[Bella Hennings]

I try my best to avoid making the dreaded choice between Dale and Hunter, but it doesn't help. I can't play with both anymore. I need to pick only one between them. The other will suffer, I know. This is real life, though, not some tacky drama.

I sip my tea in silence as I think of the best plan to have either man come clean about their real intentions with me. I want to see if they really care about me, or if they're just after my money. Not that I'm a millionaire, but I do have my fair share of savings.

I pick my phone and scroll through my WhatsApp contacts to see if either man is online. It turns out neither is, which means my little big plan has to wait. I leave the phone on the table and restart taking sips of the tea between one cookie and another.

***

Neither Jenny nor Beth like my plan. They both think it's too risky and will only cause further trouble. I try to defend it since I don't want to and can't afford to play it safe anymore, but they insist my idea is stupid.

"It's you who has to take initiative, Bella," points out Jenny. I refrain from calling her a hypocrite because she's my friend; my point stands still, though. She can't tell me to take initiative when she is the first to still struggle with shrugging Hunter off on her own.

I retort. "You know what, Jenny? How are you doing with sending Hunter off to take a hike? Or are you already betrothed to him?" I address her in a taunting tone, which annoys both her and Beth. I don't like how they aren't doing what they preach, but expect me to make a decision, like, now.

I insist. "I won't tell them straight away. Period. If you think you can push me into making a rushed choice only to regret it, then you're wrong!" I turn my back at my best friends, click the heels and head toward the door. Unfortunately, Beth grabs my wrist. What does she want from me? She won't convince me to take hers and Jenny's ridiculous suggestion.

"Bella, like I told you the other day, please reconsider your plans. Don't hurt yourself," she says in a pleading tone, much to my annoyance. She really wants to convince me it'd be best for me if I just picked one between Dale and Hunter in a rush, basically giving in to their whims.

I explain, keeping myself from recoiling in disgust. "Listen, Beth. I've thought about it, and I don't think I can make a direct choice, like that." I snap my fingers to make the concept clearer, at least in my head. "Dale plays hard to get. If I reject him, he'll go back to Kara, and they'll turn my life into hell."

"But you're not employed there anymore," points out Jenny. She isn't wrong per se, but what if they, along with Hames, take out their frustration and vitriol on her as compensation for my dismissal?

She adds, "Plus, I don't think you should worry about them. I have things under control there." Has she earned a surprise promotion or what? It looks like she is our hope to bring Hames and Hollister down. Now that I think of it, she and Beth have a point. I should trust them instead of attacking directly. It'd do more harm to good.

"By the way, yes, I've got promoted to Chief Editor. Isn't it great?" While she exudes excitement, she tries hard to keep it under wraps. It's not like her position closer to the higher-ups will be put in jeopardy just because she's hanging out with me.

Beth and I both congratulate with her for the great achievement. I joke. "Now, next step is the CEO position!" Jenny laughs softly, but keeps a straight face. Is she really ready to take over, though? Hames and Hollister did build a large web of connections and kept up appearances for so long. What will be her approach?

Anyway, it's only a joke, so I let it go. Instead, I turn to Beth, who has kept quiet over the last few minutes. "Penny for your thoughts?" I ask as I catch her fidgeting with her watch. She must be really busy with some stuff at home, so it's not like I can keep her forever.

"Sorry, I'm just a little nervous. Yeah, at the idea of Jenny being so close to those two. Anyway, I shouldn't think too much of it, right?" Jenny and I shake our heads, signaling at her to change subject.

"Oh, yeah. Alex and I spent last night together," says Jenny. "He even encouraged me to restart writing. What do you think?" Among the three of us, Jenny is the most passionate at reading, writing and editing books. She thinks they're her main purpose in life.

I can't blame her for that; after all, passion is crucial when it comes to chasing one's dreams, and Jenny is living proof of that. Then, here comes me, who can't keep a potentially good job, let even one man. I'm terrible at making decisions. The more I mull over one, the worse.

"That's great!" comments Beth. "I'm sure you'll become a great author one day." I second this statement; Jenny gives us a heartfelt smile. So, why do I feel like I'll erase it from her face soon? My hands itch. There's something I can't keep for too long, a secret no-one else is aware of.

"Girls, speaking of aspirations and all that stuff, I have to tell you something." Jenny and Beth are alarmed at my tone. They immediately understand I'm uneasy and need to let it out before it detones.

"Well, do you remember when we said we had the same goal?" My friends don't answer straight away. The silence that falls on us is painful as death. I know, I shouldn't say that, but I can't think of anything as suggestive.

My frustration grows as neither Jenny nor Beth say a word. So, I exclaim, "I can't believe you forgot! It was on Jenny's first day at Hames Hollister. Do you remember, Jen?" Her confused glance leaves room for a frown. She immediately senses something wrong in my words, unlike Beth, who's still oblivious.

"It was when we vowed we'd never take separate paths, and we'd only do something we're truly passionate about for our careers." Jenny recalls correctly. I did say that, and they seconded it. Too bad I didn't sound convinced back then, let even now.

"Well, girls..." I take a deep breath and run a hand through my hair, knowing that what I'm about to say will land me into hot water. "I only agreed to the vow not to piss you off. I already wanted out back then. I took that job solely for money."

I close my eyes for thirty seconds and open them back to my friends' amused looks. In fact, Jenny claps back, but not in a bad manner. "So what? I mean, you don't work your ass off for free. Do you, Beth?" The latter, of course, says no.

I try to get them back in track. "Girls, there's more. I-"

Jenny cuts me off, laughing like a child. "Bella, I thought you had something really serious to reveal. You didn't surprise me in the slightest. Stop worrying." She has a point. I can't keep wallowing over every single thing.

I still want Brian Hames and Kara Hollister to face comeuppance for their endless bullying and gaslighting, but I think it's time to try a different approach. Payback isn't a viable option, at least in my terms.

I'll let those two run to their demise on their own. I have more pressing matters to focus on.