CHAPTER 19 | PURPOSE

"IS Jon going to be okay?"

"I really don't remember."

Now that Gilly knew Maia's biggest secret, she constantly felt the need to ask the future of everyone she knew, even though she barely remembered much. She wasn't the fan of the show; her former fiancé was. Maia was lucky to remember bits and pieces sometimes to help her along the way, but knowing half of what Jon was going through at Hardhome was wrecking her from the inside out. She knew what happened exactly, but wasn't sure if he was returning, and she began racking her brain for some small bit of memory.

The two women were mending some clothes for the Watch when the conversation arose. Maia turned to her friend with a sigh. "All I can remember is that a White Walker army attacked Hardhome, thus killing half of the Wildlings for themselves. I saw the dead rise again. I remember the Night's King looking at Jon with a smile, and even though I wasn't there, I ..." She shuddered at the thought.

"But –"

Maia pointed a finger at her. "Now, you can't tell anyone, correct? Not even Sam." She laced her needle with thread through the cloth in her fingers. "Half of the Watch already despises me anyways. I don't need them accusing me of being some kind of witch."

Gilly nodded, releasing a huff. She tried to continue her work, but after a moment of silence, she became distracted again. "Are you worried about him?"

"Yes, all the time." The blonde admitted, sewing her piece of clothing together rather aggressively. "I told him not to go. I told him I felt like something bad was going to happen, but he wouldn't listen."

Gilly rested her hand on her friend's. "Maia," she called, "we might all just be fictional to you and you might know what happens to us in the future, but you can't reverse time. Things happen for a reason."

Maia nodded, realizing Gilly had made a valid point. Knowing all the information she did was a make or break deal. It was good to know, but it could ruin the stories of characters that everyone adored. She had the power to destroy the timelines of everyone, and that was horrifying.

•••

Random strands fell across her forehead as she knotted her hair into a tight bun. Maia needed to wake early, like everyday, to gather ingredients for the day's meals with Hobb. She was trying to be positive with Jon gone, telling herself that today would be a good day.

Clasping her cloak around her shoulders, she looked up at the sound of heels at her doorway.

"He's here!" Gilly exclaimed. "Jon has returned!"

Maia sped at the speed of light through Castle Black with her friend, winding through the twists in the hallways. They finally reached the outside, and despite the shivering of the cold, they were just in time to catch the army filing in through the gates. Flakes from the sky dotted Maia's vision until her eyes found Jon's.

He had been shaken. His hair disheveled. A gash lined his forehead, splotches of blood staining his features. She absentmindedly lifted a hand to her mouth in horror. Everything she had predicted – no, remembered – it was all true, and she could see it on his face.

She looked around at the men surrounding the castle: their faces screamed hate. They all hated Jon, and Olly's glare was the worst.

The army of Wildlings didn't stop as they flooded through their entrance, but weirdly enough, she expected more. They were all sad, downtrodden even. Her eyes went wide at the sight of their giant walking through the gates of the Wall. "Seven hells," she breathed out.

And then, Jon stared at her. In the pale morning light, he still couldn't fathom her beauty as he watched her tired eyes gawk at the army he returned with, even her hair was disheveled from the storm in the sky. His wounds were bad enough, but he was still recovering from the broken nose she gave him. The memory almost made him feel better by just looking at her, and knowing that out of all, she was okay. All he needed was for her to be okay.

Alliser Thorne appeared next to him and began surveying the crowd. "You have a good heart, Jon Snow." He stated before staring at his Lord Commander. "It'll get us all killed."

•••

Maia knew Jon had been sitting in his room cooly for an hour, but she figured he needed some time to think. He looked recklessly beaten up at first sight, though little did she know that she was all he needed at the moment.

She moved graciously to his door, swallowing down the lump in her throat. She didn't know what she was going to say. She didn't want to say anything. Maybe she shouldn't go see him. He was probably busy or aiding the Wildlings. She shouldn't –

Maia felt as if her brain was going to implode. She shook her head, pushing the door open to his chambers.

He had been sitting on his desk, head resting in his hands. The second she arrived, he glanced up at her shaking form. Before she could even breathe, he was already on his feet, wrapping his leather-clad arms tightly around her. She buried her head into the crook of his shoulder, breathing in the musk of the outside, while he did the same.

"I love you so much," he whispered, holding the back of her head in his calloused hands. "Thank you."

She didn't understand why he was thanking her, but she nodded regardless. She was there and that was all that mattered.

"You were right, Maia." His grasp grew tighter. "Something bad did happen. I saw them."

She leaned away, pushing a few locks of hair from his face. Blood crusted around the scar on his forehead. "You don't have to say that."

"But you were right," he muttered, his voice becoming louder. He moved away and walked towards his desk. "I had to fight off an army of Wights. Lost half of the Wildlings we needed. I failed them." He rubbed at his eyes. "I killed one of them."

Maia shook her head. "Did you see how many you managed to save, Jon? You didn't fail them, and you especially didn't fail the Watch."

He looked away.

"Forget about what Ser Alliser said. Forget about all the glares." She cupped his face in her hands. "Look at me."

Jon's dark orbs slowly slid up to her own. He gulped.

"I am so proud of you." She swallowed the bile rising in her throat as she leaned her head on his. "I am so glad you're back. I care about you more than you understand – more than I understand. Do you have any idea how much I've worried about you while you were gone? I had to mask it as well, in fear that your brothers would realize. I couldn't sleep most nights. I only had Gilly and Sam to talk to."

Maia looked towards the ceiling, sucking in a sob. "And then Maester Aemon ... Before he passed, he spoke to Gilly. He said that we three needed to leave." Their eyes locked as her fingers caressed the stains on his cheeks. "But I knew I couldn't leave the Wall until I knew you were safe."

"I hope you realize one day," he muttered, "that I fight to be with you. You are my purpose now. I thank the Gods for bringing you to me."

Jon pressed his lips to her own, savoring the chill they held within them. He loved to kiss her and relish in the warmth they had together. He loved the way her hands cupped his own. He loved the way that, no matter what, she always made his decisions feel sane. He loved the way she knew things he didn't. He loved her through and through, and even he was surprised at that fact.