Whatever happened till yet, or between these days where I found Mr.Adams knocking on my doors of life, what I couldn't put a finger on was why all this out of nowhere. And now? Why me?

I know we must try being optimistic and challenge. Try me. But dude... even thinking of getting to know a guy that rude and creepy is a weird thing.

I didn't knew what to do then. Should I agree ??? It's not bad to work and get nicely paid. But that guy ?

What the fuck ? Is he even that worth to stop me doing a certain thing or influence my decision.  Huhhh . Not in this life bitch. May be he wants to test me and my patience by letting me work there. Who knows. Or for all I know he could be unaware of me. That's better.

Well. I am not fan of getting challenged but this, I don't wish to loose. "Sure then. Please let me know the details and everything." I spoke into phone as I hung up. I slipped on the bed listening to my heartbeats in ear. Thinking if this was a right decision. But I don't really care anymore. I will be paid and I will write truth. Nothing is probably better than it. I felt asleep soon. As my mind contemplated whether to overthink of it or not?

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Getting up to the noise of alarm is such a great thing. Right? I really wanted to sleep a little more. Okay Diana. Get up. I cheered myself and flipped the duvet. Tidied my bed. And did the morning routine like always. Heading down for the daily shit and leave for the clinic and come back in one piece was the day's goal.

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I finally got time to check my phone. I couldn't even figure out when the day passed. And as much expected. I had recieved a text from that Mark guy about the address and about the meeting, that was to be done on the day after tomorrow. I seem to find the address familiar near John's cafe.

Heck yeah. I haven't called or talked him since some days. I must catch up with him ? I pondered on the question. As he too could be busy. Above that. I don't wish to interfere him with his new work. After pressing some brain nerves I decided against calling him. My fingers kept the phone away and started hitting the keys of keyboard to fill up data in the drives. But my hand soon came in contact with my mobile, as the screen light up showing a call from John .

"Hey ?" I spoke while setting the phone on speaker.
 
"Hey. Do you, perhaps have time tomorrow ? In around 2 to 4.30 pm ?"

He sounded very nervous. May be thinking to what I will respond with.
I checked my schedule on the calendar beside the monitor.  I had no new meetings to begin and neither any articles to start. But seems like it's something very important that he would think of interrupting my work this way. I should tease him a little. Shouldn't  I ?

"Well ? What's up with you ? You need something?" I questioned him back coldly. Trying my best so he feels he is obstructing my work and I was busy.

"I-I needed your help in the cafe. The present workers went to a party together  down somewhere.  And got an upset stomach. Well. Extremely upset stomach that they are hospitalized so - "

"So you want me to work for you again?  Unpaid ?"

I tried my best to sound bithcy. Ha ha its hard to control my laugh now that I iamgine his puppy face. It's fun to see him annoyed by this. But I hope he doesn't denies going further to seek my help. And thankfully he doesn't. 

"I am ready to pay " he spoke ever so quickly.  As if I really mind the dollars so much.

"Umm okay then. I will try shifting some stuff from my list." I said with a little less annoyance now. I am afraid he will be hurt by my dramas.

"Are you okay though?" I asked expecting he would let go that tense creases he has on his forehead. As I expect him to have to it. Asking help from others for something he is supposed to manage. Naah . It's not his thing. Neither mine. We both went well without asking favours. If we did. We made sure the other isn't being burdened and reciprocated the same. There wasn't a tension of not being able to understand each other with him.

"Not really but. I am glad you are trying to help." I can feel he is worried for his work so much. He is passionate and so dedicated. But he surely annoys me by his cold side. He always puts this guard up and doesn't let it down. I can't help but feel much of an outsider or stranger then. But now. Nothing is more important than to help him. Even if silently, he has stood for me at times when I wanted someone to. To listen me. To let me rant. Or to make me feel that being vulnerable is okay. And even more, that it's fine to let go of all that's stuffed in my chest. Making it ache so much. 

"It's 7.30 pm now. I'll head to home and get a good sleep so I can charge this body for some extra work tomorrow.  Don't worry I will be there. You can expect me at 2.30 at most. Bye, take care." I hung the phone quickly not wanting to hear his thankfulness. 

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Laying on the plush bed I thought of tomorrow's to-do list .

I am glad you are trying to help.

John's words ring in my head. I remember the times when he first let me cry on his shoulder. It was so awkward. But when things eased. He didn't tensed his muscles around my touch. And I found myself crying again. But that time he himself held my hands. I have cried a lot with or without him. But the pain never eases. The insecurities never leave. So what I deal with psychology. I'm a human of bones and flesh and emotions flow in my body too.

But to how much he cried with me ? Well. Very few times. He isn't cold. It's just, he doesn't  know what to do with his emotions. He is pretty afraid of them.

The thought makes me smile when he first cried in university. When his dumbass classmates made fun of him by adding nude pictures of strippers and porn stars in his assignment's presentation slides. For which he worked his ass off for two weeks. I had to leave my literature class so I could barge in the room and drag him out of that shitty place. And when he cried on my sleeves. I felt a sharp pang of pain in my chest. Weird that I can still feel the tightness in my chest.

He didn't  deserve that. When I wanted to move my hand from his face to his hair, he realised what was happening. Yet was okay with the way my arm was on his broad shoulders. He just cried, with red eyes. Anger, pain and hint of revenge apparent in them.

Then again he cried when his dad started drinking and his step mom won't stop that. His mother died when he was 16 and his father remarried when John was 17. I know he was traumatized by all of that shit. Even after several attempts by me he would always turn me down for asking him about a therapy.

"If not me . At least someone else Johnny  ! All of this fucked up mess with you isn't okay. You know that dont you ? Please . Just don't do this to yourself.  How long will you cry yourself to sleep?"

I remember asking him this when I was so done with anger. He just won't listen to me. This could never give me any profit but him. Even after that breakdown of mine he didn't listen. I still do feel angry that he doesn't even consider my words or think them over. Just pisses me off. But. I cannot really blame him. 

I guess by time. He will realise what's good for him. And that he deserves way better moments in life rather than struggling with those memories he hasn't let go of. I hope the same for me too. Someday.

Someday for sure, I will be okay finding myself the peace I crave. The love I desire. The honesty I want. The feeling of being me, I need. Someday it'd be easy to breathe.

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