directly at him. I held his gaze, filled with determination.

“Death is a natural part of life. Rejoice for those around you who transform into the Force. Morn them, do not. Miss them, do not,” he said gently.

I gritted my teeth and had to force the tears back.

“Attachments lead to jealously. The shadow of greed, that is,” he continued.

“What must I do, Master Yoda?” I asked him at last. I listened, eager for his answer.

I didn’t get what I expected.

“Train yourself to let go of everything you fear to lose.”

Master Yoda’s words hung in my head, echoing over and over again. I called to the Force to calm my thoughts, but the fear had long replaced the determination once again. I honed in my thoughts, calling to the Force, letting it guide my mind.

Let go of everything you fear to lose…

Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate…

Kill him, do it!

I shook my head to rid myself of the thoughts wondering around and around. My head was a jumbled mass and I didn’t know what to do. Let go of Padme…How could I let go of her? She was my life now! She was my life along with our child that we would raise together… Both of us.

How could I let go of all I hold dear?

I walked into the briefing room and noticed many Jedi leaving. A couple gave me nods.

One Jedi, Agen-Tahk Kolar stopped in front of me. “Good work out there!”

“Thank you. I’m just glad the Chancellor is safe,” I replied.

“Thanks to you,” Agen said. I walked into the briefing room to see Obi-Wan down the stairs turning off holograms and charts. As I reached the bottom of the staircase, he finished and looked up at me.

“You’re late. You missed the report on the Outer Rim,” he informed.

“I’m sorry. I was held up. I have no excuse,” I told him honestly.

He came around and stood at the bottom of the stairs, facing me. “In short, they are going very well. Salecami has fallen, and Master Vos has moved his troops to Boz Pity,” he said.

There was a crease in his forehead and I could sense there was something wrong. There was something he wanted to tell me.

“What’s wrong then?” I asked him. He crossed his arms.

“The Senate,” he said, hesitantly, “is expected to vote more executive powers to the Chancellor today,” he finished.

“Well that can only mean less deliberation and more action,” I said, confident. At least there was some good news.

I looked at him and saw the worried look on his face. “Is that bad? It will make it easier for us to end this war,” I told him.

“Be careful of your friend, Palpatine,” he warned. He walked around me without a glance back. He started up the stairs.

I turned to follow him. I looked at him. What was he worried about? “Be careful of what?” I asked. Palpatine had done nothing but help me, guide me. What was Obi-Wan warning me from?

“He has requested your presence,” he said, walking on ahead of me.

“What for?” I asked, catching up to him.

“He would not say,” Obi-Wan answered.

“He didn’t inform the Jedi Council?” I asked. “That’s unusual, isn’t it?” We both stopped at the top of the stairs, just in front of the doors.

“All of this is unusual. And it’s making me feel uneasy,” he said, wearily. “You’re probably aware that relations between the Council and the Chancellor are stressed,” he continued. He seemed like he wanted to say more, but didn’t. He watched me for my reaction.

I was careful to hide my emotions and not let them show on my face. The only irritation I felt was that no one trusted each other. I don’t like that Palpatine is getting more powers over the Council, but I also want this war to be over. What harm can it do? “I know the Council has grown wary of the Chancellor’s power, mine also for that matter. Aren’t we all working together to save the Republic? Why all this distrust?” I asked him. Hopefully he would give me an honest answer.

“The Force grows dark and we are all affected by it,” he said.

Kill him, do it echoed in my mind. Fear leads to anger…I shook my head and turned away from him. Is it even possible I could let Padme go? Now, of all times? I called to the Force to relax my fear.

“Be wary of your feelings,” Obi-Wan added. He patted my shoulder and walked off down the hallway.