"Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow has not yet come. We have only today. Let us begin."

― Mother Teresa

   Today continued on the same, regardless of the fact that I was quite aware of what I was going through. This wasn't some psychedelic trip. Besides, the worst I ever did was smoke weed. And I hadn't done any of that since that one party at Ryan Farrow's house.

   Yet, What purpose did I have? I knew football practice would be the same again. And I didn't feel like going through that a third time, but I decided to go anyway. I'd gone to weight lifting and Peyton had put what I'd said earlier behind him, I guess.

   Justice texted me in Chem asking for a ride home, again. I said yes, leaving out the football practice this time, since when it came to Justice she didn't care what plans I had going. She decided that I'd drop them anyway to do whatever she wanted me to do for her.

   When I'd exited the school, Justice was talking with Gwen about her date with the Canadian guy. I didn't listen much this time. Luigi's and pink flowers, right?

   "...with Liam."

   Huh? I hadn't noticed Justice was saying something to me. Gwen was gone now. I raised my eyebrows.

   "See, you didn't hear anything I said. Why should I even try to communicate this stuff to you?"

   All of this felt kind of weird, due to the fact that Justice was still friends with Gwen, and I was still friends with Peyton, and they'd broken up. And now, when Justice brings up all of this stuff about Gwen and Liam (the Canadian guy) it just feels fake. But I didn't say anything about that, instead Justice and I just talked about the weekend and we made out.

:: :: ::

   Then there was football practice. The coach had us do the usual. Thereafter, heading back over to the field and going through the usual practice drills and baloney, we were let out of practice for the day.

   "What you doin' after this man?" Peyton queried as we both headed to the parking lot, carrying our athletic bags and drinking the fresh cold bottled waters that were given to us after practice.

   I shrugged. "Justice wanted me to take her home, but I told her I didn't know how long practice would take. So, I don't know," I glanced at my phone. "She hasn't texted me back."

   Peyton laughed. "She could be hanging out with Gwen and the Canadian."

   I sighed, frustrated. Justice was starting to get on my nerves because it seemed like I was irritating her a lot today, and I wasn't even trying to. She could be so evil sometimes.

   Before practice, when we'd been making out, I guess we hadn't been making out in front of my car, because the next thing you know, the Zoey girl from Geometry interrupted our make out session because we'd been blocking the door to her car, even though I thought it'd been my car. I couldn't even look at Zoey due to the fact that Justice was being blatantly mean to her, and I had no control over the situation. And I was kind of embarrassed, and I didn't even know why I felt embarrassed, because Zoey was just some nerd. Why did she matter?

   Since Justice wasn't answering my text, and I was a bit irritated at her anyway, I decided to go pick up my brother Todd from school like my mother told me to do. My brother had after school tutoring, so I didn't have to be late (a little bit) to football practice in order to give my brother a ride home like I thought so.

:: :: ::

   Todd wanted me to take him to the mall because he wanted to look around, and perhaps grab a slice of pizza from the food court. I wanted to tell him "Fuck no, I don't want to take you to the mall", but I drove him to the mall anyway. Besides, it's not like I was going to go home and finish my homework.

   Yeah, I knew at some point I could've started finding out why I kept on waking up and finding myself repeating the same day, but I didn't have the energy to do so yet. Besides, I always blacked out at some point during the day. Somewhere between 8:30 and 9:00pm. After blacking out, I wake up to the smell of my mother's delicious pancakes.

   My mother's pancakes were never cooked good after a good day of cooking the pancakes. They'd usually end up burnt or misshaped. My brother and I would ditch them, and end up going to Micky D's for breakfast.

   I stopped in front of Andersville's mall and told my brother I'd meet him in there in a little while, dropping him off, even though he knew he was going to avoid me as much as possible. Maybe, because he was meeting some girl he had the hots for, or perhaps, he just thought I was stupid as fuck, I don't know...

   My brother and I didn't communicate much nowadays.

   I pulled into a parking lot and ran my fingers through my hair roughly. Maybe I should text Justice, and apologize for the stupid shit I did today. But every time I apologized, she didn't think much of it; she's apathetic.

   Why do I feel so confused about everything? I can't keep repeating this day over and over again.

   I'm not on drugs am I?

   Am I dreaming?

   What am I doing, exactly?

   Today, I spoke a little bit more to Zoey. But she didn't seem so interested in socializing with me. When I tried asking her about her day she ignored me, as if I weren't there. And god, I felt like such a girl, taking it so personally at first. I guess it's true what everyone says about her, she was just some stuck up little witch.

   Even though no fight had broken out between Zoey and Larissa, she was still humiliated.

   I heard about her being rejected by some guy who was part of this rock band. It happened in the hallway, I had been in the bathroom, so I hadn't seen it go down. Everybody was saying he said he didn't want her, and Zoey's face became red and she looked crushed. She started saying things like, "Is there something wrong with me? Is that it?", "Did I do something wrong?", "Lawson, I love you!"

    Lawson didn't respond really, they said. But he pretty much walked off holding hands with Larissa. And Zoey, well she ran out the school.

:: :: ::

   I was attempting to do the English assignment despite the fact that I told the English teacher I might not do it.

    The assignment was that you had to write an original composition; where the grammar was right and everything.

   I wasn't the best writer, and I barely read any books. The last book I'd actually read was The Outsiders, and that was in the 7th grade.

   I still didn't know what to write.

   Besides, I wasn't really in the best of moods, especially NOW.

   Todd had pissed me off at the mall because he didn't answer his phone when I kept calling him, wondering where he was.

   Sure, I had understood that he didn't want to hang out with me, but it was still my responsibility to know where he is. And while I was doing that, I swear I saw Peyton in the food court.

   He was seated, and I could assume he was eating a sub from Pete's Sub Station because that's the only place he'd grab a bite to eat at the mall, when it'd just be him, me, Justice, and Gwen.

   As I watched Peyton, wondering if in some way he could've been and moved on from Gwen, immediately (which was a good thing), I saw Justice walk up to the table Peyton sat at, and she sat down. And they were both pretty smiley faced, happy as can be. I thought that, maybe, they could've just been hanging out as friends, or meeting up to so Justice could apologize for her friends' behaviour.  But the one indicator that revealed to me that this wasn't just a friendly meet up, was when they both leaned into kiss each other on the mouth.

   I'd felt like I was in an out of body experience, and it also felt like they may've been dating or smitten with each other.

   So, in some messed up way, I understood how that Zoey girl felt. To be kicked to the curb, and not let in on something that could've prevented you from looking crazy.

   If I wake up tomorrow to the smell of my mother cooking good pancakes, I'm going to have to figure out whether or not my friends are totally into each other. Besides, that one mall date couldn't have possibly been a dead giveaway.

   Before I could even begin to write my paper, I blacked out.