I downloaded Premiere. Finally.
I've always wanted it.

Let's open it and--
HOLY TRIANGLES

WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO

I WASNT PREPARED FOR THIS

AAAAHHHHHG

KILLLL MEEEE

*a lot of minutes later*

OKAY.
I DITCHED ALL OF THE FANCY EFFECTS THEY WERE TAKING TOO LONG TO FIGURE OUT.

I ended up with this:

You know, once I actually figure out how this program works I'll be able to put stuff on YouTube and such.
Those will be the days...