TW: panic attack

The weekend was looking to be quiet.

I expected to fall back into the two-day solitude trip that I usually did before I met Lloyd, doing nothing but wasting the days away with half-hearted study and attempts to binge watch whatever series showed up in my recommended that held my attention for long enough.
The weather was reasonably nice for the time of season - early spring was usually so temperamental, yet the wind was still and the sky was blue. I should've been organising to do something outside. Something productive, something with friends.
I couldn't be bothered.
I could barely sleep properly, let alone find the energy to do anything outside of school. Naps were broken and useless. Nightmares played on loop. I was existing in a bubble of my own struggle.
I had planned to waste away the weekend feeling mopey and depressed when my wildly busy schedule of doing absolutely nothing was rudely interrupted via text. I lazily lifted my phone to eye level from where I was dutifully sprawled across the couch.

And that was how I found myself in a cafe sunday afternoon, sat across from Chen. I stared blankly at the mousy brown of the hot chocolate in front of me, swirling merrily, lazily. I envied its ease. The ceramic's heat burnt my palms but I could barely register it.
"You gonna tell me what's going on between you and Lloyd?" Chen asked, sipping his own green tea as his brown eyes stared at me expectantly. My downcast gaze continued to stare dumbly at my untouched drink.
"Lloyd dumped me."
"What?!" Chen sat up abruptly at my monotonous reply, spilling hot tea over his fingers at the movement. He hissed in pain and I finally glanced up in worry, but he didn't pay his red mini-limbs any mind, simply wiping them off with a napkin. "He broke up with you?"
"Yeah."
"Nooooo!" Chen whined, almost slamming his mug down onto the table. "You guys were so cute! Boyfriend goals, girlfriend goals, relationship goals - the whole package!"

"Yeah, well," I mumbled to myself - bordering on bitter while I took a sip of my hot beverage. "Good things don't last, clearly."
"How did it happen?"
"It was my fault," I admitted quietly, shaking my head as I held my throbbing temple. "It was my fault for him breaking up with me."
"He seems pretty pissed," Chen agreed.
"So he should," I grunted, dropping my cheek onto the table sullenly. "Given how I treated him. I just- I just wish I could take everything back."
Chen hummed, wiping up his spilt mess with a napkin. A small group of girls a few years younger than us entered the cafe, laughter of chimes and bells.
"What would have you done differently?" Chen asked, balling his napkin and placing it aside. "Thrown in a hot make out session so he wouldn't leave? Maybe even hit tier fifteen?"
I snorted quietly. My cheek pushed against the wooden gloss of the table.
"No," I replied dryly before my expression softened with pained regret. "I would've made myself calm down before talking to him. I was running on emotions when I really should have had a clear head."

Chen nodded in silent understanding.
"Are you still going to sit with them?"
"No," I sighed again, lifting myself up only to drop my forehead into my palm. "He was there for five minutes on Friday before I couldn't take it any longer. The tension is way too thick. It'd be unfair to make the rest of them sit through that, too."
"Okay, let me rephrase," Chen said, leaning forward. "What do you want?"
I lifted my eyes to him. That was a hard question; there were a lot of things I wanted. Main one was a hug, namely from Lloyd. Second was just to have him back. I also wanted a lot of trivial things, too, like teachers who were easier on my grades and another pair of heelies since their comeback. But that wasn't the type of question Chen was asking.
What do I want? What do I want to do, realistically? What can I will into existence simply by gathering that needed courage?

"I want to apologise to Lloyd," I finally replied, voice small. "I want him to know that I still care for him, even if he never wants to see me again. If anything, I want closure."
"... you really think you two won't get back together?"
"I..." I broke off to huff heavily, eyes downcast. "I don't know. These prophecies... they've been altered once. They can change again. Maybe Lloyd will force me to take the 'get out of jail free' card and step back from them. God knows what'll happen if it comes down to that."
"Okay, alright," Chen said, straightening in his seat and holding me down with a loaded stare. "Forget about the prophecies. Forget about everything in your lives that isn't considered, I dunno, normal? For a teenage relationship, that is. Because that is what's the core of all this. What about then?"
"It's not that simple," I denied, shaking my head. "Lloyd isn't even 'normal' himself."
"Then, for the sake of this discussion, pretend he is."

My gaze drifted down to the wooden grain of the table. Eyebrows furrowed in thought, I bounced my knee.
"... if our relationship was normal - if anything about us was normal - then we wouldn't have run into these problems."
"But you love him," Chen piped up, brows raised. "Like a helpless little schoolgirl."
"Well," I began dryly, eyes half-lidded in displeasure. "Yes, but you didn't have to put it like that."
"It's the truth," Chen shrugged nonchalantly, to which I could do nothing but roll my eyes at. He was right. It is the truth. "And he loves you, in his own horny little demi-god way."
I pulled a face, a confused smile at the cheerleader.
"Why do you keep putting it in these ways?"
"It's the truth."
Again, I found myself unable to argue.
"What's your point, Daniels?" I grunted, pulling the gruff, last-name card. Chen pursed his lips in response before ignoring my attitude.

"Point is," he continued. "Take away all this messy-" he broke into a brief whisper "- ninja stuff, you guys are still just two dumb kids in love. And trust me when I say that Lloyd doesn't want to run from you. If anything, he wants to run to you."
My eyes dropped to the window. The weather was beginning to turn.
"Those ex-friends of yours don't know true love even if it slapped them in the face," Chen grunted. "And that leads onto people, too. Ignore them, Y/n. They have no idea how great you are."
"You forgot your wallet, didn't you?"
"... yes."
I rolled my eyes amusedly.
"It's my shout next time," Chen vowed with a hopeful grin. "But either way, what I said is true."
My smile softened.
"Thanks, Chen."

The sky darkened the longer we talked, the topic of Lloyd being pushed aside to make room for more general conversations, like the building amount of schoolwork and exams. I noticed that the topic of prom was deliberately and gingerly stepped around, which I was grateful for.
Chen was chatting up a barista with a lopsided grin and charming words as I paid. Shaking my head at the flirtatious man, I made my way towards the exit of the little cafe we'd spent the better half of four hours in.
"I'm leaving without you!" I called over my shoulder.
"I'm coming!" was Chen's stressed reply. I snickered, pushing open the door and immediately being met with an evening spring chill.
I shivered, pulling my coat tighter around my body as I began to dawdle slowly down the street while waiting for Chen. I passed a dark alleyway.

A hand gripped my wrist and hauled me into the shadows.

I instinctively screamed in response before a second palm clamped over my mouth. Struggling in the tight hold, I began stomping my feet in order to land a heel on my assailant. Each attack was expertly avoided. My heart stuttered loudly, ringing in my ears.
Fuck. Is this how I die?
"What the hell are you doing?" Lloyd hissed and his voice made me freeze, knee raised, mid-attack. I relaxed under his warm hands. And then-
Fuck. This is totally how I die, goddammit.
I ripped myself from his hold, stumbling backwards. Lloyd was scowling, face of thunder.
"What the hell," I snapped, feeling rage build up inside of me at the unorthodox haulage. As if I was nothing but a dog to be pulled around. "What the hell!"
"Exactly my question," Lloyd countered in a snarl, grabbing my wrist as I tripped over my own boot to save me from eating ass on the concrete. "You know that you can't be out alone!"

"She isn't alone."

We both glanced over at Chen, standing at the lip of the alleyway. He was puffed, standing tall. A hint of reluctance glinted in the chocolate darkness of his eyes as he sized Lloyd up.
Said blond stared at him in bewilderment before glancing down at me, hold squeezing harder. His stare steeled into a glare.
"I see."
"We're just heading back," Chen said, voice tight. His body was shivering in trembles. So was mine, so was Lloyd's.
"I'll take her home," Lloyd demanded. There was an edge to his tone that almost dared his adversary to challenge him.
Chen glanced down at the tight grip on my arm. Lloyd abruptly released me, snatching his hand back as if it'd been burnt. I rubbed my throbbing forearm subconsciously.

"I can take her home," Chen repeated slowly, brown eyes jumping back up to Lloyd's red glare with a challenging tilt of his own. "I'm sure you're busy."
"I said I'll take her home."
"But-"
"It's fine," I reassured my friend quietly, making Chen's uneasy stare jump back to me. "It's okay. Thanks, Chen."
"Y/n-"
"It's Lloyd," I countered with a soothing smile. Angry with me or not, I still trusted Lloyd. He wasn't a bad guy. "I'm safer with him than anywhere else. You know this."
The brunet stared, brow furrowing. I gave a small nod of reassurance and a convincing raise of my brows, making him release a sigh.
"Yeah," Chen replied, staring at Lloyd coolly. He glared back. "Yeah, no worries. I'll see you at school. Text me when you get home."
"Okay."

I watched as he walked out of the alleyway and disappeared around the corner. Then, suddenly, I was afraid of the man standing before me. Part of me believed that Lloyd would never lay a hand on me the wrong way - it was engrained into him as a ninja, evil genetics from his dad or not - but the other part, the monkey brain, the shred of logic that begged me to run and survive, reminded me of his short temper.
How much could he take before he snaps? I prayed to never find out. I'd already seen what he had the ability to do with Axon. I would rather I wouldn't be on the receiving end of that kind of anger.

"Alright," I said, turning back to Lloyd's cloudy expression. "Lay it on me, sensei. Just make sure Bentley doesn't eat me."
It was a quiet tease to break the short-tempered, agonising silence that fell between us. A dry joke, a break of the harsh ice. It was a bad place for an attempt at humour.
I expected him to storm off and leave me scrambling after him less he bites my head off (a metaphor, but one that also could be considered literally). But he stayed, staring at me indifferently as he crossed his arms. His fingers dug deep into his large biceps - and god, jesus christ - I never thought about just how built he was until I was entertaining the entirely possible outcome that had me being very easily taken out by the ultimate, prophesied fighting machine before me. He could flex his arm with my head between his elbow and crack my skull with little resistance.

Oh, great. Thanks, brain. Now I'm even more terrified of him.
Yet, that didn't make me trust him any less.

"We're not taking the dragon," Lloyd replied stiffly. Another part of him that could kill me with ease. My face twisted into a look of confusion. Bentley's fast. Much, much faster than walking. I would've thought that Lloyd would want to spend as less time with me as possible. He certainly acted that way.
"... why?"
"... technical difficulties," the ninja grunted. My face fell into even more bafflement. A brief, frigid pass of wind made me shiver.
"Huh?" I said, before worry began to gnaw at the pit of my stomach. "Is he sick?"
Lloyd looked at me as if I were stupid. In his defence, I am.
"Elemental dragons don't get sick."
"Are you sick?"
"No."
"Then what's wrong?" I asked, crossing my arms as another chilly tremble had my body rattling.

Lloyd sighed, as if he couldn't believe that he was even entertaining my concern. He stepped back a few paces before summoning Bentley.
Oh, god, I thought to myself as the glowing dragon, having hardly even fully developed yet, bounded towards me with his maw pulled back into a wicked snarl. Oh, god. This is how I die.
Except my body wasn't mashed like potatoes in the sharp jaw of a mythical beast. I wasn't torn to pathetic little me pieces by the creature I adored.
Instead, in stark contrast to how he behaved a week prior, Bentley wound himself around me. His cruel growl, his haunched back, his piercing glare - they were directed at Lloyd himself.
"That," Lloyd said tiredly, making Bentley's growl pitch a volume deeper in warning. "That's what's wrong."
"What," I said blankly as the dragon curled himself tighter around me. His tail thumped. I was encased by a wall of green, glowing scales. "What."

Lloyd tested the dragon, taking a single step forward. Bentley tensed like a tiger, growl a rumbling roar that sounded like thunder itself had been ripped from his throat.
"Yeah," Lloyd said shortly, face displeased and royally pissed off. Bentley disappeared with a burst. My hair was tossed across my face in response. "Let's go."
The ninja then abruptly brushed past with barely a look my way. I stared dumbly before reminding myself that I had to follow and manually began to force my legs to move.
I scrambled to catch up with Lloyd's quick gait as we walked down the streets of downtown Ninjago City. It was almost empty. I wasn't sure if that was a blessing or a curse.
"... sorry about your arm," he said quietly after a few streets passed in awkward silence. My eyes jumped to the side of his face in surprise before my gaze dropped to his pursed lips, downturned in a frown. He looked guilty.
I gave a small shrug, watching him as he blatantly ignored my stare.
"S'okay," I mumbled, giving a trialling twist of my wrist. He'd only done it to save me from eating ass on the alleyway ground. "It doesn't hurt. Not really."

Lloyd huffed before pulling to a stop. I stopped too, mainly out of surprise.
"Let me have a look," he murmured. I blinked before dropping my arm into his waiting hand. My heart nearly burst out of my ears when his fingers, brushing and gentle and whisperingly careful, pulled back my jacket sleeve.
It wasn't bad. A small, red mark from just enough force to stop someone from falling over. Anyone else would've done the same, with the same amount of pressure. Hell, I could've done it to Lloyd himself.
But the look that crossed his face when he found the smallest, barest patch of red skin looked as if he felt he had just accidentally kicked a puppy.
"I'm sorry," he said again, and his throat sounded dry and voice hollow.
"It's okay," I repeated, and begged to Uchū that if we could apologise and forgive this easily about this, that we could apologise and forgive about the stupid fight, too.

Another hit of chilly wind had my teeth chattering not-so-subtly. Lloyd gently pulled the sleeve back down and his regretful, pained expression hardened once more - and that was the exact moment that I realised he wanted this fight to be over with just as much as I did.
But his facade was well-made and thick as anything, probably built up from years and years of Green Ninja work. I wondered if he would let his walls down, before mentally scoffing at the idea. Since when had he ever truly let his walls down for me? Truly, truly?
There had been times, sure, where he'd been more open with me. About feelings and fears and his past, but it was obvious he still didn't know how to really be transparent. Was he working on it, or did my colossal mistake set him back to how he was before us?
Well. No time like the present to find out.
"Hey..." I began, voice small as I rushed to keep pace. "Can we talk?"
"No."
I bit my lip. His facade was as strong as ever. The small, tiny speck of a moment we had shared vanished into the cold wind.
"It's a long walk..." I pointed out, voice tiny.
"A long, silent walk, then," Lloyd said, teeth gritted, staring ahead.
"Lloyd-"

He gave an angry huff - a solid wall of an exhale through his teeth - before effortlessly scaling the building beside me to the roof. I stared when he reached the top, his body framed by the evening sky. So far away.
"... okay," I whispered to myself, voice catching as my heart sunk to my feet. I knew he could hear me, anyway.
The walk was long and silent and cold. I caught myself having to glance up at the rooftops that boarded my way home just to check if Lloyd was really still following. He was. He was just completely and totally silent in a way that had the back of my neck prickling with anxiety. Usually his presence would bring me nothing but peace and calm. Now I was just anxious about the baggage between us. Seemed that dream phase ended.
Lloyd leapt back down to ground level when I reached my driveway. I didn't pay him any mind, more keen to hug my arms and glare at the ground than look him in the eye and be subjected to another glare that reminded me of just how much I completely fucked up.

Lloyd walked me to the door. I had no clue why - it wasn't as if I was going to turn around and run off into the night. I was too tired to even think of other reasons. He followed me up the steps to the entrance but then he kept walking and I was gently trapped between him and the door. I stilled in quiet surprise, breath quickening at the proximity. Everything was silent.
Lloyd stared down, eyes a burning red and emotions unreadable. I stared back up, hesitant to match him but unwilling to look away. His slow, deep breaths were each two of mine.
I jolted when his hand touched my waist, fingertips whispering against the lick of my skin that peeked between the hem of clothing. The feeling of his gentle, barely-there brushes had my nerves prickling and spiking in agonising pleasure. His touch was addictive. I wanted more.
Lloyd took a small half-step closer and though his body was still another half-step away from contact, the small space between us absolutely buzzed with electricity. My lips parted without my consent, heart rate quickened. It was so loud, thumping so obviously in my chest, that I was sure he'd be able to hear it even without his heightened senses.

I jolted when his free hand found the other side of my waist. My breath caught in anticipation, waiting for him to make his next move. My head was a jumbled disaster of messy thoughts, confused and anxious but wanting him to pull me closer all the more.
Lloyd dropped his head, brushing his forehead against my cheek and that's when my soul truly evacuated my body, the little traitor. His breath stopped, too, and he tensed and then I was hit with the reminder that it'd been a week.
A week since he last held me.
Since he last marked me.
I felt my stomach seize tightly as my body began to traitorously shiver in anticipation, throat suddenly as dry as the desert.
But instead of pressing kisses, he snarled.

"If you leave the house without a competent escort one more time," Lloyd began in a gravelled warning, quiet voice short and serious. "I'll make somebody watch you twenty-four seven."
Locking down on the house arrest. Great.
"I thought you didn't care about me," I whispered, back tensing at his closeness. "I thought you hated me."
Lloyd paused. His hands tightened.
"Just keep yourself safe," he hissed into my ear. "If you die-"
He cut himself off. His breaths faltered. My eyes jumped to the side of his head, only able to eye the ends of his blond hair.
"... if I die?" I tried quietly, pretending that I didn't just hear the emotional crack in his voice.
"Don't," Lloyd snapped, regaining himself quickly as he pulled back to send me a glare that could strip the skin from my body. "Don't leave the house without someone from the team."
I swallowed. I nodded.
I wanted to argue, I wanted to test the waters and piss him off (just as much as his attitude was starting to piss me off) but my life wasn't worth risking for something as stupid as pride. This wasn't a competition. It was my survival. As much as Lloyd and I weren't seeing eye-to-eye, we were still on the same side when it came to the fight against Axon.

Satisfied - or as much as he could be - Lloyd turned around to leave. I panicked, heart jumping up my throat as I reached for him.
"W- wait, Lloyd," I called, begging. I swiftly, gently grabbed his arm as my face twisted, pleading and apologetic. "Don't go. Please. I'm sorry."
Lloyd stared back at me and I held my breath, searching his red eyes. Dropping my gaze, I stared at my hands softly cradling his forearm. He was warm. I missed his warmth. I missed him.
Lloyd watched me as he struggled - at least, I assumed he did. Judging by his silence and apathetic poker face, I hoped that he was at least entertaining the idea of staying with me. Of crawling into bed. Hugging apologies. Putting this whole thing behind us.
But then a small scowl soured his face; determined, finalised, and he yanked his arm back from my grip. My face fell, my heart fell, my hope fell, everything fell as he took a step back. Squaring his shoulders and glaring down at me with a cold, cold stare.
The now familiar return of stinging eyes, building tears, had my throat being slowly blocked and breaths shortening in sorrow.

He left. I was left staring after him as another verge of a breakdown, as faithful as they had been over the past week, hit me with vigour.
I dropped myself against the door. I shattered. I slipped to the floor and my body broke apart. The hugging I gave myself, curling in so tight that it hurt, couldn't keep me from splitting apart.

🍃🍂🍁🍂🍃

"Is it true you used to go out with Lloyd Garmadon?"

Monday was proving to be as horrible as I knew it was going to be. And more so.
The girl that stopped me - someone from the cheerleading squad, I recognised - tilted her head as she waited for my answer. Her friend piped up upon my silence.
"That you guys broke up?"
"Was it because of Chen?" the first girl pried.
My eyes narrowed in irritation.
"Yes, yes, no," I snapped, pushing past the girls. "Leave me alone."
I scowled to myself as I shoved through the jostling morning crowd before class. A body sidled up close.
"Hello, little miss sunshine," Kai grinned, looping an arm around my shoulders. My face soured at the nickname, but the fire master was unapologetic. "You look angry."
"Take a guess," I muttered. It only made him chuckle good-naturedly.
"Hey," Kai said, changing the subject. "It's Jay's birthday next week. Just thought you'd like a heads up. He really wants you to be at the monastery for it."

"Wow, Kai! You're so funny!" I gushed in faux humour. "Since when did you become such a comedian?"
Kai frowned. I caught his look and gave an exasperated huff as I went to elaborate upon my sarcasm.
"I'm not going to the monastery where Lloyd's just going to glare at and insult me the entire time," I hissed quietly and my stomach churned sickeningly as I recalled the pathetic state I was left in the night before. "He hates me. End of story. Maybe this was the extent the prophecy screwed up to."
Kai faltered in his steps. A genuinely scared look crossed his face.
"You... you don't think it could be that drastic, right?" he asked unsurely, and it made me hesitate before giving a loose shrug.
"Don't know, don't care," I grumbled, holding my books tighter against my chest while I lied through my teeth. "What I do know is that he's refusing to even talk to me about our fight. Without that, there's no chance to get back together. What can I do?"

The fire master fell silent, contemplating. The buzz of the student body irritated my ears in a way it hadn't before. The shoves and pushes of students trying to get to class pissed me off in a way it hadn't before. I was uncharacteristically sour after Lloyd walked off on me the night before. It filled me with a rage unparalleled. I'd shown my cards, offered my white flag, begged for forgiveness. He'd spat on all.
"Then we kick Lloyd out," Kai said, solving the problem with a proud click of his fingers. "You're more fun to be around, anyway. Especially recently."
"What's he been doing?"
"Running us into the ground with training," Kai huffed, annoyed. "I can barely walk without limping. Can't you... I dunno, write a love letter or something? Woo him? Sneak into his room and throw rose petals everywhere? Anything, Y/n, please I am begging you."
"It wouldn't work." I shook my head. Kai sent me a pleading look and I caved on sight, closing my eyes tiredly.
"What does Jay want for his birthday?" I groaned. Kai cheered at my reluctant agreement.

While the fire master rattled off the list of Jay's birthday wishes, I caught sight of a pair of dark eyes watching me from across the hall. I met their gaze.
Claire jumped upon realising I found her staring. She quickly hid her face behind her hair.
I blinked in surprise, stride faltering. She looked... afraid?
Oh.
"Got it?" Kai asked with a merry smile. I glanced up at him, having retained absolutely nothing of what he had said. My smile was forced.
"Y- yeah," I gave a nod and pretended to not be distracted by the brief flash of fear that crossed Claire's face. "Got it."
"Great!" Kai beamed, patting the top of my hair. "Oh, by the way, his parents and Wu miss you."
I felt a pang in my chest. My heart ached as my expression turned blue.
"I miss them, too," I murmured, hugging my books closer. At least I got to see the ninja at school, but my friends at the monastery - the monks, Kashu, Lloyd's family - I wasn't as lucky.

Maybe I really should go to Jay's party. Just to see them all again. I'd let future me deal with an angry Lloyd.
"I gotta get to class," I said, voice still quiet and heart still throbbing in sadness. Kai's amber eyes dropped to me, his pink scar glinting softly in the cheap lighting of the hall. "I'll see you later."
"See ya, spitfire," Kai replied, watching me depart down the hallway with a wave.
I had English with Cole and Naomi and I tried my best not to be pathetically jealous as she leant against her boyfriend. He rubbed circles into her shoulder as they worked. The unpleasant feeling of bitter resentment for what they had rose up my throat, and I had to quickly squash it down with a fire blaster before it could take over me and make me do something else remarkably stupid. Or cry. Most definitely cry - I could never do something to hurt Naomi or Cole.
Instead, I distracted myself by throwing my brain into class work. I'd never focused so hard in my life, but even so, I still found myself pitifully glancing to the content couple out of the corner of my dry eyes.

Chen found me after class and dragged me to our table in the cafeteria. The rest of the cheerleader squad were slowly warming up to me, despite my almost radio silence.
I felt Lloyd's burning glare as we passed the team's table.
"I heard that it was Claire who spread those rumours," Maggie said, frowning. "Wasn't she your friend? That sucks."
"Yeah..." I said quietly, picking at my bread.
"God," piped up Amanda. "I know that we weren't the nicest to Garmaboy but even we wouldn't stoop that low."
I smiled small, bitterly.
"Maybe she has a crush on him," Chen snickered.
"Maybe she likes me," I joked sullenly. "And she's doing the whole 'if a boy's mean to you, it means he has a crush.'"
The table broke into laughter at the sheer ridiculousness of it. I blinked in surprise, giving my own stunned little giggle. It grew louder, more genuine and I joined in with the group. Appreciation swelled warmly in my chest.
"No," Chen snickered, shaking his head. "No, she's just a bitch."

That made me truly laugh loudly.
"She really is," I grinned, giggling and shaking my head. "God, why the hell did I believe her?"
Chen gave an unknowing shrug, beaming in joy as the table joked about my bullies. I guess time plus tragedy really does equal humour.
Or maybe I was just pushing down how I really felt and was pulling a front.
A hissed shout from the other side of the cafeteria made us silence and glance over. Lloyd stood, shaking with rage and his green eyes caught mine for a split second. Just that small, tiny catch of stares made me feel like my insides had been hollowed out with a shovel.
My eyes followed him as he abruptly turned, storming away from the group. He passed a table and a leg stuck out to trip him up. I expected him to expertly avoid it like he usually did, but this time it caught him off guard. He must've been really distracted by anger. He doesn't usually mess up like that.
Lloyd stumbled but rightened himself before he could go sprawling across the floor. The table beside him, and a couple of others, laughed at his expense as he sped out of the cafeteria.

A rage burnt bright in my gut as I felt myself stand without realising I was doing it. Chen called my name, but I was already single-minded, eyes staring at the guy who'd made Lloyd stumble. Intent to humiliate like how he did to the blond.
Reaching a hand into his curly, dark hair, I shoved his face into his food tray, mid-laugh. He spluttered, immediately lifting his head back up and wiping off the mushy potatoes. The table stared at me, stunned. The guy bit a curse before shooting me a white-hot glare. My pace hadn't faltered - my next target was the exit.
"What the fuck?" the guy called.
But I was already pacing after Lloyd, ignoring the stares as I shoved open the doors and stepped into the empty corridor, breath catching in my dry throat.
"Lloyd?" I called hesitantly, glancing down the empty halls. A hint of green caught my attention down one end and I quickly sped after it.

He had disappeared before I could round the corner.

🍃🍂🍁🍂🍃

I found Lloyd again in art class.

I was already sitting down when he finally lumbered into the room, green eyes dark as if a personal thundercloud sat above him and refused any light. Lloyd took his seat next to me and I pretended to look busy as I doodled meaningless little sketches in the corner of my sketchbook. My finger twirled the empty necklace chain around my index, subconsciously continuing my mindless habit despite the sore lack of a ring.
I felt him staring, head subtly inclined towards me.
I ignored it.
The teacher began the lesson, her loud voice demanding our attention.

"Today we will be focusing on drawing the face," Ms. Santiago said as she began sketching out the basic shape of a head onto the whiteboard before sketching out a weird garble of lines and circles. It looked like an alien. "I'll be teaching you something called Riley rhythms. Grab an easel and charcoal. You will be drawing the face of the person beside you - but only draw out the basic shape of the head before you go any further!"
I stiffened, pencil stilling. It was hell enough to sit next to Lloyd, but having to stare at his face? Draw it?
Life was kicking me while I was already down.
I gulped, reluctantly grabbing my required items and setting up. Lloyd was silent and by the quick peek I sent to his face, he remained impassive.
Then again, he'd always been good at masking his emotions with a poker face.
It still couldn't hide the tension in his jaw.

I grabbed the charcoal and eyed the offending piece in my hand, stalling. Throat dry.
"What are you waiting for, Y/n?" Ms. Santiago asked as she stopped beside me. I flinched, almost dropping the tool. "You should find this easy. Lloyd's face is very symmetrical."
"S- sorry," I stammered, hesitantly placing the charcoal against the paper. My gaze drifted up to Lloyd.
He was staring at me. I swiftly dropped my eyes to the floor beneath his shoes. I can't do this. I can't do this.
I squeezed my eyes shut. Lloyd had already begun drawing, the scratching of his charcoal joining in with the rest of the class.
Just. Don't think of it as drawing Lloyd. He's just a subject. A shape to replicate, form to copy and paste. My eyes jumped back to his and I began sketching the line of a jaw. The curve of his chin.
I tried to listen to Mrs. Santiago as she then delved into the technique she wanted to teach us. I tried to pay attention to my task rather than the boiling of Lloyd's gaze. Tried to replicate the circles and curves of a face before going in with more detail. His eyes were the hardest. I had two pairs of angry glares staring at me.

My eyes began watering as my gaze shifted from between the paper to Lloyd's steeled eyes. I'd held out long enough and I needed a mental break. My breathing was growing rapid and short. I slammed the charcoal down and abruptly stood.
"I have to go the bathroom," I shakily said to Mrs. Santiago before fleeing from the room.
Coward, I chided as I slammed into the bathroom and dropped my head onto the sink as I crouched, traitorous tears dripping down my cheeks in waves. Idiot.
I sniffled loudly, lifting my gaze to my own in the mirror. Pale and dull, my hopeless reflection stared back at me. Pathetic. Dumb.
I clenched my eyes shut again, not wanting to stare at the joke that I was as a sob jolted through my shoulders.
I couldn't take it. The intensity of his glare, peeling away layer after layer of me, revealing every flaw and insecurity I tried for years to hide deep within myself.
The anger. The hate.

I couldn't stay for as long as I needed to - an eternity, if it was feasible. People would start to ask questions. I was sure that Lloyd already knew why I needed to escape. He always knew how to read me flawlessly. If only I could read him just as easily back.
I reluctantly drifted back to my seat in class after drying my face as much as I could without irritating the skin. Lloyd was frantically texting on his phone. He slipped it back into his pocket when I sat down and picked up his charcoal again before faltering.
My aching eyes jumped to his. Lloyd stared, gaze roving my face as he pinned me to place with his green irises alone. I wanted to flee again but I was trapped, frozen on my seat, a mouse in the range of a cobra.
His jaw tensed. The charcoal began to slide across the page again.

I swallowed. I continued the profile sketch of my very own disastrously beautiful catalyst.

🍃🍂✌️😔✌️🍂🍃

I went home sick after class. I barely made it out of the building entrance before Cole caught up with a beaming smile.

"Feeling sick?" he asked, holding open the door for me. I quietly thanked him.
"Something like that," I murmured. "Lloyd send you to babysit?"
"Yep," Cole grinned, shoving his hands into his coat pockets as he shivered. "God, it's cold. Wanna take the dragon?"
I thought back to Bentley. How he attacked Lloyd. And Nya's dragon, who paid me no attention at all.
I wonder what Cole's dragon would do.
"Okay," I shrugged, pulling my own jacket tighter around me. Cole guided me to an empty carpark and after making extra sure that the coast was clear, his dragon burst into existence.
I expected two things - one, it would bite me in half and I'd have probably one of the coolest deaths of all my friends (ninja not included) (so basically my options were only Chen and Naomi).
Two, it would ignore me.

I did not expect to have a long, forked dragon tongue lick me from my knees to my head.

Cole barked a shocked laugh as I pulled a stunned expression, face warm and wet from the mystical dragon saliva. I blinked, glancing from the dragon, who acted more puppy than Kashu did, to Cole, whose head was thrown back from the force of his laughter.
"Your FACE!" he wheezed, stumbling against the side of his beast whose tongue was lolled out to side happily. "I CAN'T BREATHE!"
I wiped the saliva off in confusion, unsure whether to enamoured with the cuddly beast or disgusted by the feeling of his mouth juice everywhere.
"... thaaanks," I grumbled half-heartedly, flicking my hands and grimacing when the wetness shot to the concrete of the carpark in large globs. "That's disgusting."
"I've never seen it do that," Cole snickered, wiping away his tears. "How does it feel to be the real-life Daenerys?"
I rolled my eyes. "It feels wet."
He sniggered at my dry reply while his dragon snuffled my hair carefully. He was much larger than Bentley. I wondered if that was because Cole was simply an absolute mountain of a man himself. Then I briefly wondered if that had anything to do with his powers.
"C'mon, dragon girl," Cole urged, helping me onto the saddle of his elemental creature. "Let's get you home."

I genuinely felt like a tiny, little, baby kid as I latched onto Cole's back. Good lord. And I thought Lloyd was huge.
"Cole?" I asked as I clambered up his back like a climbing kitten, dropping my head over his as we flew. He hummed, brown eyes jumping to mine in amusement as I bent over the top of him. "I have a proposition."
"Which is?" he asked, big brows raised.
"You and Naomi get married," I said sharply. "You're both older than me, so you adopt me. I move into the monastery because you are now my parents. I annoy Lloyd enough for him to finally take me back and because we now live in the same space, he has nowhere to run. Bam. Everything's swell once more."
"That plan is incredibly flawed," Cole countered amusedly. "But I'll sign the papers when I get home."
I laughed victoriously, throwing my fist into the wind before it caught me and I squealed in fear, clutching Cole's head to keep me from being blown over the side of the the dragon.
"Sit down!"
"Sitting!"

"Thank you, uh... Randall," I said to the black, brown and orange dragon as I patted his head after we landed in my backyard. He purred delightedly. "Thanks, Cole."
"Don't worry about it, kiddo," the ninja grinned as the dragon shifted beneath him, stepping deeper into my hold. "Make sure you get some rest. Those eye bags look nasty."
I nodded, smiling a little as Cole and Randall flew off back to school. I stepped inside the house and finally let my weary exhaustion express itself in a dryly sobbing groan. I fell back onto the couch and cradled my sore head.
Get some rest? I wanted to scoff but held it back, because Cole was only trying to look out for me.
If I could sleep properly, I would.
Despite that, I still spent the rest of the day tossing and turning as I silently begged myself to finally fall into a nap. To lessen the ache. To quell the lethargy.
It was a no go.

The endless struggle carried on into night after a quiet dinner. I stared at my ceiling helplessly, lost in tired thought. I glanced at the green ninja plushie, sat stuffed into the corner after a fit of helpless rage had me throwing it into the wall. Lifting myself from bed, I padded over towards the big plush, gazing down at it with sad eyes.
I really am a hopeless case.
The material was soft in my hands as I hauled it over with me to bed. My last hope, my last idea to help me finally get to sleep without resorting to bribing someone into knocking me the fuck out. Maybe Lloyd would do it without even having to be bribed. I'd let him.
Settling down onto bed, I curled my head into the torso of the plush. It didn't smell like him anymore - nothing of his did - but maybe I could still trick myself into thinking that it really was him. Just for tonight. Just to finally get some adequate rest.

It just resulted in me crying into the soft toy, digging my head into its little gi. It ached that it wasn't really Lloyd. It pained me that I had to resort to something as pathetic as this. I just wanted his hold, his arms around me, his heartbeat in my ear as I rested on him, with him. I wanted sleep. Peace and tranquility. I really took our little moments of quiet bliss for granted.
I must've held a world record for most tears shed over the span of a week. The plush's material soaked them up until I was sure it had doubled in weight.

But at least I finally got to sleep.

🍃🍂🍁🍂🍃

Lloyd Garmadon could feel his team pulling away from him.

It wasn't his fault that he was so on edge and prickly and angry all the time. It wasn't his fault that they would mess up and piss him off. It wasn't his fault that he was so exhausted and took it out on the team - wait.
Maybe that last one was his fault.
Either way, he could tell that they were steadily getting annoyed with his brash unforgiveness. Merciless in his words and relentless in training.
Patrol was silent. The comms were quiet but the annoyance was loud enough to burst ear drums. Lloyd knew that he was driving a wedge between him and his team, but he couldn't help it.
Everything just pissed him off. His anger was getting out of control.

Lloyd's feet carried him over the rooftops of the city, keeping a mindless vigilance over the people of his home city. He had to take sector five, decided upon by the rest of the team. He knew why. It was the one with Y/n's house. Slightly off course, sure, by it was easy to veer just that little bit needed. The temptation was overwhelming.
While his green eyes scoured downtown Ninjago City, his mind kept jumping back to the night before. Her begging him to stay. The look of crushed defeat when he pulled himself from her soft hands. And then in class. She could barely look at him without bursting into guilty tears.
It choked him up. It hurt to see her so distressed, but this whole thing would never have happened if it weren't for her harsh words and terrible judgment in the first place. Yes, he should forgive her, but a cruel, small, devilish part of him wanted her to feel pain without inflicting physical damage. To 'take their own medicine,' as some would say.
And yeah, he knew it was dickish.

Maybe it was the evil genes in him. The red eyes, the fangs. All the parts of himself that he hated.
All the parts that she loved.

Lloyd found himself on her place's roof. He stilled, not even having realised that he was headed that way. The tugging on his gut must've guided him while he was lost in his own head.
What he just needed was time. Time to sort out his own head. To shuffled through his own emotions regarding the situation.
Because what she said did hurt, and he did want space. If he didn't put on this front, then she'd assume that it was okay and approach him and-
He didn't think he could handle that.
Still. Perhaps he could've been nicer, but-

His ears picked up on crying. His heart crashed down to his feet.
Okay. Okay. He definitely could've been nicer.

Lloyd lowered himself down to her window, strong arms latching to the rusted ladder that was attached to the side of her window. It was his best friend.
The window had been left open a tiny slither despite the chill, an offer for him to crawl inside. She'd always left it open a little for him. It ached that even with all that's happened, she continued to keep it open a crack. A naive hope, maybe, on her part. A chance wholly given on his.
His fingers curled around the wooden edge of the frame and slowly pulled it open, thankful for the oil that he'd thought to put on the hinges a few months back. The incessant, obnoxious creak they used to make made him cringe every time.
The window slid open smoothly and evenly and he slipped inside the dark room. A move he'd made a million times before - it was muscle memory at that point. He picked his way through her room that he knew as well as his own and crouched before her.
She was crying in her sleep. Tears pressed right into the green ninja plush he'd bought as a joke.

"... oh, sunshine," Lloyd murmured sorrowfully, feeling guilt absolutely submerge him. His hands itched to cradle her face so he did, fingers brushing against her delicate skin. She was warm. He wiped away her tears with a thumb but more just kept coming.
"I'm sorry," Lloyd whispered, tapping his forehead to hers. The gentle crying hitched. "But you hurt me."
It was so much easier to talk when she was asleep. Deep asleep, he assumed, as she had yet to rouse from slumber.
"Just give me a little more time," he said quietly, relieved that she'd begun to settle down. He pressed a small, whispering kiss to her forehead. "I just need a little more time."
Y/n's breaths caught. He slipped out of the window before she had even opened her eyes.
He stared at the sky as he heard her window being pushed open. She stuck her head out.
"Lloyd?"
He closed his eyes tightly.
"I- I know you're here." Her voice barely drifted with the wind, lost in the night. "... please."

She could smell he was there. She could feel the remnants of the kiss on her forehead. The imprint affected him more viscerally, but that didn't mean it left her bare.

"I'm sorry," she whimpered, and Lloyd had to slip away before he caved. "I'm so sorry."