I've never been part of anything special. All my life I felt alone. Even though I had friends that were at an arm's length away from me, they never noticed how anxious or depressed I truly was. My Mother could care less about me and my accomplishments and all that I have achieved, and just belittle me on everything about myself. She would make me feel weak, unloved and not worthy of her praises. She would destroy the little self esteem I had. My Father, on the other hand, is my only supporter but he's been lashing out at me as of late because of all the stress my mother is putting us through. I've cried so many times because of this pain I felt in my heart, but eventually I became numb, used to it.

I felt as though I had no voice. I couldn't stand up for myself to my mother or to the people who had torn me apart and pointed out all my flaws. I felt so suffocated and felt as though I was drowning no matter where I went. I had no sanctuary of my own to stop the drowning feeling I felt and no place to hide the inner darkness that wanted to come out every time something bad happened to me. The only thing that would make my days easier was drawing the feelings I felt inside. Worlds of Monochrome and hints of the little color I could "see". I would listen to music to try and drone out the yelling that would suffice in my own home. In my spare time I would write lyric after lyric to try and transfer my inner thoughts and feelings onto a page. In the music room, I would belt and sing the songs that I held in my heart and try to move past these dark thoughts that encompassed my mind. I would read book after book to try and take my mind to other worlds and try to escape from this reality I lived in. I would go to the pool at the gym on campus alone and swim all of my doubts, fears and thoughts away. The warm water of the pool, holding me in a warm and familiar embrace that became foreign to me once I got older and became a disappointment to my parents.

But eventually nothing worked anymore.

All my efforts of putting feelings into the things I loved, no longer worked for me

I felt as though I was finally knocking at death's door.

Waiting for death to answer.

I thought I would never be saved or feel the love I had thought I lost. I thought my already monochrome world would soon one day day go full on black. I thought I would never be able to appreciate my life and the world I lived in.

It all changed when I met them.....

These 7 beautiful men that made me happy again who I now call family and my best friends.

how did I meet them you ask?

Let me take you back to where it all began...

My first year in college.

And my name is