"The reason death sticks so closely to life isn't biological necessity; it's envy. Life is so beautiful that death has fallen in love with it, a jealous possesive love that grabs at what it can."

_______

The following morning, the cry of my baby brother and soft hushed urgent whispers of my parents woke me up. I knew at once that he was not feeling, and I hurried towards him with whatever aid I could possibly give.

It was still dark, but I could make out the faint lines of the sun rays penetrating through the dark sky when I peeped from my window. It was considerably cooler now as I made my way towards my parent's room.

My mother was bobbing the crying baby up and down while pacing beside their bed, whispering silly things to quieten him down. My father sat on the edge of the bed, dark circles evident under his red tired eyes.

Can I help? I asked when his gaze met mine.

He shook his head and stared at the mother and child. I stared at the small stool on the other side of their bed which had all the medicines splattered on it. She must have given him the medicines, but the fever still wasn't down.

She had also tried to put wet cloth piece on Imad's forehead, but he must have removed it and thrown it away because it lay on the ground.

"Give him a bath, Ayesha," my father suggested. "It will hopefully decrease his temperature and make him feel better."

She nodded and walked outside the room with the baby, who was still screaming and wailing on top of his lungs, trying to make sense of whatever he was feeling and hoping that we could somehow cure it.

I could hear him choke on his spit and cough and then continue crying even more louder, if possible.

How long has this been going on? I asked.

"About an hour and a half."

The fever hasn't come down since? I was shocked. This should not be happening, it was bad for a fever to stay for so long even after the medicines been given. Normally, it took three-fourth of an hour for the medicines to finally work, and the fever to reduce.

"No. Ayesha is getting worried."

I nodded, obviously, my mother should be worried. He was just six months old baby. He did not have the immunity that we did. Normal flu could also prove to be dangerous for him.

I heard my brother cough again, and this time, it sounded deep, as if coming from his chest, and then my mother screamed.

My father was the first to react; he was at his feet at once and was running towards the direction of the bath while I was few seconds late but on his heels. The sight that we saw made all the blood drain from our body, and my stomach convulsed as if ready to release all that it had.

My mother's face was splattered with scarlet drops. Imad's lips were red and a drop of red spit was hanging from his lower lip. He coughed again, and his mouth spurted out more blood.

"Wake Asad up. Tell him to go get Doctor Nasser," my father ordered me, and he bent towards my mother and Imad.

I nodded but realised that Asad hadn't come home yet. I felt fear grip my heart, and I did not want to tell my father that Asad was not home; my father would get furious. I didn't even have time to go find my brother, so I did the only thing that made sense to me, I ran to Doctor Nasser's house. All I needed to do was make him understand that something was wrong, and he would know what to do, right?

I did not care about my appearance or that I was in my night clothes as I banged his door with all my might. If they wanted to judge me, they could, as long as they could cure my baby brother.

I got no response as I waited in front of the door, biting my lips and growing more frustrated with each passing second. He was a doctor, he should always be ready for emergencies.

I banged the door again, and the window beside it hoping that someone in the house would listen to the commotion and peep. I was right, because, after few seconds, his wife appeared at the window, eyes narrowing at the sight of me. She wore a pink patterned night dress, and her hair was in an untidy mess. Black kohl surrounded her eyes that made her look scary.

"What is that you want, girl?" she said the last word in a low hiss.

I need the doctor, I said pointing towards the door in their house, hoping it to be their bedroom's.

"What?" She looked confused and then peered around me. "Where is that brother of yours? I cannot understand your disabled language, I need a translator."

I wanted to growl at her, enter her house, slap her husband awake, and pull him to my house. I was surprised at my thoughts again, but I knew that it was due to my frustration at her inability to understand.

To my relief, the door inside her house opened, and her husband appeared. I blew out a sigh of relief as he recognised me and called my name.

I took a deep breath, as I tried to think of a way to make him understand. I looked at my arms, and then I folded it in such a way that I was cradling a baby; I swung my arms like an idiot hoping that he would understand.

"She must be having some mental episode, Nasser." His wife looked horrified.

Her husband, thankfully, ignored her as he stared at me in concentration and then understanding registered his face.

"Is it the baby?" he asked.

I nodded.

He took a deep breath and went inside his head with his wife following him looking lost. I waited, glad that at least he understood but getting scared about the fact that maybe I would be too late. Imad did not look so good.

When he reappeared, his wife looked cross and he looked irritated.

"I am a doctor, the baby is sick, I need to go."

"What if she is lying, Nasser? We know she is disabled." She looked at me, maybe she thought I was deaf too. "No one knows what is happening in that brain of her's. If it was Asad, I would have completely understood."

"What can a sixteen year old girl do to me, Noori?" he exclaimed as he picked up the medicinal bag and stepped outside.

"She is not right in her head, I tell you, Nasser."

"Go to sleep," he muttered under his breath and shut the door on her face.

He followed me as I half ran, half walked towards my house, hoping against hope that my brother somehow stopped coughing up blood but I was wrong.

When we entered, my parents were sitting in the hall, my father holding a bowl of water that had turned red as my mother tried to wipe off the blood from my brother's face and clothes as he continued to cough up blood and cry.

"God Bless," Doctor Nasser mumbled as he hurried towards my baby brother, fumbling with the bag that he was carrying.

I stood there rooted to the ground, unable to blink, unable to move as I watched the doctor, hoping that he would perform some miracle; however, deep inside something told me that Imad was far gone. I choked back a sob as tears appeared in my eyes.

No, I thought to myself, I had vowed to protect him. I had told him that I would. My baby brother was counting on me, I could not simply give up. It was not me. It was unlike me to just stand there, I had seen a miracle happen before with my father, I would have it happen again.

"...the chest infection is too severe, there is only so much I can do, Beizeen." I heard the last bit of the doctor's sentence, and all the hope that I had built up within me crushed, crushing me along with it.

I shook my head. He was fine yesterday, I was there with him. There was no trace of blood. The medicines were working; he was only slightly feverish. We thought that it was a good sign. He was just six months old. It could not happen to him. He hadn't even spoken his first word; I wanted to hear him and talk to him. I wanted to see how handsome he would turn out to be when he grew up.

Tears streamed from my eyes as I heard the doctor apologise. I shook my head, it could not be happening again. How could it happen? I had just got my father from the brink of death and now my brother? My baby brother? This was not fair!

No, no, no. I knew another doctor, and he was far more experienced than Doctor Nasser, maybe he would find a way to cure Imad. Babies were resilient, they fought, maybe the doctor would come just in time to save him.

Hold on, I told my baby brother. He needed to hold on for me. He needed to. I could not live without him, he was my refuge from reality, he brought happiness to me whenever I felt down. One sight of his cute dimples, slanting eyes, red puffy cheeks and my heart would melt. My stress was forgotten. He was a gift; he had always been a gift from God to us.

He had to fight.

My legs had minds of their own as I found myself running outside the house. The surrounding was blurry; I could only make out that I was heading in the right direction. I needed to be quick, so I willed my legs to move faster. I needed to reach Master Maha's house.

If this is what the Moon was hinting on, she was correct. If I lost Imad, I would change completely. Not for better, but for worse, I could not fathom my life without him.

The sun had risen; I could feel its heat and hear the sweet sound of the birds. But nothing made me stop, I was determined to reach, I did not care that my legs might tire. I could rest later. I did not care that I pushed past men getting ready to go to work, or that I looked like a mess.

I also did not hear the clip-clops of horse hooves hitting the path, and that I was in its way. I realised it a little too late and the rider of the horse had to pull the reins to the left suddenly to avoid the horse colliding with me. My vision was blurry, and I found myself on the ground, my body trembling, tears not stopping from my eyes.

I had to go, I had to stand up, but my body was tired now. It was not heeding to any of my commands and I gritted my teeth.

"Ayah?" I blinked my eyes at the familiar voice. I had heard it somewhere.

I felt someone's hand grab my shoulder, and the person crouched beside me to look at my face.

"Ayah Beizeen, is that you?" I nodded.

"Are you alright?" He sounded worried, and then I looked up at him. Even when crouching he was at least a foot taller to me, his curly black hair, once left loose before, was now tied with some stubborn strands around his face. His black twinkling eyes looked worried and scared, and I realised that he had freckles under his eyes.

Master Omar. What was he doing here?

I nodded again; his eyes travelled all over from my face to my body, searching for answers that he knew that I could never give.

"You don't seem hurt," he said. "Can you stand?"

I nodded. I felt like a baby, but I could not waste my time here, I was in a hurry.

I stood up slowly, his hand resting on my arm in case I fell again.

"Now can you tell me where you're heading?" he asked with a sense of authority that made me want to answer. I was again captivated by the aura that surrounded him.

I pointed towards the direction of Master Maha's house, if I looked closely I could make out the top of the mansion.

He stared at the direction I pointed, pressing his lips in a thin line as if thinking.

"I will take you there, you are in no position to walk, and..." he hesitated a little, "you tore your skirt a little."

If it was some other time, I would have blushed and apologised profusely, but I did nothing like that as I walked towards the beautiful stallion that I had fallen in love with at first sight. I kept one of my feet steadily at the stirrup and then pulled myself at the top of the horse. It made sense, Ra'ad was definitely faster than my two legs. Also, I had wasted enough time already.

Master Omar blinked at me, maybe not expecting me to be able to do what I had just done, but then shook his head and climbed behind me.

He kicked the horse softly with his heels and the horse, as if sensing the importance of the situation, took off.

Ra'ad moved like lightning, he was swift and alert, I could feel his muscles expanding and contracting beneath me, I could feel the day's hot wind on my face, and I could feel Master Omar's presence behind me. Warmth trickled down my spine every time his body was forced to touch mine and I wanted to ignore his presence, I wanted to not care about him, but I couldn't. I had never been so close to any man before besides my father and my brothers.

It was as if few minutes had passed, but we had reached Master Maha's gates, the guards threw us a quizzical look but knew better than to deny entrance to Master Omar.

"Call for Master Maha," Master Omar said as he unmounted from the horse and then aided me to come off.

"At this time of the morning, Master?" one of the guards dared to ask.

"It is important," Master Omar said dismissively.

We walked past the neatly trimmed garden of Master Maha's house, the birds were louder here. I tried to smoothen my hair and my blouse, well aware of the fact that my skirt was torn above my knee. I knew Master Omar walked beside me, but I chose to look at my feet instead as my hands consciously went to my hair.

"Master Omar?" I heard Master Maha come down the stairs as we entered the mansion. He wore satin nightgown and his hair was all over his face, he ran a hand through it looking alarmed. Master Omar simply stared at the old man, not answering, and then Master Maha's gaze fell on me.

"Ayah, what is it, my dear?" He almost ran his way to me, followed by his guard.

At the sight of him, I broke down, tears streamed from my eyes, and my body trembled so much that I was forced to my knees. The good old man had to crouch to look at my face, he kindly removed the hair from my face and wrapped his frail arms around me. His warmth and smell were comforting, but nothing like my father's. Yet I was glad that he was there.

"What is it?" he asked after I was done crying. "Do you need anything?"

I nodded my head and tried to think of way to explain that I needed a doctor and not any doctor, but his. However, before I could move my arms to make him understand, Master Omar spoke up --

"I think it has something to do with her father. I think she wants the doctor that treated him, he may be unwell."

He was wrong, obviously, but I knew that I wouldn't have done a good job explaining , and he had got the essence of what I wanted. It made sense why Master Omar would think like that, after all, why would I seek Master Maha at this time?

Master Maha stood up, he did not need any further explanation, he called out to one of his servants and ask him to inform the doctor to meet us at my house. Then, he asked his guard to notify the stable boy of his departure and to ready the house.

"I can take Miss Ayah," Master Omar said. Master Maha and I looked at him. In my weak moment, I had forgotten that Master Omar had been a silent spectator. He must pity me. That is why he had offered. Somewhere deep inside me, I wanted to tell him that I could manage on my own, but I knew that I could not, and Ra'ad was one of the swiftest horse I had come across.

I nodded and Master Maha looked between us with a confused expression, but did not say anything.

Amir - Master Maha's horse - was ready when we left the mansion, the doctor had been informed and was on his way. While we were inside, Ra'ad had been fed and hydrated. I followed Master Omar, and he waited as I mounted the horse, then we were off.

"Show me the way," Master Omar breathed behind me, and the hair on the back of my neck rose, but I nodded, ignoring all of this.

More people had woken up, and this made it difficult for us to travel. Most of the time, Master Omar had to yell for the people to move, otherwise, the sight of the horse made the people move. Ra'ad tried not to slow down while I closed my eyes and prayed that Imad had held on. I know I was gone for long, and the dread in the pit of my stomach told me that I was late, but I shook my head. No, I had told Imad to hold on. He would fight. He would fight for me.

I was happy to see the Doctor's horse tied in front of my horse when we finally reach it. Maybe he was already inside, doing what he was supposed to do, maybe Imad was fine and cured. No more in pain, no more crying. I was the first to unmount, and I ran inside my house.

I gasped, all the happiness, the adrenaline, the hope drained at the sight that was before me.

No.

I shook my head. I had told him to hold on. I had told him to wait for me.

No.

How could this be possible? He was just six months old.

"...we were too late." I heard the Doctor.

"...you have a fighter, right there." I heard Master Maha.

"...my condolences." Master Omar spoke.

NO NO NO!

Two strong hands wrapped around my waist, but I pulled them away from me. They were unfamiliar and uncomfortable. In my peripheral vision, I could see my mother holding the limp body of my brother. My father was in another corner surrounded by the two doctors and Master Maha. His hand on his head; his face tear stained.

Asad was home too, and he stood there, his face covered with both hands, shoulders slumped in guilt. I knew what he was thinking, but it was not his fault.

I looked up to my mud ceiling as my knees crashed to the ground.

Why? Why Imad? Why my baby brother?

This was unfair, this was cruel. My baby brother hadn't spoken his first word. I hadn't heard him call my name. I wanted to see him play, I wanted to see him grow up. I wanted to be a proud sister of a smart brother. I wanted to see him live.

NO!

Maybe he was alive, maybe he had a pulse there somewhere, maybe his heart was trying to fight and they had just given up.

I stood up shakily and went to my mother lap, his mouth was covered with blood and so were her clothes. His mouth was shaped in a small 'o', and his eyes were closed as if he was sleeping. Maybe that was it, maybe he was sleeping, and they assumed him to be dead.

I patted his round cheeks, it was still warm. Dead people turned cold, he hadn't,

Imad! I screamed mentally, Ayah is here. Your big sister is here. I should not have left you, please, wake up. Imad!

"Ayah, what are you doing?" I heard Asad.

"You need to keep her away." I heard someone else.

I was pushing and pulling my baby brother, I was slapping him, I was shaking him, anything to wake him up. He needed to wake up. My mother sat there like a cold statue, letting me do whatever I wanted to do. She saw me, but I knew she was not seeing me.

"Keep her away from the body."

I froze at the words. I stared at my baby brother and then snapped. I stood and spun around, finding the source of the voice and the words. He stood there like he owned the place, his calm gaze piercing through my maddening rage. How dare he call my brother a body? He was my baby brother. I did not know how I reached there so far, but in a matter of second, I was hurling slaps and punches at him. I did not care if he was a Master, I did not care he was the Monarch himself. He had no right, whatsoever, to call my baby brother a body. He had no right to just stand there and be part of our grief. He was not family. He should have left.

"Ayah!" I heard my brother. "Get hold of yourself." He grabbed me by my waist and pulled me away from Master Omar. I kicked and tried to pry his hands from my body, but Asad was stronger.

"Ayah," Asad kept repeating my name as we both sat far away from Master Omar.I ignored my brother's voice as my mind was a whirlwind of emotions. I had lost someone, someone so incredibly important to me, someone so innocent. I had lost my baby brother. Asad wrapped his arms around my waist, my head was leaning against his chest, tears streaming. He was familiar, he was comfortable, he knew what I was suffering.

"Shhh!" he whispered against my hair as he wrapped his arms tightly around me. "I am sorry baby sister."

I wanted to shake my head, I wanted to tell him it was not his fault, but then I would be lying to myself and him. It was all our fault. Imad had been our responsibility. He had been entrusted to us by God. We were supposed to take care of him. We were supposed to know, he could not tell us.

I wanted to try again, maybe, this time, he would wake up with a soft cry, maybe he would smirk mischievously, and we would know that he was playing with us. Maybe...

"You did what you could, Ayah," my brother said as if reading my thought. "You were so brave."

I shook my head. I was not being brave, I was trying to do everything in my power to save my baby brother. I moved closer as if his chest would open up, and I could hide inside it, forever. I did not want to show my face to anyone. He kept quiet, in our silence was our understanding, he would be there for me, no matter what.

I am so sorry! :'(