As Alan changed into his surgical scrubs and glanced at the board listing the day's procedures - trimalleolar fracture open reduction internal fixation (ORIF), hip arthroplasty, intra-medullary nail placement - he felt the weight of the long day ahead. Exhaustion hung heavy on him as he prepared to enter the operating theater for a demanding day of surgeries.

During a hurried lunch with the orthopedic consultant, Dr. Shivashankar, Alan received encouraging words. As they both ate rice and sambar packed by the doctor's wife, Dr. Shivashankar spoke warmly, "You are one of the best PGs we have had."

He continued, "We have a faculty position opening up next year. I wanted to offer it to you. You already have a lot of experience."

Alan was elated to hear the positive feedback. Gratefully, he responded, "Thank you, Sir, I will have to look into it."

"Nothing to look into. The salary is very good." Dr. Shivashankar was persuasive. He winked and added, "Trust me. Very good. You won't make more in another private hospital if that's what you are thinking. And your PG will do all the prep; you will be able to handle a higher case load. I won't give this to just anyone. You are deserving. Take it."

Alan hesitated for a moment. "It's not that, Sir, I..." With his relationship status in turmoil, he wasn't sure how to proceed. He decided that he would consult Fiza before making any decisions. He needed to win her back, and she would need to be part of this significant choice. "My fiancée..." he began, hinting at his personal situation.

Dr. Shivashankar showed genuine interest and asked, "Oh! Understood. What does she do?"

"She is in the final year of pediatrics, Sir, at Mangalore," Alan replied with pride.

The consultant seemed dismissive, saying, "Oh, pediatrics. You can practice pediatrics from anywhere. She can open a clinic in your home. Pediatrics and all don't make money like we do. You take this offer and convince her. She would be foolish not to agree. I'll ask HR to email you the details." He typed something on his phone, clearly enthusiastic about the prospect.

Alan hadn't planned to start looking for jobs yet since he had a full year left to complete his training. However, this offer was incredibly appealing, and he couldn't help but feel excited about it.

He texted Fiza, "Call me when you are free. I want to tell you something exciting."

As his workday came to an end at 7 pm, he found himself physically exhausted. The thought of commuting to Mangalore now seemed daunting, and he decided it would be more practical to have dinner at the hospital mess and then head back to his apartment.

He checked his phone and frowned. Fiza had "liked" his message but hadn't responded.

He showered and finally called her around 9 pm.
"Hey!" her voice said. Alan's heart sank as he heard the laughter and music in the background when Fiza answered his call.

"Are you outside?" he asked, curious.

"Yeah, having dinner with Gaurav," she explained. Great, another new guy in her life! He struggled to keep his jealousy and frustration in check, reminding himself that he needed to remain calm if he wanted any chance of winning her back.

"When are you free? I wanted to share something with you," he asked, hoping to find a moment to connect with her.

"I'll call when I get back?" she replied.

"Sure," he said, trying to hide his disappointment. He knew he had an early start the next day, and exhaustion was setting in. Alan hoped that Fiza would call soon.

It was around 11 pm when Fiza finally called him
back. Alan had drifted off to sleep but had his phone on ring.

"Hello," he said drowsily, his voice husky with sleep.

"Were you sleeping?" asked Fiza, surprised on the other end. She had chanced calling him, knowing that he put his phone on "do not disturb" when he slept, a habit that had previously irked her.

"Yeah, but I was waiting for your call," he confessed. Fiza was quiet. "Fiz?"

"I'm here. What did you want to discuss?" she asked him.

"Dr. Shivashankar offered me a job today, for after graduation. I looked at the salary and benefits package. It's really good, Fiza," he told her. Sleep and exhaustion made him feel slightly disoriented.

"Do you want to live in Manipal, Alan?" she asked him quietly.

He hadn't thought about that. He had always thought he would go back to Bangalore where his parents were. Manipal was a small town. It was a great town to study in, but living here permanently was a whole different ball game.

"Would you want to live here, Fiz?" He asked her, genuinely wanting her take on whether she could imagine her life there. His eyes were closed as he caressed her voice in his mind.

"What I want is irrelevant to your future, Alan," she said softly. She hated hurting him like this, but they had to come to terms with this. They were not going to be together forever. He had cut her off without saying goodbye, he had blocked her, and he had been able to move on. Their love for each other wasn't equal. She didn't want to be hurt anymore. She couldn't trust him.

"Fiza, cut it out," Alan said, irritated. "You and I both know that we aren't breaking up. So stop it." He instantly regretted his tone. Why did he always lose his temper with her?

Fiza took a deep breath. He still took her for granted. It was never going to change. When he wanted to end things, he ghosted her. But now that he wanted her back, he thought he could yell at her and expect that she would accept him no matter what?

"Fiza, please..." Alan started, not knowing what to say to take his angry words back.

Fiza hung up abruptly. She took a few moments to compose herself. The tears welled up, and her heart ached. But she couldn't let herself be drawn back into this cycle of uncertainty and pain.

She then texted him, "Think about what you want. Do you want to live in a different city than your parents? Didn't you say you wanted to do arthroscopic surgery? Do you have opportunity to train in that here? You don't have to respond immediately. The job is for almost a year later. Take your time. Go to sleep, you must be tired. Gn."

Alan read her message and a warm smile spread across his face. She meant the world to him, and her thoughtful words touched his heart deeply.

It wasn't until Friday that Alan could visit Mangalore again. He sent her a message before heading out, but it was when he arrived at her apartment that he checked his phone and saw her response.

"Hey, it's Friday night. Out with the interns."

He felt a pang of irritation. She had been texting him less frequently this week and hadn't initiated any phone calls. The growing disconnect between them was evident - he was desperately trying to hold on, while she seemed determined to let go.

Alan decided to check her location using the Find My Friends app. It showed that she was at a club, probably dancing. Despite the fibula fracture and her brace, she continued to dance every Friday. He couldn't help but smile.

"I'm heading over to the Seasons," he texted her.

As Alan entered the Seasons club, he was immediately greeted by the scent of smoke and marijuana hanging in the air. It surprised him that Fiza frequented a place like this. He surveyed the scene carefully, trying to spot her amidst the dim lights and pulsating music.

Finally, he found Fiza at the center of a group of girls. She looked absolutely stunning in a royal blue one-shoulder dress that flowed down to her knees. Alan couldn't help but wonder when Fiza had become so bold in her choice of clothing.

Over the last two years, they had mostly spent their time together couped up in his apartment. Seeing her dressed up and in her element reminded him of her vitality and spirit, something that had dwindled over the past year or so.

He approached her, gently resting his hand on her lower back to get her attention. Fiza's reaction was immediate; she took in a sharp breath and swiftly turned to face him. Relief washed over her features as their eyes met.

To communicate over the loud music, she stood on her tiptoes and leaned in close to his ear. "I thought you were a stranger, and I was going to kick you," she exclaimed, laughing and he joined in with her infectious laughter. His eyes traveled to her braced leg and he shook his head.

Matching her steps, Alan twirled her gracefully, catching her in his arms and pulling her close as the music gradually slowed down. He caressed her neck and slid his hands down her bare shoulder, along the length of her arm, settling on her waist as they swayed together, their gazes locked. He bent his head down slightly, bringing his face to her level.

Her gaze locked onto his, and their lips hovered so close, almost touching.

His warm breath fanned her face, each inhalation and exhalation a reminder of their proximity. Fiza couldn't escape the sensation of their lower bodies pressing together, acutely aware of his arousal against her abdomen.

His hands moved lower to her rear, and Fiza gasped at the sensation. He had never touched her there before. Heat and wetness surged between her legs, an undeniable craving building within her. But she knew they needed to exercise restraint.

With a sharp intake of breath, she pulled away suddenly, her eyes never leaving his. She wanted him desperately, but they couldn't let their desires control them if they were ever going to move forward.

Alan clenched his fists, chastising himself for allowing his hands to wander to such an intimate place. It was frustrating how Fiza had the power to unravel his self-control. With other women, he had always been composed, his actions deliberate and calculated. But with Fiza, it was different. He felt like he had no control, as if she could melt him with a single look or word. Her touch was a potent spell he couldn't resist.

Fortunately, the DJ's choice of a fast-paced song interrupted their moment, and they resumed dancing as if nothing had occurred.

It was around 11 pm when they arrived back at the apartment. Fiza whispered, "It's late; Bharti will be sleeping."

They used the flashlight on their phones to navigate their way to the bedroom, trying to be as quiet as possible to avoid waking Bharti.

"This is why I told you last year to take the bedroom with the partition rather than have one person sleep in the living room," Fiza remarked after locking their door.

"Sure," Alan replied. He hadn't been a fan of their living arrangement the previous year. It was during that time that he had almost lost Fiza to Faisal, and they still faced the repercussions of Faisal's advances.

The bathroom luckily had two doors, accessible from both the living room and the bedroom.

Fiza took a bit longer to get ready for bed as she had to remove her makeup and leg brace.

"It hurts a little extra after dancing, even with the brace," she confessed as she climbed into bed with him. She always preferred sleeping between him and the wall. "I'm scared to fall," she had explained in the past.

Alan instinctively pulled her close, and she let out a husky moan as her body pressed against his. He wrapped his legs around her, resisting the urge to kiss her and explore her body again. For now, he would just hold her close.

"Did you think about the job, Alan?" Fiza asked him, her voice slightly muffled against his chest. He nodded. "I'm thinking I'll take it. I spoke to Dr. Kumar from Pediatrics; they do have a pathway for developmental pediatrics certification..." he let that hang in the air.

"I'm dropping that, Alan," Fiza confessed. "I'm tired."

Alan pulled back and looked into her eyes. "What's going on, Fiz?" he asked her. She looked down. She was the most ambitious person he knew. The last he checked, she was excited about pursuing a specialization in developmental Pediatrics, a niche field.

"I'm just tired of studying. I just want to start practicing. I want to settle down, have children of my own, be closer to family..." her voice trailed.

Alan felt a lump in his throat. She was making plans for her future separate from him. He couldn't understand it. She was in his arms right this moment. He hugged her tightly as if that would change things. But then again, why should she be the one to change things, to move to Manipal or Bangalore. His Malayalam was better than her Kannada. He could move to Kerala too.

"Okay, I won't take the job. I'll look for positions in Cochin then," he offered. Fiza hummed in response. He felt his shirt dampen where Fiza's face was. She was silently crying.

He touched her softly along the length of her back, stroking it rhythmically until he felt her breathing slow down. She was asleep. He was always in awe of how easily she fell asleep. He kissed her hair and closed his eyes.

The next morning, they awoke to the sound of a blaring alarm. Fiza sat upright while Alan let go of her and stretched his arms and legs. She hadn't packed her bag, and she frantically grabbed her charger, wallet, glasses, and lenses. She felt a sharp pain in her leg and remembered that she didn't have a brace on.

Alan watched her movements. She seemed to be packing her bag. "Where are you off to, Fiz?" he asked, squinting at her.

"I have a flight home," she said, not looking at him, now picking up her undergarments and clothes, folding them, and placing them in her bag. "I have that meeting with the IIM guy, remember, Tariq something?"

Alan sat up straight, his heart pounding with a mix of emotions. He felt like the ground had shifted beneath him, and the world he thought he knew was slipping away. He couldn't believe Fiza was actually going through with this marriage proposal. The memory of her touch still lingered on his skin, where her body had met his in their tender embrace.

Fiza braced herself for the storm she expected to come, the shouting, the inevitable anger. She even feared he might shake her or hit her. She recalled the painful memory of how he had forcefully yanked her down, causing her to crash onto the floor after she had merely laid down on Faisal's bed one night.

Instead, there was broken silence, a silence filled with pain and confusion. Fiza looked at him, as he sat there, his head in his hands, his whole body shaking in a fit of tears. Her own resolve began to waver.

What was she doing? Why was she pushing him away like this?

[There should be a GIF or video here. Update the app now to see it.]

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Authors note

When does loss of control become abuse?
When do you leave an abusive situation?
When do you stay?
When is it a personality trait that would never change?
When is it past trauma that just needs healing?
How do you protect yourself when you love someone who needs heeling?

Vote ⭐️ if you like the story so far. Comment so I know your thoughts.

Love you for reading thus far!

Link to "what we had" - Isabella Kensington. I love the chorus of this song - gives me goosebumps each time. Do listen to it, if you haven't before.

❤️Faiza