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3 years ago : January 18th 2017

"But Mummm! Everybody has social media!'' I moan at my mum as she declines my request for Instagram and Snapchat for the 27th time this week.

"Darling, just let her have it! She knows all the precautions and she's a very clever girl."

My Dad kisses the top of my head as we both stare at my Mum with puppy dog eyes and a fake pout. She starts to laugh and shakes her head, "Alright, but don't be stupid - you saw what happened to those poor girls in the PSHEE lesson."

"Don't worry mum, I would do anything silly." She plants a kiss on my cheek as I charge up the stairs, phone in hand, as I download my new apps.

The first one to download was instagram - I made a profile, using a photo from my holiday in Somerset, and create my username _alliexcarter_ . When I finished adding information about me to my bio, I press follow to some of my recommended contacts and within 10 minutes I already had 5 followers.

Snapchat was slightly harder to figure out - the whole bitmoji thing took ages because I was trying to decide between the straight light blond hair or the honey toned hair in the bun. After a while, I had finished and once again added some of my friends in quick add.

But then I saw his name. thomas18brent_ had added me. Wow. His bitmoji was so attractive.

Just like him.

I'm daydreaming over his picture for a few minutes when a loud knock on my door makes me jump out of my skin.

"ALLIE GET YOUR ASS OUT OF BED OR WE'RE GONNA BE LATE!"

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I stroll into school with my eyes glued to my phone as I text Thomas for the billionth time this morning. He's so funny and just...ugh so amazing. Everytime i get a text from him I get butterflies in my stomach - and like I know it sounds cringe and silly but I'm really starting to catch feelings for him.

But the moment of bliss is ruined when I see Levi leaning against a wall talking to another girl. A girl that isn't me. He's laughing as he talks to her, something he rarely does with me. I stand frozen watching them converse in a normal conversation, flickers of jealousy sparking within me.

Who is she...

...and what on earth is she doing talking to Levi Hayes?

"ALLIEEEEE!" Nancy exclaims, jumping on my back waking me from my trans. She looks over to where I'm staring and starts to get excited when I ask who she is, "DIDN'T YOU HEAR?! That's Fleur Emeire - the new girl in the year above!"

I shrug, as if I'm completely bored about what she's saying, when in reality I'm gripping onto every detail about this 'Fleur' girl. Nancy bangs on about how Levi's showing her around for the first day and showing me her Instagram as we walk to the first period.

She's pretty.

Really pretty.

Her mousy brown hair flows mid way past her shoulders, and her piercing green eyes look back at me through the iphone screen. She's skinny but in a curvy way and is pretty much every guy's dream.

And I've already decided that I absolutely hate her.

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This day just seems to get worse.

Right now Levi and Fleur are laughing with each other in the dining hall while I sit and eat my tomato meatballs, knife and fork gripped between my fingers like my life depends on it. I take a steady breath in and slowly exhale.

Well. Isn't this lovely.

I shouldn't feel jealous right now but I just can't help it. It hurts watching Levi get along with another girl. Especially because that girl is a million times prettier than me.

I gulp.

For some reason, I wanted him to feel the way I'm feeling. But he doesn't even like me. And I don't think he ever has.

Looking around the room, I scan the seats. Sitting just behind Fleur and Levi, is Thomas. In the heat of the moment, i stand up and walk over without thinking. Each stride makes me feel more powerful.

Thomas is with a group of friends, who all just stood up to throw away their food. Walking straight past Levi - whose eyes, like everybody else's, are now on me - and grabbing the sides of Thomas's face to bring his lips to mine. In shock, Thomas is completely taken aback when his lips first meet, but then wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me tight against his body.

This feels nothing like what I thought a kiss would feel. It's definitely not as good - quite sloppy and not much movement with the hands.

Everybody watches us as we kiss in the middle of the cafeteria - my friends all whooping from the corner table and everyone else cheering us on.

When I finally pull away after a very frozen 4 second kiss, I walk straight out of the canteen making sure to pass Levi, whose jaw is practically on the floor.

Everybody is screaming in a mixture of shock, delight and awe at me as I turn around, check out a very stunned Thomas, who is in complete disbelief of the events that just happened, and walk out of the large room with a sense of extreme power.

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"GIRL YOU ARE ONE CRAZY MOTHERFUCKER!!" Esther yells as she, Quinn and Nancy run out of the North block building at full speed after i just kissed Thomas in front of the entire school population.

They collect me up in hugs, telling me how proud they are of my bold moves. I'm too shocked about what I just did to even speak. We just laugh at the insane events that just took place,

"That was the most amazing thing I think I've ever seen!" Quinn says, as tears of laughter sprout from her eyes.

"You do realise your brother is lowkey gonna bury you alive though" Nancy says while chuckling. A look of pride is beaming from my friends faces as they all congratulate me.

At this exact moment, my brother storms out the building with a very pissed look on his face. A look that told me 'You. Are. Dead."

I give an awkward wave with one hand and smile wide uncontrollably. God, I'm screwed, aren't I?

"I don't know what to do with you Alison Carter," my brother says while shaking his head, "like what the hell- WHAT WAS THAT!"

"Her taking control." Esther points out, nudging me with her shoulder full with pride.

Ezra groans - like he's fighting an internal battle but eventually pulls me in and hugs me tight, "you're one dumb girl did you know that. And I will happily cut off his balls if he hurts you."

"I'm with you on that one!" Nancy pipes up with a grin.

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Thomas : I'm just so shocked u actually like me xx

  I thought I was making it obvious! : Allie

Thomas : nahhh i was so surprised! xx

What does this mean for us then... : Allie

Thomas : You mean r we like together now? x

Well yeah? I'm kinda confused where we're at? : Allie

Thomas : If i'm gonna be honest with you...i'm not really a relationship kinda person xxx

Oh. : Allie

Thomas : Maybe after we talk for a bit, u know? Get to know each other - then maybe we could date x

Alright:) : Allie

For the past few hours, me and Thomas have been texting constantly. It's making me realise how much I actually like him? He told me that apparently the kiss was great even though it was rather unexpected.

Thomas : You know...I kinda miss kissing u...xx

really...: Allie
Thomas : ~ Thomas is typing... ~

He leaves my snapchat on opened but a few minutes later I receive a snap from him. For some reason, I'm scared to open it. Butterflies erupt in my stomach as I click the snap.

"I'm horny;)" it says.

I stare at the black screen for a while, not knowing what to say. Like cool, I guess, but why is he telling me? And like, I mean what am I supposed to say...

I reply with a simple 'nice.'

Thomas : can you...help me with something xxx

Uhm. yeah sure? : Allie

He sends me another snap so I open it assuming it'll be another black screen. But instead it's a photo of him naked in the mirror. For a few seconds, I stare at 'it'. I know its my first time ever looking at a dick but like...is it supposed to be that small-

Thomas : now because i sent u that, i'm gonna need u to do something for me;))) xx

Do u, like want me to do ur homework or something...? : Allie

Thomas : no no, darling...this is more, how do I say it? 'personal' than that xx

Okay I guess... : Allie

Thomas : send me a photo of u in a bra;) xx

Thomas : if u liked me u would do it x

What. In shock i drop my phone, swiping out of the chat. He wants me to send a nude. I know for a fact that other girls in my year do it but...i don't want to. But what if he doesn't like me if i don't send it?

And I trust him? So it's okay?

I turn on the camera, ensure the flash is on and take off my t-shirt. The flash is bright and when the picture comes on the screen I frown. My face isn't in it but I still look odd - my arms look wide and my belly rolls stand out in the harsh light.

Trying again, I try to look better but the results look very similar. Thomas is getting impatient so I text him something quickly.

Thomas : Allie why arent u replying? R u ignoring me? What the fuck

No! I'm not! Sorry it's just kinda cold...maybe another time? : Allie

Thomas : oh. k then. well i have to go now anyway x

goodnight xx : Allie

Does he think I don't like him now? Maybe i shouldve just sent the stupid photo, then he might actually want to date me.

Is he angry? No he sent an 'x'...

But maybe that was just to make me think he wasn't angry? What if he finds me boring? I'm probably not pretty enough for him anyway. Tears trickle down my cheeks as I stare in the mirror, naked and ashamed.

I'm not enough.

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