My friends made me extremely salty today.

So....

I never did explain what happened at Solo and Ensemble this year...

Well... Noah.... (my best friend) asked me to be his girlfriend.

Now, I thought long and hard about this, getting countless advice from many people. (Choir Directors, family, etc.)

And logically, I asked my irl friends...

Who all screamed at me to say yes, offering no form of advice what so ever.

{They all ship us so hard}

I wasn't sure.

I really didn't feel that way towards him and...

{To go on a tangent,  I couldn't see any potential for either of us to grow as individuals. If I want to be in a relationship, I would want someone to help me grow as a person, and show me different sides to life. Noah and I don't have that sort of connection, therefore, our relationship would be better as friends}

Eventually, I talked with some people who helped me sort out my feelings {Shoutout to _KikiWrites__ and RedstoneCyborg and emobooknerd and Suicide_for_blue }

And I told him no.

{the way he phrased his question was like this "I want you to be my girlfriend because I don't want you to get your heart broken anymore " To me, That sounded like dating me out of pure pity. I'm not some helpless little animal. I can think for my self and make rational decisions on guys I want to date. And I will sometimes be stupid and I will get heartbroken, But that's LIFE!   When he said it... he didn't tell me anything about how he felt. It may have even seemed a little pretentious. Only dating me because I will get hurt again... Like it's some sort of valiant effort.}

Of freaking course my friends were livid.

"Why didn't you say yes??"

"You broke his poor heart!!"

"Why didn't you at least give him a chance!"

"You're such a terrible person!"

"I'm mad because you didn't say yes!"

"You two are perfect for each other!"

"He said he loved you!"

And of course... they made me feel like crap.

Is it that wrong that I have my own interests at heart?

Does that make me selfish that I don't want to date someone I don't have a strong feeling towards?

No.

It doesn't.

I care too much about my well-being to do something I don't want to do.

Anyways,

Continuing...

Our friendship was... awkward for about two weeks...

Then things went back to normal...

Or so I thought.

{Well... the constant harassment from my friends increased..."You should go out with Noah!")

....

The week before my spring break...

He brought it up again.

Awkwardness ensues.

And that brings us to today (or yesterday depending on when I post this)

While waiting for the bus in the afternoon, Destinee pulled me to the side while Zach (little squeaker) pulled Noah to the side.

Destinee asked me:

"Could you survive in a world without noah?"

"I don't know.."

"What would you do if he was dead? Could you continue life?"

"I don't know!"

"How would you feel if he was shot?"

"I would feel sad? Because he's my best friend?"

"That means your in love with him!"

??!??

What?!????!

NO!

And she started shouting it to Zach.

And she pushed me near noah into our crowd of friends.

"You two are in love with each other!"

"No I'm not!"

"Yeah! Cuz you'd feel sad if he died! JUST GO OUT ALREADY!"

"No!"

"But you're in love with him!"

"I'M NOT IN LOVE WITH HIM!"

*Sigh*

And then I stormed off.

So....

That made me salty.

Heh.

I like ranting about my love life.

You know I've always joked about how i could create a full book on my love life.... and I think I might.

Anyways...

I'm gonna close this topic for now...

I'll probably bring it up again later.

Maybe I'll be able to explain this circumstance better in the future.