13. Through the Thunder

'It will not be beautiful,
but the truth never is
Come now, you promised yourself,
you promised you'd live through this.'
-clementine von radics

⤐

  The air smelled different in Virginia.

  Fresher, crisper.

  The faint twinge of pine needles had replaced the thick, boggy musk of the Georgia swamps. Though one smell was always with them the some 500-odd miles from Atlanta, unescapable even across state lines.

  Death.

  It soon became hard to tell how much time was passing. The sun came, caressing their cheeks for a while before it slithered away, replaced by the iridescent glow of the moon. Then it was gone and the sun returned again. 

  Zepp tried to keep track of the shape of the moon to get a general idea of how many weeks had gone by, how many days their group of survivors trekked along some road. She guessed it had been around a month, which seemed much too short.

  The days were long and the nights too quick. Walkers ever present, and food few and far between. Most of her time was spent ambling in between Daryl and Veronica, shoulders bumping along the way. 

  Most days spent with them were manageable, livable.

  She was able to hang on to a tiny shred of hope that they would get to D.C., Eugene would stroll in to the capitol, punch some numbers into a keyboard and they would be on their way to normal again.

  Then night would come, and though she was no longer plagued by the sinister nightmares, she could still hear voices.. still feel the cold, stroking touch of men who had no business doing so. The screams of her friends as they are torn to shreds by walkers. Those nights were more and more frequently lately. Those nights, she'd look for Daryl across the fire, only to find him watching her too.

  Their group had been quiet for most of the morning, only exerting enough energy to exchange knowing glances and silent suggestions. They had adapted to life on the road well, speaking in hushed tones, constantly on lookout. Veronica's aunt in the old world was hearing impaired for most of her life and passed the knowledge of sign language on to her. Zeppelin wondered what happened to her, but forced the imagery away the moment her brain conjured it.

  Maybe it was fate that Veronica was teaching sign language to them now, in the hopes it could save someone's life one day. She leisurely strolled next to Rosita and went through the alphabet with her while Zepp and Daryl practiced with Carl behind them.

   A low whistle echoed through the woods as Rick, Abraham, and Tyreese emerged from the thick treeline. They reconvened on the side of the road and waited for the others to join them, each of their faces a different expression, ranging from impatience to pure exhaustion.

  "Anything good out there?" Daryl mumbled to Rick.

  Rick simply shook his head, patting Carl's sheriff's hat and slipping Judith out of Zepp's arms.

  "Yeah, us neither," she whispered, already missing the comforting feeling of the baby in her arms. She had grown quite attached to the Grimes family in her time with the group, but nothing warmed her spirit like spending time with Judith.

  When Daryl brushed past her, lightly touching her elbow, that traitorous voice inside her whispered,

  Or your time with Daryl.

  "Tomorrow is a new day, right?" Glenn offered, his beaming smile only slightly dimming as every day passed by. Maggie, Sasha, and Eugene were close behind him, and they didn't seem to share the same positive outlook.

  Maggie and Sasha were like two sides of a mirror, their faces a warped portrait of loss and despair. Maggie thought of Beth every day, but with no leads, there was nothing to be done. Sasha had barely breathed a word since they lost Bob, though Tyreese tried with everything he had to pull a smile from her stoic expression. 

  Zeppelin couldn't help but sympathize with them, though she forced her face into a mask of calm around the others. The last thing these women would want from her is her pity.

  She linked her arm through Maggie's as they shuffled down the abandoned highway, looking around the group grimly, assessing who would need the food and water the most.. once they were able to find any, that is.

  As if some guardian angel was looking over them, though fuck you, angel, if that was true, Daryl stopped cleanly in his tracks. Sitting in the middle of the road, just a few yards away, multiple gallons and bottles of water were filled to the brim, screaming out a welcoming offer.

  Michonne, Tara, and Carol were were already crouched on the ground next to it, no doubt awaiting Rick's approval before they opened the gifts.

  Clutched in Michonne's fist was a single sheet of paper.

  'From a friend'

  Instantaneously, Daryl and Zepp turned and circled around the group, their respective weapons at the ready. "We're being watched?"

  Nobody answered his rough growl, though some shifted uncomfortably, their gazes flitting between the trees and the water.

  "What else are we gonna do?" Tara sighed, weariness weighing down her shoulders.

  Rick shook his head as he watched them, plans and side plans and then back up plans in case the side planes failed all swirled through his head. "Not this. We don't know who left it," he affirmed, one hand firmly gripped on the Colt python at his side.

  "I, for one, would like to think it is indeed from a friend," Eugene muffled, almost to himself, before bending over to snag one of the bottles.

  "Eugene," Zepp warned, her eyes catching the way Abraham's muscles tensed at the movement. The others chimed in while Abraham, as per usual, was the first to take action, smacking the bottle out of Eugene's hand with a plop.

  "We can't," Rick snapped the order.

  Thunder cracked the evening sky as though Mother Nature herself was in agreement.

  Then, a single drop of rain landed on Judith's nose.

  Then another.

  Then more were pelting down from the sky, washing over the group in soothing sheets. More rain than she had seen in a long, long time.

  "Get your bottles, whatever you can find!"

  Some scrambled to fill any empty bottles and containers the group carried, some simply stood there, soaking it all in. All while Tara, Veronica, and Rosita collapsed on the ground, their cackles overpowering the thunderous slap of rain on the pavement. Zeppelin was the last to fall, pulled down next to them by Veronica's gentle grasp. She smiled, and hoped it seemed genuine.

  The sky itself had opened to shed it's tears on them, and Zepp couldn't help but shed a few with it, the weight of everything had been closing in on her for so long. The rain caressed her face and licked her skin, washing away her anger, her regret, her fear.

  But it would never be enough.

  She squinted against the onslaught of water, searching for Daryl's face. 

  She found it quickly, her gaze almost instantly landing to where he stood a few feet away. He was watching her, slowly.. intently. His eyes traveled the length of her body from her toes up, and when they finally ended their journey in her own, he cracked a small smirk and then turned away.

  The rain began pounding harder, galloping in giant gulps faster than the soil could soak it up. The group scrambled to their feet and followed Daryl into the woods to where he ushered them towards an old barn. The walls were fading and chipped, but the beams were strong and sturdy. The large sliding door locked in place behind them while the storm raged outside, pounding it's fists against the wooden slabs.

  While some of the group got a fire started, Zepp slid down the wall farthest away from them and folded her knees against her chest, watching the others. She was always seemed to feel uncomfortable the few times they managed to find shelter, like a caged animal itching to get out of it's bounds. She preferred the open sky, for the little shelter the trees provided was a worthy trade for a 360 degree view of her surroundings.

  She knew there were others who needed this sense of protection, of safety. It allowed them to sleep mostly peacefully and lifted the burden of keeping one eye on baby Judith at all times.

  Though Zeppelin didn't believe she'd ever stop doing that.

  She realized Daryl felt the same as her when he crouched down beside her, setting his bow to the side with a huff.

  "Gonna scout around the west side here in a bit, you comin?" He grunted, deep and rumbling, though there was always the faintest hint of a smile in his eyes when they spoke.

  It was smaller today, but always there.

  "Always," she hummed. She nervously fidgeted with the string on the knee of her jeans and the sudden warmth she felt radiating around her didn't come from the fire Rick managed to spark. Veronica sat close with Tara across the way and Zepp tried not to notice her large, pale blue eyes darting between her own face and Daryl's.

  "Good," he whispered softly. "Can't stand to be in here too long." He tapped his foot against the soft earth and wiped a hand across his brow. 

  The rain continued to rage around them as the others drew closer to the fire in the middle.

  "What's been on your mind lately?" Zepp spoke in a hushed tone, careful to keep their words only between them. She had noticed Daryl growing quieter, if that was even possible, in the recent days. His responses were quick and shortened to two or three words at the most. The circles under his eyes were like dark half-moons, and she was sure it wasn't just the sleep deprivation keeping him out of focus.

  He sighed and shifted his weight, checking to see if anyone was watching before settling fully down next to her. "It's just not fair," he murmured, chewing on his lip the way he did when he was deep in thought.

  She tilted her head to the side at the comment. "What's not fair?"

  He looked over at Zepp before shifting his gaze back to his boots. "That we're here.. and the others aren't."

  Thunder cracked the sky open above them, rumbling an eery response. Zepp dropped her head low and took a deep breath. Images flashed through her mind of all the people they had lost along the way. 

  Roger, the middle aged, ex welder who joined Abraham's D.C. crusade before he was lost to a herd. Rachel and her twin sister Janice, two younger women who toted a RPG-7 rocket launcher between them. Though it did them no good when their camp was attacked in the middle of the night. Rachel was swallowed in the crowd of walkers as she desperately clung to her sister's fallen corpse. Patricia the night the farm was overrun, Beth's disappearance, Hershel.. Daryl's brother.. all the others Daryl and the prison group had created a bond with just for it to be ripped away.

  The screams, the blood, the smell of rotting flesh...

  She slammed that compartment in her mind closed, locked the key and tossed it away.

  He was right. It wasn't fair.

  But it wouldn't be fair for them to not survive in spite of it.

  "It's not fair," she breathed. "But that doesn't make it wrong."

  They locked eyes in the muted, flickering light, the rest of her surroundings slowly beginning to fade away.

  "You deserve to be here just as much as anyone, Daryl. And all the others... we have to live for them, because of what they sacrificed. You've spent all this time since shit went down protecting them, hunting for them, laying down your life for them. We wouldn't be here if it weren't for you," she continued against the tears lightly pricking her eyes. "I wouldn't be here."

  She inhaled deeply, wondering if what she was about to do was allowed, and softly laid a hand on his knee. He flinched, but to her surprise, he didn't pull away.

  He looked up towards the ceiling, noticing how the rain began to soften, and swiped a hand across his stubbled chin before he sucked in a breath and rose to his feet. When he held his palm out to her, and she took it gratefully, the feeling of his warm skin against hers igniting sparks across every nerve.

  "You ready, Ace?"

⤐

  The two crept silently through the trees, wet droplets pattering softly against their shoulders. They kept a small radius and stayed close to the barn, checking for any signs of other survivors nearby or walkers ambling through.

  After all this time on the road together, they had their own system worked out. Daryl checked the tracks on the ground, Zepp kept a careful eye on their surroundings. When she lowered her gaze to gather food or take down a corpse, he stayed poised with his bow at the ready. They were never taken by surprise, never had close calls when it was just the two of them. Without the rest of the group to protect, they could drop all instincts other than the ones keeping them at each other's side.

  Zepp gathered a few berries in her shirt, the rain soaked fabric clinging to her body. She caught Daryl's searing eyes lingering at the spot of exposed skin above her hips and blushed just as he did.

  He cleared his throat and adjusted the bow in his hands, squinting off into the distance.

  "Ready?"

  She nodded and fell into step beside him, and she could've sworn she felt his muscles tighten when she accidentally brushed her shoulder against his. Though the rain had fallen even softer in the last hour, it washed over them again, stinging against their skin and whipping their faces as they picked up the pace and sprinted side by side to the barn.

  When they slammed through the door, various people jumped at the sudden noise, and Zeppelin smiled sheepishly, looking to Daryl who just shrugged. Rick visibly relaxed from his spot leaning against the wall before he strolled over to Daryl, pulling him aside to whisper in the corner while Zepp plopped down at the fire next to Michonne, who had Judith cradled in her lap.

  "I found some berries," she hummed gently. She cupped them in her palms and passed a few to Michonne's soft, strong hands. They took turns popping the berries in the baby's mouth, her gurgling coos bringing a warmth that burned brighter than the fire.

  The wind slammed against the wooden barn, shaking the door and rattling the boards, and the group huddled closer in their respective pairs. Sasha hung her head on Tyreese's shoulder, cross legged in front of the fire. Maggie and Glenn held each other close against a bale of hay. The two women's eyes stared listlessly into the flickering light, their faces expressionless.

  The Grimes family crouched together with Michonne nearby, bouncing baby Judith on her knee. Abraham and Rosita whispered to each other in the corner while Eugene awkwardly sat near. Tara was fast asleep with her hands behind her head as a pillow as Carol settled down, near her but at a comfortable distance. Gabe, as per usual, crouched by himself away from everyone, tears never leaving his deep brown eyes.

  As Zeppelin chose her spot by the fire, across from Maggie, her heart sank as she noticed Daryl position himself away from the group, facing the door. Some small part of her screamed for him to sit next to her, to whisper with her into the night as the others fell into rest. She wondered if she should just move to go sit with him, and just as she put her palms flat on the dirt to push herself up, Veronica laid next to her with a small smile, and her heart lifted slightly.

  Their relationship had felt.. different lately. They talked less and less every day, some days their words were little more than good morning and good night. Their moment before the tunnel felt like a life time ago, and their kisses before the apocalypse may as well have been another life.

  Zepp felt anxious around her, tense... sad, even.

  She had realized some time ago that she held residual anger over Veronica leaving back in Atlanta, and that pain hurt ten times over when she was left behind in Terminus. She could understand the others looking out for themselves, but V... It wasn't fair. Zeppelin began to shut herself off since then, which she knew, maybe that wasn't right. But when she wanted to apologize and fix it, she noticed.. that Veronica didn't notice.

  She didn't care that Zepp wasn't talking to her anymore. She didn't care that their interactions felt awkward. Zeppelin was forced to watch as Veronica grew closer to Tara, the two of them linking arms as they walked, bumping shoulders around the fires, giggling in hushed tones.

  Veronica stole glances at Zepp now and then when Daryl was around, but otherwise her gaze was locked on the other girl. Though she did take comfort in the fact that V always slept next to her every night, she could feel their connection cracking as every day passed.

  So, Zepp focused on the more important things.

  Food, walkers, Judith.. Daryl..

  She cocked her head with a small smile and nudged Veronica's knee with hers. "Hey, stranger," she murmured.

  Veronica snickered softly and bumped her knee back.

  Their breaths matched softly in unison as the rest of the group settled into sleep.

  "Remember the night we were stargazing, and it started stormin' so bad that we ran into the shed just because it was closer than the house," Veronica whispered absentmindedly.

  Something low in Zepp's stomach tensed and fluttered, the memory flooding her brain. She would always remember that night as the first time she realized what she felt for Veronica was more than just a childhood crush.

  "Yeah," she breathed, unsure of what to say at this point.

  "I thought that wind was gonna blow the damn building down, and I was freaking out. But you just sat there, completely calm." She grinned and dropped her gaze to her lap. "You grabbed my hands, squeezed them tight, and said 'V, you're safe. I've got you,' and I remember thinking, this girl is gonna save my life one day."

  Goosebumps prickled against Zepp's flesh and radiated down her spine. She rubbed her arms awkwardly and cracked a smile. "I miss talking to you." She chose to be the first one to reach out a hand.

  Veronica nodded solemnly and laid her head on Zepp's shoulder. "You think people can be out here too long," she questioned quietly.

  Zepp gritted her teeth at the way she was ignored, but rest her head against hers anyway.

  "I think some people can handle it better than others. Some people let it change them into something they're not, and some people grow into who they were always meant to be," she simply replied.

  Her eyes zeroed in on Daryl as every word left her lips.

⤐

  Zeppelin had always thought that storms were misunderstood. They could be dangerous and menacing, but they were also beautiful, powerful, Mother Nature's anger and sorrow pouring down upon the people destroying her.

  And Mother Nature was exceptionally angry this night.

  Flashes of lightning pulsated through the cracks in the wooden barn. The wind was ferocious, gaining speed until it was screaming through the forest, beating it's fists against the walls around them, twisting around trees and roaring through the underbrush. The door to the barn groaned and thrashed against the measly screws holding it in place.

  Daryl and Zepp had been keeping watch over the group, who only just started to stir as the storm raged on. They sat in silence in their respective places, staring at the door, waiting for it to pass. Then in an instant he was up, slamming himself against the door before she could register what was even happening. The wind howled against the barn, rattling and shaking the fragile wood until it was slamming Daryl against it, revealing the rotting bodies shuffling closer, pushing through the storm to appease their hunger.

  She scrambled to her feet and threw herself down next to Daryl, putting all of her weight into the vibrating door. She groaned against the pressure as her boots skidded into the soft earth. A small moment of relief as Rick, Tyreese, and Glenn shoved themselves against the splintering wood, then again as Maggie, Gabe, Abraham, and Rosita followed suit. 

  The storm screamed in defiance of their own defiance, picking up both speed and force.

  Soon, the entire group was a pile on the ground, bodies rammed against the door fighting to be free. Zepp squeezed her eyes tightly as she recognized the whistling sound of a tornado forming.

  If there is a God, please don't let us die in a tornado. After all we've been through, don't let it end this way. I've put up with too damn much to let you take me out like this.

  Daryl sunk down next to her as everyone readjusted, planting his boots firmly on the ground as he slammed his back into the door. His biceps gleamed in the blinding flashes of electricity in the air, and the little vein on his neck was prominent. Panting, he grabbed her hand in his own and squeezed tight without a moment's hesitation. The lightning outside was now only a meager parallel to the electricity bolting through her skin at the contact.

  If I were to die tonight, I guess this would be a pretty good way to go.

⤐

  Fingers of soft pink clouds swirled throughout the morning sky. Birds sang to one another across the trees, a kaleidoscope of tumbling, twirling chirps. Zepp brushed her long brown tendrils off her forehead with a swipe and glanced down to see Carl bumbling along next to her.

  He was chatting about some comic book he was hoping to find on their next run as they crept through the forest. Carl had a tendency to follow her on her scouting trips, though she once had to scold him for sneaking away from Rick to do so. She tried not to treat him as a child, he had seen and done too much already, but was quick to remind him of the dangers of being away from the group. Now he was her companion most early mornings.

  A twig snapped in the distance and she crouched low, placing her arm across Carl's chest to block him from walking out beyond the safety of the large oak tree they hid behind.

  "Walker?" Carl whispered.

  Zepp sat in silence for a moment, her forest green eyes narrowing into slits as she surveyed their surroundings.

  "No," she murmured. "Too careful."

  She couldn't see anything through the thicket of branches that looked out of the ordinary, but something in her gut told her it was time to get Carl back to the barn.

  She stood, dusting the dirt off her torn black tee and turned to face the young boy. His large blue eyes looked up at her, brimming with hope and a fierceness to fight. She half smiled, flicking the brim of his sheriff's hat.

  "Come on, kid, let's get back. See if Daryl managed to catch us some breakfast."

  The mention of food lit a fire under Carl, and she breathed a laugh as they raced back to the clearing. They slowed down as the barn came into view and she slung her arm around his thin shoulders.

  "Are you worried?" He mumbled, his gaze following the destruction the tornado left around the forest.

  Zepp looked down at him, eyebrows furrowed.

  "Worried?" She scoffed. "Psh, never. We've made it through some tough times. This is nothing." She winked at the boy and he grinned, scraping his boots against the dirt and pulling the large wooden door open to join Rick, Michonne, and Judith in the corner.

  Still smiling. Still hopeful.

  Zepp could never tell him that she was worried. That this was the longest they had gone without a real meal, that her and Rick had been giving up their rations to give Carl and Judith extra. That she noticed Daryl's cheekbones growing more prominent, that Carol's veins in her hands were like rivers in the desert.

  He still had hope.

  And she would do anything to keep it.

  She sauntered over to where Veronica and Tara were plopped against the wall, sliding down next to V and exhaling a deep sigh.

  "Tough morning out there?" Tara cracked.

  Zepp shook her head softly and smiled.

  "We didn't find anything," she sighed. "But even when we don't," she glanced over at Carl who was bouncing a gurgling Judith in his arms. "at least it distracts him."

  She looked up as Daryl strode through the doors.

  Empty handed.

  He shook his head, almost imperceptible to anyone but Zepp, and blew a short whistle, their signal they shared with Rick when they wanted to speak away from the group's wandering ears.

  The two met Daryl in the middle and silently followed him out into the blinding sunshine. The sky was so beautiful, you almost wouldn't know the storm had scorched the earth in front of them. Trees were thrown half hazardously around the clearing, walkers speared through the branches scattered around were still reaching for them desperately.

  "'Ight, it's crunch time," Daryl grumbled. "We haven't found shit out in these woods for days except booze and those damn dogs. We need to move on."

  Rick sighed and scratched his thick, bushy beard. Beads of sweat were already forming on his forehead in the early morning sun and his eyes were rimmed with red. Zepp wondered when was the last time he truly slept.

  Hell, she wondered when the last time she slept was.

  "And what if they don't have the strength to move on," he hissed. The tension of making decisions for the group was weighing on him, cracking his bones under the pressure. "You're telling me there's not a deer out here? Hell, some squirrels will do."

  Daryl scoffed, shaking his head.

  "If there was something close, we would've found it by now," Zepp argued, clenching her hands into fists at her side. Daryl threw her an appreciative glance before turning back to Rick.

  "Brother, listen to us." Daryl sighed as he placed a hand on Rick's shoulder. "We need to go. There's no food, barely any water. We still don't know who the hell left us the bottled. Someone's watching us and I'm not giving them the damn satisfaction of seeing us starve."

  Rick scrunched his nose, a slight tic in his jaw forming, and then turned back to the barn without another word.

  "Kay, guess that conversation's over," Zepp muttered.

  Daryl slung his bow across his back and let a small smile escape his lips. "Thanks for having my back, Ace."

  Zepp held out her fist and smiled.

  "Always."

 ⤐

  To Daryl's surprise and delight, he and Zeppelin sat outside together for another hour.

  They leaned against a large boulder just outside the barn, her with her knees pulled up to her chest as they soaked in the morning sun together. He couldn't help but let his gaze trail down Zepp's slim body, hunger highlighting her proud cheekbones, the dip of her collar bones under her slender neck. Her wild curls cascaded down her shoulders, the auburn freckles dotting her sun tanned skin like little stars across the sky. 

  The soft pink scar on her arm from the night Daryl found her. The thought of her fighting for her life against those men flipped his stomach and he felt a red hot rage bubbling up in his chest.

  He felt the blood rushing to his face as she looked over at him, catching him in his day dream. Even though her expression was warm, he felt like a child caught doing something he shouldn't have. 

  He couldn't pretend to not notice the way Zepp looked at Veronica, the twinkle in her eyes when they locked gazes. Though she spent much of her time during the day with Daryl, or Rick and the Grimes children, when the night came, she always slept close to Veronica. 

  He couldn't pretend he didn't feel a rock forming in his chest when he settled for the night and she did the same, yet too far away for his own comfort. He almost decided to go for it, to get off his pansy ass and just move to lay next to her, but just as he tensed his body to move, Veronica plopped down next to her. She even had the balls to smile at him, though he couldn't really tell if it was genuine or if she was just rubbing it in his face. Something told him it was the latter.

  It was stupid of him to think that one day Zeppelin would stretch out next to him like she did the night before she left. Their hands lightly kissing between them, the feeling of her skin on his sending wild electric currents through his veins.

  He didn't sleep much the night she was next to him, instead basking in the feeling of being close to someone. It was an alien feeling, almost painful. But he wanted to feel it again. He wanted to feel her soft cheeks against his calloused fingers. He wanted to see her body glowing in the light of the fire. He wanted to taste the pearls of sweat dusting across her golden skin.

  He shook his head as if he could shake out the thought of her rattling around in his brain as the pair returned to the barn, and to their respective spots in the group. She slid down next to Veronica, and he plopped himself in a corner away from everyone. He forced his focus away from her and on to what Rick was saying, his thick southern drawl laying out their plan for next steps.

  Rest up, pack up, get the hell up out of here.

  "Hey.. everyone.." Maggie's voice cracked from the doorway, having been unused for most of their time since Terminus. "This is Aaron."

  Behind her and Sasha trekked an average sized man in a button up shirt and khakis, toting a navy blue backpack and an annoying damn smile.

  "Hi!"