The Notorious Cooper Kennit

A PiratePunk Story by parishsp

"Where are we going, Uncle?" Rascal was a bit frightened as they pushed their way through the well-trodden street. People were shouting, sloping, and sliding on the packed, muddy roads. The smell of sewage hovered in the heavy air. All of it was new to Rascal. He had never been to Penghwin before, let alone a...

"We're here, lad. Get to steppin'," Uncle said with a shove as he pushed Rascal through the door.

...a tavern? Rascal's eyes widened as he surveyed the scene around him. The smell of sweat and beer assaulted his nostrils; he balked. Uncle gave him another shove with his front arm; good thing, too because two midgets rolled, fighting, right into the place where he had just been standing. The bare, greasy skin of one contender slid right over Rascal's sandaled foot. The boy jumped back with a girly screech.

The whole scene would have been comical if not for the fact that the two were beating the living daylights out of each other, no end in sight.

Rascal felt his stomach turn.

Suddenly, the bare-chested dwarf and his elf-like companion toppled onto a nearby table where other tavern patrons were in the middle of non-gentlemen activities. Barechest mounted his foe, pulled out a knife, and stabbed him in the neck—right on the bid pile. That pissed one of the larger patrons off so much that he reached up, grabbing the victor around his collar, and landed a solid left hook square on the midget's jaw.

The dwarf spun, wobbled, and fell onto the table, covering the rest of the game with his sweaty, dirt-streaked body.

One of the card players slammed his hands down, "Well, shit!"

Rascal turned back towards the door, no way was he staying here.

Uncle grabbed his collar with one of his arms, laughing. "Where you going, boy? Not scared of a little rumble, are you?" He turned Rascal back inside, the boy trying to find words to answer, but managing only to stumble over his syllables as they made their way deeper into the dark hall.

"You brought me a stuttering one, Remaru? What good'll that do me?"

"You know me better than that, old man. Now, where's the ale?"

Rascal looked from one man to another before he was shoved in the direction of a wooden table. Uncle kicked the chair furthest from the door out, pointing. "Sit."

Rascal sat quickly. Everywhere he looked, he saw rough looking men sucking down foul-smelling ale and grabbing ladies who didn't look much like... ladies. He might have only turned eight the previous moon, but he knew these men weren't gentlemen, and therefore most likely up to no good. His mother—may she rest in peace—would have never approved of Uncle bringing him here.

The thought made him narrow his eyes at his father's brother, anger building up inside of him.

Uncle felt the boy's stare burning into his cheek, caught the look and challenged it with his own. Rascal balked, but only for a moment. He went at it a second time, giving it all he had.

The old man let out a loud laugh, making Rascal jump, breaking the stare. "He's got spirit, Remaru! I see it now." He said, hitting his old friend across the arm with his hand not occupied with drink. Ale sloshed out of his dirty mug. He moved in closer to the boy, looking him over. He spoke quietly, "Who knows, maybe we've got the next Ranger on our hands."

Rascal didn't move. "Who's Ranger?"

The ruckus of the tavern became suddenly still—all eyes turned to where the men and boy sat.

The old pirate started laughing a deep, rolling laughter.

After a brief hesitation, one by one, the rest of the patrons joined in.

When he finally caught his breath, he leaned in, wiping sweat from his brow and smearing dirt across his forehead in the process. This time, Rascal moved back from the stench of the old man's musty breath.

"Ranger, huh? Well, he ain't no one but the greatest pirate who e'er lived, boy."

Rascal gasped, "Pirates?"

"Pirates."

The boy looked around at the tavern again, this time seeing it for what it really was. Hats, long hair, knives, lasers, jugs of ale, women ...of ill repute. A pirate den.

As he saw the pieces fell into place, the man decided to play his hand.

He leaned into the table, hands folded, and looked at the boy, "Have you ever heard the Legend of the Ranger, lad?" he asked quietly.

The boy slowly shook his head.

"Would you like to?"

The boy paused, as if scoping the old pirate out. He finally gave him a small nod.

"Well, then," said the old man, "let's refill the ale."

~

So he began, "A long, long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away..."

"Seriously?" the boy interrupted.

"Well, do you want to hear the story or not, lad?"

Rascal rolled his eyes, sighing. "Yeah."

"Well then, keep yer trap shut and listen." He took a swig, "Now, where was I? Oh yeah... A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away...

"...Cooper Kennit! I cannot believe you just did that!" Bonnie Kennit stomped away from her brother in a woman's fury. "You just let our ship go! Just like that?" She snapped her fingers. When Cooper did not reply, she let out a sigh, slinging her skinny rear onto the ledge near where Cooper was standing.

Cooper hardly noticed his sister's rant; nor was he paying attention to his hoverboat drifting away over the horizon. He had lost it the night before in a game of Tall Card; he wasn't worried. Nah, Cooper Kennit, worried? Never.

Although, it might have been less about his ship and more about what he had won in its stead. Ok, stole, or swiped if you prefer. Tomato, Tomahto.

Cooper pushed his long, scraggly dread locks out of his face and squinted at the map again. A smile began to inch its way across his lightly bearded face.

"Blackbeard's Galaxy Cruiser," he cursed under his breath.

Bonnie harrumphed from her sulking perch on the ledge.

"What do you have this time, Coop?"

"Hmm?" he asked, still staring at the paper in his hands.

"I said," Bonnie stood, grabbing the map, "What do you have this time?"

"Hey! Give that back!"

Bonnie turned her back to him, keeping him away from his treasure with her backside.

"Bonnie, I'm warning ya'."

"Warning me, huh? It looks like you just gave up our home for another. Smelly. Sheet. Of. Paper."

"It's not just any paper, lass, now give it back." He grabbed it back out of his sister's hands.

"That's what you said last time, Coop! Remember, when you gave up half our crew? Or the time before that, when mum's pearls got gone. Or before that..."

"It's not like that this time, Bonnie. This time, we've got something."

Having also heard that one before, Bonnie just rolled her eyes, walking away. "Sure, Coop."

He reached out and grabbed her arm. "Bonnie, this one's different. What I have in my hand here is our big ticket!" Bonnie, having also heard that before rolled her eyes again. Cooper was not deterred. "This dear sister is the map to the sinking place of the Esperanza."

Bonnie narrowed her eyes, "The Esperanza?" Cooper nodded.

His sister waited a moment, and crossed her arms. "Show me."

He handed her the map. Bonnie sat back down, unfolding the crinkled, old sheet of parchment and staring at it intently. She brought it up to her face, held it up towards the evening sun, turned it around side-by-side until she was back where she started. She shot her brother a doubtful look over her shoulder. "Cooper, there is nothing here."

A spark lit behind Cooper's eyes, his mouth widening in a broad grin. "Ah, but that's what they want you to think."

This is it, Bonnie thought. He's officially daft.

"I'm not crazy," he said. "Look." He pulled something out of his pocket. It was a thin, circular piece of gold with jewels scattered randomly throughout. Cooper grabbed the map from his sister, running up the ledge. He looked up at the sun, tilted his head and stuck out his thumb.

"Cooper, what are you..."

Her brother held up his finger to quiet her.

He smoothed out the map on the rocks, holding it in place with his boots. Grabbing the medallion, he angled it towards the horizon.

"Cooper, I..."

He flipped his hair out of his face, and gestured towards the map with his chin, "Bonnie, look."

Bonnie reluctantly got up. She walked over to her ridiculous looking brother, looked down and gasped.

The rays of the sun shining through the medallion's seemingly random jewels made not so random marks on the parchment.

But that wasn't all.

As soon as the light hit it, the heat of the sun caused the surface of the paper to rise: landmarks.

"Cooper..."

"I know, Bonnie." He said, almost in awe. "There she is. The Western Sea. Roughly two kilometers off the coast. She's so close, I can taste her."

"Cooper."

The pirate's gaze finally broke from the map to look at his sister.

"You're forgetting one thing." She gestured towards the horizon where the last traces of his lost hoverboat could be seen. "How we gonna get there?"

Cooper smiled.

"Why, I we'll have to make a stop by the 'ole tavern, I suppose."

~

"Wait," Rascal interrupted. "You mean they came here? To this tavern?"

The old pirate scoffed, "Of course I mean this tavern, boy. She hasn't always been a dumping ground for the most pathetic pirates around." A large man passing stopped and stared for a moment. Then shrugged, heading towards the kegs. "Now, are you goin'a let me finish my story, or not?"

The boy nodded eagerly.

"Good. But first more ale."

~

Cooper and Bonnie slopped down the muddy streets of Pengwin and through the heavy wooden doors into the tavern.

A ruckus of noise slapped them in the face as they pushed them open; they both smiled.

Home.

Navigating through the tables, Cooper found one near the back wall and signaled for some ale.

A robust woman delivered two frothy mugs with a smile on her shiny face. "'Ere ya go, dear."

Cooper returned the smile. "Thank ya, luv. Say," he started, leaning in and lowering his voice. "You wouldn't know of anyone here with a ship and no place to go, would ya?"

"Word 'as it that Captain Spade's lookin' for an adventure."

"Where can I find Spade?"

She kicked her head back over her shoulder. "Round the 'earth, o'er there."

Cooper slipped a coin into her hand, "Thank ya, my lady."

She smiled, then winked. "Anytime, sir."

She shimmied away, and Bonnie grumbled under her breath, "You would think she wanted her girls to spill out, as tight as she's wearin' that corset."

Cooper looked at her and grinned, "I'm sure she'd get better tips if they did."

"Seriously Cooper, of all the ri..." suddenly, the table toppled over, taking with it the two fresh mugs of ale.

"What in God's name?"

Cooper reached down and grabbed one of the midgets by the collar of his shirt, holding the other down on the dirty floor by his boot.

"I think you owe the lady here an apology," he said to the two little men. "And some new drinks. Complimentary, I'd think."

The men looked up at the dreadlocked, fierce looking pirate, and both nodded once. Cooper let them go with a push in the direction of the barmaid. He brushed off his hands and smiled, "Well, that was fun," he said. "Are you alright?" Bonnie nodded. "Good. Well, I'm off to find a certain Captain by the name of Spade."

"Off to find who?"

Cooper turned towards the smooth female voice behind him, and stumbled over his words. Six feet of tan, toned female pirate stood in front of him. Ass-stompin' boots, black garter hose, a small leather skirt and top to match—finished off with a Captain's cap and a pistol strapped to her side.

"What, cat got your tongue?" She asked, one hand on her cocked hip.

"Wow..." Cooper finally managed to get out. "Can I see it?" he asked, staring at her lower half.

The woman raised her eyebrows at Bonnie behind him. His sister simply shrugged and returned to her mug.

She turned back to Cooper. "I beg your pardon?"

"Your gun." Cooper gestured to her hip. "It's a Magnum 5.6, right? Man, I'd like to get my hands on one of those."

The woman's eyes widened. She looked down at her hip, putting her hand on her gun. "It is a modified Magnum 5.6."

"Really?!" he took a step forward. "Can I see it?"

"No." with that she turned away, leaving Cooper standing there, hand still outstretched.

"Hold on!" he shouted at her back. He dodged a bar maid, "Wait!"

She turned around aggressively, one hand on her pistol.

Cooper caught up with her, putting his hands on his knees. He looked up at her, and pushed his dreads out of his eyes.

"Listen," he said, "I'm looking for a Captain Spade. Do you know him?"

She narrowed her eyes. "Who's asking?"

He stood. "I am. Cooper Kennit." He held out his arm, "I was told he had a ship, a crew, and is ready to set sail."

"Yeah, and what's it to you?" she asked, not making any move to shake.

Cooper stood straight, "That's for me to discuss with the Captain. Ya know where to find him?"

"No tell, no dice." She turned to walk away again. Cooper reached out to stop her, and the look she gave him cut deep; he dropped his hand quickly.

"Listen," he said eyes darting from side to side, looking for signs of listening ears. He lowered his voice, learning in. "It concerns the Esperanza."

The woman's look of excitement left as fast as it came. She scoffed, "The Esperanza? All of you little boys lay claim to it at one time or another."

"Yeah, but not all of 'em have this."

He pulled the folded map out of his pocket. The woman's eyebrows shot up on her forehead. "Where did you get that?"

Cooper tucked it back in his waistcoat, beaming. "Not until you take me to the Captain."

The woman reached out her arm, a smile playing across her lips. "Nice to meet you, Cooper Kennit. I'm Spade. You can call me Captain."

~

The little boy's mouth pinched in disgust, "A girl? Captain?" He made a face as though he had eaten something rancid. "Why would a girl be a Captain?"

A small smirk pulled at the corner of the old pirate's mouth. "Lad, you don't think a lass can Captain a ship as well as a man?"

Rascal thought about it for a second, and the looked from Uncle to his old friend. He shrugged his shoulders, "Maybe."

The old man laughed a short laugh. Then, his face became serious, almost sad. "Captain Spade was one'o the best Captains to ever float the seven galaxies, lad, and don't you forget it." He said the last while pointing a crooked, weather-worn finger in the boy's direction. The boy nodded. "Now, where was I?"

~

Cooper and Bonnie followed Spade back through the same muddy streets. They started the trip in silence, each dodging the strange assortment of species the harbor drew to its town's dwellings. As they got closer to the docks, the streets became even more packed. Patrons were forced to go one direction or the other—towards the boats or away in the direction Cooper, Bonnie and Spade were coming from.

A Pengwinian Slug lumbered out in front of them, towering above the crowds and leaving a thin green slime in its wake. Spade let out a small sigh. Cooper wouldn't have noticed if he had not been paying such close attention to her. The Captain was obviously frustrated by the rate of progress towards the docks.

Cooper reached forward, grabbing her arm, "This way," he said loudly into her ear. He reached behind for his sister's hand, and led them both down the alley from which the Slug had emerged.

"Where are we going?" Spade asked, somewhat confused by not only Cooper's actions but also why she was following him.

Bonnie was the one to answer, "Cooper and his shortcuts." Spade looked at her, brows furrowed. Bonnie sighed. "We grew up here. As kids, to avoid everything going on back there," she gestured to the road they had just came from, "we would found some shortcuts. I'm 'orrible at it, but Coop there? He can find anything, anywhere. It's like he's got a GPS inside of him."

Spade considered this for a second as their fearless leader took them up a trash pen and over a wooden fence.

They hit the ground.

"He's a regular old ranger."

Bonnie nodded, and laughed under her breath. "Exactly."

Cooper looked back to see the ladies smiling. He raised his eyebrows, but Bonnie just shook her head. He shrugged and stopped at a rusty fire escape that scaled one of the buildings.

"This way," he pointed towards the ladder.

Spade stopped. "You sure that's alright to climb?"

Cooper's mouth turned up at a corner, "Why, Captain, better hush talk like that less someone overhearing get the idea that you're scared."

"It's not fear. I don't take unnecessary risks."

In response, Cooper tilted his head back letting out a rich laugh. "Captain Spade! You're a pirate. You're entire life is an unnecessary risk."

Spade narrowed her eyes. "This just better get us to my boat, Ranger, or there'll be hell to pay." She grabbed the first rung and pulled herself up.

Cooper looked at his sister, "Ranger?"

She just smiled, shook her head, and tied up her coverings. "One day, you'll learn, Coop. One day."

They left him standing on the ground. Shrugging, Cooper grabbed the first rung.

They began to travel towards the harbor via rooftop, Cooper skipped ahead to lead the group. And what a fancy group they were! Two lasses and a lad. One dressed in the conservative dress of a missionary, and the other two in pirate cloth. One brandishing a weapon, and all of them hopping across the tops of the harbor apartments. Cooper laughed to himself.

"So," Spade started, pulling him out of his thoughts. "How'd you come to be the owner of a map to the Esperanza?"

Cooper looked back at her, "I won it. In a game of Tall Card."

"You won a map to the location of the Esperanza in a game of Tall Card?"

"That's what I said."

Spade stopped. "Let me see it."

Cooper skidded to a halt on the slate roof. "What?"

"Let me see the map." She moved one hand to her holster.

Cooper studied her face, "Ok, but the Magnum stays there, and you keep your hands off the map."

Spade nodded.

Cooper took the map out of his pocket, and handed it to his sister. Bonnie held it out for Spade.

The Captain let a breath slide between her lips. "Kennit." She looked up, slowly. "Why am I staring at a blank sheet of parchment?"

Cooper held up one finger, smiling. "Ah, but it isn't any plain sheet of parchment. You just need the decoder."

There was a pause.

"Do you have the decoder?"

"Aye," he responded. "But not till we get on the boat."

Spade's hand went towards the Magnum strapped to her hip.

"Not a good idea, luv." Bonnie said. She had her own pistol pointed in the Captain's direction. She gestured with her chin, "Modified Magnum 5.7. Four blasts per second dependin' on who's handling her. I'd back my hand away if I was you."

Spade did as she was told. "I didn't know missionaries carried lasers."

"Well, good thing I'm not a missionary."

Cooper stepped towards the women, arms extended. "Ladies, ladies. There is no need for bloodshed. Put it away, Bonnie."

"But..."

"Put it away."

Bonnie did as she was told, lowering her weapon and sliding it back underneath her hood into a shoulder holster. Her eyes never left the Captain's.

"Now that that's settled," Cooper said, dusting off his hands, "I think it's time we had a little chat." His eyes met Spade's. "Agreed?"

Spade's face was devoid of all emotion. "I want to see the decoder."

"And I want to see your ship."

"No dice." She shook her head, and began to walk away.

"Wo-ahh," Cooper said sliding in front of the Captain's path. "No need to rush. Let's talk things over; maybe make a deal of sorts?"

Spade narrowed her eyes, "What did you have in mind?"

"You take us to the ship, to somewhere private, and you get to see everything. If we are lying, you take us out to the middle of the seas, and dump us for the monsters to enjoy."

"Deal."

Cooper held up one hand in a wait gesture. "Not so fast. When we find the Esperanza, we split everything 50/50, and we get it in writing."

"70/30 or no ship."

"50/50 or no map."

Spade thought about for a second then held out her arm, "Deal."

They shook. "Deal." Cooper said, the excitement plain on his face. "Now, which way to your ship?"

A smirk slowly worked its way across the Captain's face; she pointed towards the sky.

Cooper's face dropped.

He looked towards the seemingly empty blue. Not more than ten feet above his head was a large, rich mahogany hoverboat, its crew hanging over the sides. They had obviously been hanging out a while—even though the faces were different, ranging from Slugs, to Tripods, and back to human, each wore the same expression of one part boredom, one part anticipation. The large hovergliders hung above the ship, attached to the boat with thick, strained ropes.

It was beautiful.

One of the Tripods called from the starboard side, "Captain Spade, nice to have you back. Did you bring us a snack?"

A quiet laughter spilled from the boat, drifting down to where the happy trio stood on the roof.

Spade turned, smiling, to Cooper and Bonnie, "All aboard, mateys."

As soon as they boarded the ship, Captain Spade gave orders to cast out to sea. Her hoverboat, Spitfire, was manned by all types, from across the seven galaxies. They were a tough crew, but there wasn't nothing ragtag about the bunch. No, as soon as the orders were out, they began moving like a well-oiled machine—all knowing their place and the job that went with it. There weren't any more loyal than the crew of the Spitfire.

It was no surprise that they eyed the two newcomers suspiciously. But not one of them said a word when Spade called her first mate, the Tripod—named Maru—and led the strangers into her private chambers.

Through the windows, Cooper could see the waves of the sea approaching; they were about to land on the edge of the Western Sea. Maru threw the deadbolt in the heavy wooden doorframe.

He crossed his three arms across the barrel of his chest. "Captain." He said with a single nod in the direction of Spade.

"Maru," she said, looking at Cooper and Bonnie, "these fine people have the map that leads to the Esperanza." Excitement flashed over Maru's face and was gone. Spade continued, "I have seen it, but it needs a decoder to finish it out. That is why we are here and not above deck."

Maru nodded, and took a step towards the table. "You can show us now."

Cooper looked from the Captain to her first mate. "I will. As soon as you're back over by the door."

He didn't move.

"Maru," Spade said. "It's alright. They are not foolish enough to try anything. You can move."

The muscled man did as he was told, setting up post again in front of the door.

"First things first," Cooper began, pulling a rolled up sheet of parchment out of his pocket. "The contract. Whatever we find on the Esperanza will be split evenly between you and I." With a flourish, he laid it on the table, grabbing a quill from a nearby desk.

Spade crossed her arms, "No dice. You're on my ship now, and you play by my rules. Give me the map, or swim with the fishes."

Cooper and Bonnie looked at each other, then back at Spade. Then, Cooper laughed.

"Oh Captain lass, if I go for a swim, then the map comes with me, and then you'll never find your riches. You may have them now, but how long can a lass like you hold a crew like this without delivering on her promises."

Spade's face turned bright red. "Why you low-down, sleazy..."

"Pirate." Cooper finished for her with a small bow. "I would say you've got no choi..."

The ship suddenly stopped its smooth sailing. Something had hit it starboard side, causing everything that wasn't tied down in the Captain's quarters to go flying.

"What was that?" Bonnie asked.

"I'm not sur..." Cooper started, then it happened again. BOOM!

Then, a voice from the decks called, "UFO, port bow!"

Spade's eyes widened. She ran for the door, pointing back at the siblings in her room "You two, stay here."

"Wait!" Cooper lunged for her arm, and pulled her to a halt. Maru grabbed a handful of his dreads and yanked him away from her. "No, wait. If it is a UFO, you need to throw up your invisibility shields now!"

Spade considered it for a second before nodding once to her first mate. He let go of Cooper and bolted out the door. The three followed behind him out onto the deck, and all of a sudden, everything on the ship became a hazy reflection of what it once was. They had turned on the shields.

Everyone on the ship was still, silent. They were all staring off into the distance, some at the sky, the others, the sea.

Cooper followed their line of sight upwards.

There, above the clouds, so large that it was blocking out part of the sun, was the biggest flying saucer he had ever laid eyes on. From metal side to metal side it measured at least a kilometer, and if that wasn't dire enough, suddenly a large port slid open on the bottom, releasing a multitude of smaller vessels—all headed in the same direction: down.

"Holy..." Cooper started.

Bonnie stopped him, elbowing his in the arm, "Look." Cooper took his gaze in the direction she was pointing, and gasped.

Almost a kilometer from the boat, the tides were rapidly picking up speed in a circular motion. A whirlpool.

That wasn't all.

In the waves of the whirlpool was a small brown speck.

Cooper grabbed a viewer from the observation deck.

"Spade, look."

She grabbed the viewer from Cooper, "It's Captain Spade," and looked. "Holy... that's the Esperanza."

"Exactly." Cooper said, "I have a plan."

~

"Well... what happened?" The little boy squealed from his seat.

The old pirate took a swig of his ale, "Well, they took back the Esperanza, lad."

"But how? ...there was a whirlpool, and a UFO, and.."

"Hush down, and I'll tell ya. The crew rigged up the boat, so that they could snag and carry the Esperanza once it reached sea level. The Narlaks are largely religious, superstitious folk—they were the ones in the air, you see—and as soon as they saw the old ship floatin', they shouted haunted and high tailed it out of there."

"And Cooper knew that would work?"

"Nah. He didn't know, lad. But part of being a pirate is listenin' to your gut."

"What happened to the crew? What did Cooper do with all that gold?"

The old man laughed quietly, "Well, boy, Cooper didn't get any gold. The contract was never signed, and Captain Spade considered his debt for getting them into the mess paid in full with the booty from the ship."

Rascal made a face of disappointment, "Aw, well, that sucks."

The man smiled a small smile, "Maybe, but he got to stay on the ship."

"Really?" the boy's eyes got wide, excitement evident on his face.

"Yep." The old pirate took a deep breath, "Say, you wouldn't want to see it, would ya?"

"You mean the Spitfire?"

"The very same one."

The boy nodded his head, vigorously. "Aw, gee. I'd love to." He stopped. "But, hey... if you have the Spitfire, wouldn't that make you...?"

The old pirate held out his arm, "Cooper Kennit at your service, boy. You can call me Ranger."

The boy's eyes widened in admiration. He held out his skinny arm to Ranger and shook. Cooper nodded his head at the door, and, wasting no time, the boy hopped out of his seat and took off for the street.

Remus laughed a bit as Cooper pulled a bag of coins from his coat, handing them to his old friend. "Take good care of him, Coop."

The weather worn face of the old pirate tilted upwards in a familiar smile, "Always, Maru. Always."