I defied him and wore a tee-shirt and panties to bed. I knew he'd be angry. For a while I had thought I'd just do what he wanted and avoid the fight, then I was so angry at myself that I had put on panties and a tee-shirt. He was not going to beat me into submission, I was not going to just do his bidding!

He had knocked me down that day. Now the shock had worn off, and I saw myself crawling through my life, tail between my legs, belly on the ground, cowering at his every little twitch and glare. That's what he was used to, that's what he wanted. I couldn't be beaten so easily.

Gabel got into bed next to me. I knew pretending to be asleep was pointless. I hoped he'd just go to sleep and leave me alone in the darkness.

But his fingertips grazed my back.

I stiffened at his unexpected touch. It tickled. Then his fingers grabbed my shirt.

"I told you," he snarled, "Naked!"

He surged across the bed. His silhouette was darker than the lightless room, and he yanked me onto my back. I shrank back into the pillows in sheer terror. My defiance did not seem like such a good idea just then. Perhaps I wasn't a proud she-wolf but a prideful, stupid child with no good sense!

"Did I not warn you?" he loomed over me.

"You did." sobs got in the way of my words.

How he frightened me hurt him, how much I hated this hurt him, but he didn't care. He didn't care one damn bit. The Bond could punish him and that's what he wanted! He wanted to fight it and resist it and defy the Bond.

"You have five seconds to take this off before I rip it off you. Again."

I sobbed.

Ashamed of myself for caving to him so readily, I obeyed. I was no warrior. I had no courage. Amber would have fought him. Amber would have yelled and snarled and clawed at him and made him force her to do what he wanted. I just did what he wanted, like everyone else.

"I told you." he slunk back to his corner of the bed, like a beast slinking back into its shadows, "We do not stand on human modesty here. It's stupid. And you defying me just to prove you have the will to do so is even more stupid."

I wept and curled into a little ball. What will? I had no will. I had defied his anger for ten seconds. A lot of things went through my mind that I could say to him, but all I could manage was just to cry.

It wouldn't make a difference. Just like he could sense my misery, I could sense his angry resolve. He was the Alpha, and I had defied him just to defy him. It couldn't be allowed. He wouldn't tolerate it. He was the Alpha. And I wasn't the Luna.

Period.

He didn't tell me to stop crying.

I wept myself to sleep. For the second night in a row.

*****

Gabel decided that Alpha Anders should get an invite up to IronMoon. Gabel wanted to get a look at those collars for himself.

I didn't think Anders would show up (if he was smart, he wouldn't) but he did, with a small group of what I presumed were his strongest warriors.

For the five days leading up to that I had avoided Gabel as much as I could, confining myself to my scrying room. He had eventually caught on to this and demanded I at least eat dinner with the pack. He had been too busy preparing for Anders' arrival to pester me with more than that, but I always felt his gaze watching me, or his awareness not too far away.

He was always there. Because of the Bond.

If I was naked in bed and present at dinner that was all he cared about.

Platinum plastered herself all over him. I figured this was what was happening, because I could smell her on him. Goon B finally worked up the nerve to tell me something along the lines of Platinum had been hanging around a lot. He didn't go so far as to accuse Gabel of anything, but even the mention of Platinum being within my BondMate's proximity had merited him saying something, which probably meant there was a lot he wasn't telling me.

The thought of Gabel with another woman made me shrivel inside. But that was just the Bond between us talking. Another part of me was just fine with Platnium taking him off my hands. He just wanted to hurt me.

He could hurt her instead. Platnium seemed to be up for it.

I met her in the hallway coming out of my work room. I caught the scent of Gabel on her. The Bond twisted, but I was so used to it being a constant source of pain that I didn't have to work to surpress my reaction. That much constant pain made me numb.

She gave me a look. I could just tell she wanted to say something. To rub my face in it. And in whatever she might have been doing with Gabel.

But she had something quite unexpected in store for me. "Alpha Anders will be here tomorrow."

"I know."

"Oh, really? I'm surprised. Alpha Gabel has asked me to be at his side."

I don't remember what I said to Platinum. I just remember managing to not care. Probably because I was struck so cold and numb it didn't even hurt. Didn't even hurt at dinner. I just drifted along.

It started to hurt afterwards.

Gabel was going to take Platinum, when he had a BondMate. I shouldn't have been surprised, Gabel was capable of anything, but this was so flagrant it took a few hours for it to really sink in. That's when it started to hurt. That's when it really, really started to hurt.

It was a new kind of pain. Sharp, intense. The kind of pain that will kill you. Not the kind of pain where if you lay still long enough it will pass. The sort of pain that you have to get help, or you'll die from the source.

Gabel knew. The bastard knew.

That night when he came to bed, he told me, "Alpha Anders will be here at ten in the morning. I expect you to be there."

"Fine."

"We will see what collars he is wearing."

I didn't reply. I stared at the wall. I had spent a lot of time on my side, on the edge of the bed, staring at the wall. I knew its every little bump and line quite well by then.

"Have you met Anders before?"

"No."

"Any questions about how we do things here?"

"No."

"No questions at all."

I didn't take the bait. I told myself I didn't care, even though I did. I was still a little struck by it. It didn't seem real. It didn't seem like he'd go that far. "No."

"I think you are upset, buttercup."

"I am not upset." I lied.

"Gardenia told you she was going to be on my arm?"

"Of course. She could not wait to inform me of the good news."

"Good news?"

Thinking of Platinum and her cruel, stupid pleasure made me angry. That stupid, stupid girl. She had no idea the monster he was. Perhaps they deserved each other. Anger slid through me, and gave me a little control over the pain. I found a few shreds of my pride and strength.

Gabel fought against the Bond like it was a dog's chew toy, something for his amusement. I had to fight Gabel.

"By all means. Inflict yourself upon her and spare me. She gets you, and I don't have to deal with you. It's good news."

Quiet.

He had expected tears. I grit my teeth and refused to cry. Or beg. Or throw myself at him. I wanted to do all those things. He had done nothing but try to hurt and humiliate me. I was just a toy to him. My only consolation was the Bond had to hurt him as much as it hurt me.

But he liked pain.

His surprise at my unexpected reaction made the pain back off a bit, and I could think without it pressing down on my brain.

Did he like this type of pain? Maybe he did. Maybe he didn't feel this kind of pain. This pain that he wanted. I grabbed hold of the pain and held onto it. It was like wrestling a snake. Squirmy, heavy, and dangerous. I needed to understand it.

I could have understood his contempt for the Bond, and testing it, if he didn't have any faith and didn't believe in the Moon Goddess. But he did believe! He would ask me to ride the Tides and pester the Moon Goddess with his questions, then spit on Her gift to us: the Bond.

It disgusted me.

My contempt gave me more breathing room. I focused on it. My contempt for how he had just swaggered in and chosen me like a cow at market. My contempt for how he thought he was going to be the King Alpha. My contempt for how he thought he could bring me to my knees.

All those things might be true. But I could still spit on them.

I was not powerless.

Everyone else in that pack he could boss around, punish, frighten, terrify. He could do those things to me too. But he couldn't change how I felt. If I wanted to feel contempt, he couldn't stop me. No amount of force or brutaility would get me to feel less contempt for him.

He was inside me. I was inside him.

 And the Bond between us meant he wouldn't be able to silence me either.

/* * * *

Okay, everyone, here's your update. (YAY) 

This story is so dorky. It's like nachos! So bad. But so much fun. I think. 

So who wants to pitch me suggestions for a new story? I'm curious what you guys will come up with! Fantasy? More werewolves? Vampires? Standard issue romance? A mystery? SUGGEST AN ADVENTURE. 

Cheers-

Merry

(Your loyal pantster) 

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