"John! Wake up honey," I hear my mom call. I groan and roll over and check the time. I still could've slept for another 10 minutes!

I push the thought to the back of my mind and get ready for the day. I throw on a shirt that shows my shoulder and black jeans and gray Converses.

After I get dressed, I look at my hair in the bathroom mirror. It's a mess like always. I brush it the best I can and pull it into a ponytail.

I look at myself and sigh then slowly make my way downstairs.

Mom has made me some breakfast. I take a place at the table.

"Why aren't you eating?" Mom asks me.

"I'm not hungry..."

She gives me a puzzled look and I get up and grab my backpack.

"Bye sweetie," Mom tells me. I walk out the door and put my earbuds in my ears. I let the familiar sound of a mix of Broadway musicals flood my senses and I'm in a better place.

I finally arrive at school and put my phone on silent. I see my friends in a gazebo and walk over to them.

My best friend Alex comes over to me and hugs me. "Hi John."

I hug back. "Hi Alex."

I look over his shoulder and see his girlfriend, Eliza, glaring at me. I pull away from the hug.

"You okay?" he asks, his voice full of concern.

I look down at the ground. "Y-yeah I'm fine."

He nods. "You won't believe what happened."

I give him a questioning look.

"Herc and Laf got together!" he tells me as we step into the gazebo. I look over at the new couple and smile. I turn back to Alex.

"Are you sure you're okay? You're really quiet today."

"I'm fine Alex. I promise."

He sighs. "Okay."

I give him one last look and go sit by my friend Peggy Schuyler.

"Hi John," she says and smiles.

"Hi."

She grabs my arm and pushes up my sleeve. "Fucking hell Laurens," she sighs.

I snatch my arm back and pull my sleeve down. "I'm sorry..."

"Why do you do this to yourself?"

"I-I don't know."

Just then Charles Lee passes the gazebo and looks at me. I look at Peggy. "Peggy. Charles is looking at me..."

"Oh god," she says and looks down.

"Slut!" he yells at me.

I glance at my shoulder. So what I have a shirt that doesn't cover my shoulders? That doesn't make me a slut!

I flick him off and take out a book and read until the bell rings.

My first four periods fly by and it's time for lunch. I sit by myself at a table before my friends come over and sit with me.

Alex and Peggy are on either side of me.
Alex puts an arm around my shoulders and I can feel Eliza glaring at me like always. I sigh. I wish she didn't hate me so much.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Alex whispers. I nod and look down at the table. He suddenly kisses my cheek and I feel my whole face burn with blush.

Eliza stands up from the table. "John, may I speak with you for a moment?"

Alex looks at me, his eyes full of concern. I stand up from the table and follow Eliza to the hallway.

Eliza stands in front of me with anger and hatred burning in her eyes.

I feel a burn across my face when she slaps me. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

I put a hand to my face. "What do you mean?"

"That little stunt with Alexander!"

"I-I didn't do anything!"

Eliza rolls her eyes. "Whatever. You're just a good for nothing whore!"

She stomps away and leaves me alone. I sink to the floor. Am I a whore? A few tears escape my eyes. I wipe my eyes with my sleeve. I hate myself. I hate being alive.

I walk out of the hallway with my eyes puffy and red. I sit away from Alex. I thought it would be best to keep a distance from him.

I start walking home at the end of the day when I hear someone call my name.
"Laurens!"

I turn around and see Alex running to me. "Hey."

"Hey Alex."

I look behind him. "Where's Eliza?"

He shrugs. "I left before she could catch up with me."

I nod and start walking with him beside me.

"I noticed you didn't sit with me at lunch after you and Liza talked. Did she do anything to you?"

My face still hurt from where she slapped me. "N-no. And before you ask, yes I'm positive."

He sighs. "Okay."

We finally make it to my house. I start walking up the steps but Alex grabs my hand and pulls me to him.

He holds me close and kisses my cheek. "I love you Laurens."

A part of me wants to say 'I love you too' but another part of me says 'no, he doesn't love you. He loves Eliza more than he'll ever love you'

I hug him and bury my face in his chest. "I love you too." He kisses my cheek again and waits until I'm inside to leave.

I lean against the door and look up at the ceiling. God, I love him so much.