"Now class, can somebody tell me how to spell realise?" Mr Garrison asked the class.

Clyde confidently shot up his hand and Mr Garrison reluctantly asked him for the answer.

"R-E-A-L-I-Z-E," said Clyde happily.

"No Clyde, God! Why the hell would there be a 'z' in the middle of realise? It has an 's' in it, not a fucking 'z'!" he exclaimed. "Okay, let's try again. Can anyone tell me how to spell colour?"

Clyde raised his hand again.

"Okay, Clyde, go ahead, but you better get it right this time," said Mr Garrison, his head in his hands.

"C-O-L-O-R," said Clyde, this time, very confident he was correct.

"No, Clyde, no," sighed Mr Garrison. "Let's try again; who can spell humour?"

For a third time, Clyde and only Clyde raised his hand. Mr Garrison let out a moan, "Yes, Clyde?" he said, reluctantly.

"H-U-M-O-R."

"No! Come on, Clyde, look, try again with flavour."

"F-L-A-V-O-R."

"No! No Clyde! All of those words have a 'u' between the 'o' and the 'r'! God! What have you got against the letter u!" Mr Garrison took in a deep breathe. "Okay, let's try another subject. So, who can remember what happened during the War of 1812 after the British burned down the White House?" At this point, the sound of a machine gun could be heard, erupting from maybe a couple classrooms away. "Okay children, that's another school shooting," sighed Mr Garrison. "Third one we've had this week I believe. Let's evacuate the building, run along now children, run along. I don't get paid enough for this shit," Mr Garrison muttered to himself.

Stan, Kyle, Kenny and Cartman were busy walking along the pavement home. Kyle had his nose buried in a book which Stan was curiously glancing over.

"Dude, whatcha reading?" asked Stan. "You've had your head in that book all day."

"The Philosopher's Stone," replied Kyle, not looking up from the story.

"Isn't that book for nerds?"

"Fuck off, you've read it too."

"Another school shooting, that's pretty fucking bad guys," mumbled Kenny into his parka. Kyle finally put the book away.

"You're telling me!" said Kyle, the other boys could feel a speech coming on. "If only we started putting more restrictions on guns instead of blaming gun crime on-"

"Kahl, this is hardly the time to be discussing political issues," stated Cartman.

"What do you mean you fucking fatass? I'm not being political, I'm simply saying-"

"Children have just died Kahl! And you're manipulating this situation for your own political gain, like the Jew you are. Instead of empathising with the children's families. And that's just wrong Kahl. It's wrong!"

"You're only saying those things because your Mom owns a bunch of guns which you can sell off when you're older, but only if gun laws stay the way they are!"

"Nu-uh! I care about the children Kahl-"

"Another word out of your fucking mouth, and I'll punch your fucking teeth in!" Kyle screeched. Cartman looked a little shocked. Kyle's eyes were welling up with tears and Stan put an arm around him.

"Man, seriously, what's up Kahl's vagina right now?"

"Ike you fucking insensitive dickhole. He's been trying to distract himself, but with all your talk of kids you brought it up again," said Stan angrily.

"Oh my God, is he still hung up on that? When did that even happen, like, Friday? That was days ago, he should be over that by now."

"I meant to be over the fact that my brother is in a fucking cage right now?"

"I thought he was out of the cage," said Stan.

"I don't know if he is or isn't in a fucking cage Stan!" said Kyle, shoving Stan's arm off him. "All I know is he went to free the immigrant children our administration is keeping in cages, and I haven't heard back from him! For all I know, I'll never see him again. He could be dead!"

"Kyle, try not to think like that. He's a smart guy; he'll find his way back to us."

"You can't know that for sure Stan. What if he doesn't?"

"You're right, I honestly don't know he will Kyle. But I believe in Ike, he's a tough little guy – believe in your brother too, okay?" Kyle nodded and buried his face back into his book. At this point, the boys passed a sign saying it was 7 miles to Canada. "Seriously, miles are so stupid," said Stan, currently trying to change the conversation. "A mile is made of 1,760 yards or 5,280 feet. How stupid is that? If we used kilometres that's just 1000 metres in a kilometre and 1000 centimetres in a metre."

"Stan, will you stop pushing your religious beliefs onto us?" asked Cartman.

"The metric system is not my religion; I just have an affinity for it," Stan replied, defensively.

"Yes, you do Stan. You preach about the Goddamn metric system all the time, and you have that book which converts The United States customary units into the metric system which you carry around like a bible and you keep trying to convert people. It's. Your. Religion."

"He has a point dude," said Kyle, not looking up from his story.

"I feel attacked right now."

"Religious persecution," said Cartman solemnly.

"Will you shut up fatass? I'm simply pointing out a flaw with our country!"

"Stan, stop being a hippie and respect the flag! Respect our great country."

"What, America, the country where you can buy a gun at Walmart, yet Fireworks, Kinder Eggs, and haggis are apparently a threat to our country and illegal?"

"Yes Stan, America. The great US of A. God bless us all, we sure do need it."

Xxx

Hey guys, Happy Fourth of July! *throws confetti* I'm so totally not salty(!) (someone is going to figure out where I live and attack me).

Disclaimer - I honestly do love the USA - I wanna visit one day, but, equally, I love poking fun. Also, sorry, this was meant to be fun, but then it got kinda sad - I'm sorry.

If you spotted all 8 hits I made at the US, then you get a gold star (the spelling only counted as one)

The song above is from Matt and Trey's movie 'Team America: World Police'. I would highly recommend checking it out - it's hilarious.

I hope you had an awesome fourth of July, whenever you are, and make sure to have an awesome day tomorrow!