XXXVII. all I need is on the other side of the door

      Marlowe felt like the only person who really understood her situation was Nini. It was kind of awkward, considering her boyfriend was Nini's ex and her ex boyfriend was Marlowe's best friend. But the two of them had been friends for a long time, and Marlowe always knew if she needed anybody, Nini was there. She was her moral compass in a way.

They sat on Nini's bedroom floor with their guitars near by. "I'm really glad we can hang out, y'know? I feel like we haven't had a one on one in a long time." Said Nini.

Marlowe nodded. "I know, we've both been so busy. Do you remember when we had a sleep over, like, every weekend for two months?"

She giggled. "Aww, I do. And Ricky always tried sleeping over and my moms were like, hell no."

They laughed together. "It's crazy to think you were my first girl friend ever." Marlowe brought up. She leaned her back against her bed.

Nini smiled and pouted a little. "We're all grown up now."

She almost felt like crying. "Thanks for asking me to sing with you." She said and sat up to grab her guitar.

"Thank you for saying yes!" She replied and smiled. "This new music account I started has been blowing up like crazy."

"Well good. You deserve the recognition. I remember when you were just a little girl who always played music in her bedroom." Marlowe teased.

Nini half rolled her eyes. "Yeah, I know. But I think he really blossomed." She said with a proud smile.

"How are you feeling since. . .y'know?" She didn't want to say his name.

The smile on her face faded. "I'm not sure, really. I mean, it's always been Nini and Ricky, y'know? But I kinda just want to be. . .Nini." Nini explained, choosing her words carefully.

Marlowe nodded. "I understand."

"What about you? Have you talked to EJ?"

She sighed. "No. I keep staring at his number wanting to call him, but, I get so afraid that I end up turning my phone off all together."

Nini titled her head and smiled sadly. "Well, if anything helps, he likes you so much. Like, he's a completely different person when he's with you. Someone not even I saw. I think what you guys have doesn't come around very often."

The words stuck to Marlowe's heart, and yet it made it hurt even more. She grabbed her guitar and put it on her lap. "Shall we?"

"Oh, yeah." Nini immediately nodded and opened Instagram. She clicked the live button and smiled at the camera. "Hey everyone. This is my first live video, so go easy on me." She looked at Marlowe. "I have with me a very special guest. My friend Marlowe!"

Marlowe showed herself to the camera and smiled. "Hi everybody!" She waved enthusiastically.

"Mars was actually the one who inspired me to start my own account for my music, so, I thought it was only fitting for us to sing a duet together. It's a song I've been keeping close to me for a long time and she's the only person I could think to sing it with." Nini broadcasted while smiling. She saw the number of views and comments flooding in. "Wow, that's a lot of comments."

Marlowe chuckled. "Yeah, you get used to it."

"Right." She cleared her throat. "Well, Marlowe and I'll be singing our duet and it'll be uploaded as soon as possible. So, stay tuned." She flicked her fingers and ended the live.

"Look at you, miss famous." Marlowe teased and hit her on the arm.

Nini's cheeks went red. "Yeah, it feels kinda nice."

She set up the camera and the two of them prepared their guitars. Marlowe strummed the first note and she took a breath. "Ceilings, plaster. Can't you just make it move faster? Lovely to be sitting here with you." She sang and closed her eyes as she continued to strum the guitar strings.

"You're kinda cute—" Nini sang next and then they sang together "—But it's raining harder." Then it went back to just Nini. "My shoes are now full of water. Lovely to be rained on with you."

"It's kinda cute but it's so short," Marlowe sang the next line and then they started singing together. "Then you're driving me home. And I don't wanna leave but I have to go. You kiss me in your car and it feels like the start of a movie I've seen before."

Marlowe strummed the chords as Nini began to sing again. "Bedsheets, so close. Touch me like nobody else does. Lovely just to lay here with you."

"You're kinda cute—" Marlowe vocalized then they came together. "—And I would say all of this." She sang the next lines by herself. "But I don't wanna ruin the moment. Lovely to sit between comfort and chaos."

The girls looked at each other as they sang the next verse. "But it's over. Then you're driving me home." Marlowe closed her eyes and felt the music. "And it kinda comes out as I get up to go."

Nini sang alone. "You kiss me in your car, and it—" they sang together. "—feels like the start of a movie I've seen before."

"But it's not real." Marlowe belted.

"And you don't exist. And I cannot recall the last time I was kissed." They harmonized.

"It hits me in the car—" Nini sang and they came together at the last line. "And it feels like the start of a movie I've seen before."

When the lady couple of notes were strum, Nini looked into the camera and smiled. "Yeah, that was, uh, that was my song Ceilings featuring the amazing Marlowe Aguilar—" Marlowe did jazz hands. "So be sure to like and comment, and, uh, go check out Mars stuff as well. Bye!"

Marlowe smiled at her. "That was beautiful, Nini."

"Thanks." Nini said with a shy smile. "Nobody could've made it sound better than you."

She was suddenly taken back to when they were little girls and playing their plastic guitars around their houses, putting on performance for their families. They'd been friends for so long. Marlowe wanted nothing more in the word than to see Nini succeed in life.

The last person Marlowe felt that she could take advice from was her mother. Sabrina and Mateo had been together since their senior year of high school, and they dated all throughout college before they got married and had children. Marlowe could go to all of her friends and ask them what she should do but ultimately, she trusted her mom's opinion the most.

Her dad was at work and Luca was with Big Red. Marlowe walked into the living room and saw her mom folding laundry on the couch. "Hey, mom. Can I talk to you about something?" She asked while popping her fingers.

Sabrina looked up. "Of course you can, baby." She moved all the laundry to the other side of the couch and patted the seat. "Come sit with mama."

Marlowe sat beside of her on the couch and leaned into her. Sabrina wrapped her into her arms. "I need some advice."

"And you came to me?"

She titled her head so that she was looking at her. "Well, yeah. You're a woman. You've lived a long life. I think you'd know the right answer." She explained.

Sabrina smiled. "Creo que lo haría." I believe I would.

Marlowe tucked her head back into her neck. "It's about EJ." Her mother hummed, the sound vibrating her head. "He did something that really hurt my feelings but I know he's sorry, and I don't know what to do."

Sabrina furrowed her brows. "What did he do, honey?" She smoothed her daughter's hair.

"He didn't get into Duke, so his dad called them and made them accept him, and EJ lied to me and told me that he did it." As she said it, Marlowe couldn't help but think of how ridiculous the fight was. "I know it's not that big of a deal but, he lied. That's the part that hurts." She frowned.

"Sweetheart, if it hurts you, then it hurts you. There is no it's not a dig deal." Sabrina said sternly. She pushed Marlowe's hair out of her face. "Did EJ explain why he lied?"

"Well," Marlowe started to say. "Not exactly."

Her mother's eyebrows went up. "He didn't?"

"Well, I didn't exactly give him a chance. But he acted like he didn't want to tell me either."

Sabrina hummed. She laid her head onto of hers. "Honey, it's okay. Couples fight. The first one is always the hardest to get through, but the most important thing is that you have to communicate with EJ. Ask him why he thought he had to lie. Ask him what he's feeling inside. There's always an answer to everything. And if he hurt you just to hurt you, then, he's a jerk."

Marlowe stifled a laugh. "Mom."

"Una madre lo sabe mejor, cariño." A mother knows best, honey.

She thought about it, and couldn't help but feel guilty that she never even considered EJ's feelings on the matter. Marlowe knew how his father was, and how much pressure he put on his son to be perfect. That's enough to drive any kid insane. But she was hurt, and her feelings were valid. But EJ's were also valid. It was so frustrating.

But her feelings for EJ were so much stronger than some silly fight. It was her first relationship, she was figuring things out, and Marlowe didn't want to figure them out with anybody else. "You're right, mama." She decided and stood from the couch, her mother's arms falling from her frame. "I-I've never felt like this before, not with anybody, and I don't want it to go away. I still want to figure things out."

Sabrina smiled. "So, what are you going to do?"

"I. . ." Marlowe started. "I'm going to EJ's house." She declared. Spotting her mom's keys on the hook by the door, Marlowe went over and grabbed them. "Can I borrow your—" when she opened the door, she was shocked to see EJ standing on the other side with his fist raised, as if he was about to knock. "Car."

"Hey, Mar." EJ said in a soft voice. He was wearing his Duke hoodie, seeing that it was raining.

Marlowe began to wonder why every interaction they had at her house was in the rain. "What are you doing here?" She asked.

"I couldn't keep going without talking to you. I've been losing my mind."

Blinking her eyes and still not knowing how to process, she moved out of the way and let him come in. EJ stepped into her house and lowered the hood, water covering the blue sweatshirt.

Sabrina's own eyes widened from the couch. "EJ."

He looked at her mom and awkwardly smiled. "Hi, Mrs. Aguilar."

The mother and daughter looked at each other. Marlowe shrugged slightly, and Sabrina smiled. "You two go talk. I'll be down here." She said and went back to folding laundry.

With her nerves returning, Marlowe put her mom's keys back on the hook and led EJ upstairs to her room. It was silent the whole way, and she could feel her skin crawling with awkwardness. It was the first time they'd been face to face since the fight. All the confidence she thought she had was now tarnished.

When they got to her room, Marlowe closed the door behind them and the silence grew more intense. It made her skin crawl. EJ stood there with his hands in his pockets, his jaw shifting side to side. She messed with her fingers. "What are y—"

"I messed up." EJ interrupted her, rather loudly, spooking her slightly. "Really bad, and I know that. I'm so sorry, Marlowe. Really, I am."

Marlowe sighed. "EJ—"

"Please, let me say this." He took his hands from his pockets and held them up. When she went silent, he continued. "What I have with you, what you've become to me, is special to me. It's important to me. I've never had something like it before and honestly, I'm scared of it." He stared at her woefully. "I got scared that you would look at me differently if you found out that my dad changed Duke's mind, and that's on me. You're one of the only people who doesn't see me as a privileged kid who gets whatever he wants just because of who his parents are, and I'm so scared of losing that. I'm scared of losing you."

Marlowe titled her head, a withering look on her face. Seeing him so vulnerable, so raw, it hurt her inside. She knew if it was anybody else, just some random person, she wouldn't care this much. But she did because she liked him a lot, more than a lot. "I'm scared too, EJ." She admitted after a long silence. "I've never done this before, and I don't know how to go about it. I think that's why I overreacted."

"No, no, you didn't overreact." EJ shook his head and walked closer to her. "You had every right to react the way you did. What I did was wrong."

"Yes, but EJ, I'm not the same girl that I was before. I would never judge you for getting into Duke, no matter how you did it. I'm proud of you." Marlowe expressed. "I just want you to be happy."

Hearing it, EJ felt even more guilty. But he also felt relieved. "I know, and I'm stupid for believing you wouldn't."

"You are stupid." It made him chuckled. "But I want you for all of your stupid, not for your name. I want you for you." Marlowe stated.

"And I want you. I'm always going to want you."

She hugged him tightly, her arms wrapped around his neck and her face in his shoulder. EJ closed his eyes and hugged her back just as tight. "Please don't lie to me again. Because that hurt. Like a punch to the gut."

"I promise you, Mar, no more secrets."

If only Marlowe had a nickel for every time she opened her front door to EJ standing in the rain