Ash: Right, okay. [Makes himself comfortable] ... Apologies for the slightly wonky angle, but my old faithful is balanced on only two legs right now.

... Is a bipod even a thing? If it is, I'm Dragon's Den-style 'Out'.

Anyway, it's day seven in this ... insane social experiment and I'm surprised I didn't get word of this sooner, but apparently some people on the 'Tube are using the ship name "Mash".

Like ... I don't know how Matti's gonna feel about yet another food reference ...

[Slams palms down on desk] But I f***ing love mash.

Honestly? That's the best ship name I think I've ever heard. There's ... There are genuinely little red hearts in my eyes right now. Like that emoji my mum always uses when she stalks my selfies on Instagram. God, she's so shameless. But I love you guys for that, for real. Keep using it. Always.

I'm not sure if Matti's done his confession yet, since these are meant to be secret, but he's a massive dork with schedules and notebooks and stuff, so I'm guessing he's probably already written his thing down on Wattpad.

[Flattens out scoring sheet] Right. This bloody thing. [Chews pen and reads] Okay, it's shorter than I first thought it would be. That's not too bad.

When Matti told me about a scoring sheet I was legitimately like ... [Slumps] Aaargh! I can't stand stuff like that. Like when KFC asks you for that "How Well Did We Do?" survey? And I really don't give a flying crap; I just want my free Zinger Tower.

Except I'd probably rather do that, because Matti ain't offering me any free burgers for this. Maybe another one of those weird stubble kisses? I'm still not over the first one, to be honest. Scarred for life.

So, first question, "How comfortable are you being intimate with Matti?" Score 1 to 10.

[Chortles] What the hell? We haven't even been intimate yet. Does that mean like, cuddling? Or is that kissing ... or?

[Laughing] Seriously, what counts as intimate? I think I'm gonna have to just blag this one.

[Poises pen] I guess ... I did give him a cuddle yesterday. For about two minutes. It was actually kinda nice, because I'd had a bit of a cruddy day.

Nothing major, but since these videos are gathering a bit more steam on YouTube it's like an all-you-can-eat buffet to some new vein of trolling I'm totally not used to. Like ... I've been called a ... well, I hate this word, but for the purpose of telling you, I'll say it. I've been called a fag before by trolls. And you would literally not believe how much that makes me want to play up to it.

[Sighs] Trolls normally just make me laugh because nothing I ever do on the internet is totally serious, and that's how they take it, but this is something different. It's for real. So ... I dunno, the comments me and my best fr -- boyfriend are getting lately are kinda ... [Blows raspberry] [Thumbs down] Kinda sh**ty.

They don't make me feel good. And to be honest, I got kinda pissy about a couple of people saying mean stuff about him in particular.

[Swoops in close to camera] There is nothing wrong with his square jawline. You dudes out there are probably jealous because he could probably open a can of beans with that manly thing.

Try not to get your three chin hairs in a twist over it, yeah?

[Backs up] Burn.

So I gave my man a hug. Or, well, rather I sorta pestered him into one. But it was cool. Did the trick, I guess.

So that puts intimacy about, a 4? Yeah? Yeah, that'll do.

Alrighty, next question, "How much do you confide in Matti?" That one's easy. I tell him pretty much everything. Well, most stuff. Like ... I'm pretty sure he knows everything anyway.

Okay, maybe there's some room for improvement in the feelings department, but as long as he knows all the important stuff, like who I crushed on when I was 12 and how often I pee every day, it's all good, man. All good.

So maybe like an 8? That seems fair. [Circles answer] Yeah.

[Stretches out arms] Okay, I've got this. "Right now, how likely do you think it is that you will fall in love with Matti?"

Oh man. Umm. [Chews lip] [Laughs] What the heck, dude?

Umm ... I guess this is confession and I don't want to hurt his feelings ... but it's not very much, right now. Kinda? Maybe a 4.

Damn. Oh my God. [Still giggling] That is so harsh. I'm sorry. Like ... [Puts hands together] you're amazing in every way, you're so smart I think it's illegal and you're funny as hell when I can understand what you're saying, but the thought of ...

You know ...

Being under the sheets. Oh my God.

[Holds up palm] I'm just not even gonna go there. I might joke about my bits touching you unexpectedly, but no offence, man, [laughs again] I do not wanna see your bare arse anytime soon. I'm sure you've got mad glutes from rowing your Viking longboat all the way here, but ...

Anyway, moving on.

"Reflect on all of the above questions."

Oh geez.

Hmm. Okay. That cuddle I was on about? We were just on the sofa. He was lying down playing some RPG thing on his phone and I sat down by his legs with my coffee.

[Shrugs] I guess after reading those crappy comments something just made me want physical comfort from him. I don't know? Maybe because we're in this thing together. Or ...?

[Adjusts skewed camera position] Really? This thing hasn't been the same since my precious darling sweetheart got his bloody ham hands all over it.

About confiding in Matti though, he did ask why I'd wanted to cuddle him yesterday. I pretty much just said I'd had a crappy day in general and didn't actually go into details about the comments.

He doesn't go on YouTube unless it's to watch stuff his indie filmmaker mates have done, so I'm hoping he doesn't see what's been going on since last episode.

But ... well ... this is a confession. That's not really all it was. I did just 'feel like it', but on the other hand I think it has something to do with sharing a bed with him. You know? It's kinda intimate in its own way, right?

I dunno ... just him being called my boyfriend now and going to the lengths of moving in, sharing a bed, eating lunch together, folding his laundry for him sometimes ... even having to feed his demon cat when he's not in ... Is it weird that I'm starting to feel like ... maybe I'm entitled to a cuddle or something?

[Covers mouth] [Pauses] Okay. That sounded so strange out loud. [Addresses audience again] But bear with me on this, because I can explain. It's like I'm starting to feel a bit like ... he's mine. Even though we're just doing this as an experiment ... there's ... there's just something like, tingling in the back of my brain saying, "you can hug him, he's yours to hug now."

Is that weird?

[Sighs] [Glances down at hands] So you're probably wondering where that leaves me with being able to fall in love with him as my partner.

I still have a loooong way to go before I can think of him that way, but wanting to just, I dunno, touch him, even if it's just to hug him ... or to tidy up his hair for him ... I've started to notice that I want to.

Whether or not I act on that is a different matter.

I even complimented him on his choice of shirt the other day. [Laughs] And that's weird, because I never normally even notice. Or care. He could wear a morph suit and heels to work in a morning and I'd probably be more worried about how much milk is left for my cereal.

Anyway, I don't know how long Matti's expecting me to make these confessions, but I guess that will do for now. I've rambled on as always.

So at the risk of this camera taking a nosedive onto the floor again, leave me some questions, comments, thumbs up, cat GIFs, I dunno, whatever you think will be a good representation of you liking this video.

Next week is my second confession, so if there is anything in particular, or some dirty little secrets you want me to go into, ask.

[Laughs] I'm serious. How often do you get to do this?

[Waves farewell] This is ThatHoneymoonFiasco, confessing lovey mush and boy stuff for the first time ever. Happy days, viewers.