August 25, 2018
Dear Diary

She wove golden rays of sunshine,

Into a long and flowing dress,

That left a cent on everything she touched,

Of Nature's sweet caress,

Everywhere the girl did go,

The flowers would all bloom,

And she would chase the lonely feeling,

Out of every darkened room,

She could drive away all your sadness,

And cause a frozen heart to thaw,

She'd paint the sky pink every morning,

But yet no one ever saw,

No one thought to thank her,

For the warmth upon her skin,

For chasing all those demons,

From where the nightmares breath has been,

She thought she wasn't needed,

She could leave and they’d not care

But they’d just taking her for granted,

Since her light was always there,

Because you never thank the ground,

Until you know how it feels to fall,

Or how much you need the Sun,

Until it doesn't rise at all.

____________________________________________

I let my pen glide against the paper, as the words from my brain enter this book. I give not a second thought about what I write down, and I always write in pen. Pen has a more permanent aspect to it that I always find appealing. As Bob Ross always says “We do not make mistakes, just happy little accidents.” this is a quote that gets me through most days, for I tell myself I am not a mistake. Just a happy little accident. A happy little accident the causes so much people pain. And so much problems to the world. A happy little accident that shouldn't have been born in the first place. Yet I try to tell myself I'm not a mistake, for a mistake to not be fixed, but an accident can.

I tend to get lost my head a lot, my head is a very dark and quiet place that I enjoy to be in.

So as I wander around my head, I leave my body behind, unaware of my surroundings and what's happening at the very moment.

I am brought back to reality when the teacher calls out my name. I shoot up out of my diary, and look over at the teacher who's staring at me. “Here?” I say, guessing he had to be taking attendance. I was right to think so, for he went back to his list and called out another name.

It was English class first block, I sat myself down in the corner, with empty seats all around me. Isolated, that's how I liked it. I placed my pen back on the piece of paper, ready to sprawl out some new thoughts that came into my mind. The my attention was drawn away for my diary and up to the classroom door.

A student walked in, yet not any student, a new student. I think at least. I've never seen him before, and I would definitely remember his face if I have.

He was tall, definitely over six foot. His hair was a dirty blond that was styled with at least a can of product. His lips were perfect and plump, as if they're shot from Cupid's arrow itself. And his eyes, oh his eyes, a beautiful misty blue/gray that I can only describe with the word, perfection.

I don't get ‘crushes’ very often the words sound so elementary to me. Though this boy gave me shivers that were sent through my whole body.

“Hello.” Mr McIntyre, the English teacher, said to him. “And who would you be?”

“Hi, my name is Evan Williams, sorry I'm late I was getting a tour around the school. Today is my first day in this District.” When he spoke his words came out so softly, I felt butterflies fly around my stomach, sending goosebumps in my arms.

“No problem Evan.” Mr. McIntyre spoke as he marked Evan present on his piece of paper. “Take a seat wherever you want.”

Evan gave Mr. McIntyre a sweet smile, and then looked around the room. There were lots of open seats scattered around the classroom. Though his eyes landed on mine. Why did his eyes land on mine? I was praying he would look away but her eyes were locked, oh why couldn't I look away? Just look away! Before I knew it he was coming over to me. My heart sank and my stomach did a million somersaults. Our eyes would not break the horrid stair we had. And then he did the worst thing he could have possibly did, he sat next to me!

Me! He could have sat next to six other people in this room but instead he picked me? The only girl isolated in the corner by herself. Didn't he know I wanted to be alone? I didn't know if I should smile at this beyond gorgeous boy, or if I should yell at him for sitting next to me. Before I could decide what I wanted to do he did the next worst thing, he spoke to me! “Hey.” He said softly, making my goosebumps get goosebumps.

I opened my mouth, not sure what to say, though when I tried to speak, nothing came out. I physically cannot put words together at that very moment. Nothing but a mindless syllables came out of my mouth, making me sound like a complete idiot. “I, h, e, y, h, I,” I could feel my face turning red, this was the worst first day of high school I could possibly imagine.

Luckily for me he didn't walk away, or give me a strange look. He smiled? He actually smiled and gave me a genuine laugh. I couldn't help but smile back. Maybe he thought I was joking, or maybe he found it cute? Or maybe he was just laughing at my stupidity. No matter what the reason, he looked five times cuter than he before. “Hey.” I managed to get out with an awkward little laugh.

“I'm Evan.” He spoke.

“Bella.” I was able to keep my voice steady, without any stutters or hiccups.

“It's nice to meet you Bella.”

“And I you.” Frick! What did I just say? No. And just when I thought things couldn't get any worse, they did.

“Hell is empty and all the devils are here.” He spoke with a sly grin.

“Shakespeare? Nice.” I smiled back. “You like to read?”

“Love it, I once gave writing a shot, let's just say I can't exactly put my thoughts into words.” He told me with a grin and embarrassed laugh. “Do you like to write?” He said glancing over at my open diary.

“What?” I said noticing my diary was wide open for him to see. “Oh me? No no.” I said shutting it as fast as I can, and putting it underneath the rest of my books. He raised an eyebrow at me, and let out a small chuckle. “Okay, maybe a little.” I said shyly.

“Can I read any of it?” My face went blank, not knowing what to say. “Oh my God I am such an idiot! I'm sorry.” He laughed as his face turned as red as mine. “That was definitely not any of my business to read. I'm sorry I just get nervous around pretty girls at a new school.”

Oh my God! oh my God! Did he just call me pretty? Is he really nervous to talk to me? Why in the world would he be nervous to talk to me? Why did he sit next to me? Why does he think I'm pretty? What the heck is going on?

Luckily before I had to say anything Mr. McIntyre started to speak. “Be not afraid of greatness: some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon them.” He spoke loudly and confidently as he paced around the room. “Who knows who said that?”

Shakespeare, obviously. Yet I'm not one to speak in class. “Shakespeare, sir.” Evan called out.

“Very good, Mr. Williams.” My heart melted even more as I stared at the side of his head. What is it with this boy that gives me such a feeling?

Me and Evan didn't talk for the rest of class, I don't know if I'm waiting for him to speak to me, or if he is waiting for me to speak to him, but I want to talk to him again, yet I don't.

Before I know it, the bell rings and we're all heading out the door. Part of me wants to talk to him, but the more logical side of me knows better. I cannot play out a scenario in my head, where our conversation goes smoothly for me. So I just walk out the door in the crowd of everyone else, yet I feel my hand get tugged behind me.

I quickly jerk around, and look at my wrist. It's being gripped by none other than Evan’s hand. “Hey, sorry if I'm inconveniencing you, but do you mind showing me where room A 103 is? I have World culture next and I cannot remember where the room is.”

“Ya, I actually have that class next too, come with me and I'll show you where it is.” I said it so confidently, I'm shocked at myself with how little of a fool I'm making of myself.

We leave the English room and we walk upstairs, I show him where the room is and he follows me inside. I sit down in the back corner, and he sits right next to me. I look at him with a stunned face, I guess I just expected him to sit somewhere else. Though he gives me a soft smile, and I can't help but return it. Maybe the semester won't be so bad after all.