💔~💐~💫
The most painful
goodbyes are the
ones that are never
said and never
explained.
-Unknown
💫~💐~💔

Having assured Jess I was fine for what felt like the millionth time, I eventually find myself back at home, determined to spend the rest of my weekend the way I'd originally planned to. With the Salvator brothers.

Seeing Aidan with Jenna has definitely effected me far greater than I would've liked and not just because I'm slightly jealous. Sure, the green-eyed monster has veered its ugly head in the form of jaw clenching envy and I'd be lying if I said the thought of them two sleeping together doesn't bother me, but my feelings run much deeper than that.
Had he been cozying up with any other girl I may not have reacted so badly but it just had to be her, the same girl who not even twelve hours previous had been slapping Anna across the face.

Jess, bless her cotton socks, tried to make me feel better by repeating how much she despised of Jenna and even went as far as to claim it was all part of her evil plan to twist things into a negative light. Unfortunately, it didn't ease my apprehensions as either way, Aidan still kissed her after spending the night kissing me, which in my mind makes him a massive Dick!

Ah well, nothing a bit of binge watching TV shows all day can't fix.

And with that thought in mind, I quickly rid any unwanted emotions and decide to seek out Anna, figuring it's best to to clear the air with her before I attempt to do much else today. She may have said some pretty hurtful things last night but she essentially took a slap to the face defending my honour and that deserves a huge 'thank you' in my eyes. I just hope she accepts my gratitude.

I carefully unlock the front door with a determined force and gracefully throw myself inside, both wanting and needing to hide myself away from the outside world for the rest of the day. As a result, I'm instantly hit with the strong odours of cinnamon and screw my nose up at the, still, unfamiliar smell.

I miss coming home to the heavenly scents of my Mother's favourite perfume mixed with her failed attempts at cooking our dinner. She never was a dab hand in the kitchen and her stubborn insistence that she was the next Nigella Lawson saw me and Anna eating plenty of tasteless meals.
That being said, she had many other deeming qualities and with her natural beauty and outgoing personality being her main attribute, it's no surprise she had an impressive social life. Men would constantly throw themselves at her and to this day I'm still impressed by how she'd turn each and every one down without so much as offering them the satisfaction. It seems her unwillingness to fall in love with another man who wasn't my Dad was essentially what killed her in the end.

If only I'd known.

I'm suddenly snapped from my thoughts when my attention is brought to the sniffling sounds of muted cries coming from the kitchen and thinking it's Anna feeling rather sorry for herself after last nights very aggressive show and tell, I make my way towards the large door and push myself inside, keen to set things straight between us.
I go to open my mouth, half expecting the rehearsed words to spill out in an effortless apology but what I find when I stare back at a clearly guilt ridden Jack is that I cannot, for the life of me, speak.

I'm in shock.

His eyes a bloodshot red and the dark shadows that loom underneath them offer up a sense of tragicness that I've never before witnessed in my seventeen years of living. His hands reach up to caress his face and a deep sigh leaves his lips, blowing hair away from his sweaty forehead. 

"I-umm, sorry. I didn't know you girls were up yet." he coughs, awkwardly shifting in his seat, unable to look me even remotely in the eye.

I'm frozen in place, stuck halfway between wanting to comfort him and wanting to run away from the situation all together. It's no secret I have a somewhat questionable relationship with my Farther but I'd never intentionally hurt the man and I can't just turn my back on him when he is clearly in a state of distress. Especially not after finding his antidepressants this morning.

"Sorry, I just got back from meeting a friend." I explain, making a conscious decision to lower my voice to a calming level. "Are you okay? I can leave if you prefer-"

"No, no. There's no need to leave, I'm fine. Just having a little wobble is all." he ensures, standing from his seated position and gathering up the many photographs scattered across the table I'd failed to notice at first.

One in particular catches my eye and I instantly recognise the woman staring back at me; her long, caramel hair spiralling down her back in endless waves.

"Is that Mom?" I question, moving myself to a better position to view the smiling couple on the glossy card.

They both look young and vibrant, almost as if the weight of the world hadn't fallen on their shoulders yet. I'm not entirely sure what happened between my parents but I'm assuming falling pregnant at eighteen wasn't exactly on my Mom's list of things to archive before graduating high school and with Jack only being in his second year of College at the time, it's no surprise they both felt the pressures of teen pregnancy.

"That was our first date." Jacks voice, barely above a whisper, breaks me from my revolutionary thoughts. "I took her to this really posh restraunt and neither one of us could read the menu. We ended up accidentally ordering some octopus tentacles and spent the entire meal laughing ourselves silly. So much so that we got thrown out before desert was even served."

He laughs at the memory and I have to admit, I even find myself smiling at the pairs seemingly mischievous antics. Mom never spoke much about Jack when Anna and I were growing up and the very little she did say was always the absolute basic. It's was obvious talking about him caused her too much pain and I can see it's the exact same for Jack, too.

"Sounds like a memorable first date." I comment, taking the picture and running my fingertip along the outline of her smiling face.

God, I miss her so much.

"We had our issues, but I still cared about her." he states and rather sternly so. "I'm still grieving for her loss and I'll likely always will." he adds, staring into my gaze with so much sincerity, it almost hurts to look at him.

I never once thought about this from his perspective and the sudden realisation that I've been blinded by my own instance on not grieving hits me like a tonne of bricks. The truth is, I don't remember my parents ever being in the same room as one another so associating them together seems like a foreign concept to me. Until now, I hadn't realised Jack was hurting.

"I'm sorry, if I'm being honest I never considered how you must be feeling in all this." I admit and do so with a somber expression. "I forget you even knew each other." I continue, feeling strangely at ease talking to him about our shared loss.

He quickly dismisses my apologetic tone with a simple shake of the head and a small smile that is fooling no one.

"That's understandable. I left when you were both still very young." he replies, the regretful tone showing through with a promising dominance.

Having left before either of us were old enough to form any memories, Anna and I soon got used to the idea of having a part-time Dad who lived on the other side of the country and although we kept up regular visits to begin with, we've never had that close bond most Father-Daughter relationships share. It's sad, but we've learned to live with it.

"Amelia!"

My name being yelled from the top of the stairs by a seemingly impatient Anna sends my pulse racing at an almighty speed. To say I wasn't expecting her call is an understatement and as I leave Jack standing alone in the kitchen with nothing but a quick "I hope you feel better soon." to comfort him, I make my way up the stairs, glad to be away from that awkward encounter.

"Anna, I know you're angry and I just-"

I stop mid sentence, finding myself at a loss for words yet again and wonder if the universe is playing some kind of trick on me today. Staring at me with almost apologetic eyes is Aidan, looking devastating as ever in his worn out jeans and leather jacket. Stood opposite is Anna, sporting a rather stone cold expression and as I brave entering my bedroom to further inspect the situation, she fires me an almighty filthy stare.

"Tell your boyfriend he's not fucking Romeo. I found him climbing your balcony." she sneers, sending her glare further left and straight into Aidan who, to give credit where it's due, appears unaffected by her rather rude display.

I choose to ignore her comment and watch in irritation as she storms out of my bedroom, essentially leaving Aidan and I alone to deal with our awkwardness. I have no idea what he's doing here and I can only hope he's not hoping for a second shot at round two by showing up. It simply isn't happening.

"I assume you two are still fighting?" asks Aidan, wisely picking up on Anna's obvious bad mood.

I shoot him a sarcastic smile and position myself and the edge of my bed, careful to keep a respectable distance between us both.

"Not at all, we're the best of friends. Can't you tell?" I express, picking at a loose piece of thread on my comforter.

Aidan quickly picks up on my flat tone and decides to comment on it, being ever the arrogant jerk in his response.

"Instead of being sarcastic, why don't you just admit that me being with Jenna this morning bothered you." he states, sitting his lean body down beside me. "You've never been one to tiptoe around the truth, why start now?" he adds, bumping my shoulder with his in an attempt to brighten the mood.

I smile at his actions and do so bergrurdgenly, hating how easy it is to smile around him. I should be tearing him to pieces and demanding some sort of answer as to why he was associating with a girl who smacked my sister, yet instead, I'm somehow sat on the edge of my bed with him, amused by his ways of manipulation.

Damn you, Aidan.

"Fine! It bothered me. She hit my sister, Aidan. I don't like her." I admit, resting both my elbows on my knees. "And she kissed you." I add, although do so in a hushed whisper.

Not hushed enough that he doesn't hear me, though.

"She tried to kiss me. If you'd actually watched you would've seen me push her away." ensures Aidan, fixing his gaze onto my beige walls and focusing in on the same picture he had the first night I brought him back here.

A comfortable silence settles between us and I watch in awe as he studies the image of myself, Anna and my Mom all enjoying a day at Central Park. His expression folds into a deep frown and his eyes narrow into tiny slits before suddenly opening wide and latching onto mine.

"I knew straight away, you know. That you were grieving. I could sense it on you." he states, voice lowering to a gentle tone. "You look like her."

His head flips to the image once again and I find my gaze follows his there.

"Beautiful." he breathes, quite frankly taking me by surprise.

I've never been called beautiful before and while done so indirectly, I don't really know how to accept such a compliment from him. It's not that I'm modest and I'm certainly not vein, but I've never cared too much for receiving words of kindness out of finding the entire thing very awkward. I never know what to say back.

"Thanks." I mutter, feeling suddenly shy under his scrutinising gaze.

"You don't agree?" he questions, clearly noticing my inability to comply.

"I agree she's beautiful." I reply, physically having to push down the vile feeling of grief trying to climb it's way up my throat. "But I don't think I look like her." I admit, with a pinch of sadness gracing my otherwise neutral voice. "I wish I did, though. I wish I was as beautiful as she is-was."

I shake away any emotion even remotely resembling sadness and remove myself from my bed, needing to get away from him.

"What are doing here, Aidan?" I ask, sounding far from the friendly person many know me to be.

His intense, forest-like eyes meet mine from across the room and I find myself dangerously drowning in them, unable to rip my gaze away from his. His face resembles a serious expression and lacks any trace of happiness, branding the rest of his body slumped over in an almost defeated manner.

"I came to apologise." he sighs, roughly dragging his hand through his perfectly messed up hair, bringing my attention to the gorgeous chocolatey locks.

"I'm sorry I kissed you."

What?

His revelation hits me in the gut, much like a fist would to the stomach and as I stare blankly at his somber expression, I lose all hope in finding any sort of escape in Aidan.

"You want to apologise for kissing me?" I repeat, not entirely sure I can trust my ears to provide me with the correct information.

He stares back at me, unknowing to his harsh insult and nods his head, confirming my worst nightmare. Aidan regrets kissing me.

"Wow, I'm sorry I was such a disappointment to you. Apology accepted, you can leave now." I spit, feeling just about ready to scream with today's antics.

Aidan, seemingly defensive, shakes his head and closes in on me, much to my outrage. He positions himself only centimetres away and grasps at my chin when I refuse to look at him.

"Stop doing that. Stop selling yourself short, Amelia." he warns, his vibrant greens glaring into mine.

The brown in them has totally disappeared and as they fill with an emotion I can't quite read, he slowly moves his fingers to caress my cheek.

"I'm apologising because it's not what you need right now, not because I'm disappointed. Fuck, Amelia if only you knew how much I adore kissing you. I could do it all day and night and never get bored of the way you feel on me."

His voice turns into a breathless whisper and his fingers move on their own accord as they tilt my face to a sufficient angle that allows him ample access to my neck.

"I want to put my lips on every square inch of your body." he admits, alighting a burning fire within.

"But you won't," I spit, pushing him away, feeling far too involved with him already. "because you pity me." I add, sounding harsh in my statement.

He recoils in shock and once again shakes his head in a seemingly disagreeing manner.

"That's not true at all-" he begins, although doesn't get very far before I abruptly cut him off.

"Yes it is! You think I'm too fragile to engage in whatever the hell it is we're doing because my Mom is dead. How many times do I have to say I'm fine before people get it into their head." I sigh, feeling the octaves of my voice rising with every word I speak. "I'm not fucking broken, so stop treating me like I'm incapable of making my own decisions." I add, walking over to my bookcase and distracting my mind by scanning over the book titles.

"I'm not claiming you to be broken, Amelia but I don't think us carrying on doing what we're doing is wise. You don't think straight when you're grieving and I don't want you to make any rash decisions based on your willingness to want to feel better." he informs, shocking me slightly with his rather accurate way of explaining. "Admit it, you wanted to sleep with me that night to forget about everything going on around you. I like you Amelia and I respect you, so I won't be some fucking distraction to the grief you seem so against going through."

Once again, he moves closer to my trembling body and I fear if he ventures too close he may experience a punch to the face. How dare he show up here and pass judgement on how I chose to deal with my Mother's death and more to the point, what would he even know about it?

"That's bullshit, Aidan. Do you want to know what I think?" I question, angling my head so that my eyes are almost level with his. "I think you're the one who's scared. You walk around with this fake confidence that has everyone fooled into thinking you have a perfect life when in reality you're hurting about something, too."

My elaborate speech is cut short when he grabs me by my wrists and pulls me flush against his rock hard chest. I instantly collide with him and our noses touch so closely, I can feel his heavy breathing on my cheek.

"Be careful, darling. I hate people sticking their nose in my business and that includes you." he threatens, brushing his soft lips against the shell of my ear in a tantalising caress.

I stand completely still, unsure what to do or say next and watch in satisfaction as Aidan moves his head closer to mine, lightly caressing his lips across my mouth.

"I need you you to stay away from me," he whispers, nibbling on my lower lip. "because I don't have the fucking strength not to kiss you whenever we're alone." he adds, sounding angry with himself.

His pulls my lip through his teeth and offers me a delicious moan as he seemingly undergoes an intense, internal battle with himself. His hands fly out to grab my waist and while setting my lips free from his captivating hold, he pulls away and searches my face with his own pained expression.

"Please, let's just stay away from each other." he begs, not waiting even two beats before he turns and abruptly leaves my bedroom via the use of the balcony.

I stay rooted in place, desperately trying to wrap my head around what just happened and convincing myself I can't still feel the tingles on my lips from his mouth on mine moments ago.

How the hell am I supposed to stay away from him when he brings out those feelings in me and more to the point how on earth can I sit back and do nothing knowing he's hurting over something too?

I really don't want to, and the very idea of doing so scares me but I've come to care about Aidan in the very short time I've known him and I have every damn intention on digging a little deeper to find out what's bothering him.

Get ready Aidan Richards; we all have our secrets and I'm onto yours.

~~~~

Oh, any guesses what has Aidan so defensive?