People let me down
They given up on me left me for fuck sakes my parents barely notice when im upset anymore

My sister gets all the shit she wants i still take the fall for her mistakes

Im scared of my father yet im attached to him badly ....

Cant come out to most of my family about my sexuaily with out all of them telling me to stop feeling this way or im going to hell so thats nice

All my friends dont trust ne and i think im out to hurt them,talk behind there back,and be a bitch and a liar so thats nice too ya know

......Fuck i can see myself becoming a cold hearted bitch.....in the furture

Girlfriends been gone for awhile she probably hates me too and is thinking how the hell she ended up with a pathetic bitch

......i always thought being alone was for me ...and maybe it is friends family...a partner a relationship....i probably dont need ...im losing it at this ponit. ...i dunno what to do anymore i wanna hurt myself but cant ...i wanna yell but cant ....

I wanna fucking cry my eyes out but cant until everyone is sleep

I wanna live but dont wanna live at the same time ....i cant take this anymore ....im tried ....im tried of acting fucking happy all the time....

Im tried of this repeated cycle of me being hurt by the ones i love and getting over it the next day

IM FUCKING SICK OF IT

..........

I....hate myself

I hate my skin

I hate me

I hate everything about me ....i wish i could be what my parents want me to be but no

Im there little mistake ...they wanted a boy but instead got me and had to deal with getting me a shunt

I hate my gender sometimes females are weak and cry babys .....and are made to be beaten up by males....and taken advantage of

I hate that i cant pray to god like i use to

I hate that im not good enough for anyone ....i hate it i hate me

But knowing me all this shit i said wont mean anything tomorrow and ill be over to.....just to repeat this again