I bailed.

No way to put it nicely.

I freaked out and escaped.

I don't remember making the choice to teleport away. My thoughts had descended into a chaotic fog of pain and confusion.

Not even sure where I was, I walked and walked. Time lost all meaning.

Eventually, I shifted into a raven and flew, but my destination was unclear.

After drifting on the breezes, I finally found myself looking down at the treaty plains. Desolate and empty, they reflected my mood perfectly. Dropping to the ground, I shifted and landed on my feet.

There was no sign of anyone. Fog crept along the wind-swept grasses at the edges, like the ominous soul-stealers of Niflheim waiting to suck me into the eternity of their shapeless, formless depths. A walking death.

"Heimdall, please open the bifrost," I asked, my voice harsh in my ears.

The swirling rainbow lights caught me and deposited me in the golden chamber. Its light seemed dimmer to my eyes, lacking its usual sparkle. I caught my balance more by instinct than any actual intended thought.

"Prince Loki, welcome back." Heimdall's deep voice came from my left.

I nodded without really looking at him, before I shifted back to a raven and flew.

Soaring on the familiar winds, I headed to the mountains, to my retreat, my fortress of solitude. A private place; it was where I retreated when I needed time alone, was hurting, or otherwise not wanting to be near others. Where I'd recovered from the loss of love before. 

It was my secluded refuge where no one would bother me.

Landing in the meadow, I shifted back to myself and walked towards my cabin nestled in the tall fir trees. Something thumped to the ground behind me, hard.

Not even needing to turn, I knew who it was. 

"I can't talk right now, Thor." My voice came out raspy and strained.

"That's okay then, Brother. You just need to listen because this isn't about you." His tone reverberated with anger.

Mid-step, I stopped walking as fresh betrayal shattered my numbness. My own brother? How would he feel if his soulmate... I couldn't finish the thought. It was too painful, even in my head.

I spun to face him, fists clenched with my own fury rising. How dare he—

"She. Is. Dying," Thor thundered, each word bitten off sharply with a crack splitting the air.

Everything stopped.

No wind.

No birds.

No breath in my body.

I sucked in a shocked gasp.

The world came back in a rush of confusing sounds, smells, and sights that all blurred together.

"What?" It came out as a whisper of sound. A visceral denial of what I'd thought I'd heard. 

"Shannon is dying, you fool! Get your head out of your ass and use that massive intelligence of yours," Thor snarled.

"I don't understand. How can she be dying?" It made no sense.

No.

She'd been fine.

Pain lanced through me at the vision of her naked in that man's arms.

No.

She'd been fine.

No wounds. No blood that I'd seen.

"You should understand this better than I, Master Sorcerer! I didn't study the ins and outs of magical energetics, conservation of energy, and all that the way you did. That's your expertise," Thor scoffed.

What?

I still didn't understand. I walked back to him and shook him to stop his ranting.

"Thor! Stop insulting me and just explain! What do you mean?"

Thor stopped talking abruptly and glared at me. Lightning flashed in the depths of his eyes, overflowing to discharge off his body and hit the surroundings, including me. 

"Shannon is a baby immortal with minimal ability to regenerate energy, except at a baby's rate. You got her pregnant with your energy sucking offspring. The dwarves spent a month sucking the life's energy right out of her at the same time your child was."

"I know all that, Thor! Get to the fucking point!" I was pissed off at the way he was talking like I was a gods-damned idiot. And his fucking lightning was pricking my skin as well as my temper.

"No forests in Nidavellir. The sea only provides a small boost. Maybe a little more with as much skin contact as possible."

"Okay. So? What is your fucking point?" I was ready to tear my hair out, yanking at it in frustration as I shoved him and his fucking sparking body away from me.

"Did you know Mother, an immortal of two thousand, needed to have sex with Father multiple times a day in her last trimester just to maintain her energy when she was carrying me, a decidedly less energy consuming offspring than your giant-wielding intensive magic-using ass? Do the fucking math, Loki!"

Thor stomped around the clearing, swearing and cussing my heritage, my intelligence, my choices, and even my boots. My boots?

As I watched him, my mind spun, trying to make sense of it all, when it finally clicked into place.

I am an idiot!

I deserved every single one of his insults and more on top. How could I have forgotten that very basic rule of energy dynamics when we'd seen the strain she was under before all this happened? I knew, knew, she'd been struggling to get enough energy when I was too self-absorbed with my acting to make sure I was here to take care of her needs.

I collapsed to my knees.

She'd gone weeks. WEEKS. 

Helplessly, my mind raced through the calculations with growing horror. No matter which way I did the math, she should be dead already. 

That she wasn't... it was a miracle. A truly undeniable miracle.

I needed to be thanking the Norns that she was even still alive and kissing Elatha's boots for saving her.

The thought of the handsome Atlantean twisted my gut, and I shied away from thinking too much about those details.

He kept her alive. I just had to keep remembering that. Elatha kept her alive.

Shame swamped me as I realized now what I'd been seeing when I found her. He'd been holding her naked in the sea, letting her rest and absorb some energy, and I'd responded like a jealous little boy instead of thanking him.

Even if they'd been... it didn't matter. Fuck. He kept her alive. I should have thanked him. I should have grabbed her in my arms. Not bailed on her like an immature asshole who didn't know better.

I winced.

Fuck. I am an immature asshole.

"Getting it now, are we? Bloody great wanking, idiot. You are supposed to be the brilliant son. Some fucking genius." 

Thor wasn't holding back on his opinion, and I didn't blame him in the slightest.

"Where is she?"

If Thor was right, I didn't have time to spend castigating myself right now. I needed to take care of Shannon. Now. She had to be right on the threshold. That she wasn't... fuck, I owed that Atlantean a debt I'd never be able to repay.

"I put her in the suit of rooms across from yours. She didn't want to be in your rooms. You fucking broke her when you rejected her like that, after all she's been through to survive. You've made her feel guilty for surviving, you fucking asshole. If you weren't her soul-mate and she needed you to keep surviving, I'd keep you far, far away from her so you couldn't hurt her again. Brother or not, I kind of hate you right now, Loki."

Thor's words struck home, exactly as he'd intended. I felt every blow and knew I deserved it.

"You're right. I am an asshole. I hate myself too."

"You don't deserve her."

"No, I definitely don't deserve her."

Thor glared, but didn't say more since I was agreeing with him. With his arms crossed over his chest, he waited.

I looked at him. I wasn't sure what else he wanted me to say.

Finally, he rolled his eyes. "Well, what are you waiting for? Go save my little sister and nephew!"

"Thank you, Thor. I don't deserve you either."

He huffed, and I saw a tiny twitch of his lips as he suppressed a smile.

Too far to teleport, I lept, shifted to a raven, and flew to the palace as fast as my wings would take me. Shifting back as I landed on my garden terrace, I turned myself invisible and teleported into her rooms.

Shannon was sleeping quietly, but I could see what a toll the past six weeks had taken. Her face had thinned out to the point of gauntness. Even her hand and arm tucked by her cheek told the tale of how desperately she'd fought to survive. She was turning into skin and bone.

Except for her rounded belly. Even laying on her side the way she was, the baby was clearly large on her thinned out frame.

Tears pricked my eyes, making everything swim in front of me. I swiped them away angrily. There was no time to deal with them or my guilt. Shannon needed energy, fast. 

But how? Every minute I wasted, I risked her falling beyond my reach.

On my way back to the palace, I'd checked our bond and wasn't surprised that she'd blocked it. Shannon didn't want me sensing how she was. I didn't blame her after the way I'd acted. What could I do?

I paced, thinking of ideas.

Wake her and just try seducing her? 

I didn't hold out much hope of that working, given the way I'd completely bailed on her. For the energy transfer to work, I needed her aroused. Ideally, I needed to make her orgasm.

Did I need her completely awake, though?

If she thought it was just a dream, would she be more likely to ignore the issues of the real world and let herself enjoy? Even if she was blocking our bond, my powers would let me into her head. As long as I could get her to actually reach climax, it shouldn't matter for the energy transfer whether she was awake and aware, or asleep and thinking it was an erotic dream.

Time to find out what her most carnal dream fantasies are and see about fulfilling them.