Then you became dependent on me too. And... I was always weak to your words.

♡

"I look... very pitiful right now, don't I?"

Geurim was in the middle of folding a blanket that had been used. She set down the neatly folded cloth on the couch before standing alongside the bed that Jaemin laid in.

They were currently in the hospital.

As he was now on hiatus, Jaemin had moved back to his home in their neighborhood so his parents could take care of him. The day before today, for some reason, Jaemin's back was bursting with pain. He had woke up in agony. In a rush, his parents taken him to the hospital.

When Geurim had heard about the incident from her mother, she hurried out to visit him in a frenzy and stricken with worry. She had to thank herself for her own personal hiatus. It was beneficial, since she could go see her best friend whenever she needed to.

Once the dilemma had been evaded (with the power of medication and being tended by doctors), Geurim had stayed at the hospital to keep him company while his parents could go to their jobs. And since Jaemin had to stay overnight, just in case, Geurim had to return the next day since she wasn't a family member. It was only half an hour ago when she had met with Jaemin's mother again, who had stayed through the night for her son, and promised she would take care of him.

"Maybe just a little bit," Geurim teased as she sat down in the chair by his bed. "But that's nothing new." The girl giggled as her remark earned a pout from him. Once she got over her silly joke, she turned serious, her gaze narrowing. "Anyway, are you feeling better? Is your back okay now?"

Jaemin nodded. "Yeah, it's fine. Don't worry your pretty little head. The doctor said I was fine, but they want to do some physical therapy before I leave. And I really can't start that until Jiwoo-noona comes."

"Is she coming soon?"

"Yeah, and she's bringing the boys too," he beamed. "They got free time so we can all hang out before they go do other stuff. You know how busy Mark-hyung and Donghyuck can be since they're about to make a comeback with 127 in January. So this is a miracle."

Geurim grinned weakly at this. His frustrations about having to stop performing still lingered, and it did make Jaemin miss the boys more. These were the people Jaemin have worked days and nights with through training and to their debut. To have a team to rely and get support from was always nice, despite seeing them less. The girl could feel the excitement radiating off him from wanting to see their friends.

She was excited too. She hadn't been able to see them either for so long... was it a month now?

"Geurim-ah." His voice gained her attention, her eyes meeting his. "There's something in your mind, isn't there? Let's talk for real. What happened between you and Gowon?" The brunette girl definitely wasn't expecting that question to leave his lips. She nervously looked away. "Don't try to make up some story too... She messaged me a while ago."

Geurim's eyes widened at the info. "She did? What did she tell you?"

"Not much, to be honest. It was a couple weeks ago, and she was asking me if I had talked to you recently. When I told her I did, she didn't say much after that. She said okay with a smiley face... which was already weird because she doesn't do emojis when she messages people, you know," Jaemin told Geurim. "That was when I noticed that you haven't talked about her in a while. You're always praising her or talking about something you two did before. Either it be the dessert place you two went to, or a dance you two learned together, or whatever. She's your best friend too besides me... Was it... that one day we hung out when something happened?"

Sometimes, Geurim has to admit that she gets scared whenever Jaemin points out something about her that was supposed to be deeply hidden. He could read her like an open book and that was always so unsettling to her. Because, if he really could, could he have found out about her crush on him by now?

"I hate that you could figure me out so easily."

Her comment made Jaemin frown. "Geurim, you know you can tell me anything, right? I'm your best friend, aren't I? What's bothering you?"

Geurim sighed. She wasn't even sure what to tell him. She realized that so much had happened without Jaemin knowing a single detail of it. The past few months after he had debuted in NCT Dream, that was where it all went downhill and things unraveled out of Geurim's control. And trust her, it hurts to just keep all of it away from Jaemin. She wasn't sure how he would react to something along the lines of maybe I don't want to be an idol, after all. Jaemin had always been her biggest supporter. If she told him, wouldn't it feel like he wasted his time on her?

She couldn't stand it. She didn't want to add more to her friend's pain.

"Gowon and I just had a small disagreement... and it kind of got out of hand..." Geurim told him in a very cautious tone.

"Small? But you two haven't really talked in a while," Jaemin shifted slightly on his bed to lean closer to the girl. His gaze was piercing right through her, it made her heart race. If it was from shame or from shyness, she wasn't sure. "Geurim... you two should make up. You two are best friends, you'd only regret things if you continue this silence game between the two of you."

And yet again, Jaemin hit the bullseye.

Geurim wanted to stand her ground and just be on her way after being betrayed by Gowon. However, it doesn't stop the fact that she did miss the other girl. Gowon was the first girl she was able to unwound and be able to be so comfortable with, to do things that wouldn't be the same if with Jaemin. Late night talks on the phone, gushing about their favorite idols, and so much.

Geurim and Gowon had always said they were each other's half, the other's missing piece. And now that she had tried to cut out Gowon from her life since that incident, she felt more lost than before.

Because when she didn't have Jaemin, she had Gowon.

It felt like she had neither now.

"Geurim, I didn't want say this but what is happening right now, it reminds me so much of the time before I met you... always alone."

Geurim looked at him, his comment further catching her by surprise. She didn't think that Jaemin would've known of her existence before they had chatted in the library that one day. Popular, bubbly Na Jaemin and then the ever quiet and lonely Woo Geurim. It was never a duo anyone would expect, neither did Geurim.

"I never really told you, but I've always wanted to talk to you, Geurim, even before the whole SM casting thing happened." The girl gave a curious and bewildered expression, which lead him to continue on. "I didn't understand why someone had no one around them. Not a single friend. It... sucks, because everyone had said some rude things about you. Like how you were antisocial and so hard to approach. It made me want to go talk to you, to befriend you, but I wasn't sure how to. That day when we talked in the library was a very good day. And, I don't know, you were able to open up to me so easily and that made me really happy!"

Geurim let his story sink in a bit. There was something uncomfortable gnawing inside of her when she heard the explanation.

It wasn't like she was pushing anyone away.

No one tried.

And she was okay being alone.

"I like how we were able to connect like that, an instant click. Then we were able to be in SM together and we got to be closer friends! And, I think I was able to so much sides of you that no one else was able to see besides your family. You deserve to be surrounded by people that you could get the same energy with. Then we were able to meet people at SM, and you opened up even more. And then high school happened, and we met even more amazing people. I... don't want you to go back to how you were before we met."

Geurim sat back in her seat, letting his words process in her mind. There was one thing that kept screaming out to her, and she couldn't help but frown from it. Good ole famous and loved Jaemin from junior high... "I don't know, Jaemin. Why does it sound like you've been pitying me this whole time?"

"Pitying? No that's not what I meant, Geurim!"

"Then, what? Am I hearing the story wrong? I was an outsider and a loner back in junior high, and you felt so bad for me that you felt the need to talk to me. That just makes it sound like you wanted to approach me because I looked sad or something. Which I wasn't. Why do you have to make it sound that me being introverted was something bad? Like it's a trait that I shouldn't have?"

Geurim felt oddly frustrated with this. Why? She wasn't sure why. It made her even more mad thinking about it.

And thinking about how Jaemin had only talked to her because she looked pathetic.

"Geurim... That's not what I meant. Don't twist my words like that."

"But it's true, though. As complicated and harsh it sounds, that's exactly what it was. Jaemin, I get it. You're this boy that everyone liked and wanted to be friends with, I'm sure you never had a day when you were by yourself, so how would you know? Being alone didn't mean I was lonely, you know. I liked being alone."

There was a pained look on Jaemin's face.

"So, what? Would you have preferred that we never have talked in the library? Do you really think that our lives would be better if that didn't happen?"

"You tell me. You're in a dang hospital right now and I'm so unbelievably tired of this idol life that I'm not even a part of yet!"

Her outburst echoed among the white walls. Jaemin gawked at her, and she knew that she had crossed the line. This wasn't supposed to be said. She never meant to say it. She was just so overwhelmed and she really felt pathetic now.

She never deserved to be friends with someone so lovely as Jaemin... or Donghyuck, or Gowon, or anyone.

"Hey guys we're here!— Ah... what is this atmosphere?"

Without either of the 00-liners noticing, the door had slid open and the boys and Jiwoo had finally arrived. What impeccable timing. Mark was the one to have opened, all the boys close behind with such delighted faces.

Geurim hung her head low, she was on the verge of tears.

Eyes glued to the floor, she scurried past the boys and Jiwoo and ran down the hallway, letting the tears roll down her cheeks. She didn't bother to stop when she heard her name being called. She needed space, she needed time to her self.

To be alone.

Geurim entered the stairway. Thankfully it was unused right now. She sat herself down on the stair and let herself sob, not caring one bit about how gross and loud her cries sounded in the spacious room. Her heart felt tight in her chest. She can't believe she just ruined their amazing reunion just like that. Her and the boys were supposed to rejoice and be happy about having this sliver of free time together. But no, she had to make a scene.

This was dumb.

"Geurim?" The girl flinched at the unexpected voice. She whipped her head behind her to the door and spotted Jiwoo's head poking in. Geurim pouted, as she turned back around and tried to wipe away her tears. But now that someone else was with her, she felt like crying harder. She felt the older girl's presence, Jiwoo sat down next to her and wrapped her arm around her shoulders, and pulled her into her chest. "Just let it all out, okay."

And Geurim did. She cried into Jiwoo's chest until her eyes couldn't anymore.

The younger still hiccuped, while being encased in the kind unnie's arms. She was trying so hard to keep her breathing normal, but her chest was beginning to hurt from all the crying.

Jiwoo murmured in a soft tone, "You don't have to tell me but if you want to rant it out, do it. I won't tell anyone."

Reluctant, but Geurim went ahead and spewed everything. She spoke about what had happened at Tangerine Entertainment, her talk with Lee Sooman, her cut off with Gowon, and then her argument with Jaemin... Geurim even went into her feelings about the whole predicament, and how being an idol was becoming less and less a dream, but a chore. She was exhausted by everything that was thrown at her, and she wished she could just have it all halt.

"And I wish I didn't blow up at Jaemin. I feel like crap, he didn't do anything wrong... he was only looking out for me but, like..."

"It felt like everything was being pushed against you? Yeah, I can understand that," Jiwoo replied with a nod. "You can only take in so much at once, Geurim... You can't blame yourself for reaching a limit. Jaemin will understand, you two are best friends after all."

"But, this was our first ever argument... Jaemin and I never fought before. If I wasn't so deep in my problems, I wouldn't have to shout him like I did..."

"Hey, you realizing this is a good thing, you know. You found your faults and understand them." Jiwoo pulled away from her, a sigh leaving her lips. "You're much more mature than what you lead on, Geurim. Much more than I could've been."

"What do you mean by that, unnie?"

"Everyone has their limits, Geurim. You don't seem to believe me, but I've been in a rut. And it wasn't until a while ago when I got out of it. And I totally understand finding comfort in being alone, but we as humans, we need interaction. It's nice being comforted and cared for by others, you know?" Geurim was seeing the woman in a new light. She had met Jiwoo, and she found her as strong and bright. She definitely wasn't expecting this from her. It made her sad. "And with everything that's happening, as you might think you have a time limit. You don't. You can take all the time you need to figure out what you want to do and where in life you want to go.

"You're a talented girl and from what I've seen, you will make it one day if you tough through it. However, if everything is getting hard, then you shouldn't push yourself. That'll only hurt you further... take a break and treat yourself. I learned the hard way. In whatever decision you make... being a soloist, waiting at SM for an opportunity, going to Tangerine, or just leaving it all, it's your choice. Your decision is what matters most, and you will figure it out because it should be something you can come into terms with," Jiwoo told her as she stood up. She held out her hand towards her. "Life works in mysterious ways, Geurim. But if you ever need help on that, just remember you have your friends and family who will support you no matter what."

Geurim reached out and grasped onto Jiwoo's hand, letting her pull her up to her feet. "Chin up, Geurim-ah... Do you want to head home or do you want to see the boys? The boys do miss you a lot though, not just Jaemin," Jiwoo responded as she went over to the stairway door. "But, they'd understand."

It wouldn't feel right to go back...

The younger shook her head. While she did feel better, it would only be weird to go back now. The boys had just seen her run out with tears in her eyes, they would only question her about it. And that wasn't something she wanted right now.

"Okay, do you want me to take you home?"

"It's okay, thanks, unnie. But I can go home by myself."

Jiwoo gave Geurim one last hug. "If you ever want to talk, you can always swing by my studio in the seventh floor at SM. I'll usually be there okay?" Geurim weakly smiled, and gave a nod in reply, thankful that she had someone reliable to turn to.

With that, Geurim left the hospital. Face mask on and a cap over her dark hair, she began her way down the sidewalk. Jaemin and Jiwoo's words swam in her mind. It... did clear up some things. And finally, she wanted to take some control back to her life and maybe she can figure out what her next step could be.

First, to be able to talk to Gowon again.

It's about time.

A/n: Man oh man, I'm gonna try really hard to finish this story. It's finally getting to where we expect it to go, so let's get this bread 🍞🥖🥐 .