Pearl put her head in her hands and bent over, arching her back and bringing her knees up to her chest. Tears seeped through her thin fingers onto her lap.

Steven was fast asleep with his mouth wide open, spread eagled on the sofa with drool on his face and his arms and legs arranged in such a way that Pearl couldn't imagine he was comfortable.

She was kneeling beside the sofa. In her hand was Rose's sword.

Amethyst and Garnet were out on a mission; the house was silent apart from Steven's deep, steady breathing and Pearl's poorly suppressed sobs.

It had taken a very simple charm to send Steven to sleep. It hadn't been easy for Pearl to stare into his round, innocent eyes, whisper the spell and watch him drop to the floor like a sack of potatoes, unconscious. Pearl had picked him up and lowered him onto the sofa where he proceeded to arrange himself like a starfish and snooze happily.

But what she was about to do now would be so much harder.

Pearl pushed herself up and tried to stop her hands from trembling as she gripped the sword tightly. She stood over Steven and raised the sword, her arms shaking violently. Sweat beaded on her brow. She took a deep breath through her long nose, closed her eyes and steadied herself. She was ready.

This would bring her back.

She was sure of it.

She could feel it.

It had to.

If she couldn't get her back, Pearl knew she would fall apart.

And this was the only way.

She had to do this.

Steven suddenly grunted in his sleep; Pearl paused and looked down at him. He was so small and quaint... So unlike his mother.

She hated that about him: he was expected to follow in his mother's excellent footsteps, but he didn't even resemble her in the slightest.

But then... He rolled a little and his shirt rode up, exposing his stomach and gem, and Pearl caught her reflection in it's rosey hue.

She was a grown gem, tears running down her face, holding her old leader's sword above were old leader's son, about to strike, to destroy everything Rose had worked for, in a faint hope to get her back. And if Pearl thought about it properly, she doubted this would work; the least it would do would injure the human form of Rose, her son, the small, fat little boy who brought so much happiness to everyone he met.

Just like Rose.

Pearl dropped her arms. She fell to her knees. The sword clanged on the floor, making Steven grunt in his slumber.

He was just like Rose.

Steven always thought of others before himself. He was so selfless, kind, hopeful... He was so innocent- he felt deeply guilty at the slightest fault on his part.
Just yesterday he had sobbed over Amethyst loosing her favourite anonymous skull. The day before he had spent the entire day trying to reenact the meeting of Sapphire and Ruby for Garnet, because he had found their story so moving and wanted to express it in a one man play. Garnet had cried with joy as she had loved it so much.

And barely a week ago, he hadn't slept for days when he knew Pearl was upset about something. He had tried everything to keep her spirits up, and finally resorted to a protest of staying awake until Pearl told him what the matter was. It didn't work, of course, but Pearl was touched. It just made it all the more difficult when Steven was the reason she was feeling down. She had been planning this attempt for weeks.

But...

He didn't deserve this.
Rose had entrusted her with caring for him... And this is how she repaid her?

Pearl looked at her hands.

What had she done?

What had she become?

Who was she now, in this world without her? Petty and dull... Pearl snorted in disgust. A second later she felt sickened by herself.

She had done this.

She had prepared herself to slaughter an innocent boy in a feeble attempt to bring his mother back, for her own selfish reasons.

She felt sick.

Quickly and shakily, she slid the sword back into the shieth. She placed it in her room and returned to Steven's side.

She gazed down at his face. When she studied him, she could appreciate the likeness to Rose... They both shared full lips, large eyes and round faces. Their hair was thick and curly. Pearl tentatively ran her fingers through Steven's hair, remembering how she had used to feel Rose's just the same. Steven smiled in his sleep and pushed his head against Pearl's hand like a cat.

Pearl closed her eyes and lay down slowly next to him. She felt so awful. How could she have been even considering harming her little Steven? Tears welled in her eyed again. Guilt flooded her. She couldn't believe her own actions.

"I'm sorry, Rose," she whispered, the tears sliding down her face. "I'm sorry."

Steven grunted in his sleep.

"S' okay..." He muttered. "Love you..."

Pearl pressed her lips together.

"I love you too."

She didn't know whether she was saying it to Steven or Rose. She supposed it didn't matter. Both were true.