How Many Punks Does It Take To Change A Bulb?

"Come here Raymond! Faster! We need to leave now!"

Hearing the alarmed shout of his mother, little Raymond ran to the picnic mat. His parents were hastily packing everything, not looking twice for whatever missing plate or glass. The family of three went as fast as they could to their shuttle, stationed few paces away from the perfect spot on the sandy beach they found on their afternoon of extra planetary excursion.

"My blocks! I forgot my blocks mum!" Raymond was devastated. He looked through the glass panel to the diminishing small blue ball that was the planet they had found on this nice vacation day. The toys had been a present from his big sister, Martha, for his birthday, few months ago. He loved them. They were smooth, almost the same color of the sand he had set them on, building a small city. His sister had them marked with his name and some really neat pictures. He, in return, tried to add his sister's name to some of the blocks. Now they were lost...

"It's okay Raymond, Martha will understand. We really had to leave though, and we won't be able to go back soon. See this?" His father was showing the reason for the rush. There were few lights in the dark expense of the Universe, nearing the planet they left. Those lights were, according to his father, pirate ships invading the planet G/\1@, recently listed in this quadrant of the Galaxy as a family oriented vacation destination.

Raymond's parents were the type to try any new destination possible. They liked variety and new scenery. It went to the extent that Martha, his big sister, was now a Galaxy Outing Specialist. She knew so much about almost all of the places to visit that she set herself in business with it. If you wanted to find the best beaches to swim, the best mountains to climb, the best glaciers to ski, the best in all the Universe could offer you, you just had to call her.

"Those pirates are a nuisance," Raymond's mother was rambling, "they are small men but they wreak havoc everywhere they go. I hope they won't pollute too much this beautiful place we saw. The weather was okay, not too warm. I guess if it was a bit warmer, the pirate would leave then... we just have to wait a bit..." His mother wasn't much talkative, usually, but she had had some bad encounters with pirates, once, so bad that she developed an allergy to pasta. Now, Raymond who loved his pastas couldn't eat them anymore. At home at least, seeing that when his mother went for her yoga class, his father and sister, when she was in the area, would bring him out for a pasta night.

"We are near the Sixth World," Raymond's father remarked, "Martha shall be there. She was supposed to guide some customers on a safari trip and to see some metavariants." The kid and his mother agreed with enthusiasm. The last time they saw her was at Raymond's birthday party.

The Sixth World was an interesting place, though not really family oriented. Martha had a small office there where her family found her easily. What the three visitors didn't know was that the young woman wasn't just a travel consultant. The Galaxy Outing specialist was a cover for her job as a bounty hunter. When her family entered her office, she was about to leave for the Hammerhead where she had a meeting with her friend Barb. This was the problem with having enthusiastic parents, going from one place to another in a whim. They never let you know in advance when they would come and see you.

"Ma'a! I lost my blocks!" Raymond's teary words brought a small smile on his sister's face, seeing the efforts he made not to cry.

"What happened little one?" As she answered her brother, Martha looked at her parents trying to get an idea of the situation.

"I was playing with the cubes and the pyramids, I had fun, I even had some small tin people to put on the city I built. But daddy said to run and leave!" The kid was now crying freely.

"Pirates!" Her mother spat the word with all the disgust she felt.

"Some pirates' ships were coming. We didn't want to be near them. You never know with that rabble." The father tried to explain.

"It is okay, Raymond. I know where I can find other blocks all the same. We can build together a new city next time." Martha consoled her brother the best she could, her mind racing about what she had been told.

*****

"I have some news Barb!" Martha went directly to the bar after she passed the door of the pub. The curvy blonde serving the customers stopped at her words. Gazing at the tables, she made a sign to Martha to follow her. In the back room, they were joined shortly by two of their colleagues. The two men weren't the talking type. Johnny and Rick.

Johnny was the logistic guy, managing the information about the cases they were working on. He had a great memory for all the details planned on a mission. His brain was wired as a giant library, or even more, like a storage facility.

Rick was the tactician. He also had some knowledge of arcane, and was an expert in the Voight Kampff technique, a psychological mumbo jumbo that made him a walking truth detector.

Of the group of four, the firepower they needed during mission was handled by Barb. She was a force to recon with the level of destruction she could bring on any of their enemies. The lady was also their weapon and technology dealer.

"We need to retrieve the Relic. It is on G/\1@." Martha explained the situation and the last known location of the object they were paid to find.

"What went through your head? Thinking this was a good idea?" Barb didn't know if she should be angry or bemused by the other woman's idea of a great place for hiding a treasure of the caliber of the Incal.

"I guess my little brother's blocks weren't the best place..." Martha was smiling hesitantly, feeling ashamed at this idea that had seemed so great at the time. She had thought she could have kept an eye on the relic that way. The only thing she didn't took in the equation was her parents' thirst for travel and change in scenery.

"Anyway... We need first to retrieve the relic, then find a good place to hide it before the boss come and it becomes his problem. Oh, and I almost forget... Pirates have been spotted in the vicinity of the planet." Martha got back to work, providing the details of the situation. Johnny started to access the Star Database, checking information about the planet and the last activity of the Space Pirates.

"I received a com from Jones. The dolph has confirmed the location of the relic. Somehow, it's broadcasting to the Galaxy like a beacon! We better get going on soon if we don't want the Technopriests to come uninvited to the party also..." As Johnny was confirming the relic's position, a fifth man entered, wearing dark sunglasses in the dim lighted room. Seeing him, Barb got up immediately. "Time to go kick some pirates' asses, guys! What sick weapons do you have for us, brother mine?"

*****

The four bounty hunters arrived on G/\1@ almost too smoothly. No Pirates or Metabarons in view. They found easily the spot where Raymond left his blocks. They started to pick up the toys from the sand when the blast of an ion canon stopped them. In the horizon, a space galleon was facing them.

They had to act fast, seeing as the Pirates would debark soon. Martha pulled a small device from a concealed pocket in her vest and pointed it to some of the blocks, shouting to the others to take cover behind her.

The blocks started to grow, as tall as multistorey buildings. The four companions were now in front of three pyramids and two square-y constructions. Martha never thought that the engraving of his brother's name on the blocks would have this dramatic effect. In different places on the walls could be read parts of it, "RA", "AY", "MON"...

Running through the sandy plain toward the pyramids, Barb didn't stop at the sight. She took control of the operation quickly, commanding Johnny and Martha to start looking inside the giant blocks for the Incal while Rick and she would stall the enemy.

Martha didn't remember where she had left the relic, though she had some vague souvenirs. Luckily, Johnny knew exactly where to go. With his brain wired, he was attuned to different wavelengths. Jones had provided him with the crystal's resonance pattern so he would find it even in a maze.

Maze was the definition of the interior of the pyramid. The two found easily the Incal thanks to Johnny's special mind, however, the way back to the sunlight and burning sand was a bit more hectic. Martha had to improvise some passageway through the many walls, with her weapons, for them to exit quicker.

The situation outside was not as desperate as they had thought. Martha and Johnny joined their two companions near their shuttle. The Pirates were still a good distance away. Although they could escape without having to engage in close combat, the four bounty hunters were still bombarded by the pirates' ion canons particles.

Running to their craft, the group took quickly place inside the vehicle and left the sandy ground, effectively escaping the Galleon's cannon range.

*****

"Damn! I wanted to take back Raymond's block. Those damned Pirates had to spoil everything!" Martha was rambling.

"It's okay, Sweetie! We got the relic, and anyway, I thing Rick has some of the toy soldiers." Barb tried to liven up the woman's mood. Not specifically because she wanted to comfort her, though she was a good friend, but if Martha when Martha was down on her self-pity-party, she wouldn't be of any help to the group. God knew this woman loved to complain, and when she started it was quite the feat to get her back on track.

"You're sure babe? Rick! Show me what you got!"

The man took some figures out of his pocket. Martha was thinking how much her brother would be happy to be able to get back at least some of his toys.

All went well in this mission, or almost. At least, they had manage to get rid of the pirates and to secure the Incal. The spacecraft was flying low to keep under the radar of those damned scavengers.

They had left the sandy shores and were now flying east of their precedent position. They just had passed some really high mountains, the summit under the snow like a white lake in the sky, when a strident blip exploded in the cabin.

"Missiles!" Barb was looking at the radar, already preparing the counter flares.

"Nuclear!" Johnny, who was manning the craft, started to ramble. "After the pirates, we got the stupid knights. What are the Metabarons doing here?"

Accelerating wasn't enough for them to avoid completely the missiles. One exploded near enough to create a breach in the cabin, a small hole, though, not life threatening... at the moment.

Due to the shock, the toy soldiers Martha had on her hands flew through the hole in the wall. She cursed, though couldn't do much about it. Reacting in a nanosecond, she pointed her magnifier to the diving soldiers. "At least, it will be easier to find them," she added with a bitter-sweet feeling as she stare at them, following their fall until they reached the ground. She waited to see them in a muddy ditch before she activated the magnifier, making them bigger, thus easier to retrieve later on.

This all happened in few seconds, the explosion, the hole, the soldiers falling and the shield raising to protect the spacecraft. Johnny maneuvered expertly, getting out of the Metabarons' furor, while Rick, Barb and Martha were rushing to restore the cabin integrity before they left the planet.

Luckily, their new pursuers were distracted when the pirates finally joined them. A duel of ion blasts against nuclear heads lighted the skies like a National Day firework. Taking this occasion to escape, the four bounty hunter vanished above the atmosphere.

*****

The return to the Sixth World felt strange to the four friends, almost too quiet, too uneventful. No other risky encounters with the punks of the Galaxy had endangered the rest of their mission. They were back with the relic, safely guarded in Barb's backroom.

Comfortably installed in the dark room, Martha was already looking for new toys to replace her brother's loss. Johnny was back talking with the dolph, immerged in his own world under his helmet. Rick was ready to leave to visit his girlfriend. Barb teased him a bit, hinting at the somehow synthetic nature of his girlfriend, though she wasn't Dutch, neither his wife.

Noise and tumult came from the front room all of a sudden. The blonde went fast checking on the commotion. Curious, Rick and Johnny followed closely behind Barb, Martha remaining back, lost in her research of blocks and toy soldiers for Raymond.

Two ugly old men garbed in dirty brown and harboring weird plastic helmets were demanding they'd be given custody of the relic.

"Why would priests come in a bar? Are you looking for some blessing?" Barb was grinning at them, in her special welcoming smile, the one she usually reserved to prey and cockroaches.

The fatter of the two was about to say something when he got cut off by the door opening. A metallic sound, accompanied by heavy steps, identified the new comer as a knight and not a robot.

"How glad to see my little abode has become so popular in this quadrant!" As Barb's grin increased, Rick became even quieter and Johnny started to flinch. Nothing good would come out of this situation.

"And here comes the missing link!" The blond was on a roll as she welcomed the last protagonist of the story. A tall and slender man, shrouded in dark, black cape with bloody red underlining. The bird sitting on his shoulder was as creepy as the skull and bones he wore proudly on his chest.

"So!" Barb continued, "We have the pervert monks, the rusty knight and Scarface. Why are you, guys, disturbing my business?"

*****

Martha realized something was wrong when the silence became deafening. She had been answering a call from their boss who had requested she confirmed the relic was in their possession. She had been showing him the object they retrieved from the pyramid.

The unusual silence made her curious. She passed the door and entered the front room, silently, still holding the crystal in her hand.

Martha stopped beside Rick and Johnny, looking at the intruders and her friend engaged in a stare contest. Barb was flashing her creepy smile while the others firmed their stances, as if ready for an attack at any moment.

Above the bar, a light flickered and went off. All eyes drifted to the blinking disturbance, then, bluntly to Martha, as they realized what she was holding. The later didn't realize the attention she was the object of, focused on the dead bulb. As on a mission, she walked to the bar, climbed on it, and started to unscrew the faulty orb with one hand. Without thinking much, she then brought her other hand to the now empty socket and started to use the crystal as a replacement bulb.

As the relic was screwed into the ceiling, sparkles flashed the room and sweet chimes rang in the background.

As the light was playing its symphony, the priests, knight and pirate were frozen, rooted on the spot, as in a trance. Martha turned to them and smiled gently. "Thank you gentlemen for the visit. Are you staying or leaving?"

At her words, the men slowly left the bar. Barb looked at Johnny and Rick, sharing the awkwardness of the moment. Martha, sure, was a strange girl.

The girl in question started then to giggle, surprising even more her friends. Now, they thought she was bat crazy. She looked each of them in turn, then some more, laughing out loud. Taking a deep breath, she tried to regain some countenance.

"Hey guys, I got a question for you... How many punk does it take to change a bulb?" Then, she started to cackle, as if demented...