A/N: This chapter contains a piece of Linked Souls chapter 53 and Shattered Souls chapter 7. You can reread the said chapters after niyong mabasa ito para mas maintindihan niyo. Thank you and enjoy reading!

Chapter 12: Remembering

"I am happy to see you again, Oscar."

Ilang sandali akong hindi nakakibo. I had to remind myself that I was in another delusion. This woman was not real. She's made up for me.

I took my time and roamed my eyes around. We were standing in the middle of the meadow with nothing around, but various flowers bloomed from the ground. The wind was playing with my hair. Everything felt real.

"You look so different from the last time I saw you," I heard her chuckle. Napalingon ako sa kanya. Siya naman ngayon ay nakatingin sa malayo. She was smiling.

"Then I barely remember the last time."

I swallowed. "What am I doing here?"

She refocused her eyes on me. Tiningnan niya ako bago natawa. Yumuko siya para pumitas ng kulay dilaw na bulaklak. It looked like a sunflower.

"Don't you like this place anymore?" she asked, a bit disappointed.

I watched her take each petal off of the sunflower. She was muttering something. Napangiti siya nung malagas ang huling talutot ng bulaklak.

"Let's have some drink?" she asked.

I blinked once and we disappeared from the meadow. Nasa loob na kami ng isang maliit na kubo. Nakaupo ako habang si Astra ay nakatalikod sa akin at nagsasalin ng alak sa dalawang baso.

"We could have had a better life," she whispered.

Humarap siya sa akin saka pinatong ang baso na may alak sa harapan ko. Saka siya umupo sa tabi ko. Pinanuod ko siyang uminom sa alak niya.

She sighed. Makahulugan ang buntonghininga niya. Nakatingin siya sa malayo at tila may iniisip. Napailing pa siya.

"You are not real," I reminded myself.

She's just in my head. We are both in my head.

"Bakit ang tagal mong dumating?" dinig kong bulong niya. Saka siya bumaling sa akin. May lungkot na hindi mapagtanto sa boses niya. "Nagugutom ka na ba? May karne pa. Gusto mong initin ko?"

I shook my head. Inabot ko ang alak na sinalin niya para sa akin saka uminom. Naramdaman kong gumapang sa lalamunan ko ang alak. I could feel the moment, as if I was not in a delusion.

What am I doing here?

No. I am in another delusion. That means there's something about this. I have to play along. Iyon lang ang tanging paraan para makalabas ako.

I cleared my throat. "I think I am hungry."

"Sure. Magpapadingas lang ako," aniya.

Tumayo siya saka lumapit sa lutuang kalan de kahoy. Naglagay siya roon ng mga panggatong. Pagkatapos ay tumayo siya saka lumingon sa paligid na animo ay may hinahanap.

Napatingin ako sa posporo sa harapan ko. Kinuha ko 'yon saka lumapit sa kanya. Imbes na iabot ay yumuko ako para ako na ang magpadingas.

"Salamat..." dinig kong sabi niya.

Habang inaayos ni Astra ang karne na isasalang ay siniguro kong hindi mamamatay ang apoy. Even the heat from the smoldering woods, I could feel it in my face.

"I was really worried you wouldn't meet me here again. Pero kung sakali mang hindi ka na nga bumalik, mas nanaisin ko na lang ding manatili rito kahit mag-isa lang ako. Ayoko nang bumalik pa."

Everything she said didn't make sense to me. At least for now.

"I don't break a promise," I said.

"You didn't even promise me that."

Napalingon ako sa kanya. Tumayo ako at umatras palayo sa kalan nung sinalang na niya ang karne. Nakatalikod pa rin siya sa akin nung tinali niya ang kanyang buhok.

I decided to go back to my seat. Inubos ko ang alak.

"Ten minutes," aniya.

"I can wait."

She turned to me. "Do you need more drink?"

As I didn't have anything to say, I just nodded. She refilled in my glass with wine. Pagkatapos ay lumapit siya sa bintana na gawa sa kahoy at binuksan 'yon. The sunlight was peaking from outside. Pumasok ang sariwang hangin.

She stood there.

"What did you do while I was gone?" I asked.

"Waited," she simply said, still facing outside the window.

I nodded. "I'm sorry for keeping you waiting."

Is this another story of Astra? I am not familiar with anything that's taking place. Hindi ko rin alam kung bakit siya ang narito at kung bakit ako ang nasa posisyon na ito.

"I was never your obligation," she said. Humarap siya sa akin. Hindi pa rin napapawi ang ngiti sa kanyang labi. "You have no responsibility over me."

My glass was emptied. Pinatong ko sa ibabaw ng lamesa ang nakasalikop kong mga kamay. Nakatingin ako sa kanya at gano'n din siya.

I have to break this delusion before it breaks me first.

"Wait." Kumunot ang noo ko no'ng mabalikan sa isipan ang isang parte sa sinabi niya kanina. "Ano ang ibig mong sabihin na ayaw mo nang bumalik?"

Her smile turned into a frown. Padabog siyang lumapit sa akin saka umupo. Inubos niya ang alak sa baso bago bumaling sa akin.

"I hate how you can easily forget," she pouted.

"Yeah. I forget things easily," I chortled. "Would you mind reminding me?"

"My father would kill us both if he found out," she said, and fear crossed her face. "I was set to marry another man, per my father's request."

Natikom ang bibig ko. There seemed like distorted memories suddenly popped into my head. Pero sa sobrang labo nito ay hindi ko mapagtanto. The story sounded so familiar and so close to my heart.

"Y-you were supposed to marry another man?"

"Sa tingin ko ay malambot na ang karne."

Wala pang sampunong minuto ay tumayo siya at naghain na ng pagkain. Nanatili ako sa upuan at pilit na iniintindi ang sitwasyon. I don't remember Astra being in love with someone else. It's always been Brixton. Sino ang tinatakasan niya?

"Ayaw mo ba?" tanong ni Astra nung hindi ko ginalaw ang pagkain.

Kinain ko ang hinain niyang ulam. For some reason, the food tasted so familiar. Habang nginunguya ang pagkain ay sinusubukan kong alalahanin ang lahat. I put so much concentration into rummaging my memories that my head started to hurt.

"Are you okay?" Astra asked, worried.

I turned to her. She was crying.

"I don't want to marry another man, Oscar," she sobbed. "Ayokong makasama ang isang lalaking hindi ko mahal. Kahit na mali at mahirap, mas gusto kong ikaw ang makasama ko."

I've been here before.

"We had better options. I know," she sobbed harder. "Ayokong mamili kung wala ka sa pagpipilian. I am happy with the life I chose. My life with you."

Inabot ko ang kanyang pisngi saka pinunasan ang kanyang luha. Hinawakan niya ang kamay ko saka mas nilapit sa kanyang pisngi.

Slowly, I remembered it.

"I am sorry, Oscar..." Walang humpay ang pagtulo ng luha sa kanyang mga mata. "Alam kong nahihirapan ka rin. You are probably hurting more than me. I'm sorry for being selfish."

Natigilan kami nung marinig na bumagsak ang pintuan sa labas. Mabilis na tumayo ako at gano'n din si Astra. Nagtago siya sa likod ko.

"Stay on my back," I said.

I heard footsteps approaching. Niyakap ako ni Astra mula sa likod. Malakas ang paghikbi niya.

After a few seconds appeared a man in front of us. He stood there and towered over us with vague features. Naramdaman kong nagtayuan ang mga balahibo ko.

Before I even noticed, tears streamed down my face as the truth dawned on me.

"I cannot believe you disobeyed me," baritonong sambit niya sa babaeng nasa likod ko. "I have an entire world and kingdom dedicated to you. But you chose to go with this random man who couldn't even offer you anything!"

This is my story.

"Come with me now," he threatened.

Naramdaman kong mas hinigpitan ni Astra ang pagkakapit sa aking likod. Ramdam kong mas lalong nangalaiti ang lalaki no'ng hindi kumilos ang babae sa likod ko.

Napasinghap ako nung maglabas ng patalim ang lalaki. The edge of the sword glistened before my eyes. There was nothing we could do. The only was to surrender.

I had to surrender.

"I will count to three..." aniya.

He started to count. Naramdaman kong dahan-dahan na lumuwag ang pagkakakapit sa akin ni Astra. Nung tuluyan siyang bumitiw ay ako naman ang humawak sa braso niya.

"Stay..." I begged.

Humigpit ang pagkakahawak ng lalaki sa kanyang patalim. Gano'n pa man ay hindi ko binitiwan ang braso ni Astra. Bagkus ay hinila ko pa siya palapit sa akin.

"O-Oscar..." she whispered my name.

"No. Stay here..."

Tila lumubog ako sa kinatatayuan nung tinulak ako ni Astra para lumapit sa lalaki. Yumakap siya rito kaya niyakap din siya ng lalaki.

"She's going to marry another man," the man said. "She's going to marry a man who would fight for her, not take her away. Wala siyang mapapala sa 'yo."

"Stop now, Father. Let him live, and I will do whatever you want," she begged her father. "Just don't touch him, please. I beg you."

"Anything?" her father assured.

She nodded.

"You will take your brother's place and lead our clan after The Unus. You will replace me as the leader of Nightfall Clan."

Hindi ko alam kung lumabo ba ang paligid o dala lang ito ng mga luha ko. Ngunit nung hawiin ko ang luha ay nasa ibang lugar na ako.

My father was looking down at me. I was kneeling before him. My entire body was in pain. It felt like he beat me up because I tried to disobey him.

"Celeste is a weak woman. She has nothing to offer you. Makakasagabal lang siya sa 'yo." He placed his hand over my shoulder. My body jolted. "If there's someone who can help you rule, that will be Astra."

"W-what?"

I was confused and wrecked.

"Astra is more suitable to be your partner. She's a strong woman and capable of many things. Your mother will try to make things work for both of you. She's on it now."

"Astra is doing fine with Brixton—"

"Are you trying to tell me that she holds a higher priority for you than your lady?" he cut me off. "Because there's only one who can stay with you. I'm afraid it's not Celeste. But you can save her."

I still had a hard time understanding things. However, I have to make one thing clear.

"Father..." I looked at him with weary eyes. "Let Celeste live, and I will do whatever you want. I will betray my own brother if that's what it takes."

"You have my word, Son. After The Unus, you will take my place."

After my conversation with my father, I left his room, and I've never felt so ashamed of myself. I have to betray my own brother just to save someone else. However, I've already hurt her enough. This is the only thing I can do for her.

Sa hindi kalayuan ay nakita kong nag-uusap sina Resty at Astra. I didn't mean to stay, but when I overheard their conversation, I found myself listening. I was in awe the whole conversation.

"I see..." I said when she was left alone. Napatingin sa akin si Astra. "You are starting to gather information."

"I just find it disgusting how Brix was mistreated in a place he sees as home."

Napangiti ako sa sinabi niya. She's really a fierce woman. Alam kong masama na rin ang tingin niya sa akin. Mas lalo lang siyang magagalit sa akin kapag nalaman niya ang mangyayari pa.

"You are already disgusted with those pieces of information. Paano pa kaya kapag nalaman mo na nang buo?" Naglakad ako palapit sa kanya. "This is the time to be silent, Astra. Kung walang nagawa si Brix, ano sa tingin mo ang magagawa mo?"

I tried to warn her, but her expression got even more furious. I know she's a brave woman. But there are things she should not mind. The past is one. There's nothing else she can do about it. Learning it will only break her heart more.

"To clear his name..." madiin niyang sambit. "I want the world to know how you turned him into a disgusting killer. G-gusto kong... gusto kong malaman ng lahat na kung may dapat man silang katakutan... hindi si Brix 'yon."

That hit a weak spot of mine. She was about to go, but I swiftly grabbed her arm. The next thing I did shock us both. First, I felt her lips on mine. Then, I felt her palm on my cheek. And she left.

There's nothing I felt when I kissed her. It just made me hate myself even more. There's only one woman who made me feel real things.

Hindi dapat ako panghinaan ng loob. I've been avoiding complications my whole life. This is the first time I've finally felt brave to fight for something.

I have to save Celeste.

No.

I am not completely giving her up.

Once I've taken over the position, I will take her back again. Hindi ko alam kung paano, pero gagawin ko ang lahat para makuha lang siya ulit.

Just wait for me, Celeste.

Please wait for me.

Sa ngayon, kailangan muna kitang iligtas. Kapag maayos na ang lahat, pangako kong gagawin ko ang lahat para bumalik ka ulit sa akin.

In order to get the crown and save her, I followed my father's orders and did unforgivable things.

I betrayed my brother.

I killed a friend.

I turned my back on myself.

I lost everything.

Sa kalayuan ay may natanaw akong babaeng naglalakad. Palayo siya nang palayo sa akin. Sa takot kong baka tuluyan siyang mawala ay hinila ko siya.

"Lord Oscar?" Celeste gasped. "M-may gusto po ba kayo?"

Hindi ko alam ang isasagot ko. Hindi ko rin alam kung bakit ko siya hinila at dinala sa malayo. Basta ang alam ko lang ay may sasabihin ako sa kanya na ngayon ay hindi ko na matandaan.

"W-where's Lady Feera?" she asked, frantic.

Napansin kong nanginig ang kanyang kamay kaya tinago niya 'yon sa kanyang likod. Iwas na iwas siyang mapatingin sa aking mga mata.

"Why did you agree?" I asked.

Napalingon siya sa akin. "It's for fun. Saka alam ko naman na hindi rin seseryosohin ni Prince Nigel Hezuera ang hamon niyang kompetisyon sa akin. But if he will really take it seriously, Master Randolf taught me how to ride a horse."

Ignoring the last part she said, I asked, "Why did you do that?"

"H-hindi ko po kayo maunawaan—"

"Celeste..." Lumunok ako at sinubukang hawakan ang kanyang kamay pero mabilis niya 'yong iniwas. Napaawang ang bibig ko.

"Lasing kayo Lord Oscar."

"I have to explain myself—"

"You don't have to explain yourself, Lord Oscar." Tumulo ang luha sa kanyang mga mata habang pilit na nakangiti. "Malayo na ang narating mo. Maayos na rin ang buhay ko. We are both doing better on our own."

"I-I'm sorry..." I whispered in my shaking voice. My eyes watered as I watched her shed a tear. "I'm sorry for letting you go. But if you will give me one last chance—"

"Ayoko nang bumalik," bulong niya na may kasamang mahinang hikbi. "Maayos na ang kalagayan ko ngayon. Mas maayos sa kalagayan ko no'ng mga panahon na ikaw pa ang pinagsisilbihan ko."

Nakangiting nilapitan niya ako. Dumampi sa pisngi ko ang banayad niyang kamay. Nakangiting hinawi niya ang mga luha sa mata ko.

"M-mahal kita..." bulong niya. "Pero masaya na ako ngayon."

"M-masaya ka na ba talaga sa kanya?"

Hindi siya nag-atubiling tumango.

"S-sumaya ka rin ba sa akin?" tanong ko.

Sa ikalawang pagkakataon ay tumango siya.

"M-mahal mo ba siya?" huling tanong ko.

"Masaya ako sa kanya," aniya. "Mas pinipili ko ang kasiyahan kaysa sa pagmamahal na walang patutunguhan at walang kasiguraduhan."

I slowly got up from my knees. Pinunasan ko ang luha sa aking mga mata. Huminga ako nang malalim bago tumango.

"I understand..." I whispered. "But I am not giving up on you. Malaki ang kasalanan ko sa 'yo. Wala akong pinagsisisihan sa mga 'yon. I have now the power to do what I want. I will get you back after I settled my issues with my brother."

"Baka hinahanap na ako. Kailangan ko nang bumalik."

Tumalikod na siya sa akin at naglakad na palayo.

"Just so you know..." sambit ko pa. "I am waiting."

All I did was wait and watch.

I even watched her bleed until her last breath.

I remembered not feeling anything as I watched her die on the arms of someone else. Mas maraming umaasa sa amin para mapanalo ang laban. Kung panghihinaan ako ng loob, walang mangyayari. So I carried on.

Her death just hit me after we won the war. I was so exhausted, but I had no one. I had no one to celebrate my accomplishments with.

So I learned to live alone.

I lived alone.

The crown in my head never felt like something to be proud of. The once coveted thing suddenly became nothing but a tarnished crown.

"Why are you crying?"

I looked at Celeste. She was smiling at me.

"I-I'm tired," I laughed.

She opened her arms wide for me.

I never ran so fast in my life.