A/N: I'm going to be really busy the next couple of weeks, but had a chapter ready to go for you to hold you over! Hope you enjoy seeing them at home with EJ, xoxo

***

I hummed as I rocked EJ back to sleep. We'd spent our first night at home, and he'd been quite restless. In turn, I was utterly exhausted. I'd be lucky to remember my name by the end of the day. I'd moved him to his nursery and chose to sleep on the floor, so Jamie wouldn't be up with us all night in our room. It didn't do much good as he came in every other hour anyway to make sure we were okay.

I heard a light tap on the door and looked up to see Dulcie peeking in. It was Christmas Eve and I knew she was all out of sorts from meeting her new brother and Santa's impending arrival. She'd told us before bed she was worried he wouldn't be able to find her. Jamie promised to email him and let him know she was in Ohio, which seemed to appease her.

"You can come in," I said.

"He asleep?"

I nodded.

"Okay," she whispered back.

"Move the ottoman over." I dropped my feet from it and she pushed it beside the rocker, crawling up and kneeling to look at her brother.

"Will he cry if you put him to bed?"

I grinned. "Yeah, he cries a lot. Did he keep you up?"

She shook her head. "I heard him once."

I kissed her temple. "Good. It's awfully early, why are you awake?"

She shrugged. "I wanted to see if he was okay."

My heart began leaping at her adorable confession. "Aww, sweetheart he's fine. Daddy and I won't let anything happen to him. Or you."

She rested her cheek on my arm and watched him sleep. I looked back and forth between the two of them, enjoying the intimate moment.

"We should sing to him," I said.

"What song?"

"Do you know You Are My Sunshine?"

She nodded. "I can sing that."

"Perfect, but not too loud."

She looked at me as I began the song. She matched my volume and pacing, and it made me smile. I sensed a presence and when I gazed up I saw Jamie standing in the doorway. Dulcie kept singing to her brother as I winked at him.

He slowly walked in. "Good morning, babies."

"Morning, Daddy," I said.

"Hi, Daddy," Dulcie whispered. It was sweet how she was staying quiet for EJ.

"Did we wake you?" I asked.

He gave me his shy grin. "I heard you on the baby monitor."

I wrinkled my forehead. "Why was it on?"

He shrugged. "Peace of mind."

I bit my bottom lip as he came over to kiss Dulcie on top of her head, and very lightly pressing his lips to our son's cheek. I smirked when he leaned in to kiss me hard on the mouth.

"What a vision to wake up to," he mumbled.

I nodded. "Dulcie wanted to check on her brother."

He moved his gaze to hers. "That's sweet of you, baby girl."

"Will Santa bring him anything or he's too little?"

She was back on the Christmas curiosity. Luckily we had both sets of our parents in town to help wrap everyone's presents, because Jamie and I were useless beyond caring for our newborn.

"I told him in my email that EJ had just arrived," Jamie explained. "Hope he'll bring him a couple things."

"Yay!"

Jamie put his finger to his lips. "Why don't you go wake grandpa and tell him it's time for breakfast?"

She giggled. "Okay."

And that was all it took, she hopped down and ran off out of the room. I laughed as Jamie reached for EJ.

"I can take him," he said. "Why don't you lay down in a real bed?"

I shook my head. "He's too fussy. He was up every hour. No use trying to rest."

"Fine, how about we come lay with you then?"

I smiled, knowing he wasn't going to accept any other answer except yes. "Deal."

He gently took EJ from my arms before I pushed off the rocker to stand. I was still sore and a little off balance, but Jamie steadied me. I followed him to our room just as Dulcie and Jim were coming out of the spare.

"Morning, little one," Jim said in passing. "And good morning to his tired parents."

I chuckled. "We're going to nap for a few minutes."

"No problem. We'll take care of wild child here."

Dulcie jumped up his waist with a chuckle and Jim motioned her along.

"Thanks Dad," Jamie said.

"That's why we're here, son."

We walked in and Jamie shut the door behind us. I practically collapsed onto our mattress as it's softness felt amazing under the tight spots on my body. I pulled the covers up and rolled to my side while he softly placed EJ beside me. He crawled in on the other side as our son stretched out between us, but remained asleep. I looked at my husband who was beaming.

"I love you both," I whispered.

A wave of emotion passed over him, and his eyes were suddenly clouded. "I love you more, baby. And this perfect little angel."

I reached across our son to pull him toward me and he met my lips with a smile. We took care to avoid waking the baby as we shared a lingering kiss. I wiped at his tear that fell. He turned my hand to peck my new ring.

"Sleep, beautiful," he said.

I nodded. "Don't cry."

He smirked. "No promises."

I closed my eyes to the sight of him trailing his finger over our son's tiny hand, admiring how flawless he was when he was dreaming. It brought me comfort as I sought a few minutes of peace.

***

By a miracle I managed to squeeze in some thirty-minute increment naps before our family came over for Christmas baking and movie night. I would have to put on my best face to prepare for everyone in our house at the same time. The only godsend would be having more arms to hold EJ so mine could take a breather between breastfeeding.

He kicked his feet as I changed him into a first Christmas onesie with matching pants and hat. I had a Santa outfit set aside for him to wear tomorrow at the family dinner. "Hold still, buddy."

He stuck out his bottom lip and began whimpering. My heart clenched. "No baby, don't cry. You look so cute in this!"

Jamie walked in about that time. "Need help?"

I shook my head. "He doesn't like his outfit."

He lay down across the mattress, kissing his son's head as he cupped his little cheek. "What's wrong, dude? I think you look handsome."

I chuckled when EJ tried to look upside down at him. He reached his hands toward his beard and we both aww'd.

"He wants his daddy."

Jamie stood, lifting him up to rest against his shoulder. He bounced him and patted his back. "Did he eat?"

"Just before I changed him."

"Good, because everyone wants to see the man of the hour."

I took a deep breath and nodded. "Everyone made it?" It had snowed a bit overnight, but nothing unruly. I was glad EJ's first Christmas would be a white one—perfect photo op.

"Yeah, my sisters were late, of course." He smiled. "But the gang's all here, and they've started some baking. Didn't want you to miss out."

I returned his expression. "Thanks, babe. Give me a minute."

"You want me to go?" he asked.

"Actually, I'd prefer if you stayed. Trying to relax before I have to entertain everyone."

He sat down beside me on the bed. "Baby, no one has any expectations. They're family and they're here to celebrate Christmas and this little guy. I can do any entertaining. I don't want this to be stressful for you."

I pulled him in to peck his lips. "Thank you. That's why I wanted you to stay."

He chuckled. "Well, too easy."

I closed my eyes against his shoulder, our son sucking on his hand on his other one. Jamie wrapped his free arm around me, holding us both close.

"I'm so tired," I whispered. I wasn't even sure if I'd said it, but I felt the exhaustion creeping in as Jamie's soothing scent lulled me into a trance.

He kissed my hair. "I hope he does better tonight."

I sat up and rubbed my eyes. "Me too. How bad do I look?"

He smirked. "You look beautiful to me. Does anyone else matter?"

I cupped his chin to kiss him again. "I love you for that comment and for everything else you do."

"You don't look bad, sweetheart. You look like a glowing mum who's far too worried about making everyone else happy first."

"You and him," I said. "Are all that matter. And Dulcie."

He nodded. "I agree. Now come show me how to make those one-legged gingerbread men Emily told me you're famous for."

I felt my cheeks heat. "I can still kick her ass, post-partum be damned."

He laughed and it startled our son, which caused us both to laugh harder. He pecked his soft head. "Sorry, bud. Mummy's funny."

"When should we exchange our gifts?"

He continued to laugh. "Change of subject."

"My hormonal mind is racing, keep up." I winked.

"After everyone leaves," he said. "I want you alone first."

I raised an eyebrow. "You know we can't have sex, right?"

"Thank you for the reminder." He whispered in our son's ear, "Mummy's a fiend."

I nudged him and he smirked.

"I'm selfish and want your reaction to myself." He shrugged, standing back up.

I sighed, following suit. "Which means I'm going to cry. Appreciate the advance notice."

I slapped his ass as he walked ahead of me. He snorted, carrying our son downstairs. "Don't play with fire," he warned.

I rolled my eyes, but the moment we crossed the threshold my response was null and void as the entire room erupted in squeals. My poor boy was going to be shell-shocked before the end of the night. I took one more deep breath before plastering a wide smile on my face.

"Merry-almost-Christmas!" I said.

***

The family had finished baking and stuffing our faces and we were all experiencing a sugar crash as we gathered in the living room. Dulcie had requested Polar Express, but she was dozing on a pillow on the floor while the rest of us watched.

I was curled under Jamie's arm while Jess sat with a sleepy EJ. I nestled into him further, enjoying being close like this. He kissed my hair and rubbed his palm up and down my arm.

"You okay?" he asked.

Jess looked over, so I smiled at her before nodding at him. "Content."

He snuck a soft kiss and when we pulled apart, Jess was grinning at the TV. I closed my eyes, breathing in my husband's soothing scent.

I didn't enjoy much of a reverie as EJ started whining. I went to sit up, but Jess stopped me.

"I'm holding him, I'll handle it."

"He shouldn't be hungry." I wrinkled my forehead.

"Oh no, he's been filling his diaper in my arms."

Everyone laughed except Dulcie who was completely out now.

"Your nose is stronger than mine." I laughed as she stood, and carried him out of the room.

Our family went back to the movie, completely engrossed, but I remained perked up and listening toward the stairs. I turned to look in that direction. Jamie chuckled, tugging my hand.

"He's okay, baby," he whispered.

I nodded. "I know. She might need help."

He shook his head. "She's done this plenty of times. Why don't you relax? That's why she offered."

I sighed, settling back against him and trying to focus on the movie. A few minutes later I heard her talking to him as they came down.

I smiled when I saw her carrying a naked baby, only a diaper on his tiny frame.

"He made a mess," she said. "I didn't know what you wanted to put him in, so I didn't change his clothes."

"It's okay. Thank you for handling that."

She smiled, passing him to me. "I think we're going to head out. Santa won't come if we're still awake."

Her kids hopped up from the floor where they'd been laying beside Dulcie. They weren't knocked out like she was.

Jim paused the film as everyone stood to hug her family and Liesa goodbye. They were all staying with my parents. My mom refused to let anyone stay in a hotel, and with Jim and Samina here we didn't have the room.

I kissed my parents goodbye and they both stopped to peck EJ's head. Emily sucked on his chipmunk cheeks and he squirmed against me. I laughed as she kissed my temple before following behind my parents.

I held EJ back to look at him. He watched me closely, his eyes trailing across my face. Jamie reached over to tickle his neck and he glanced at him before sniffling.

"Honey, you're okay," I cooed.

"I made him cry." Jamie laughed.

"No you didn't, he's grumpy." I sighed, cupping him to my shoulder so I could stand. Jamie helped me up. "I'm going to get him ready for bed."

"You want me to come?" he asked as his parents waited for the go ahead to either continue the movie or call it a night.

I shook my head. "Finish this and then put Dulcie to bed. We're fine."

He kissed my forehead. "If you change your mind, holler."

"Thank you." I grinned at him despite how heavy my heart was that my son was constantly cranky. This was harder than I'd anticipated. I wanted to make him happy and he never seemed to be happy. I ambled off toward our room as our baby cried harder on the way.

***

I sat against the headboard, staring at the ceiling while I had a moment of silence to myself. The house was finally calm with no cries or noise to grate on my anxiety. Jamie came in a few minutes after I put EJ down. He shut the door quietly with a huge smile on his face.

"What'd you do?" I asked.

"Nothing. Excited for our gift exchange now that we're alone."

"Oh." I smirked with a nod.

It had been difficult to manage Jamie's Christmas gifts this year. Luckily, knowing our son was due only a few days before gave me time to plan ahead. Thanks to my mom and sister who made it happen behind the scenes. I'd snuck his watch from his jewelry case and given it to Emily to have engraved. I was grateful he had other watches that he rotated, and didn't notice it missing. I gave my mom a more unique job, sending her out to stuff a popcorn bucket full of Jamie's favorite things, and a copy of Look Who's Talking, because we both deserved a funny baby movie. I pulled the items out from under the bed as Jamie stripped down to his boxers before sitting beside me eagerly waiting.

"It's not much," I said. "But I hope you love it."

His eyes lit up. "The only gift I wanted was our son. You didn't have to get me anything."

"Enjoy anyway."

He popped the lid on the watch box, and chuckled. "I thought I'd lost it, and couldn't bear to tell you. It's the one you bought me for our first Christmas."

I nodded. "I added to it."

He wrinkled his forehead.

"Check the back of the band."

On it I'd inscribed our wedding date. He smiled as he rubbed his thumb over it.

"So you never forget all the time we've spent together."

His eyes met mine. "Baby, I'd never forget a single minute you've been in my life. Thank you for doing this."

I held back my sudden tears—damn hormones should take a hike.

"Can I interrupt your second gift to give you one of mine? Seems fitting."

I smiled, my heart racing at the possibilities. "Please."

He reached for something in the drawer of his nightstand, and handed it to me. It was a small yet long rectangular box. I eyed him before opening it. I brought my hand to my chest.

"Jamie, it's beautiful." It was a diamond studded E necklace.

"It's in addition to the J. You can wear them together for EJ or separate."

I still wore that necklace to this day, the one he'd given me on my first birthday with him. How we'd managed to almost match each other's gifts was beyond me, but life continued to solidify he was my fate.

"I want to wear them together. You're both my world."

He nodded, reaching for the link behind my neck. I let him remove it as I slid the E off of the chain he'd given me and handed it to him. He added it beside the J, and I blushed at him as he replaced the necklace. Back where it belonged and where it'd never leave.

"Can I have my second gift now?" His eyes were light and playful, like he was a little boy again on Christmas morn.

"Of course."

My mom had impressively mangled the wrapping paper in a beautiful semblance over an awkward shape. Jamie tore through it as quietly as he could since our son still slept in his bassinet. I prayed he'd make it through a little longer tonight, that maybe all the activity had worn him out.

He laughed when he pulled the present free. "This is great."

"It's super cheesy, I'm sorry."

"No it's not. It's sweet and thoughtful. All my favorite things."

I watched him with a grin as he pulled everything out—two bags of popcorn, since I never shared, a box of Milk Duds, Reece's, Swedish Fish, Twizzlers, and two bottles of Heineken, both his. He gasped when he reached the last item and I almost cried I was so excited he'd had the reaction I wanted.

"Baby..." he trailed off.

It was a side-by-side picture of EJ's first sonogram and his first picture after birth.

"An added bonus." I shrugged.

I heard him choke on his breath and we were both going to be a mess in a second. "Our perfect little boy," he said.

I motioned over my shoulder. "Who is here in the flesh after all those months of stress and worry."

He pulled me in for a sweet kiss, and I let it linger since this was the most intimate we were allowed to be.

I rested my forehead against his. "Thank you for giving him to me, and for this stunning pendant."

"You gave him to me, and that's not your only gift."

I went to ask him what he meant when he reached into his nightstand again. This time he handed me a stack of envelopes that were tied together.

"What are these?" I asked.

He took a deep breath before answering. "I wrote you a letter every month after you told me you were pregnant. I kept track of your symptoms, quotes you said, cravings, baby plans we made. All of them are in there."

"Jamie this is—" The tears came without even reading them.

"In May's letter you'll find that we talked about naming him Erikson James after we came home from London."

I shook my head. "You came up with that name. And as I recall, I all but shut you down."

We shared a laugh.

"But you were the one who brought it back."

I smiled. "Because I loved it. I was hormonal that night. It was the perfect name."

"Little EJ," he said with a grin.

I swallowed my emotions. "I don't know if I can read these right now, babe. I want to, but I'll be sobbing in your arms all night."

"I understand. Just promise me you'll read at least one before tomorrow ends?"

I nodded. "Right now?"

"If you want."

I giggled, untying the string, and they fell into my lap. I noticed they were labeled by month, but I shuffled them, taking the luck of the draw. I pulled one from the pile and it was July's. I had an inkling of what might be inside.

"I'm going to read it back to you," I told him.

He cracked his neck. "This'll be interesting."

I unfolded it and avoided skimming so I could give it a fair read:

We had a busy introduction to July. You demanded to go out on the boat, and because I know it's your happy place I obliged. The vision of freedom I remember seeing on your face when you brought me home to Ohio was the Kelsey I wanted to marry. I told you then and I've told you since that I'd bring you back to those familiar waters if it meant keeping you that happy. But that day took an unhappy turn. I was so angry that you wouldn't listen to me and we ended up having to rush to the doctor after you passed out.

I stopped to laugh and he was watching me with a smile.

I bit my tongue though, because I was scared. Scared I'd given in and it was going to cost us our son. For a passing second I thought he might not be okay. I never would've told you that. It wasn't fair to worry you or blame you for something beyond your control. So we went to the doctor and what was fear turned into ecstatic bliss as we learned we were having a boy. A BOY! I was going to have a son, and you were going to give him to me.

The tears welled up as I relived the moment while I read. Jamie cupped my knee, caressing it sweetly. I choked back the sobs to go on.

My dad told me a story after my mum passed that essentially saved my life. I was in a dark place. A very dark and frightening place I didn't want to live in. I started to think how easy it'd be to stop the pain, just end it and go be with my mum. But that wasn't a fair solution. My dad was hurting enough, not to mention my sisters. I couldn't do that to them.

I could barely read the paper anymore as my tears clouded my vision, freely falling onto the comforter. He'd never told me any of this. These were his darkest secrets, on display for me to keep. I gripped his hand and he interlocked our fingers before I managed to read more.

He said when my mum found out they were having me, she sobbed for a straight week. Not out of sadness or worry to raise a boy after two girls, but out of happiness. She'd always wanted a boy. My dad said he knew then that the bond we'd share would be special. One of a kind. I was the answer to her prayers. Well, baby, you're the answer to mine.

When we sat in that room and found out we were having a boy, I imagined how my mum had felt. How she would've felt to hear our news. Then when we told my dad and you said in front of him you believed my mum brought us together, it all aligned. You're in my life for the same reason I was in hers, we were meant to be. I never imagined I'd be bonded to another human the way I was with my mother until I met you. That's why I've fought for you time and time again. And I'll always fight for you. Our son. Dulcie. Our future children. My mother sent you to me, because she knew you were exactly what I needed, and she gave you a little boy to love the way she loved me. He'll be your best friend. You'll always be mine. I love you, you and your mood swings, and sour cravings, and off key singing to your bump. You are my godsend. Thank you for saving my life all over again.

I dropped the letter, bringing both of my hands to my face as the sobs took over. Jamie embraced me against his chest as he cried with me. He rocked us, kissing my hair as I felt his tears fall onto their strands. I hugged him tight, breathing him in and trying to calm myself down so I didn't wake our son.

"Shh," Jamie cooed. "I'm so glad you read that one first."

I sniffled, but could barely gather my composure. He sat back to grip my face between both of his hands. I cried again when he kissed me. I wanted more than anything to make love to him for what he'd shared. What he'd given for me to have for the rest of my life. And it was only one of the letters—I couldn't imagine what the others held.

"This is unfair," I managed.

He tried to read my eyes, bouncing his back and forth between them.

"I need you and I can't have you."

"I'm here, baby. I'm not going anywhere. Kiss me instead."

I nodded, pulling him in again. This time I deepened it, sucking on his bottom lip as his tongue danced with mine. I ran my fingers through his soft hair and reveled in the feel of him in my arms. It was the closest I could get to the real thing.

"Thank you," I said across his mouth.

"I meant every word."

I smiled through the tears. "I know you did. I felt every single one. This means the world to me. I know it's hard for you to open up about her."

He silenced me with another kiss. "You're my wife. You deserve to know. I was tired of keeping it bottled up. I figured the only way I could say it would be on paper. It's too hard to verbalize."

I trailed my hand down to feel his heartbeat racing. "You've given me a part of yourself I'll never take for granted. Thank you for trusting me with your life."

"You trust me with yours. It's only fair. Our demons are on the table, and now we have an angel to love forever."

I pecked his lips. "Our guardian angels have blessed us with the best Christmas gift."

He nodded. "He's going to hate having a Christmas-week birthday."

I chuckled, grateful he lightened the mood. "Just an excuse for us to treat him like the extra special little boy he is."

And as if his ears were ringing from us talking about him, he began sniffling. I stuck my bottom lip out and Jamie thumbed it before standing.

"Let me check the issue."

I looked at the clock. "I think it's boob time."

"Why can't Daddy have boob time?" he asked EJ as he lifted him.

I laughed, setting the letters to the side to retrieve his nursing pillow. Jamie brought him over as I moved my shirt. He set him against me and EJ looked up into my eyes, stopping my heart as Jamie's written words echoed in my head.

"Hi, honey," I cooed.

Jamie sat beside me, rubbing his tiny cheek as he began suckling. "Someone's hungry."

We sat like that in silence while our son fed, his tiny belly swelling beneath his onesie. Jamie hummed and I rocked us side-to-side. Our son eventually stopped feeding and fell into a trance.

"Milk drunk," I whispered.

Jamie kissed his head. "Santa's not the only one filling up on milk tonight."

I tried to contain my chuckle. It was officially after midnight. "Merry Christmas."

He nodded. "The merriest of them all."

I kissed him again, enjoying the simplicity of our trio embrace.

***

This chapter essentially wrote itself, and I realize it grew quite emotional at the end. I hope you loved it! I won't be writing a Christmas chapter to follow, so I'll drop in a cute pic under here! Please don't forget to vote/comment, thank you for your support! Xo