Everyone wants the fairy tale, but don't forget there are dragons in those stories.
—R. Queen, Darkchylde: The Ariel Chylde Saga

Epic Summer To Do List B4 I Turn Eighteen:
#6: Shoplift.
*Edit: Stay home due to the fact that I'm "grounded" and Father has hired a hulking beast of a woman to guard my room door. And my pepper spray has been confiscated so I can't even try to escape. Yay.

Maybe under different circumstances, Galina the heavy set Russian bodyguard Father hired to keep me in check, would have been my friend.

You know. If I didn't pepper spray her before she dragged me back to the prison I call my room right before I could make it to my car and escape.

I look away from my laptop to meet her red rimmed, green eyed glare. I pretend like I'm not (only slightly) intimidated by her look.

She has the features of the Black Widow-auburn red hair, sea green eyes, a pretty face- and the body of Captain America. She must be an Avenger hybrid; I have no other logical explanation.

All in all, she's intimidating. And unfortunately, we had to meet when I was getting ready to go out after explicitly telling Father I'm "unground-able as fuck" so he should leave me alone. But then, like a cliché love story gone wrong, I collided into her and my dreams were dashed.

I pepper sprayed her because it's a common reflex action of mine and she blindly tackled me to the floor because she was probably a football player in her last life.

And now, here I am; locked in my room with a scary woman, trying to watch season one episodes of The Big Bang Theory while thinking of the large tub of vanilla ice cream I could have stolen from a random store.

Oh, Father. I hate you.

"So Galina..." I clear my throat and force a smile on my face. "Where in Russia do you come from?"

Her left eye twitches. She doesn't reply.

I'm determined to get her to say something. "Um, so, I love your hair. It's so red and healthy looking; what kind of conditioner do you use?"

She crosses her arms over her broad chest and says nothing. I nod to myself. Maybe she doesn't understand English. Or maybe she just isn't a woman of too many words.

"Okay, it was nice talking to you," I murmur under my breath, looking down at my laptop again. Truth to be told, I don't mind The Big Bang Theory. It's funny, it's full of nerds and Sheldon Cooper really is king in a freakish, slightly twisted kind of way.

It's just that although I may be an antisocial girl who spends a lot of time trolling through Netflix and Twitter, I still prefer the great outdoors; with the wind combing my hair, the sun hitting the light freckles dusted across my nose, other poetic shit like that and so forth.

I sigh and quickly send a glance Galina's way. She's still watching me like a hawk- ohhhhhh, she must really be an Avenger experiment- and I purse my lips before looking down at my phone.

It's been about five days since Ian Ross forcefully grabbed my phone at Pedro's Pizzeria, typed his number and saved it in my contacts as Your Crush-- I haven't had the time or energy to change it yet-- and I haven't called. If anything, I've been avoiding that particular strip of town by going to other places.

I mentally curse Reyna in my mind for basically abandoning me as I dial his number and press the phone against my ear. It's been more than than a week and she still hasn't spoken to me. Now, I have to resort to talking to Ian Ross for entertainment.

The phone rings thrice before he picks. Heavy metal music hits my ears and I wince slightly. "Good day, Ian Ross speaking."

I roll my eyes. So he has manners when he's speaking on the phone. How sweet. "Oh really? I thought I called the fire department, sorry wrong number," I say, irony coating my words.

There's a slight pause on the other end. Suddenly, I can't hear heavy metal music playing. "Wait. Scarlett?"

The shock in his voice amuses me. I chuckle. "Yes, it is I."

He laughs for a moment. "Damn. Haven't you heard about the three day rule?"

I'm lost. "The what?"

"The three day rule? The one which states that you don't call until after three days? And this is the fifth day. I almost threw away the idea that you'd call to be honest. I should have known you'll add two extra days."

I still don't know what the fool is talking about but I don't bother asking again. "Right... well, you know me. I like to break the rules?"

He chuckles. "Yeah. So..."

"Sheldon Cooper is king," I tell him after a moment of silence. "I'm still watching season one episodes but yeah. I love Sheldon. Hes a star. And the show is great- so far so good."

"Oh yeah, sure, he is," Ian mumbles and I can practically see the indifference on his face. "But let's talk about something more interesting. Like, for starters, when can I see you again?"

I'm aware of the way Galina frowns and inches closer to me like she's trying to eavesdrop on our conversation. I frown at her but answer Ian. "You sound like an Owl City song."

He chuckles. "Stop trying to change the subject."

I shrug. Then I realize he can't see me. "I wasnt trying to. But why the sudden interest in seeing me? If I remember correctly, your first words to me were leave. Am I right or am I right?"

He chuckles. "Right. But that's because I was particularly moody that day. And you were getting on my nerves."

"Uh huh," I murmur just as Galina sits on the edge of my bed. The mattress dips under her weight. I frown at her- she ignores it. "Well, anyway, you won't be seeing me soon. I'm grounded."

"Right. Because when you're grounded, you're allowed to use your phone," Ian says slowly like he's having a hard time believing it.

"And laptop," I sigh. "So yes. You won't be seeing me anytime soon. I've got an Avenger with me so I can't even sneak out."

"...I see," he replies after a moment. "Which Avenger though? I think you could easily sneak out with Tony Stark watching over you."

I can't help it. I laugh before I can stop it. "Her name is Galina. Imagine Black Widow. With the Hulk's height. Captain America's physique. Hawkeye's glare. Dressed up like Tony Stark. And Thor as fuck."

"Thor as fuck?" He laughs along with me.

"Yeah. She's foreign," I explain, brushing off the glare Galina suddenly shoots at me. "Wait. She's actually Russian so I guess that just makes her the Black Widow all over again."

"Wow," he says and I can practically see an eyebrow go up on his chiseled face. "You know, if it was some other random girl telling me this, I would be very offended that she's trying to let me down nicely while insinuating I'm stupid. But it's you so I know you're telling the truth."

"...Well. Um, thanks," I mutter. The guy is complimenting me and really, he sounds like he's full on flirting. Excuse me if I'm a little bit confused. "I try to be honest at all times."

"I nodded," he replies. "Anyhow, what are you doing?"

"Sheldon Cooper," I say and I smirk at the innuendo. Damn, it's been a while since I got laid. This bucket list has bean taking my time. I'm even making perverted jokes now.

"Wouldn't you rather do me?" Ian says and basically, I can hear the smirk in his voice.

"I'll pass," I mutter as the smirk melts off my face. "You're not my type."

There's silence for a short moment. I bite my lip as the seconds tick by. "Then what is your type?" He finally says. I blink at his tone; he sounds way too interested in this particular topic.

I keep my answer as short as possible. "Um, should have a good attitude. Funny. Has a cock or a cunt; I don't mind."

"You're bi," he says and it's more of a statement than a question. I still nod although I know he can't see me. "That's cool."

"I know," I say. "What about you?"

"These days, it seems that I don't have a type. If you know what I mean," he replies and I blink at his tone. He sounds like he's trying to be suggestive. And insinuating something I can definitely decipher.

Okay, it's a freaking fact that I don't catch on to most things like I should. I tend to brain myself with typical cluelessness until someone has to literally spell it out for me. You could say I'm always in a state of constant denial.

But this? I know when a guy (read: Ian Ross) is hitting on me. And not being too subtle about it either.

I clear my throat. "Um. I hope you know that sometimes, your type may not see you as her type... right?" Wow, now I'm talking about myself. I'm so conceited.

"I know," he replies and suddenly, his cock is swimming in his vocals. "But then again, my type wasn't exactly my type before I met her so maybe I can return the favor her way."

I'm already tired of speaking in parables. "Dude. You're old."

"Age is just a number- okay, no, cancel that reply. I sounded like such a pedophile," he says and I press my free fist against my mouth to keep my snigger at bay. "What I mean is that you'll be eighteen soon. I turned twenty two like two months ago. So legally, we'll be alright."

"Is that what all those school teachers say to their students just to get into their pants?" I roll my eyes. The sound of laughter fills my ears and Galina beside me, actually cracks a smile.

"I wouldn't know," he says and then suddenly, his laughter abruptly stops as he groans. "Damn. I have a customer. I have to go."

"Make sure to double check the I.D card," I murmur and I realize I'm smiling. I quickly mold my expression into something neutral.

"Sure," he mutters. "Well. I'll call you later."

I cut the call, drop the phone on my pillow and turn to face Galina. She has a smirk on her lips and I scowl at her. "What?"

"Your boyfriend?" She asks me and her accent is only slightly there. She sounds like shes been practicing English for a long while. Her eyes glint and I suddenly feel the need to pepper spray her in the face one more time.

"He wishes," I scoff. "He's just an asshole."

"Dat you called and spent over ten minutes on the phone wid?"

"Yes!" I say and I ignore the way my neck suddenly feels like the sun. "Is that so hard to believe?"

She nods slowly. I watch as she stretches her hand over my thighs to grab my phone. I don't bother fighting for it; her biceps basically flex with the simple movement and I know when I've lost a fight.

I curse myself for not having a password. She easily accesses my phone and raises one auburn eyebrow. "Den why did you save his number as your crush?"

I snatch my phone away from her loose fingers. "I didn't! He did!"

"Of course," she says. She stands up and makes her way to the door before standing in front of it again, playing the part of a perfect road block.

I quickly change his contact name to Ian Ross -_- and drop my phone again. I stare down at the frozen face of Sheldon Cooper on the screen of my laptop and sigh.

"Chelyabinsk," Galina suddenly speaks and I return my stare to her. She smiles lightly. "Dat's where I'm from."

"Oh," I nod. "Okay."

We're silent for a moment. I clear my throat, effectively breaking the little stretch of silence. "I'm... sorry for using my pepper spray on you."

She smiles but it's wary. "You are short so most of ith didn't get intho my eyes."

"I'm short..." I blink at her choice of words. "Well, that isn't something I hear everyday..."

She smiles just as my phone buzzes beside me. I look down at it. Ian Ross -_- is calling you. I stare at it for a moment as it continues to ring.

"Do not keep your boyfriend waiting," Galina speaks up. She sounds like she's mocking me. "Sorry. I mean your crush."

"You are so not sorry Galina," I mutter under my breath, ignoring the way my cheeks feel hot as I pick up the phone.

I accept the call.

To be edited.