While Lloyd's surprise visit certainly had me tickled pink, he couldn't afford to stay long, which had me more so swathed in blue.

He only managed to stay for a couple of hours before heading off again to his team, but not without leaving me with a kiss and a promise to keep in touch.
His promise didn't stick.
By now, it had almost been six months since Wu went missing, and my anxiety had become something I began to live with on the daily. Sometimes I found that I'd even forgotten to breathe for simply no reason. The sheer amount of university work certainly didn't help matters. Even without the whole missing Sensei situation, I still would've felt as if I was drowning.
I worried Chen and Ambrose - the only two who I'd confessed my mental struggles with - but I assured them that I was fine.
They were not convinced.

And I guess that's how I landed up at the campus therapist's office.

I sat at on the couch and stared at everywhere except the therapist lady. The room was a calming yet sterile beige with the shelves and corners laden with indoor greenery. I supposed it was an effort to create a calming atmosphere. I found myself counting leaves rather than focusing on the stern expression of the woman before me.
She reminded me of Mistaké. The constitution, I mean. All straight-to-the-point, yet empathetic. No-nonsense, yet kind.
But her brown eyes seemed to be piercing right through me.
"What do you prefer to be called?" she asked, beginning the meeting after a quick once over. I was scruffy. Just-washed hair and an oversized, well-loved green hoody, baggy jeans and old converse that had a hole on the toe. I could imagine what I looked like.
"Just Y/n's fine," I murmured, and found myself wondering what the hell I was doing in this too-clean, plant-littered room.

The doctor shifted on her seat and brought my attention back to her. In contrast to me, her hair was in a tight ponytail and was wearing a pinstripe blazer with beige pants. She looked chic. She looked like how I wished I did.
One day, Y/n. One day, you'll look that put together and in control.
The couch was a neutral brown colour that complimented the room. Dark enough to stand out without being overbearing. It was another one of those calming browns - of Mum's hot chocolates, or of the dirt from the backyard you used to play in when you were younger. It more so reminded me of Misako's brown eyes, which still had a comforting effect on me, anyway.
"Okay, Y/n," she began. "I'm Doctor Shawn, but you can just call me Shawn or Doc, if that makes you comfortable."
I didn't know how to reply, so I only nodded. Shawn cleared her throat and continued.
"What's troubling you?"

"What isn't?" I began in a helpless laugh before quickly regretting my impulsive answer when Shawn raised her brows. "I- I mean, that's just... a joke. Gen Z stuff, y'know?"
Shawn didn't look convinced. I'd never been a good liar. Or comedian, it seemed. And here I thought that my humour was my best attribute.
"Uh..." I began, stalling for time as I tried to get my thoughts in order. How could I spill my struggles when so much of said struggles had to be kept secret? "I- I guess I just... have a lot going on at the moment that I'm struggling with balancing."
"Can you elaborate on that?"
'Well, first thing's first, my boyfriend is the green ninja and I haven't heard from him in four months.'
I bit my lip and stared at the little coffee table between us. It had a wide array of small objects and devices to fidget with within a neat wicker basket. I found myself reaching for one without realising it.
"My grades haven't been too good," I began as I stared at the fidget cube with a frown. "I've been studying and studying, but none of it seems to be sticking."
"Have you been sleeping well?"
"No," I admitted. "Been too busy thinking."

"About what?" Shawn asked with a tilt of her head. Her inquisitive eyes - blue, I think, but didn't look back up to check - stared at me without waning.
"My boyfriend," I confessed. "He's been really busy lately. Too busy to see or contact me. He's, uh... a soldier. For the military."
"That's impressive," Shawn said as she quickly scribbled something down on her notebook. "What does he do?"
I chewed on the inside of my cheek. "Airforce."
"He must get good views."
"Yeah," I agreed with a nod. Just not in a jet. "A- anyway, he's been on this big mission. Can't take his phone. It's been four months."
"And this is making you worried?"
I nodded. "Very."
"Making you stay up at night?"
"Yes."
Shawn regarded me for a few beats before reclining back in her sofa. Her pen tapped on the open page of her notebook, and I watched each arc and tap as if it were hypnotic.

"Has he been seriously injured before from his job?"
"I..." I trailed off. A flash of a memory played - us in the onsen, Lloyd telling me the story of how he almost died when his chest was sliced with a sword. How close he came to dying, and how that, even despite knowing him for less than six months, had frightened me right to tears. "Yeah. Pretty badly. I wasn't dating him at the time it happened."
Shawn slowly nodded. Her pen tip scratched the paper.
"Given the a nature of his job, it's only natural to be worried," she said. "Has he been seriously injured since you've known him?"
Aside from being possessed by a ghost? Not really. In fact; "Not him, but I was pretty badly hurt while dating. I guess I'm worried it might happen to him again because of his occupation."
That made Shawn lift her chin a little. Her gaze stared me down.
"What happened?"
I bit my lip and allowed it to slide from my teeth.
"I got shot in the thigh," I admitted. "No reason." Now, that was a lie. "Wrong place, wrong time. We were actually in the middle of a fight when it happened."
Shawn slowly nodded. I took that as a sign to keep talking.
"He was there. Well, I called him first, 'cause it was some sort of ambush on the docks of Ninjago City and I was terrified. I didn't know what else to do. He saw me get shot. Carried me to, uh, the hospital."
Please don't check my hospital records.
"That must've been scary for the both of you," Shawn said. I nodded.
"It was. I thought I was going to die. I think he did, too. I lost a lot of blood, apparently."

"And you're worried that something similar might happen to him?" Shawn asked. She placed her pen down against her notebook and leant closer. It was almost as if she were trying to read my eyes. "But you won't be able to help him because he hasn't been in contact."
I felt my blood chill at Dr. Shawn's statement. I hadn't even thought of it like that, but she really had hit the nail on the head. I stared at the coffee table in dumbstruck shock.
"Uh... yeah." I gave a lame little nod. My gaze lifted to hers. "Yeah, that's... that's exactly it."
"You want to protect him. That's normal," Shawn began. "But you must remember that to be able to protect someone, you have to be able to protect yourself first. A brittle rail isn't going to carry a train."

I stared at the hole in my converse.

🍃🍂🍁🍂🍃

I began weekly sessions with Dr. Shawn, and I confessed every single weight that had been plaguing me. In the form of cleverly disguised concepts, of course.

The serpentine treaty became a generation-long tension between my family and my distant cousin's family. The old journals had become extra curricula for my history class. Axon had become some random stalker from the military that had a bone to pick with Lloyd and I. Wu was still himself - a missing uncle that had Lloyd stressed beyond compare.
The trauma and general paranoia I gained from what happened with Claire and the others almost three years ago didn't need altering. Shawn professed her admiration of Naomi. She also professed her disagreement of how I handled it in regards to Lloyd, which brought along the fight I mentioned earlier (she thought I was dumb, but said it much more gentle than that. She also didn't have much of a reaction when she realised that I was dating the son of a former war lord).
All in all, getting it all off my chest (though untruthfully) felt liberating. I was still worried, however, of course I was. I still hadn't had any sort of contact from Lloyd.

In fact, the next contact I had with a Garmadon was his parents.

"Hi, sweetie!" Misako and Garmadon had taken to calling me once every few weeks, just to check up on me. I suspected that Ambrose had said something to them. "How are you doing?"
"I'm good," I replied from where I was lazily spinning on my desk chair with one toe to the carpet of my dorm. I was even almost telling the truth. "How are you guys? How's things at the monastery?"
"Hectic, as usual," Garmadon replied with a raspy chuckle, the kind that an old man did when he was tired but happy to see you. "The backup team aren't quite as refined as the ninja, but they're doing a good job considering Ninjago City's permanent target."
"I'd hate to see what would happen without them," I said with a grim kind of amused smile. The back up team consisted of Neuro, Turner, Camille and a handful of other elemental masters. They sometimes took turns, juggling both their own lives and helping protect Ninjago City from the near-constant attacks.

Seriously, why do people still live there?

I say, being a resident of Ninjago City.

"So, what do you think?"
I shook myself back into reality and cleared my throat.
"Sorry, I missed that. What did you say?"
"We're planning on coming down to visit you in Nom," Garmadon repeated. "Is that okay?"
I almost threw myself up from my seat. The desk chair fell to the ground and I scrambled to keep my ankles away from the still spinning wheels, and I stumbled back against the desk with a heavy thud. The miscellaneous things atop it went toppling.
"Y- yes!" I exclaimed before lowering my voice. My cheeks were flushed. "Yes, of course! I'd love to see you two again!"
"Perfect!" Misako chirped. "When are you next free?"

After sorting out the specifics, the call ended and I resumed my studies with a far chipper disposition than before. I rode that high until night fall, and it continued until the day Misako and Garmadon (aka, my substitute parents) arrived.
They came by dragon, of course, and landed in the meadow hidden from campus by the thick belt of pine trees. I watched as Valerie and Geoff settled in the thick wheat, twitching their massive wings and shaking their gargantuan heads. I forgot just how much bigger they were compared to Bentley (and Bentley was still a massive beast as is).
The dragons greeted me first, just as reptilian puppy dogs as the rest of them, before vanishing. In their place was Lloyd's parents, who greeted me with much of the same enthusiasm.
We started with a tour of the campus, and then a stop by my dorm, which I had meticulously tidied the night before so it didn't look like I was a slob and incapable of basic human hygiene. We went for a walk through the city and found a nice little cafe to have afternoon tea in.

"How have things been at the monastery?" I asked as I sipped on a mocha. Coffee had become my life blood since starting University.
"Crazy," Garmadon chuckled. He told me about the antics of the monks (Lloyd's parents didn't know what 'TikTok' was but apparently the monks' page was still very successful) and the constant vigilance over city from petty thieves to straight up supervillains.
The mood shifted when Misako talked about her never-ending research into how Wu disappeared. She missed Lloyd. So did he. They were just two parents, deeply missing their son, and other substitute children.
"Oh, do you know about Kai and Nya's parents?" Misako asked as her face brightened. I blinked, cradling the warm cup of coffee in my cold hands.
"Uh, yeah? Didn't they die when they were young?"
"They were abducted," Garmadon interjected. "By the time twins, to make armoury and weapons for their vermillion army. The team rescued them."
My eyes widened. "Oh, wow... Kai and Nya must be..."
"They're still coming to terms with it," Misako said with a forlorn, soft smile. "But they've hardly had the time to sit down with Ray and Maya to properly chat, with Wu being missing. They've been visiting the monastery quite frequently, however, and same goes for Jay's parents and Cole's father. It's been nice to keep in touch with them."
I nodded. "I bet."

The conversation turned back to Lloyd, as it was always destined to be - us three, so deeply entwined with him. Son to two, lover to one.
"I'm worried that he's putting too much on his shoulders," Garmadon mused sorrowfully. I didn't say anything - I couldn't find any words to say, because to reassure him that Lloyd's fine would be to lie, and I could never lie to Garmadad.
"I wish there was a way where we could help him more," I murmured as I swirled my teacup. "I feel so useless."
It was their turn to simmer in silence. We all felt useless. I wasn't special.
We parted ways in the afternoon, and I bade a teary farewell to my substitute parents with a promise to call them three times a week.

But it was a Thursday when I got a call. From an unknown number, just to boot.

I stared apprehensively at my phone as I stood outside the door to my dorm, fingers on the handle. A sudden, horrifying thought that Claire had somehow found my number, or Vanessa was getting revenge for getting freaked out by Lloyd two years ago. Maybe it was Aaliyah, trying to dig up the past? Maybe it was someone who figured out who Lloyd was? Maybe-
My thumb brushed the pick up button. The ringing silenced. I slowly raised the phone to my ear and braced for the worst.
"Hello?" I warily asked.
"It's so good to hear you."
Air sucked between my teeth. "Lloyd."
"I've missed your voice," he breathed in a static-peppered, relieved sigh.
"Lloyd," I gasped, unwillingly drawing in a deep breath with a heady exhale of somber joy. Just hearing him from an unsecure, warbling line was like hearing the stars sing the ballads themselves. My chest filled with an indiscernible warmth. I ducked inside my dorm and firmly shut the door behind me.
"Where..?" I began after Lloyd breathed my name with such ecstasy, it sounded as if he were a dehydrated man blessed with water. "How..!"
"Pay phone," Lloyd chuckled, and each bump of air held more exhaustion than the last. "I'm surprised it even worked. Wasn't sure it would, but I had to try."
"I miss you," I blurted, as if it hadn't been my only vocabulary when it came to Lloyd for the past six months. Every time I close my eyes, I see your face, I wanted to add on, but he beat me to it.
"You're my every waking second and every dream, sunshine." His voice was tired but the genuinity behind it wasn't lost, despite that. "The only reason I have the strength to get through each day is from the thought of you."

I crumpled against the wall and stared at my feet, barely able to hold myself up. My vision swam.
"I... all I can think of is you," I whimpered. A ball of emotion had suddenly welled up in my chest and left me gasping for air. I tried to swallow through it, but it was like walking through mud.
"Hey, hey," Lloyd soothed. "It's okay. This'll be over soon."
I blinked through some fat tears. "Have you found anything?"
Lloyd didn't speak for a beat. The hesitation was enough of an answer, and my face crumpled.
"It'll be over soon," he said with more finality, but it did nil to reassure me. I raised my eyes to ceiling and gritted my teeth to keep myself from wailing. It was a mission just to keep myself composed. I just wanted to see him again. I just wanted to help-
I dropped my gaze to the wall opposite.
"Send Bentley."
"... what?"
"Send Bentley," I ordered with a sniffle, gathering my sweatshirt's sleeve in my palm to wipe away my tears. "I'm going to help."
"No," Lloyd denied upfront. "No way."
"I can help!" I insisted.
"You're not ready!" he argued. "I'm not putting you in danger, you mean too much!"
"I'm just sitting here and twiddling my thumbs!" I snapped. "I've had enough waiting, Lloyd! I'm ready!"

"You are not ready, Y/n," he announced in a tone that encouraged no more fighting. "No where near it. I'm saying this to look out for you."
"No, you just don't trust me to handle myself," I said bitterly.
"Maybe I don't!"
I blinked, annoyance momentarily dispersed by shock. I didn't expect him to actually agree with me, but the longer I was silent in surprise, the more furious I became.
"I have been training, Lloyd-!"
"Not for long enough."
"I'm strong!"
"You're not strong enough."
"Then what's enough, Lloyd?" I snarled. "When are you going to let me in?"
"When I say so," he said with finality.
"But-!"
"I'm not budging."
"You wouldn't do this to anyone else!" I complained.
"I absolutely would," he corrected, just as an automated woman's voice interrupted our dispute.
'Please add another coin for an additional two minutes of call time.'

The interruption had us silencing. Reevaluating, rethinking. I stared at my shoes, eyes burning. The tension grew until I couldn't handle it. We spoke up at the same time.
"I'm sorry."
"I'm sorry," he sighed. "I don't want to be a dad to you."
"Well, that would be awkward," I weakly joked, "considering you're my boyfriend."
Lloyd paused before exhaling a soft chuckle. I swallowed, smile shaky. I didn't want our first call in months to be only fighting down the line.
'An additional two minutes has been added.'
"Send Bentley," I quietly urged.
"Y/n-" he began in warning.
"Not for me!" I jumped in. "I just... I want to help the team. I don't want to sit here and wait anymore. What do you guys need? Clothes? Food? I'll send a care package with Bents."
Lloyd was in quiet thought, considering my proposition and the risks that would come with it.
"Fine," he relented. "I'll send Bentley tomorrow night."
"Great!" I chirped. "What do you need?"
"Food," Lloyd said wearily. "Dried fruit, nuts. Stuff that keep up energy. Warm clothes. Oh, and soap."
I beamed, glad to be put to use. "Got it!"

I heard Lloyd exhale a gentle laugh, barely audible. He must've been dead on his feet.
"Thank you, sunshine."

🍃🍂🍁🍂🍃

Bentley ended up almost waking the entire campus.

If anybody looked outside their window, they would've seen a giant, green dragon headed straight for the grassy quarter in the middle of the courtyard. But it was three in the morning, and everyone was either asleep or so tired that they were delirious, so it was safe either way.
But Bentley landed with a resounding BOOM of his back legs, then a WHAM of his front, and I found myself realising that I had been vastly underestimating at how indiscreet he was. If people were asleep, they wouldn't be now.
I stared, briefly horrified at just how loud he was, and shot out from the sheltered entrance of my hall. I raced frantically across the courtyard and dodged the dragon-puppydog tongue that had been deployed to joyfully bowl me over and scrambled onto his back.
Bentley took off just as I settled in the seat, taking to the air with a stomach-dropping leap. As swift as an arrow, we sliced over the forest and landed in the meadow.
"Oh, gods," I gasped as I tried to calm my racing heart. That had me frightened. "You're not so subtle are you, big guy?"

Bentley grumbled something delighted. I slid from the saddle and landed on wobbly legs, catching myself on the muzzle that had been thrusted into my stomach.
"Oof!" I gasped at the force, near-on winded. Bentley continued to nuzzle into me and I was sent stumbling backwards through the wheat with my hands on his nose. I squealed with laughter. "Okay, okay! I missed you, too!"
With the chance of being seen out of the question, I finally allowed myself to indulge in peppering the dragon's head with kisses. Bentley thrived on the affection, bringing his forehead to my face to keep them going.
I spent the day after my morning lecture shopping for what the team needed with Ambrose, who slipped in his own pence to the small haul - in the form of a singular pair of woollen socks and a lollie ring. They were all zipped up in the cheap rucksack over my shoulder. It was absolutely crammed with stuffs and the weight of it was beginning to make me ache.
"Okay, buddy, I need you to bring this back to Lloyd," I said, slipping the strap down into the crook of my elbow. The weight of it nearly had me toppling over. Bentley cocked his head to the side as I patted his cheek and I stared longingly at the saddle.
It would be so easy. To just climb atop Bentley and leave for Lloyd and the team. Yes, I saw Lloyd two months ago, but when was the last time I saw the other two components of the dumbass trio? When was the last time I saw Nya, Cole and Zane?
Eight months? Nine?
Too long.

But Lloyd was explicit in his detail - I was not to join the team. I sullenly hooked the rucksack onto the hook of the saddle and made sure it would be secure for flight.
"Okay, Bents," I murmured, wheat rustling as I stepped back. My heart sunk at the confused look on his face. "Time for you to go."
Bentley took a step forward and gently nudged my hand. A whine rumbled from his throat.
"You have to go," I urged, pushing his nose back. "Go on, Bents. Back to Lloyd."
Bentley made a whine and nestled his muzzle into my side. His eyes stared, big and round and begging. I bit my lip. My brows furrowed deeply.
"I'm sorry!" I was nearly crying from how much I didn't want to split with Bentley. "I'm sorry! I- I'll see you soon, I promise!"
Dejected, Bentley ambled back a few steps and spread his wings. I watched in nervous trepidation as his haunches bunched, ready to take off and-
"Fuck!" I shouted loudly and darted for the dragon. Bentley started at my sudden shout and watched as I clambered up his leg and onto the saddle. "I'm an idiot, Lloyd, sorry!"
Bentley, who was still processing what had just happened, finally clicked. His head swung around to send me a happy, dragon-y coon with his tongue lolling out the side of his mouth and a nudge to my arm. I gave an exhilarated, stupid laugh in response.

I had no idea where the team was, but thankfully Bentley remembered the way. I sat shivering atop the dragon, huddled tight in my jacket with my chin tucked tight against my chest. The cold was agony, but I would've been kicking myself for until I saw Lloyd again if I had let Bentley leave without me.
Besides, who could say no this dragon puppy? Who could deny his cute lil pout? No one. No one.
We flew for what I guessed would be four hours. I say 'guessed' because I accidentally fell asleep and then woke to a nice sunrise and a frantic dragon roaring because I was free falling through the air.
I spent the rest of the flight hunched in the saddle with a death grip on the pommel.
We made it to a large city, almost as large as Ninjago City itself, just as the sun was edging its way into the sudden heavy cloud cover. It was somehow colder, so I garnered that we'd travelled south for quite a trip.
I watched as we glided across the sky, just sticking to the clouds for cover, as the expensive-looking buildings turned decrepit and broken down. Unkempt snow piled along the undriveable street.

I shivered. Maybe I should've stayed in Nom.

Nah. Should've just brought a thicker jacket.
Bentley softly spiralled down into a landing in one of the deserted streets. He gave the area a once over as I slid from the saddle and winced at the ground shock that went shooting up my calves.
"Y/n?"
I turned at the sound of my name, voice unfamiliarly familiar. An auburn-haired man stood at the threshold of an old, rundown motel, a bag of trash in one hand and a bottle of water in the other.
I squinted my eyes in disbelief. He didn't look anything like how he did when I last saw him. How could someone grow up that much in such a short period of time?
"Jay?"
"Sparky!" Jay burst into a bubbly, electric laughter as he carelessly dropped the bag of trash and threw himself towards me. I gasped with a surprised giggle. Jay dug his head against mine in a aggressively affectionate hug. "What on earth are you doing here?!"

"I stowed away on Bentley," I exclaimed with a massive grin. I missed Jay. I pulled back to evaluate this new version of him and found about a million and one new things - that one scar that'd cut through his eyebrow had grown back. He looked more tanned and filled out; roughened up from living on a mission for the past half a year. "Did you get a hair cut?"
He'd cut shaved the sides of his head, which only made his curls all the more prominent. He gave a nod.
"Come on, the others are inside!" Jay urged, taking the bag from Bentley's saddle before grabbing my wrist and hauling me into the old motel. I was instantly hit with the smell of dust and rotting wood, but knew that I wouldn't rather be anywhere else when Jay stopped at the room at the end of the haul and revealed the half-asleep team.
If I thought that Jay was unrecognisable, then the rest of them were even more so. Nya, who was sharpening some shurikens at the foot of one of the beds, had chopped her elbow length hair back to her shoulders and sported a new grouping of scars on her left arm. Cole, slumbering with his back against the headboard, had pulled his hair into thick cornrows, tied back into a bun with an orange bandana. Kai, sleepily unravelling a ball of wool for Zane's knitting, had forgone his usual gelled look and his usually spiky hair instead fell down in loose waves, almost the same length as his sister. Zane, well...
Zane was actually the same. It was endearing, honestly. He hadn't changed one bit.

And Lloyd...
Lloyd looked... asleep.

Truthfully, Lloyd looked awful. As he slumbered, I had the opportunity for the first time in months to physically assess him. His pale skin was a pasty, clammy complexion, and his hair - also recently cut shorter - was unbrushed and unwashed. He looked to be in need of a shower. Better yet, a break.
They all looked older, rugged. More lived. I felt as if I were a child in a room of adults.
"Y/n!" Nya was the first to spot Jay and I in the doorway and her shout alerted the rest of the team. She leapt to her feet and swept me into a hug. "Oh, my god! It's so good to see you!"
"Nya!" I squeaked through her crushing grip and hugged her back just as tightly.
"Y/n!" Kai joyfully shouted as he tossed the ball of wool to the side and launched towards us. I gasped with a laugh upon impact.
"What are you doing here?!" Cole laughed as he joined the attack hug, nearly sending the four of us toppling over.
"I missed you!" I said with an elated smile. "I wanted to see if you guys needed any help."
"Soap," Jay gasped as he pulled out the packet of bars. "Beautiful, wonderful soap."
"Did you bring this?" Kai asked as his amber gaze switched from the bag of goodies to me. I nodded.
"Oh, man," Cole sighed. "We've been on the go so much that we haven't even been able to go shopping for necessities. You're a life saver."
I shrugged. "It's just what Lloyd asked me to bring."

"Seems you brought more than that."

I grimaced. The others untangled themselves from the hug and revealed Lloyd, sitting up in bed with his hair an absolute mess. His eye bags were more prominent than I originally thought.
I opened my mouth to say something, perhaps an excuse, but any and all words simply evaded me. I ended up biting my lip in guilt instead.
The others, wanting to give us privacy in a room smaller than the games room back at the monastery, engorged themselves on going through the bag. I watched as Lloyd stood and walked towards me. The soft smile was really throwing me off. So was the gentle caress of his thumb on my cheek.
"Are you mad?" I asked. I wanted to pull his arms around me and do nothing but listen to his heartbeat and revel in his existence, but I held myself back. Barely.
"No." He shook his head, still smiling small and sweet as he raised his other hand to cup my jaw. "I know you. You're stubborn. You would've come, anyway."
"That's true," I whispered with a nod.
Zane placed his knitting to the side and rose from his seat. "I think it is perhaps time for us to go on another patrol."
"What?" Jay asked, bent over the rucksack and sending a confused look at Zane. "But we just went on-"
Cole whacked the back of his head.
"Oh!" Jay cried with a feigned enlightened look on his face. "Yes, patrol, we should, uh, go do that! And... make sure we're all... safe... aheh..."

I stifled a giggle as the team filed out of the old motel room. Nya gave me a thumbs up on the way out. The door closed with the concerning rattle of rusted hinges.
I turned back to Lloyd and as soon as I did, he immediately kissed me. The unexpected action sent my heart bursting into an overheated overdrive.
It ended as quick as it started, because Lloyd turned his attention to feverishly press open-mouthed kisses down my neck. Still reeling from the suddenness, I stared at the ceiling, nothing more than a rapid heartbeat and trembling, ecstatic breaths in a human body.
My faded brain kicked into gear just as Lloyd parted to breath. He got barely a slither of air before I ensnared him with another kiss.
A fluttery cacophony of nerves shivered along my body, bringing with it a kind of breathlessness that had my head spinning. I was lifted, he cradled, and I thanked Zane for having the right idea to kick everyone else out.
Because either way, it still would've come to this. Just perhaps in the bathroom, with the door that didn't shut properly, and the walls so thin that they may as well not exist. Yeah, it would've been embarrassing, but this here? This frantic reunion, this ecstatic, feverish, desperate greeting? There was no doubt in my mind that we wouldn't have been able to keep our hands to ourselves. Not after this long. Not with love like this.

Lloyd's hands nestled under my shirt, holding the warmth of my hips in his cold palms. The chilly intrusion had made me flinch deeper against him, and he used it to his advantage.
"You need to learn to listen better," he murmured as I dragged a line of kisses along his chin. Some foggy part of me noted the scratch of stubble.
"You need to shut up and kiss me," I breathed. He pulled his head away and I whined, which he smirked at. I had to pause at the sight, for he was so handsome. So beautiful, even when he was in sore need of a shower.
"You should wash your hair," I whispered, taking my turn to duck away from a kiss as he bent in. He rolled his eyes. "No, seriously Lloyd, you look gross."
He leant backwards and sent me a pout.
"Ouch," he said.
I detangled my limbs from his, lips still throbbing, and peeked inside the bathroom. It had one of those showers that was connected to a bath, but seemed to be as aged as the rest of the old motel. At least someone had the right of mind to crack open the window.
I turned back to Lloyd. "In."
He sent me a distraught, annoyed look. "You just got here."
"I know," I said. "Get in the bath. I bought shampoo because I knew this would happen."
"There's much better things we could be doing," he grumbled as he stepped into the bathroom with the same frustrated scowl as an eight year old boy. I went to turn the water on and stared in disdain as the water dribbled from the tap. Well. Beggars can't be choosers, and I was practically on my knees. Man's stinky.

"You're lucky I kissed you as is," I remarked with a grin over my shoulder. It fell at the sight of Lloyd's bare torso, warm chest turning cold with dread so fast that it left me teetering.
Lloyd's red eyes caught mine before quickly dropping to the floor as he folded his shirt.
"It's fine."
"Lloyd," I breathed in horror. He placed the shirt on the sink with a guarded frown. I was surprised he could even move at all.
"It's fine," he said slowly, voice firmly soft. He raised his hands to my shoulders and sent me a reassuring smile. It was forced. "I'm fine."
"Bullshit," I said under my breath. "Get in the shower."
His strained smile slowly dropped. He should've known that he wouldn't be able to fool me anymore, not after everything we've been through together.
Discarding his pants, Lloyd stepped into the pathetic dribble of a shower, and I raked my eyes over his skin. His body was a mirage of scars and bruises, new ones meddled within the old. It was an angry painting without the ting, Spain without the S and why was I trying to cope with the sight of him in so much agony with telling myself jokes?

"This is normal," he said.
"I'm still allowed to be concerned," I said. The silence turned awkward and tense, which wasn't what I wanted after so long of not being with him, so I broke it. "Nice ass."
Lloyd snorted into a laugh, ducking his head under the stream. It patted strips through his blond hair and turned it dark.
"You've got a better one."
I grinned. "I know."
A red eye peeked over his shoulder, crinkled in amusement and warm with affection. My smile grew, beaming, and the same warmth in his gaze swirled in my chest. I grabbed the shampoo and sat crossed legged at the end of the bathtub.
"How are the others?"
"Tired," Lloyd sighed as sat down in the tub before me. I could feel his shoulders relax as soon as I started threading the soap through his hair. "We all are."
My hands slowed. "What if Wu's... gone-gone?"
"We can't stop looking for him," Lloyd said in quiet determination. "He wouldn't. Not for any of us. Not for you."
"I- I know," I agreed hastily. I lathered the soap into his temple hairline. "But... there's got to be an endpoint, Lloyd. He wouldn't want you guys to leave Ninjago defenceless - I- I mean, I know the others are looking out for it but- hell, look at where you are! You're not even taking care of yourself. None of you are!"

Lloyd titled his head back to stare at me. The shampoo made my fat pants damp, but I couldn't care less.
"I'm worried, Lloyd," I grounded, eyebrows pitched. "I'm worried in a way that goes beyond just- just worry. There has to be a line."
"I wouldn't stop searching for you."
I gritted my teeth and swallowed. I shook my head with a dry, empty laugh.
"If you neglected yourself like this, then I wouldn't want you to."
Lloyd's eyes shifted from my face to the ceiling. He lifted his head from my lap. I washed his hair in silence.
"... I can't stop looking for him," Lloyd said in a small voice. "He saved me. When everyone else had given up on me, Wu gave me another chance."
I tilted his chin so I could stare him in the eyes. My determination was palpable.
"Then let me help."
He raised a damp hand to my cheek. The softness in his gaze almost had me crumbling. I was already trembling as it was, bordering on crying with frustration.
"You already are."
"You know what I mean."
The barely-there touch grew more solid as he rested his palm against my temple. Insistent tears welled in my eyes. The intensity in his red eyes bore me to the ground.
"I can't risk losing you, too," he whispered.

Defeated, I raised myself from my hunched position. My inhale was as shaky as my hands were, but I steeled myself enough to press a kiss to Lloyd's wet forehead and lift myself from the bathtub.
I paused at the door.
"When are you going to see me as who I am?" I asked mutely.
His response was just as quiet.
"I already do."
Maybe he did. Maybe I was too self-assured. Maybe I was too arrogant. Maybe I was weak in comparison, even with all the training I've done. Even with my expertise with a gun.
I think I finally realised it, in that second, in that decrepit old bathroom in a decrepit old motel in the city of whom's name I couldn't recall. It was a joke. I was a joke, for ever thinking I could fit in. For thinking I could take myself and simply mould me into something that made sense in Lloyd's life.

We were from two entirely different worlds.

I exited the bathroom. His eyes followed me out.