I never could understand why time flew so fast when you dreaded what was to come next. It usually seemed to move slow when you wanted something in the future. I remember thinking the same thing when I was young, no older than four or five when my father had promised me that he would get me a certain type of candy when he came back from the market.

I had waited -- what seemed like -- an entire day outside my house sitting on the step for my father to return. When he did return, I had complained that he had gone for nearly a day and he easily replied stating that he had only gone for an hour or two. It did not make sense to me then and it did not make sense to me now. I just knew that time had a tendency to play cruel jokes on people when it felt like.

I lay on my bed staring at the ceiling and feeling all funny inside. This is what I usually tended to feel when I thought of the Prince and I had been thinking about him from the past two weeks since he announced that he wished to go. It was unfair to the Monarch too, who should be my priority, even he had noticed that I had been distant. I could not help but smile slightly at that--it was progress if he noticed these things about me, wasn't it?

I rolled from one side to another unable to sleep. In two days, Omar would be leaving for the Rayt along with Master Wali and few good warriors that Aqib had trained himself. The preparation was full-blown and so were the arguments that followed the preparation. Master Wali, Aqib and Laia were determined to make Omar see reason until the very end. But the Prince was stubborn and determined himself. It did not help that Asad backed the Prince. 

A knock on the door made me raise my head, the door opened slightly and I could make out the silhouette of a man.

"Ayah?" Omar peeped inside, his head bowed without looking up out of respect.

I sat up on my bed, thankfully wearing decent clothes so that he could enter. But he did not as he looked at me, smiled and said --

"Dress up. I feel like going for a walk."

I nodded as I jumped from bed quite hastily and went to my wardrobe. He closed the door and stood outside waiting for me as I tried to find a dress that was easy to wear. Once I was dressed, I looked at my reflection in the mirror and cringed. I was looking dreadful with my hair all over the place. But I didn't want to make him wait, so I wrapped my hair in an odd looking bun and opened the door. He smiled as he saw me and offered me his hand the way he had in the party that he had thrown for me.

I took it awkwardly and we both started walking.

"I hope I didn't wake you up."

I shook my head. 

"I was feeling restless and needed to be around someone." He continued after a while of silence and walking, "You were the first person that came to my mind."

I smiled slightly but felt happiness flood me as if he had just declared something incredible. I mentally frowned at this feeling but made sure to keep my facial expression even. I knew he was staring at me, that was the only way he would know what I was thinking or what I wanted to say. I had grown used to it, in a way, but also found his gaze unnerving. 

He nodded to himself as if figuring out something and then looked away. We walked in silence again as he exited the residential palace and he headed towards his private garden. As we walked, I did not know why, but I was suddenly aware of my arm around his or as he gently pulled me towards the direction he wanted to go. My thumb had a mind on his own as it gently traced the pattern of the blouse he was wearing. If he noticed, he didn't show, as the guards opened the door. I stopped doing what I was doing and mentally chided myself. What was wrong with me?

"Are you okay?" He asked suddenly may be noticing the frown on my face. I quickly converted it into a smile and nodded reassuringly--or so I hoped. He didn't look so convinced. 

He led me to his mother's statue and we stood there staring at her. I recalled the first time I had come here and the way he looked at her. I remembered the expression and the sense of longing that he exhibited. He hid well behind the facade that he created. 

I, sometimes, wondered why he had chosen to show me those vulnerabilities. He never acted like a Prince around me, the way he did when he was around Wali or sometimes Aqib and Asad. He was Omar when he was around me. Why?

He let go of me and then turned to face the palace that was on our left. He stared at the window that faced the garden.

"Could it be that he is awake and looking out the window right now?" He asked me quietly.

I stared at the window and recognized it. It was Qamar's window. 

I nodded in response even though I knew that the Monarch was sleeping.

"I think this is the closest we will ever be." He said with a smile and glanced at me.

I shook my head furiously. I firmly believed that one day everything would be fine between the brothers. I would not rest until it did happen. I had one job and I had decided to do it well. All I had to do was ensure that Qamar discern reason. 

"You think all will be good between us?" He asked raising an eyebrow.

I nodded.

He sighed, "I guess you know better than me."

I nodded once and gave him a smug smile. He shook his head and smiled broadly.

"If I say something to you, Ayah, something that I have wanted to say for quite a long time but did not have the courage to do. Can you promise me that you won't judge me too harshly? And believe when I say that this is a matter beyond my control?"

I frowned at the sudden change in his tone and with the way he looked at me. My stomach turned into a horrible knot as I started to imagine the worst. Did something happen that he did not tell anyone? Who was it related to? Was it something related to his visit to the Rayt? Was he hiding something?

I stared wide-eyed at him horrified and he chuckled in response which confused me even more.

"Try not to over-think Ayah. It is nothing too complicated."

I fought the urge to scoff. I was not over thinking but the way he said it, I could not help dread his next words. I folded my hands across my chest and looked at him in a way that easily said - get on with it! He blinked at me slightly confused and then shook his head muttering something.

"Right." He said loudly and I wondered who he was talking to.

"I have feelings for you." He blurted suddenly and I blinked slowly at him. What?

He read my expression and carefully and I think the confusion was etched on my face because he shook his head, tilted it and looked at me calmly.

"Romantic feelings." He said.

I felt heat rise on my face and blood pounded in my ear. My heart did a double-take and for a second I thought that it had stopped working. My eyes widened and my hands loosened as they fell limp on the sides. My thoughts were disconnected, loud and garbled. I started sweating and it was not due to the heat. What did he mean romantic feelings? How could he? I was not like other girls. I was mute! I was plain and belonged to a village! It was irrational. It was idiotic to even think that way. I looked at Omar suddenly worried. Was he losing his mind?

"Easy," He said mimicking my own expression.

But I didn't hear him or if I did, I chose to ignore it. Could it be that he was losing his mind like his brother? I could not blame him if he did. He had to suffer through so much, it only made sense if he started going insane. Maybe it was something inherent. Maybe something triggered it.

"Hey!" He said or I believe but I was too lost in my own thought to care.

"Ayah!" He clicked his fingers. I came back from my thoughts and looked at him confused.

"Stop pacing." He said softly and I frowned at my feet realizing that I was, indeed, pacing.

"That was worse than I expected." He said to himself and then looked up, "I have never seen you lose colour like that before."

I frowned at him. What was he talking about?

"Come, sit with me," he took my hand gently and led me to the grass patch between the two statues. I sat facing him and he rubbed his hands nervously. I could see that his eyes were unfocused and he nodded again to himself as if he was having a conversation with himself. I waited patiently and on alert. Will his hands start trembling again? What were his indicators?

"I am not sure what is going inside your mind but from the looks of it, it is not very good."

He narrowed his eyes at me slightly, "I have not lost my mind, Ayah, if that is what you are thinking..." I looked at him wide-eyed like a child caught stealing, "I am sound in my mind when I say that I do indeed have romantic feelings for you. I have been having it for a long time, but I always hesitated because I could not help but feel it to be slightly inappropriate. I am still not sure but since I have been making irrational decisions lately. I will just add this one to my growing list. I like you. I like you as a friend and I like you romantically. I am not fully aware of the extent of it because I am still amateur regarding these affairs, but my feelings and the words I speak right now are from my heart. I do not expect you to understand or reciprocate. You don't have to. We can go back to the way things were and I will choose to completely ignore this night, but I want it to be said and I wanted it done before I went. I apologize if this is too much to handle. You have my permission to hit me and run away. I will be fine with it."

I narrowed my eyes at him slightly. Why would I need permission to hit him? Even if he didn't give me, I would hit him if I wanted to. I had done that before. But I could not bring myself to hit him and feel cross at his words. I sat there silently, my heart fluttering, my stomach knotting and my head a mess. I was glad that he didn't say the word 'love'. Maybe then, I would have hit him, out of panic.

I took a deep breath to calm myself and glared at him. What was this new thing that he had piled on top of me?

"I am sorry." He apologized softly.

I shook my head in disbelief. Why in the world was he apologizing? I was not an idiot, I knew certain things in life were beyond people's control and feelings were one of them. I could not blame him or punish him for his feelings. It was cruel. Especially, when I, myself, didn't know what I felt towards him. He did make me feel funny and no one else did that to me. But I did not know. I simply did not know.

I looked guiltily at him and he chuckled, "Let's agree to believe that this night did not happen then."

Did I want to believe that? No. I wanted to remember this night and I had no idea why. I wanted this night to be etched in my memory forever. But I nodded anyway. He would not come to know what happened in my mind or what I wanted. It was easier that way.

"Do you want to go to your room?" He asked as he leaned against his father's statue. I pushed myself back and leaned against his mother's. I shook my head.

"Let's just stay here then." He gave me a small smile -- the one I liked on him, the one that made his eyes twinkle.