Temi POV

I wake up before Isa. She is snoring softly beneath me, with her mouth ajar, and I smile as I watch her.

Our batch of cupcakes from last night came out slightly burned, but we managed to save most of them. Isa and I had watched a movie last night while we ate them, before ultimately falling asleep, entangled within each other on the couch.

The Netflix show we were watching last night is still playing on the TV, and I reach over for the remote, switching it off.

Isa's arms are wrapped around my waist and my mind subconsciously goes back to the moment we had in the kitchen yesterday. I feel moisture form between my thighs just thinking of it.

"Isa," I whisper, trying to rid my brain of the thoughts I am having, "are you awake?"

It's a stupid question and I know she's not awake but Isa stirs slightly. Her eyelids flutter open slowly, revealing her soft brown eyes.

"Hey," she says, her morning voice is low and has a rough edge to it, "good morning."

I smile despite myself, and reach my fingers down, carefully tracing over Isa's thigh tattoo.

"Are you tired?" I ask.

"No," Isa replies. But it's obvious that is not the case from the way she struggles to keep her eyes open.

"I want to go for a walk, but you don't need to come with me," I say. "You should go back to sleep."

"Are you sure?" Isa asks, "I don't want you running off again."

I roll my eyes playfully, remembering the time Isa is referencing. It's crazy because it feels like it occurred forever ago, in a completely different lifetime. It's almost absurd to me that I once despised Isa and actively worked towards trying to get rid of her.

"I won't run off again, I promise." I say, and I mean it. There's nowhere I'll rather be at. There's a particular comfort Isa brings me that I'm not ready to lose.

Isa looks at me for a few moments, then nods her head softly.

"Be safe. Please don't go too far and dress warm."

"Yes mom, whatever you say, mom," I reply playfully as I detach myself from Isa and get to my feet.

Isa's arms linger around my waist for a few moments longer, as if she doesn't want to let go of me. Her eyes open fully as she takes me in for a moment, and I let her. I understand the feeling.

"Hurry back," Isa finally says before detaching completely for me.

I nod my head and make my way into the closet to grab my coat and beanie. It's late November, so I know it's most likely freezing outside.

Isa watches me get dressed from her position on the couch. Her eyelids shutting, and reopening again every so often.

"Okay, I'm heading out now," I announce. Isa is half-asleep already and mumbles something I cannot decipher, which causes me to smile.

Just as I guessed, it is cold outside. It snowed quite a bit last night and everywhere is completely covered in snow. It's peaceful.

I walk in the snow, a small smile forming on my face as I think about how I had once hated the snow growing up. I hated the cold and everywhere being wet and gross all the time. Even though the cold isn't the best thing, I no longer completely resent it.

I find it comforting. I find the idea of everything being covered up by a layer of snow oddly reassuring. It buries things; and signifies new beginnings. It's refreshing in its own way.

Tears spill slowly from my eyes. Both from the sharp wind against my eyes, and the emotions that I am feeling. I am hopeful that everything will get better, which fills me with an immense amount of guilt. I think of Grace and I miss her dearly each and every day of my life. But the pain is no longer overwhelming. I am no longer hurting so badly to the point that I can't stand or breathe. There's the constant dull ache in my heart, and the feeling that there's a part of me that is missing that will never, ever be filled. But it no longer seems like something that is impossible for me to live with.

Grace's suicide is something I never thought I could get back from. But despite it all, I am still standing.

In the distance, not so far from where I am, I notice someone looking at me. I wipe the tears flowing from my eyes and squint slightly to try to make out who they are.

It is a man, dressed in dark colors, which is a jarring contrast against the snow. He looks familiar. I tilt my head slightly, trying to figure out where I know him from when my body roughly collides against someone.

"Oh shit, I'm so fucking sorry," the person says as I feel a hot liquid against me. The voice is familiar and I look up to see Melody standing there. Her eyes are wide, and her coffee is all over me.

"Hey," I say, feeling a bit disoriented, "it's fine. I think it only got on my coat."

"Are you sure? I hope I didn't ruin your coat. I can pay for dry cleaning, or even for a new one completely I-"

"It's fine, really," I say, cutting Melody off, and it really is. I honestly don't care at all for my coat. I wish ruining my coat was the biggest issue I was currently facing in my life.

"Alright," Melody says, uncertainty still apparent in her voice, "if you say so..."

She trails off and we are now left standing, staring at each other in silence.

My mind goes back to the night of her party, and I know Melody is thinking of the same thing. The air between us suddenly seems a hundred times more tense.

"Listen, um, I haven't gotten the time to talk to you since that night of the party," Melody now says, scratching her hair awkwardly. "About the whole thing, my friends and the other stuff... I'm really sorry."

I shake my head, feeling guilty. "It's fine, really." And I mean it. After all, Melody wasn't the only one that was acting a fool that night. I think back to kissing her in order to make Isa and jealous and a fresh bout of guilt mingled in with regret overtakes me.

Melody does not say anything for a while, and I move my feet through the snow, awkwardly racking my brain for something to say.

"I hope the rest of the party went well," I finally say.

"Not really," Melody replies, laughing awkwardly, "campus police came at some point and shut the whole thing down. I even got written up for having alcohol in my apartment while being underaged, and providing alcohol to other underaged people."

I cringe internally, already regretting the fact I asked.

"I'm so sorry about that."

Melody shakes her head, already brushing me off. "It's fine honestly, I got off with just a warning."

I nod and the silence settles between us once again, and this time Melody is the one to interrupt it.

"So um, that girl, Isa... is she your girlfriend?"

From the tone of Melody's voice, it is clear that this is a question that has been on her mind for sometime.

"Nah, Isa's not my girlfriend," I reply, but a huge question perks up within me. What are we? We sure act as if we are dating. After all, I fall asleep in her arms most nights these days.

"I actually came outside for a little smoke break," Melody says, interrupting my thoughts once again. "Would you like to chill with me for a while?"

Everything within me tells me I should say no and just shut down this whole interaction and get away from Melody. But I feel guilty about the night at the party, so nod my head, shrugging slightly as I walk with Melody to a spot under a tree.

The snow is cold against my bottom and I know I will have a wet patch there when I stand up, but I'm not bothered right now. I watch Melody as she takes a seat opposite from me and produces a pre-rolled joint from her pocket.

"How was your Thanksgiving break?" Melody asks, as she lights the joint in her hand.

"It was good," I reply, tracing my fingers in the snow and I really mean it. My mind flickers to Isa and the time I spent with her and a warm feeling passes through me. "How was yours?"

"It was okay. I went home and my parents were being all over me and annoying at all times. I love them, but it's good to get away from them sometimes, you know."

I nod my head, even though I can't really relate to what she's saying. My parents are either unavailable or emotionally unavailable.

I watch as Melody takes a hit out of the blunt before handing it over to me. I do the same and hand it back to her.

Most people are indoors due to the snow, so the chances of us getting in trouble for not abiding by our campuses' no-smoking policy is low.

"I got to see my little brother, though, which was pretty cool," Melody suddenly says.

I smile ,and it's a genuine small. I remember Melody's little brother, Christopher. I had met him a couple of times when Melody and I were together ,and he always made me long for a little brother of my own.

"How is he doing?" I ask.

I feel my body relax, as the weed hits me, instantly feeling a lot warmer than I really am.

"He's good, he just started middle school," Melody replies, a small smile growing on hierace, "he misses you, you know."

"I miss him too," I reply.

There's a silence between us but I am not overthinking it. I am just enjoying my relaxed state of mind, I shut my eyes and suddenly feel like I am floating a couple of inches above the ground.

"We were so good together. We were perfect for each other," Melody abruptly says.

I disagree, but rather than saying anything, I keep my lips sealed, enjoying the peace of mind I am feeling at that moment.

"I miss you." Melody says once again.

All of a sudden, I realize how big of a mistake this is. I open my eyes slowly to see Melody sitting a lot closer to me than I expect. She's staring at me intently and my heart beats furiously. I no longer feel good. This was a bad idea. A terrible idea, even.

"I know you still feel it," Melody says. "I could tell from the way you kissed me at the party."

Shit.

I want to get up. I want to say anything at all to put a stop to whatever is happening right then, but before I can open my mouth to speak, I feel lips on mine.

I sit frozen for a few moments and just let Melody kiss me. I don't know if it's the weed or pure shock, but I cannot react right then. My eyes are wide open and that's when I catch sight of her.

Isa is standing a little distance away, watching us.

Isa doesn't even try to hide the hurt on her face. She wears it out on her sleeve and lets me see it. Then, without another word, she turns on her heels and walks away.

Gathering all the strength I have, I push Melody off from me.

"Isa!" I yell. I get up to chase her, but lose my balance and topple over.

Isa does not even turn around. She doesn't even look back to check if I'm okay. She marches ahead without so much as a glance back at me.