I stared at the door to my brother's room with hesitation and confusion. We had returned from our outing and everyone had retired to the room. In my room, I could not help but think about Qamar and it was then that a risky idea had formed in my mind. But for its implementation, I needed my brother's help.

I walked towards his door and placed my hand on its handle. I bit my lip and imagined what his reaction would be if I told him my plan. He would think that I was delusional and simply too naïve. He would tell me to go to sleep. And worst of all, he would probably refuse to help me.

I moved away from the door and scratched my head worried. Maybe it was a risky idea; maybe I should sleep on it. My brother was not going anywhere but at the same time I could not help but feel that this was the right time. I took a shaky breath and knocked. I decided to knock thrice and if he did not open the door, I would go back to my room and forget about this idea.

I waited patiently nodding to myself and then knocked again. I leant towards the door to see if I could hear anything. I could not. He must have fallen in deep sleep. I closed my eyes and asked myself again whether what I was doing was right. I did not know. But then again, I could no more differentiate between right and wrong. The line had blurred and I had taken decisions that may not have been right according to many people including my brother. The least I could do was to tell him why I was making these decisions. We had been distant lately and maybe asking him to help could be a step for us to be close again or at least better than we were.

I knocked at the door for the third time, louder and then rotated the handle to step inside.

The room was dark and only moonlight seeped inside through the drapes. I walked towards his bed and stared at him as he slept. He looked healthier now; life in the palace had changed his looks. Something told me that he did not mind living here. How would he react when it would be time for us to go away? I frowned and stared at my hand---how would I react?

I placed my hand on his shoulder and shook him lightly. He stirred but did not open his eyes; folding his arms against his chest he went back to sleep. A small mischievous smile appeared on my face as this time I shook him hard. He jolted awake, eyes wide and hair carelessly poking everywhere. His hand instinctively went under his pillow as his eyes searched his room and landed on me.

"Ayah," he said in relief and I nodded grinning slightly.

He rubbed his face and then slapped himself lightly to wake up. Then he looked at me.

"I am not dreaming," he stated and then narrowed his eyes, "What are you doing here?"

I could see that sleep had left his eyes now that he realized that I was actually there. I could see his mind working trying to pinpoint the reason behind me coming to him. I figured I would save him trouble as I answered.

I need help.

"It is too dark, Ayah," he sighed and I repeated my hand movement slowly.

"I am not going to like this, am I?" He asked once I was done. I shook my head in response.

"All right," he said more to himself, "Tell me what you want me to do and then I will decide if I will help you or not."

I nodded again to him, that sounded fair to me, but at the same time, my mind was trying to figure out whom to ask for help if my brother refused. Apparently, my mind was convinced that this needed to happen tonight and strangely my heart was not questioning my mind either.

I sighed to myself and told him my plan without looking for his reaction. I knew it was absurd, I was not sure if it would work but at the same time, I was never sure what could work. I could not help but repeat to my brother that I had never helped anyone like Qamar, however, I wanted to help. He needed my help and as far as I could tell, I had made some progress at the very least. Something that Omar, Wali and all the royal healers hadn't. He was talking to me, he did recognize me and he did not go crazy every time I entered his room. I told my brother that Qamar had even acknowledged the fact to me that his wife and children were dead. He knew that when he saw them around it was his mind playing tricks on him. I was progress—baby steps, but progress.

My brother followed my movement patiently. I did not why I felt the need to justify my actions so much. Who was I convincing? Was I convincing Asad or was this for myself?

He looked at me, once I was done, reading my eyes as Omar did. I let him do it even though I was not sure what exactly he was looking for.

"Is he worth all this?" Asad asked quietly and I looked at him confused.

He was the Monarch! I did not know anyone else who was worth all this trouble.

"Look, I know that he is a great man," Asad said, "I mean I do not know it my personal experience but that is what everyone wants me to believe but I have seen Omar first hand and I know that I would want him to be my monarch if someone asked me."

I blinked at my brother.

Asad sighed, "Qamar never really got the chance to be the monarch, Ay. One year within his rule his family got attacked. What if we do so much to help him and he just turns out to be a horrible ruler. Under Omar's reign, I see more hope. He is considerate, understanding and just."

Irritation built inside me and I looked at my brother in annoyance and – surprisingly – anger. Something inside me wanted to ask him that who was he who decided who should be helped or not? Did he see the condition Qamar was in? I did not care whether he would be a good ruler or not in the future. I simply cared about the present and the fact that he was a human in a lot of pain. But I tried to think calmly. Asad question was rational to an extent, maybe if it was some other person he would not think like this. He would not ask me the value of the person.

I know Omar thinks he is worth it, I answered.

"Omar is his brother, Ayah," Asad answered, "I want to know whether you think he is worth it and I am not talking about what you are asking me to do tonight. I will help you, of course, I am talking long-term. All this that we are doing – staying away from our parents – I want to know whether it is worth it."

I exhaled loudly. Did I think if he was worth it? Why was he asking me this? How long has this been in his mind? Why didn't he ask me this before?

I thought back to the man in the dark room thinking about his dead family, unable to do anything normally because he could not stop mourning. He could not stop grieving and get haunted by it—a man who could not stop reliving his worst nightmare. Any man in his position would change, even me, of course, he would never be the same Qamar he was before but that did not in any way mean that he would forget who he truly was. Omar had said that Qamar was born to be the monarch, it was something he was destined to be.

Yes, I answered, Yes he was worth it.

Asad nodded to himself and then stood up. He smiled at me, a small smile—a smile that indicated more than he let on. A smile that said what he was always told me.

I better know what I was doing.

_

Asad marched in the third-floor corridor all by himself. He had changed from his night robes and his hair was in place. He walked with authority and then stood in the middle and announced.

"Guards," he said, "Aqib needs you all in his chambers."

"Why?" One of the patrolling guards stopped and asked. I could not see his expression under the helmet but judging from his tone I knew he was confused and surprised. I kept myself against the wall as I watched.

"I do not know," Asad answered, "I was just sent here to let you know."

"What about the ones guarding the monarch?" Another guard asked.

"Them too," Asad answered, "It is not that Monarch ever leaves the room."

"He is..." the same guard said choosing his word carefully, "unpredictable."

"When was the last time he left the room?" Asad challenged and when they did not answer he sighed and said, "I'll ask my sister to be with him until your return."

"But what about her? What if he attacks her again?" The guard asked.

"I will tell her to be careful," Asad answered his tone unwavering. I heard another guard scoff at my brother but did not say anything. I know Asad heard it too but chose to ignore it.

"This better be important." The guard who Asad was talking to spoke and motioned the other guards to follow him. One of the guards went inside and the two guards that guarded Qamar's door appeared alongside him. I held my breath as they marched towards the stairs. Asad walked towards me once they could not look anymore.

"That was easy," he muttered to himself, "Fifteen minutes! I think that is how long I can keep them distracted. Do you get me, Ay?"

I nodded. I just needed fifteen minutes.

"Oh boy," Asad muttered, "I hope they do not kill me and most importantly, I hope Aqib does not kill me."

I bit my lip to stop myself from smiling. I was imagining Aqib's reaction as these marched towards his room and knocked asking why they were needed.

He won't, I assured him. Maybe he will just break a leg or two.

Asad walked down the stairs following the guard and I marched towards the monarch's chambers. Holding my breath and trying to calm my nerves, I open the door to his room and kept it open. I searched for the monarch but he was not in his bed, he was sitting and staring out the window.

"I heard the commotion," he said acknowledging my presence.

I walked slowly towards him and sat opposite to him. I peeped from his window and then pointed towards him and outside. He looked at me but his eyes were fixed on the sling that I was wearing.

"Did I do that to you?" He asked.

I shrugged in response like I did not care and did the same movements as before.

"I do not understand...." He shook his head.

I smiled at him and then slowly placed my hand over his knee. He did not flinch and he did not ask me to not touch him. He just stared at me expressionless. Slowly I made my way to his hand and grabbed it, tugging it, I pointed towards the door.

"What?" Qamar blinked.

I smiled broadly. I was giving him a chance to go out. He kept on staring from his window and I knew he longed to feel the air against his skin. A small walk would not hurt anyone, not now, when there was no one around.

I stood up and tugged his arm again. He blinked at me repetitively as if in disbelief that I would suggest something like this. I was suggesting it even though I knew the consequences if it went horribly wrong. This was my way of saying that I trusted him.

"Are you..." He did not complete the sentence and I frowned at him. I did not have time. I needed him to understand and I need him to trust me too.

I nodded impatiently.

"But what...." I felt his arm tremble against mine. I did not let go of him as tried to smile reassuringly. I was scared too maybe not as much as he was. I did not know the consequences of my action but I wanted to give this a try.

He removed his hand away from my grasp and stared from the window. I could not read his eyes, I did not know what he was thinking. He pressed his lips in a thin line and then looked at me.

"No." He told me quietly, "I am dangerous."