💋~💜~👭
All that I am
or ever hope to be,
I owe to my angel Mother.

-Unknown
👭~💜~💋

As it turns out, being grounded does amazing things for ones academic life, although socially, it's as damaging as leaving chocolate out in the sun. Having been kept captive for three nights in a row, I'm now caught up on all my school assignments but feel just about ready to smash my head against a text book if I have to endure one more night in with nothing but my four walls to keep me company.

Call me dramatic, but it's true!

"Amelia, are you busy?" Jack's hesitant voice spills in from out in the hall, each word as unsure as the last.

"Nope, come in." I reply, repositioning myself so that I can face him by my door.

His hazel eyes meet mine in an apologetic exchange and I momentarily feel bad for having been such a disappointment. Since Thursday's little mishap, we've yet to address the issue of my nightmares and although clearly an inevitable conversation, I still resent having to endure it. The truth is, while I admit to not coping, I'd rather cover other topics such as my inability to bond with my Father on a normal level. It's been playing on my mind for quite some time now and happens to be the only thing in my life that I have the power to change.

"How are you feeling? You're not too bored up here, are you?" he asks, finally breaching the threshold and taking a step towards me.

I offer him a small smile in response, finding his concern really rather amusing if nothing else.

"I think that's the purpose of being grounded. It is a punishment after all." I laugh, tidying away some study notes as a way of offering him a seat on my bed.

"Thanks." he states, having taken my hint and positioning himself next to me, awkwardly so.

I take this opportunity to analyse his features, right down to the slight dusting of freckles he holds across his nose and the crease line permanently etched into his forehead which, strangely enough, makes him appear younger. His hair has long past the stage of needing a trim and I can only imagine the events of the last few months has aided in that.

"I want to talk to you about perhaps speaking to a professional," he quietly soothes, shooting me an encouraging smile afterwards. "A friend at work has recommended someone but I don't want to pressure you into something you're not comfortable with. This is your decision." he finalises, uncertainty passing through his eyes.

His suggestion, I must say, takes me a little by surprise and although I'll admit to not thinking about seeking professional help previously, it is rather tempting.

"Can I take some time to think about it first? I'd like to try talking to you if that's okay?" I admit, noticing the slight smile on his face at my doing so.

"You-yeah sure. Now?" he questions, instantly straightening up his posture when I nod my head in response.

"If you've got a moment?" I joke, both needing and wanting to add some humour to the somewhat strained situation.

He cracks a small smile and repositions himself and a more comfortable angle, probably sensing the time in which this may well take. 

I don't blame him, we could be here all night, after all.

~~~~

As it happens, we end up chatting for a total of two hours, which I believe is the longest I've held a conversation with the guy, and it feels good to cover almost everything. We discuss how Mom's suicide made me feel and I'm pleasantly surprised when he decides to open up and return the favour. We give each other advice on how best to handle our burdens and he even goes as far as offering to buy me a nightlight if doing so will help with my night terrors. Of course, he meant it as a joke but it gets me thinking whether a bit of light in my life would help and before I know it, he's on Amazon Prime, ordering me a purple lava lamp.

"Should arrive tomorrow afternoon," he announces, slipping his credit card back in his wallet. "Hopefully we'll see an improvement once that comes. I've been told reading before bed can help relax the mind. Maybe we could try that too?"

His use of the word 'we' as opposed to simply referring to this being an independent battle puts my mind at ease and fills my entire body with a foreign warmth. It's a new sensation and one in which I could quickly become accustomed to. I feel as though today's chat has really helped us take a step in the right direction with regards to forming a substantial bond and although we're a long way off those pivotal caring cuddles or 'I love you's', it certainly feels possible for the near future.

"I'll give it a go." I respond, happy to try anything if it'll help.

I've found with no access to my phone or the outside world with the exception of school, it's been increasingly difficult for me to confide in Aidan, meaning I've had little to no sleep lately.

"I have to ask..." interrupts Jack, portraying true signs of awkwardness, yet again. "You and Aidan? Are you dating?"

His question is as much fair as it is justifiable and although talking to your Dad about a guy you like is about as appealing as running down a busy street naked, I find myself answering back, honestly.

"I have no freaking idea," I laugh, throwing my head back in utter defeat. "We're friends but we both want more."

Jack's face visibly creases in confusion at this, his ability to grasp the situation proving rather difficult.

"If you both want more, why not have more?"

I sigh in response, finding my reasoning more and more difficult to explain. Sure, not everything in life is so clear cut but it seems the entire universe is rooting for Aidan and I to get together, so why are we both still holding out?

"I guess I'm scared," I admit, quite possibly for the first time aloud. "We decided a while ago that perhaps waiting would be wise. What, with his Mom and my Mom it made sense but I think it's become more than that now. I'm reluctant to start anything in case it goes wrong and I end up losing him as a friend."

"That's one way of looking at it," agrees Jack, seemingly thinking over my answer in greater detail. "But there are other angles in which you can approach from. Life can be cut short, Amelia and you and Aidan of all people should know that. So why waste anymore time tip toeing around something you both clearly want." he reasons, oddly enough making perfect sense.

"Aren't you supposed to be warning me off guys and threatening to lock me away for the rest of my teenage life if I so much as look at one?" I joke, shooting up both eyebrows to emphasise my point.

"Probably, but we don't exactly have the normal father, daughter relationship, do we?" he smiles, thankfully taking our strained circumstance and turning it into a positive. "Besides, I like Aidan. He's a good kid."

I have to agree with him on that one. Aidan is one helluva great guy and whilst that's certainly no secret to me, it's also partly the reason why I'm so nervous about becoming more to him than a friend.

"I'll think about it." I compromise, deciding to cover that particular issue at a later date.

"Good girl." he smiles, patting my knee in a caring manner, which for us is a huge step.

Physical interaction is a monumental turning point and the fact that it doesn't feel awkward is real progress.

"You're not grounded any more, by the way and you can have your phone back." he briefly adds, standing up and handing over my cell.

I happily take the device from his outstretched hand and check the screen, surprised to find five unread texts from Aidan; each one asking if I've had my phone returned. I laugh at his consistent attitude and notice Jack sharing a knowing smile with me, no doubt at the expense of Aidan's persistency.

"You won't lose him, Amelia. That boy is head over heels in love with you." he comments, gracefully taking his leave from my bedroom. "Go hang out with him. The poor guy is likely having withdrawals." he jokes, slowly descending each step, one at a time.

"Okay, Dad!" I reply, soon clamping my mouth shut out of sheer shock.

Holy shit!

I just called him Dad.

~~~~

Having text Aidan the second I was left alone, we agreed he would come pick me up and take me out for ice cream to celebrate my new found freedom. I'd quickly told Hannah and Jack-Dad (whatever his name is) where I was going with the added promise to be back for dinner and just as quickly changed into a far more appropriate outfit. A denim skirt and a flower top. Its white material is perfect in the Californian heat and the red roses scattered across the body adds the right amount of colour to the, otherwise, plain outfit. I'd then slipped my feet into some white pumps and simply because I could, braided my hair to the side, just as Aidan likes it.

"You look lovely," he smiles, once greeting me on the doorstep by forcing my small body into a huge hug. "I've missed you." he adds, pulling on my hand and all but dragging me towards his pick up.

"It's been three days!" I laugh, following his lead and entering in from the passenger side.

"Three days too long!" he insists, sliding in behind the wheel. "Dylan and Drew are great but it's just not the same." he smirks, kickstarting the engine and driving us along the road for some much needed sugar.

As it turns out, Jane had caved on Aidan's punishment come day one, leaving him with nothing to do but hang out with his coupled off friends for three days. Poor guy, I don't know how he managed being the fifth wheel before I came along. Perhaps that's what drove him to Jenna in the end, which reminds me...

"Did you talk to Jenna?" I question, noticing, instantly, the stiffening of his posture.

"I did. I met her at the Coffee Bean this morning," he replies, twisting the wheel as to slowly manoeuvre us off of the busy road. "I think she finally got the message." he adds, seemingly all together rather happy with how things went.

"How did she take it?" I enquire, genuinely concerned for the girl who has, so far, displayed nothing but nastiness towards me.

"As good as she could in that situation. She admitted that I hurt her by ending things and apologised for acting out of line. I'm pretty sure she still hates your guts though." he smiles, finding the entire thing rather amusing.

"Oh great!" I sarcastically fire back. "I've been here a little over a month and already have enemies."

Aidan takes hold of my hand at this, stretching his arm over the centre console of the car's interior and pulling on my limp fingers.

"Worth it though?" she asks, eyes trained on the road.

I absentmindedly stare at out entwined hands, silently relishing in how easy we seem to slip into our unlabelled relationship and loving how amazing just five minutes alone with him can make me feel.

"For you? Always."

~~~~

After some celebratory ice cream, Aidan and I drive back to his place with plans to watch a film before I have to be back home for dinner. I'm still running on the sugar high supplied by my Nutella topped vanilla sundae but it soon comes crashing down when I'm greeted by a tired looking Jane at the front door.

"Hello sweetheart, you have a nice time getting ice cream?" she asks, though doesn't quite manage it without letting go of an exhausted sigh towards the end.

"I did thanks. How are you feeling?" I reply, unsure I want the honest answer.

"I've been better. Nothing for you to worry about though, I'm just a little tired."

Aidan and I cautiously exchange glances and I know he's feeling just as worried as I am regarding his Mom's current state. Heavy, black bags hang under each eye and her usually rosy completion had been replaced by a pasty looking white shading, making her look entirely washed out.

"Amelia, Aidan! You two scheduling in a mid afternoon nap?" sounds a voice belonging to Kyle, sarcastically so.

He appears from the kitchen with Hayley by his side and proceeds to wind his younger brother up, much to his annoyance.

"Don't make me hit you, Kyle." groans Aidan, warning his older brother in what appears to be a futile attempt to threaten him.

"Okay, okay, I'm just messing. No need for violence," he ensures, throwing both hands up in mock surrender and nudging his Mom's side. "He's awfully protective today, isn't he?" he continues, unknowing to Jane suddenly stumbling forward.

"Mom!"

Aidan launches forward to catch her falling frame; breaking what could potentially be a harsh fall against hardwood flooring and gently lies her down against his lap. Her limp body refuses to move and her heavy eyes have closed on their own accord; knocking her cold put.

"Mom, wake up," begs Kyle, suddenly crouching down beside Aidan to check her breathing patterns. "Shit! Hayley, call an ambulance," he urgently orders, snapping into action whist Aidan continues to stare down at his motionless Mother. "Aidan, do you know the recovery position?" he pleads, seemingly talking to a brick wall as Aidan appears lost in his own thoughts.

"Turn her on her side," I find myself saying. "Is she breathing?" I ask, getting to their level and relaxing as I feel a whisper of a breath on my cheek from her slightly parted lips. "Aidan, gently move her." I state, finally breaking through his trance.

Together, him and Kyle position her on her side and although I know there's more to it than that, I can't remember the rest so I simply will the emergency services to hurry up, hoping Hayley has expressed the urgency behind the situation. It's likely due to high or low blood pressure but seeing your frail Mother collapse in front of you is as much traumatising as it is daunting and I can only imagine how both boys must be feeling right now.

"She'll be fine. It'll be her blood pressure. Keep talking to her until the medics get here." I urge, needing to comfort both of them in their terrified state.

Aidan has taken on a ghostly white completion and I've never before seen Kyle so solemn looking. The pair share a fleeting look with one another and continue to check on Jane's breathing patters in deafening silence.

"Mommy?"

Shit!

"April, go to your room sweetheart, I'll come get you once Mommy wakes up from her nap." pleads Kyle, never once taking his eyes off of his Mom.

The poor thing remains routed to the ground; her wide eyes glued to the lifeless body on the floor metres away from her. I can't imagine the scenarios going through her head in this moment and figuring she's too young to be seeing this, I leave my position by Jane to pick her up and carry her away from the terrifying scene displayed before her.

~~~~

Having waited for the paramedics to cart Jane away in the back of an ambulance, Aidan, Kyle and Hayley all drove to the hospital with plans to meet their Dad there. I'd called him at work to break the bad news and directed him towards the right hospital, hating how truly panicked he sounded over the phone. I'd mentioned my own plans of taking April back to mine to spend the night and begged him not to worry about her and to focus on Jane instead. Afterwards I'd called my own Dad to come pick us up and with bags packed and doors locked, we were well on our way to most unplanned sleepover ever. April finally settled around 8.30pm and once asleep on Emily's bed, the reality of the situation finally sunk in.

"You okay, kiddo?" ask Dad, seating himself next to me on our sofa.

He holds a steaming hot mug out for me to take, offering a sense of comfort in the form of hot, herbal tea which engulfs my senses in all its peppermint glory.

"I'm just worried," I admit, gladly accepting the mug and cautiously sipping on the bitter liquid. "You should've seen his face. He just shut down completely." I explain, indeed referring to Aidan's horrific reaction to seeing his Mother pass out before him.

"I imagine it was quite the shock for him," he sighs, placing a hand on my lower back. "It can't be easy."

At this, I nod my head in understanding and jump out of my skin as the front doorbell chimes, scaring me half to death.

"I'll get it," offers Anna, stepping into action.

Having returned home from an afternoon of shopping to discover the chaos of today's events she'd been shocked to learn just how far along Jane is in her condition and more so devastated for April having been there to witness her collapsing. Both Anna and I know how walking in to find your Mother lifeless on the floor can affect you negatively and an image like that never really erases itself.

"Aidan, hey come in." she speaks, instantly peaking my interest.

I spring from my seated position and fly towards the front door; all regards my my hot drink long forgotten.

"How is she?" I ask, pushing past a sympathetic looking Hannah stood nearby to get to him. "Is she awake?"

"Fine, she's fine." he ensures, looking pleased to see me. "Her blood pressure dropped dramatically and they're working on getting it back to normal. They'll keep her in overnight but she'll be released tomorrow morning." he explains, seemingly relieved, yet still somewhat stressed at the same time. "She was awake when I left."

"Oh, what a relief." sighs Hannah, having been concerned for her friend.

"I just came to take April off your hands. Thanks for having her. It really helped with the situation." he expresses, clearly grateful for our help.

Hannah pointedly looks to Dad; the pair seemingly engaging in a somewhat unspoken moment before they turn back and address the issue.

"She's asleep, sweetheart. I wouldn't bother her if I were you," replies Hannah, stepping forward to offer her opinion. "Is it just you? No Kyle or Hayley?" she then asks, growing concerned again.

"Just me. The others are staying the night." he informs, seeming very lonely all of a sudden.

"Well why don't you stay with us tonight? I don't want you going home to an empty house," offers Dad, courteous as ever. "You can stop in Amelia's bed and she can bunk with Anna. It's no problem."

Aidan nods his head in brief appreciation before lazily latching  his gaze into mine, seemingly questioning my approval.

"Is that okay with you?" he voices, first ensuring I'm happy with giving my bed up before accepting the invitation.

"Yeah, of course. why don't you come in and I'll show you where it is." I suggest, sharing a knowing smirk with him as the irony of my statement is not lost on either of us.

Of course he already knows where my bedroom is but I'm certainly not about to admit that with my entire family present and definitely not after the way Dad reacted when we were caught napping together. The truth is, while I've been having endless nightmares for the past few days now, that small snooze I shared with Aidan was the best rest I've had in a while. I can try reading before I go to bed and I can even plug in my relaxing, purple lava lamp when it arrives but nothing will beat the safe feeling of having Aidan wrapped around me, holding on for dear life.

He's the answer to a lot of my problems and if that's not incentive enough to want more, I don't know what is.

I want more with Aidan.

I'm ready for more.

Now all I need to do is ask.

~~~~

Poor Aidan...

I think he needs a BIG cuddle!

Any takers? ;)