Nine: Lawrie Odin gives me a sign

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"It's being here now that's important. There's no past and there's no future. Time is a very misleading thing. All there is ever, is the now. We can gain experience from the past, but we can't relive it; and we can hope for the future, but we don't know if there is one."

― George Harrison


   I hated waking up this morning to the smell of my mother's beautiful pancakes. It pissed me off.

   When could I see tomorrow?

   When would Zoey Graves realize that she shouldn't take the suicidal route she'd been going?

   She was wearing me out, and we hadn't even known each other that well.

   I decided to call Justice who probably was still sleeping, despite the fact school started in an hour.

   "Yeah, hi?" Justice said, answering the phone groggily and grumpily. "Who's this?"

   Didn't she have a caller ID on her phone?

   Oh, yeah. She was barely awake.

   "Yeah, Justice I can't pick you up this morning, nor after school. I have to take my brother to school, and pick him up after school, sorry."

   There was silence on the other line, but eventually she spoke. "Seriously? Why can't you just pick me up, and then take your brother to school?"

   Even when I was being direct and upfront with her she still wanted to act difficult.

   "Why can't you just drive yourself to school? Don't you have a Porsche?"

   "Ha ha, Isaac. Don't be such a smart ass, you know I keep failing my driver's test. I keep telling my mom to report the lady who keeps being stingy with my license." She continued to go on about how she hated relying on people, and that I was being such a jerk for not wanting to pick her up.

   I interjected when I couldn't take her whining anymore. "Just ask Gwen to pick you up, or Peyton. You act like you don't have any friends or connections." Now this time did I sound annoyed. "Fair?"

   Before she could even respond, and I knew she still wasn't convinced and wanted to complain, I hung up.

   Despite how nicely I tried to put things for Justice, or how selfless I tried to be for her, she never changed, she never tried to better herself.

   Once I got into my clothes for the school day, I didn't even answer my mom when she tried coddling me with pancakes. I just walked out the door and sped off with my car.

:: :: ::

   When I pulled into my usual parking space, I wasn't expecting to see Lawrie Odin, who seemed to appear out of nowhere. His arms were crossed, and his face screamed utter disappointment.

   I rolled down my window. "Wow, you finally decided to show up," I said, running my fingers through my hair. "I look like a big failure don't I?"

   He eyed me steadily. "You are trying Isaac, I can see that. But, surprisingly, your approach on some things are rather off."

   He approached the car window on the driver's side and presented to me a list; pulling it from under his jacket. "Here's a list of some things about Zoey."

   I took the list gratefully. Lawrie was now some help. I was beginning to think he was a fraud or something; wasting my damn time.

   "432 Gallagher Street."

   "Huh?" I looked up from the list.

    Lawrie laughed. "It's a hint." Before walking away he said, "That's all the help I can give you so far Isaac. Hang in there."

   "432 Gallagher Street," I said to myself. "What could that mean?"

    Yeah, 432 Gallagher Street sounded like it was an address, but that didn't mean it was a street name that sounded familiar around Havendust. What the heck was I going to do?

    I fiddled with my jacket sleeve, and even began biting my fingers. This was getting too overwhelming. I couldn't save Zoey. I would never be out of this fix.

    I looked out the window, and I saw Zoey pull into the parking space two spaces from mine. She was just sitting there, with a miserable face expression, looking at the high school building.

    I began to cry, because for the first time, I knew how she felt.

:: :: ::

    I lost interest in my friends, and my girl friend. When they tried speaking to me, or getting my attention I didn't attempt a response, or to appear interested at all.

   By the looks they gave me, and the whispers I heard, everyone must've been thinking I was losing it, or just fucked up.

   Maybe I was; maybe I wasn't.

   In my first hour class I found myself thinking about things I hadn't thought about in a long time.

    I remembered when Todd and I had gone to this one water park a couple years ago. It was the only time I remembered me and him spending time together. Dad had gone with us (this was sometime after him and Mom had divorced), but he wasn't really there half the time, he'd either been on the phone or sitting in the shade texting. He'd tell us to go and do more things around the park.

    Despite the fact that he never did spend any time with us at the park like we hoped, it was great that my brother and I could still enjoy ourselves. I wonder if he'd mind if him and me went to the gym and exercised together, or perhaps go to a water park in the summer.

   Maybe we could catch up. I'd ask him if he was dating anyone, or maybe I could open up to him about the time loop.

:: :: ::

   Geometry was different.

   I didn't put any effort into anything that period, not even the effort to cheat. Weird, huh?

   I was going to continue being stuck in this time loop, so what was the point in trying in anything anymore?

   Besides, it's not like Zoey Graves had a limit.

   I put my head on the desk I sat at, and I attempted to even go to sleep. But that wasn't going to happen.

   Mr Johnson wasn't going to allow that to happen. "Mr Stints wake up?"

   I was going to act like I wasn't awake.

   I kept my eyes shut, and even attempted a couple of those fake snores.

   Zzzzz....zzz...

    But I felt someone patting me on the arm.

   Opening my eyes, I saw that it was Zoey who'd done that. She gave me a warm smile, and for some reason it was contagious.

   I smiled back.

   I wish I could help you, I thought.

    She then turned her attention back to the lesson work, and I put my head back on my desk and thought about how useless I was.

:: :: ::

   "'If you want to identify me, ask me not where I live, or what I like to eat, or how I comb my hair, but ask me what I am living for, in detail, ask me what I think is keeping me from living fully for the thing I want to live for,'" said Mrs. Stevens. "It's a quote by Thomas Merton. It's theme is destiny."

   I never really paid attention in class 'cause Simon and I would be too busy disrupting the class, and I had too many apathetic moments.

   Yet, when I finally paid attention in class, it was quite interesting. But not only was Mrs. Stevens wanting everyone in class to write a story, she wanted the story to include the theme: destiny.

   I raised my hand.

   "Yes, Isaac?" Mrs. Stevens said.

   "What are you living for?"

   She looked a little caught off guard I think. "Uh, well. A very good question." She looked to be thinking some more. While she was thinking, everyone in class was giving me looks. I saw Simon Moore whisper something to Rain Kingston, who was one of the tackles on the football team.

   "Well, Isaac. What I am living for is many things..." She began. "I am living for my kids, I am living for the things I truly believe in, such as Christ. I am living  for another day. I am living because I have faith."

   What did Zoey Graves live for?

   Mrs. Andrews is an adult; she had everything figured out, and she knew exactly what she was doing. Why does it fall on us teens, this blah time in our life where many grown-ups say this should be the time of your life, even when it may be the worst?

    Mom had said to me a couple months ago, "I wish I was sixteen again." It had been sometime in the evening after dinner. She was washing the dishes. I sat at the counter, texting Justice. We'd been texting each other back and fourth; talking about that weekend's plans. "It was such a nice time."

   "Like Hell it was," I mumbled.

    She turned off the water faucet, and started to dry the dishes. "It was the 80s ya know. And I loved listening to Bowie and Madonna. I remember at my first school dance, the first song me and my date slow danced to was Eyes Without A Face." I'd given mom a strange look. She didn't say anything else, but sighed like the memories were getting to her. 

   Would I recall to my kids this time loop I'd been in? Would I ever get out of this time loop?


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Author's Note: Thanks for reading. I appreciate the one comment and votes I got, and hopefully whose been reading continues to read. Thanks again to anyone who read this chapter.





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