Chapter 20

Temi POV

i couldn't breathe this morning as i thought of you,

the cold air in my face and my eyes.

my throat closed up as my eyes prickled.

and i am annoyed, and i'm pain

i'm angry but it's like screaming out into a void,

i am drowning and reaching my hands out, there's no one to hold on to,

no one to save me

I stare at my laptop screen for a while. This is the first poem I have written since Grace. And it's nothing but anger and helplessness. Nothing seems capable of getting me out of this funk and it only seems to have gotten worse these past few days.

I have been ignoring Isa for the past few days. She's been backing off as well, giving me space. I know she probably thinks I hate her. And yes, I do. I hate her for how she makes me feel. I hate her for what happened that night at the party. I hate her even more for how she completely put the blame on me the next day. But not as much as I hate myself. I genuinely think nothing tops the disdain and resentment I feel towards myself. I bury my head in my hands as a fresh wave of helplessness washes over me.

My pity party is abruptly interrupted by the sound of my phone ringing. I look at the caller ID to see it's my mom, whom I have not spoken to in weeks.

"Hi mom," I say, picking up the phone. I try to keep my voice stable, hoping she wouldn't notice the slight tremor in it.

"Temi," my mom says. Straight to business as usual, "how are you?"

For a moment, I contemplate actually telling her how I am. Informing her I am not at all good and the 'bodyguard' she hired to look after me is only making matters a lot worse. Then I remember who it is I'm dealing with. This is my mom. We don't have that mother-daughter relationship, more like business partners.

"I'm fine." I lie, "how are you?"

"I'm amazing, Temi. I'm finally about to go public with my campaign." A feeling of dread washes over me at hearing this. I know she had already mentioned her plans to run for New York State Governor, but I can't help the brief feeling that passes through me. My mom has already been a Senator for the past few years. Becoming Governor, let alone New York State Governor, only means she'll be even more distant from me.

My mom is ranting on about the process and her campaign, but my mind has wandered off. In my usual manner, the initial sadness I am feeling morphs into anger, simmering silently beneath my skin.

"...make sure to start packing your stuff, inform Isa of this. Anyway, I will call her later to inform her myself..."

"Wait, what?" I ask, realizing that I have somehow missed out on a crucial part of the conversation.

"Pack your bags for your trip this weekend."

"What trip this weekend?" I ask. I hear my mom sigh from the other end of the line as it's clear to her I have barely been paying attention to the conversation.

"I'm flying you out to New York City to spend time with me. Of course, Isabella will come along."

A brief excitement passes over me. My mom actually wants to spend time with me. She's flying me out. She actually cares about me and my feelings and probably realizes that the past few months have been very hard for me.

"... I think it'll be very helpful for my campaign to see you with me. Successful single mother, daughter that goes to one of the top Universities in the country..."

The hope I am feeling shatters immediately. Of course, my mom doesn't really want to spend time with me. She's only bringing me to NYC to help her campaign. Everything is about her. It's always about her. And nothing will change that.

"Mom, I need to go." I say, feeling my blood boiling.

"Oh okay, honey," my mom replies, oblivious to the fact that I am trying to keep my anger at bay. "Make sure to bring that yellow dress I bought for you two years ago. It complements your skin tone."

I want to tell her I absolutely hate that dress and I do not know where the hell it is, but I bite my tongue.

"Okay, mom."

"Oh, and don't forget to inform your bodyguard of this. Just in case I forget, I'm very busy right now. Also, the matching yellow heels-"

"Mom, I need to go do homework." I say, interrupting her.

My mom starts to say something in response, but I hang up the phone, cutting her off. A small feeling of satisfaction passes through me. I stare at my phone silently for a few more minutes, wondering if my mom will call back to tell me off. She doesn't. She's not bothered enough by it, because she doesn't care that much.

The brief satisfaction I felt a minute ago is now completely gone, leaving me with only my bitter emotions.

"Isa!" I yell, stomping out of my room to pass the message from my mom across. I have not seen Isa all day and I'm mildly surprised to see she's not lounging on the living room couch like she usually is. She's not in the kitchen either.

For a moment, I wonder if she's gone. Did she finally decide to up and leave? Despite myself, a strange panic settles within me and my breathing suddenly gets unsteady.

She's left. I'm alone.

"Temi? Did you need me?"

I spin around suddenly to see Isa standing there. She has just come out of the bathroom and has a towel wrapped around her. Her long hair is wet and dripping onto the bare floor. I want to make a fuss about this, but words do not seem to want to leave my mouth.

"Temi?" Isa says once again. She cocks her head slightly, studying me intently.

My mind seems to have gone blank and all I can think about is Isa standing in front of me; dripping wet. There is a silence between us as I openly scan my eyes over her. Isa does not interrupt me, but lets me do as I please. Whatever thoughts she's having, she keeps it to herself.

"My mom is running for New York State Governor and is flying us out to New York City this weekend," I finally say after forever. I'm surprised at how level my voice is. The previous rage I was feeling is gone and I stare dumbly at Isa.

"Wow, New York State, that's big," Isa says, readjusting her towel. I try to keep my eyes fixed on her face, but they divert to her collarbone where I notice a tattoo I didn't know she had.

"Whatever," I reply. I'm vaguely aware that this is the most interaction Isa, and I have had in days.

Isa frowns slightly, her full brows creasing. "You don't seem thrilled about it."

"No shit, Sherlock." I turn to leave, not offering any more explanation.

"The floor there is wet," Isa says, reaching out to grab hold of me, "be careful-"

"I can see for myself," I snap at her, turning my body slightly to avoid her grasp.

Wrong move.

I slip on the patch of water on the floor and suddenly feel myself hurling headfirst for the ground.

Of course, being the knight in shining armor that she is, Isa somehow grabs hold of me before I fall. But that's not all. In Isa's frenzy to prevent me from falling, her towel comes free, unraveling from her body and falling to the ground.

I let out a gasp. Isa quickly grabs hold of me and turns me around so my back is pressed against her chest. Her bare chest.

I'm breathing heavily. Partly from the fact I just almost cracked my skull open; mostly from the knowledge of Isa standing naked behind me. I had glimpsed her naked body for a few moments and the image seems to be the only thing I can think about. I rack my brain desperately trying to think of anything else, but the feeling of Isa's bare body separated from my bare skin by the thin layer of my shirt prevents me from doing so.

"Temi," Isa groans, "you need to stop being so clumsy. We can't keep ending up in such positions." Her voice sounds far away, but I feel the rise and fall of her breathing behind me.

"It's your fault that I slipped. You're the one dripping water everywhere and making me wet," my voice trails off weakly as I register the double connotations of what I just said. My head is spinning and my throat feels dry.

Isa says nothing for a while, but I can feel her steady breathing. I feel myself almost going crazy, trying to wonder what's going on in her mind.

"Isa?"

"Temi."

I swallow hard, but I say nothing in reply. My mind seems to have gone completely empty and nothing that goes through it seems sensible enough to say out loud.

"Temi," Isa says after a further moment of silence, "I'm going to let go of you now. I'm naked, so please don't turn around. Also, I would really appreciate it if you try not to fall." Her voice is soft and I feel flutters in the pit of my stomach.

"Whatever," I reply gruffly, trying to ignore whatever I'm feeling.

Just as she says, Isa lets go of me.

I walk back to my room, feeling Isa's eyes on me. All the while, fighting the urge to turn around.