"If you had met me in college, would you have chosen me over Alan?" He asked, his voice husky.

"I don't know, Faisal," she began gently. "You weren't in college with me. I'm in love with Alan and I can't even imagine being with anyone else." Her response was sincere.

She had suspected for some time that Faisal had developed feelings for her. She had noticed his attempts to steer their relationship into something more than friendship, but she had always redirected those attempts, hoping he would eventually accept her relationship with Alan. Seeing his pain, she believed that perhaps distancing herself from Faisal might be the best way to help him heal from his unrequited feelings.

While Fiza was lost in thought, Faisal regretted having voiced his feelings. He believed that their timing had been off, that he had come into her life at the wrong moment. He convinced himself that she would be happier with him than with Alan.

"Let's head back," Fiza said, closing her lunchbox without finishing her meal.

Faisal nodded, though reluctantly, and they began making their way back to the apartment.

Upon their return, they found Alan already there, but his demeanor was far from welcoming. Fiza's face lit up with a smile as she greeted him, but Alan's mood seemed sour. He wasn't pleased that Fiza had spent the evening with Faisal and had even gone out to dinner with him.

"Let's just go to sleep, Fiz. I'm tired," he said, his tone curt and distant.

Fiza slid into her pajamas, performed her namaz, and then climbed into bed with a playful jump over Alan's still form. He had turned away from her, his body language distant and cold. This shift in his behavior didn't go unnoticed by Fiza, and she felt a mix of hurt and irritation.

She had been making an effort to spend time with him whenever she was free, waiting patiently even when he was busy. It seemed like her efforts weren't being appreciated.

However, her empathetic side kicked in, wondering if there was something else bothering Alan. Perhaps he had a rough day. Fiza decided to close the emotional gap and inch closer to him. She wrapped her arm around him, pressing her body against his back, and planted a soft kiss between his shoulder blades.

Alan, however, reacted by pushing his elbow back, creating a bit of space between them. His words were a mumble, "Some space, Fiza."

But Fiza wasn't ready to relent. She was both frustrated with his behavior and determined to make things right. She wrapped her leg around him, squeezing him closer to her, and then leaned in to plant a kiss on his ear.

Alan's response was gruff, "If I did this to you, you'd be complaining about consent."

Tears welled up in Fiza's eyes as she grappled with a surge of intense emotions. It was as if the floodgates of her memories had been opened, and the painful episode from Agumbe came rushing back, overwhelming her. She could feel her body shaking, her breathing becoming erratic. She was sweating, her heart racing.

Alan's voice broke through her distress, filled with concern. "Fiza, shit, I'm so sorry," he exclaimed, reaching out to console her. But his touch seemed to magnify her distress, and she instinctively pulled away from him, clasping her trembling hands together.

Her wide eyes stared ahead, and a soft cry escaped her lips.

Alan didn't know what to do, seeing her like this tore at his heart. He sat up, his worry intensifying. "Fiza, baby, I'm not going to hurt you," he whispered urgently.

Slowly, he moved closer and took her hands in his, drawing her into a gentle embrace.

She allowed herself to be held, finally finding solace in his presence.

"I'm sorry," Alan repeated softly, his lips brushing against her forehead in a tender kiss. "I'm so, so sorry."

Deeply in love with her, Alan felt a heavy weight of responsibility for causing her pain. He knew he had his shortcomings and struggles, particularly in expressing his emotions when he was upset or insecure. He hated that his pain often manifested as anger towards her. He longed to be her protector, her rock, but he was painfully aware that his actions sometimes caused the opposite effect.

He recalled his promise to her father: "Promise me that if she has a better chance of happiness without you or with someone else, you'll let her go." But the thought of losing her was unbearable, and he couldn't fathom life without her by his side.

As he held her close, he recognized the urgent need to change, to evolve for the sake of their relationship. He wanted her happiness above all else. He had to find a way to control his temper, to heal his own wounds so they wouldn't poison their connection.

He realized that his anger had often been a manifestation of his own hurt and insecurities. It was time to confront those issues and learn healthier ways to cope.

Alan guided Fiza to lay back on the bed and held her close, his heart aching. He needed to hear her affirm her feelings for him.

"I love you, Fiza," he began, his voice heavy with emotion. "Do you... do you still want to be with me?"

Fiza gazed at him, her eyes searching his face for the truth behind his words. His moist eyes and the quiver in his lower lip betrayed the depth of his emotions. Her heart wavered between the love she felt for him and the wounds that had been inflicted on her.

"Of course, I do, Alan," she said firmly, her eyes never leaving his. She reached out, gently touching his cheek, her fingers tracing the contours of his face as if to reassure herself of his presence.

"But I've hurt you so much," he confessed, his voice heavy with remorse, his eyes pleading for her understanding and forgiveness.

Fiza's brow furrowed as she looked at him, her gaze intense. "But why do you hurt me, Alan?" she asked, her eyes wide in confusion. She wanted to understand what drove his erratic behavior, what caused him to alternate between warmth and coldness. She wanted to know why he had been violent with her that night.

Alan took a deep breath, his mind racing for the right words. "I don't know, Fiz, sometimes I feel this complete loss of control and I don't see it coming." He looked away. "I feel like I don't deserve you. Like I'm not right for you. I feel like you'd be better off with..." he trailed off, realizing he was about to say Faisal's name. The thought of losing her to someone else, anyone else, was almost unbearable, and his voice cracked with the weight of that fear.

Fiza's touch was soft and soothing as she brushed her thumb against his cheek before moving her fingers to his lips. She traced delicate circles on his skin, her touch both comforting and electric.

"But I want you," she said, her words cutting through the heaviness of the moment. Her eyes held his with unwavering determination. "If you love me, you need to believe in us." Her voice was gentle but firm.

She placed her palm over his heart, her touch tender. "This," she poked his chest gently and then pointed to herself, "you and me, that's the only thing real in this world. Everything else..."
Her words trailed off as her lips brushed against his cheek in a delicate and intimate caress. Her tongue tasted his skin, leaving a lingering warmth as spoke of her affection. "Everything else is just noise."

Alan closed his eyes, savoring her touch. She was the only thing real to him. He was going to work harder on their relationship rather than distance himself or act out every time he felt insecure.

He climbed over her, kissing her with burning desire. His Fiza, his angel, his girl. He sucked on her lower lip and moved on to her chin before making his way down.

Fiza's hands glided over his shoulders and down his back.

Alan passionately explored her body, his lips tracing a trail of heated kisses along her skin. Alan had dipped into her neck and the area below her collarbone, kissing it first and then sucking on it.

Fiza's responses were immediate and intense. Her moans filled the air, a symphony of pleasure that echoed between them.

Fiza moved her body against him, her cries of ecstasy only spurred Alan on, his movements becoming more fervent as he lost himself in the moment, thrusting his pelvis on hers, fully clothed, grunting.

The friction between them ignited a fire that blazed brighter with every touch. She felt the heat between her legs build up into something more. "Alaaan!" She gasped as she became completely undone and quivered beneath him.

Alan watched as she lost control, clutching his hair with one hand, his shirt with the other. He kissed her as she moaned his name, his tongue entering her mouth, yearning for so much more. When her body relaxed, he climbed off her and held her close. "My Fiza," he said as he looked at her flushed face and caressed her cheeks. He kissed her softly and said, "Are you going to be okay if I go to the restroom for a few minutes?" He smiled. He needed a release.

Fiza blushed; she had completely let herself go in front of him. She watched him leave for the restroom, eagerly awaiting his return.

"Faisal," she suddenly remembered. Embarrassment took over. He was right across the wall and had probably heard everything. She covered her face with her hands. "Please be sleeping, please be sleeping," she prayed.

The next morning, Alan woke up entangled in Fiza's arms and legs. He smiled. Fiza had a little crease on her forehead as though she was worried in her sleep. He planted a wet kiss on her forehead. It was 5 am, and he needed to get ready for his posting. Fiza was off on Sunday, but since he was working, she would only need to head back to Mangalore around 9 am.

Fiza's eyelids flickered as he grazed his fingers on her cheeks. She looked up at him. "Are you leaving?" She asked, pouting her lips.

She looked so vulnerable and so beautiful. He nodded his head.

"Don't go," she whispered. Alan smiled at her and kissed her lips gently. "Don't leave me. Stay with me, please," she begged, her eyes moist.

Alan looked at her curiously. "What's going on, Fiz?" He asked.

"I... I can't do this anymore," she said, tears streaming down her face. Alan wiped them off with his thumb. "I don't know when I'm going to see you again."

"Hey, listen, the next time I'm off, I won't pick up any extra shifts. I'll just head over to Mangalore, even if you are not free. Okay?" He looked into her eyes, trying to find peace. She was his strength. She held them together. She held him together.

"That won't work," she shook her head, "We'll have nowhere to stay."

"Why don't you shift out next year?" He asked. He was getting late. He hadn't showered yet or had his breakfast, but he couldn't leave Fiza like this.

"I'll have to find a roommate who is okay with you staying over," she considered.

Alan kissed her forehead and caressed her cheek. He took a deep breath. It was hard for him too to leave her. To say goodbye every other week not knowing if he would see her a couple of weeks later or if it would be months before her next visit.

He took in every detail of her. Her wide eyes, her luscious lashes, her chubby cheeks, the cupid's bow of her lips, her chin that almost came to a point, her wild tresses. His gaze moved on to her neck, as he thought of the softness of her skin, her warmth. He shook his head. He couldn't go there, or he would never leave.

"I love you, Alan," Fiza whispered, her eyes still moist. She was watching him as he steadied his breath while studying her. She realized he missed her just as much as she missed him. "I'll come again the Saturday after the next." She promised.

She closed her eyes again, not wanting to watch Alan leave. She was startled as she felt his scent, his breath, and then his lips against hers. It was a soft but lingering kiss. She moved her lips against his without opening her eyes.

"Love you, Fiz." She heard him say as he pulled away. About 15 minutes later, she heard the door shut and burst out in tears.

Fiza packed her belongings into her backpack. She then made the bed and tidied up Alan's side of the room. She was just about to get ready to shower when she saw Faisal. He headed to the bathroom, not making eye contact with her. He had heard them, she realized, blushing.

She needed to brush her teeth and get changed before she left. She picked up her phone, sat on Alan's bed with a pillow on her lap, and scrolled through Instagram.

To her surprise, as Faisal got out of the bathroom, he walked towards her, and sat at the edge of Alan's bed.

**********************************************

Author's note

Have you been in a long distance relationship? I have. It's hard. There's misunderstandings and fights become drawn out. The small moments of intimacy you take for granted are no longer present. The relationship takes effort and hangs on a fine balance between extremes

Link to "Somewhere I belong" Linkin Park. I feel like this song just describes Alan's mindset perfectly here.

Tell me your thoughts and please vote if you like this chapter!
Thank you for making it this far!

- Faiza