"You guys! You guys!" wheezed Cartman, as he ran up to his friends.

"Dude, what?" sighed Stan, who was too tired to deal with Cartman right now.

"Round up all the guys, and meet me at my house! I have the best idea ever you guys I am so seriously-"

"Why should we care?" interrupted Kyle, equally as done with life as his SBF.

"Because we can finally make ten million dollars!"

"Ten million dollars!" exclaimed Kenny, voice muffled, as usual. "Fuck yeah I'm in! Come on you two!" said Kenny, dragging Kyle and Stan away to round up the other guys.

The boys were now all sat in Cartman's basement. Some looked at him curiously, some looked excited (i.e. just Butters), but most looked as if they'd rather be anywhere else.

"Okay, be ready to have your minds blown. So, in Japan, there exists, Boy's, Love, Cafés!"

"What?" asked Stan, unimpressed.

"Timmy!" said Timmy, enthusiastically, but, then again, Timmy was always enthusiastic, so it was hard to determine whether he approved or disapproved of the idea.

"Dude, that's stupid," decided Kyle.

"Listen Jew, they're making big money. Big bucks! And there isn't one in America! We need to snatch this idea up fast!"

"What, the fuck, is a 'boy's love café'?" asked Craig, speaking up for the first time.

Cartman gave him an unimpressed glare. "You'd think the gay guy would understand," he sighed. "A boy's love café is a café where people, mainly chics, buy food and drinks, and pay boys to act out their weird homo fantasies!"

"What!?" yelled Tweek.

"Dude!?" yelled Craig. The couple were understandably terrified, as they understood, better than the other guys, the extent to which the girls in this town were crazy.

"I'm totally in," decided Clyde. "Chics dig gay guys."

"S-Sounds like, i-it c-could be q-q-q-quite f-f-fun," input Jimmy.

"I am not having any part in this!" stated Kyle.

"Me neither," added Token.

Cartman started whining, "You guys, come on! We'll make so much money!"

Kyle glared at him. "No fat boy, out the question. No way. No."

Xxx

Kyle stood nervously at the door, fiddling with his red and yellow striped tie, because it didn't seem quite perfectly tied, waiting for the first customers to arrive, and wondering how on earth he'd gotten himself into this mess. He pulled at the sleeves of his starchy shirt, and when they didn't get any more comfortable, he resignedly stuffed his hands into his grey trouser pockets.

His eyes flitted over the numerous tables, covered by pristine red and white checkered table cloths, the mahogany wooden floor and the rest of his friends, who were dressed up in the same typical school uniform he himself was sporting, because Cartman had wanted to start with a 'high school theme'. Fat bastard stood quite happily with his hands in his blazer pockets, obviously confident the customers wouldn't choose him for a scene. Kyle was trying to glare holes into him. 

The bell on the door rang warmly, and the boys all turned to grin at their first customers. "Hi, may I take your jackets?" asked Clyde, beaming at Bebe, Red and Nichole.

"Thanks," said Bebe. Her eyes were alit. She looked as if she'd just entered heaven. Bebe, Red and Nichole piled their large coats onto Clyde.

"Are those too heavy for you Clyde?" asked Token, his voice smoother, silkier than usual.

"Um, maybe a little, yeah," said Clyde, blushing.

"Want these strong arms to take them for you?"

"Yes please," said Clyde, handing over the coats.

"Anything for my favourite little Prince," said Token winking, and gently squeezing Clyde's hand. The girls were already trying to hold back squeals, and Cartman was smirking mischievously. So far, the prepared script was working like a charm, those girls would hand over each and every cent they possessed, and maybe even inadvertently everything else they owned, before they'd know what had hit them.

"May I take you ladies to your seats?" asked Butters sweetly. The three girls nodded and grinned at him. When they were seated comfortably by a window, Butters pulled out a menu, while Kenny slunk an arm around his waist. "K-Ken! I'm trying to take these girls orders!"

"What's the matter Buttercup? A little contact too much for you to handle?"

"N-No!" replied Butters, glaring at the other blonde. He redirected his attention towards the menu, and held it out to the girls. "Well, you see ladies," Kenny pulled Butters in closer to him. "With the items you ch-chose, you can choose a s-scene to go with it." At this point, Kenny was hugging Butters closely into him, from behind. Butters took a deep annoyed breath, and then continued, "See, you can pick a scene to watch with your drinks, one with your lunch, one with dessert-" Kenny blew on Butters ear. "Goddamnit Kenny! Do you enjoy making my life difficult!" yelled Butters, who was at this point all shades of red.

"I'm sorry baby; you're just so beautiful. I can't keep my hands to myself around you. I'm afraid I'll lose you if I'm not holding you each and every second of every day." The two blondes then heard a loud 'thunk', they looked over to the girls, and realised Red had fainted. Bebe was visibly drooling, and Nichole looked like she was about to spontaneously combust.

Cartman smiled to himself. It had taken him a long time to work out who to pair Kenny with. First, he'd tried Craig. But something hadn't quite clicked, and Cartman was pretty sure if he continued to push the idea, Tweek was going to stab him. Then, he'd tried Stan. But Stan hadn't seemed into it, and Kyle had looked like he was trying to hold back a temper tantrum. Next, Cartman had tried Kyle, and he received about the same result he'd had with Stan, except instead of Stan holding back a temper tantrum, he'd been reaching for the eye liner, and Cartman was not about to deal with goth Stan. Once had been enough.

So finally, Cartman had tried Kenny and Butters, and the two of them had worked together like peanut butter and jelly. Cartman had been very proud of himself in that moment, and it was paying off now. Obviously, the girls could pick whichever two boys they liked for a scene, but Cartman had created a list of his favourites pairings, along with the help of cupid me, and this was on the menu, with recommendations of which boys worked best as semes, and which as ukes, as well as suggestions on which couples did which scenes best.

Nichole was trying to awaken Red, while Bebe was studying the menu as if it held all the secrets to the universe. Bebe pointed at something, and whispered into Nichole's ear. The girl grinned and nodded back ardently.

"I'll have a diet coke, Nichole will have a fanta, and Red will want a sprite when she wakes up." Said girl was slowly coming to, and was gradually sitting up with the help of Nichole. "And we want to see Creek doing to the waiter scene!"

"Excellent," said Cartman jotting that down. "And will that be with Craig or Tweek as the seme?" asked Cartman, professionally.

"I said Creek not Twig," replied Bebe, sounding almost offended.

"Sorry ma'am, just double checking. May I say, what an excellent choice." Bebe nodded and beamed at him.

Tweek looked stressed out of his mind, but he obediently put on a  black waist apron, and started slowly filling up the drinks. He then delicately inserted green straws into them, placed them onto a circular black tray, and walked over to the girls, relatively calmly.

As Tweek handed out the drinks, Craig walked past, and casually kissed Tweek's cheek. The girls let out silent squeals.

"C-Craig!"

"What?" replied the noirette, nonchalantly.

"You just, you just-"

"I just what, Tweek?" asked Craig, smirking.

"You..." Tweek was bright red.

"What's the matter babe? Am I not allowed to show a little love to my boyfriend?"

"I... I want to try," said Tweek quietly. The sound of Bebe coughing could be heard in the background. She was choking on her drink from all the excitement. Red almost spat out her sprite across the table.

"You want to try what?" Tweek was silent; he just stared cutely at his shoes. Smirking, Craig repeated, "You're going have to spell out what you want babe; I don't read minds." Tweek dashed over and quickly kissed Craig's cheek.

"That explanation enough for you?" asked Tweek sweetly. Craig had turned a light shade of red, and responded by giving Tweek a tight hug. The couple then looked over at the girls, wondering if they had approved of the scene. Bebe let out a squeal, and Nichole seemed as if she was trying not the hyperventilate.

Red was beaming and fanning herself rapidly with one hand. She realised her friends were not currently able to function, so she decided to take matters into her own hands. "For lunch, we'll all have the omelette, and we'd like the Style food scene, with Stan as the seme, and Kyle as the uke." She looked over at her friends to see if they approved. The other two girls just nodded eagerly, not trusting themselves to speak.

"Another brilliant choice," said Cartman, motioning for Jimmy and Timmy to start making the food. The two boys gave them a thumbs up from the kitchen. "If you like, for an extra dollar, you can have Kyle acting as a tsundere."

"Hell yeah!" yelled Nichole. Cartman smiled, and wrote that down.

Omelettes were quickly brought over, one for each girl, and one for Stan and Kyle. Kyle looked mortified. Stan, on the other hand, was smiling; he found this scene quite fun.

"What's the matter Kyle? You haven't touched your food," asked Stan sounding concerned, placing his hands over Kyle's.

"I, I'm not hungry," replied Kyle, looking down at the table, and pushing Stan's hands off his.

"You're looking a little pale dude. You feeling okay?"

"I-" Kyle was cut off by Stan placing his hands gently onto Kyle's face, which effectively lit up the ginger's face like a Christmas tree. "S-Stan!"

"Whoa, dude, you're burning up! Your cheeks have gone all red." Kyle face somehow went even redder from that comment.

"I-I'm just... n-not feeling well!" defended the ginger, pushing Stan's hands away violently.

"If you're not feeling well, you need to eat something," said Stan soothingly.

"I told you, I'm not hungry. Idiot." Cartman smirked, happy Kyle was remembering his tsundere training. Kyle was the best at being a tsundere out of the boys. Cartman pondered raising the prices of Kyle's tsundere services.

"Come on, just a couple bites. I'll feed it to you."

Kyle lowered his head, and looked up at Stan with his big green eyes. "S-Stan, that would be embarrassing," he said softly. The girls eyes were all glued to Kyle. The three of them looked as if they'd die of happiness any second.

"It's okay, just focus on me while I feed you. I'll give you a treat if you manage it." said Stan.

"Okay, but I'm not doing this for you," stated Kyle stubbornly. Stan simply smiled at him, because clearly, he was.

The girls let out screams of varying volumes, as Stan feed Kyle forkful after forkful of omelette. At one point, there was a bit left on Kyle's cheek, so Stan licked it off for him. Eventually, Stan appeared satisfied, and brought out a small, square shaped chocolate.

Stan grinned and placed it on his tongue. "If you want the chocolate, you're going to have to come and get it." Glaring at him, Kyle placed his lips softly over Stan's, and started kissing him. He soon added tongue, and scooped the chocolate away from Stan, with drew quickly, and happily munched on the sweet. The girls then let out delayed reactions of ear splitting screams.

"I think I'm in heaven!" proclaimed Bebe.

"I could die happy right now," added Red.

Looking as though she was holding back tears of joy, Nichole asked, "Can I pick the scene for dessert?" 

"Be my guest," said Bebe, still living on a cloud of bliss. Red nodded along with her.

"For dessert, we want ice cream, and the wall scene, with Stan and Kyle again, but with Kyle as the seme this time!"

"What? Kahl can't be a seme! He's a Jew!" said Cartman, as if that statement made sense.

"Fuck you fatboy! I can totally be a seme!"

"Oh yeah? I'd like to see you try!"

"Fine I will!" said Kyle, dragged Stan over to the wall and pinning him against it.

"No, Kahl, that's not what I meant-" Red threw her shoe at Cartman. "Aye!"

"Shut up!" the three girls yelled at him in synchronisation.

"K-Kyle," whispered Stan, cowering against the wall.

"What's the matter, Stan?" asked Kyle, smirking down at him.

"Can you, can you let me go? Please?" he asked quietly, cheeks dusted pink.

"I can, for a price."

"A-And what would that be?" Instead of answering, Kyle pressed his lips hard against Stan's. Stan let out a gasp, but quickly started kissing him back. Nichole was letting out uncontrolled screeches. Bebe was throwing bank notes at the two boys, and Red was violently throwing quarters at Kyle's head, which eventually made the ginger pull away from Stan in annoyance. Cartman stood grumbling in the corner, thinking about all the new menus he was going to have to make, with Stan and Kyle's names both in the seme and uke boxes. The other boys looked very impressed with Stan and Kyle's performance, and Kenny was resisting the urge to fap.

The rest of the day went by swimmingly, apart from when Kenny died of a nose bleed when Butters was being too cute for his own good. But, overall, it was a brilliant first day for the new business.

Xxx

Kyle stood hesitantly outside the door to Stan's house. It had been a couple months since the BL café had opened, and the café was doing better than any of the boys could have possibly ever imagined. Cartman was soon going to be opening more cafés across the country. At the rate they were growing, the Boy's Love Cafés would soon rival Harbucks. But that wasn't why Kyle wanted to talk to his friend. No, Kyle, by this point, was completely confused. Today, Stan had refused to do a scene with Kenny, and the little irritating thoughts in the back of Kyle's mind had grown more confident since that event had occured. Kyle needed to talk to Stan about this. With his hand shaking, he knocked on the door.

Stan answered it with a smile. "Hey dude, what's up?"

"Stan, can I, talk to you?"

"Sure thing dude, let's head up to my room," said Stan brightly. 

Kyle fidgeted with his hands, as he sat on Stan's bed. "Stan, why are you so comfortable with the BL Café? You never really objected to it."

Stan went slightly red. "I don't know dude. I just, never really had an issue with it."

"You refused to do that scene with Kenny today," Kyle said quietly.

"Well... that's because I thought Butters would be upset. And you refused to do one with Cartman last week!" declared Stan, trying to excuse his actions.

"That's because he's Cartman!" defended Kyle.

Stan looked a little worried. "Kyle, what exactly are you accusing me of?"

Kyle took a minute or so to answer. "Enjoying the scenes you do with me, maybe a little too much?" he said, hesitantly.

Stan appeared to be hurt by that comment. "Well, we can stop doing them, if you want. We don't even have to work at that stupid café anyway."

"No! That's, that's not what I meant."

"Then what do you mean?" asked Stan, sitting down next to him.

"That, that maybe we're both enjoying working at the café a little too much?" Stan slammed his lips against Kyle's. Kyle was a little shocked, but quickly started kissing back, panting and pressing back hard against Stan's lips.

Eventually, Stan pulled away. "You know, I bet we would have got a lot of tips if we'd done that at the café," said Stan, smugly. Kyle responded by pushing him off the bed.

Xxx

Hey guys~ I hope you enjoyed that. That was so much fun to write! I got the idea from a YouTube video by Akidearest called 'I Went to a Yaoi Cafe'. That's right people. These places exist! Why is there not one near me! To be fair, I'd probably feel too awkward to say anything, maybe that's why they haven't come to Britain yet? I also based a lot of this on Hikaru and Kaoru from Ouran High School Host Club (awesome anime btw), felt like I should mention that. Anyways, tell me what you'd like to see next! And leave a vote if you enjoyed. Have an awesome day guys!