Chapter 19 – Wimpy Waxers and Wild Wind

                “On the road again!” I sang, earning a chuckle from Hunter beside me. Kenzi belted out the rest of the tune from the backseats. Dylan groaned, sinking down in his seat and Alfie scoffed.

                “I think my ears are bleeding,” he complained. Lee thwacked the back of my seat in protest and I smirked.

                “You can’t complain. You brought this upon yourselves,” I chimed, continuing my singathon.

                That morning, Hunter and I had tried the lock numerous times but it hadn’t opened, so we ended up calling for reinforcements. I’d called Alfie, who had called Lee, who had called Dylan, who called Seb and Kenzi. Instead of helping us out, they stood outside the room and laughed, telling us that they were going to leave without us. In the end, I’d called the motel security and they’d sent a lock smith up. To make matters worse, Seb had been telling him that Hunter was my cousin and we both tended to get horny when left alone together, so had spent the night ‘banging’. When the guy said that he didn’t understand, Lee translated it for him.

                So, all in all, I told them they’d regret it and so far, I hadn’t broken my promise. I’d taken up the position of driver and hadn’t stopped singing since we left. And trust me, I’m no contestant for the X-Factor.

                “Do you even know where you’re going?” Hunter asked. I shrugged in answer to his question, glancing down at the map that was resting between my legs and the steering wheel. Our next big stop was going to be Rome and it was a plan of ours to stay there for a few days. Unfortunately, we were too far from there to get there with one road trip, we were going to have to make stops along the way. Much to the boy’s disappointment, they were only small villages.

                “Give me the map,” Hunter grumbled, taking it from me and trying to work out where we were. An hour and a half later, we were going the wrong way, Lee needed a wee and Seb needed a fag.

                We knew that the wind had picked up as we had been travelling. It had been screeching when anyone opened a window and working against the car to push it over, but we hadn’t been expecting anything like it when we all got out for a stop.

                Dylan had resorted to staying in the car with the biscuits, Lee went for a leak in the woods and I went for a walk to stretch out my legs. I didn’t get very far. One: because my centre of gravity was so low, I didn’t have much balance with all the wind and two: Walking against the wind gave you some serious G-force action on the face.

                “Bloody hell,” Seb complained, turning away from the wind to try and light his cigarette. Hunter was hanging out of the passenger side holding the map, trying to work out what road were on and Alfie was giving him a hand from behind. Kenzi was like me, holding onto everything for dear life and spitting our hair out of our mouths every five seconds.

                Long strands of my hair was hitting me in the face and Hunter in the side, so I had to move away from him just so that he could concentrate on the road structure in front of him.

                “Are those bien bien biscuits?” Kenzi asked suddenly, peering in the car, looking at Dylan. Dylan frowned, shaking the head and looking at the foxes pack in front of him.

                “Pretty sure those are French,” he countered, but she shook her head.

                “Bien is Italian, idiot,” she retorted and I coughed, giving her a grimace.

                “French, Kenz.”  She sighed, sitting down next to him in the safety of the car.

                A loud curse broke out from beside us and Seb growled, lowering himself behind the car, using it as a wind breaker to smoke his fag.

                Everything seemed to be going at one hundred miles an hour when Alfie pointed to somewhere on the map. Hunter stiffened, bolting upright and glaring at him.

                “Dude, don’t touch me there, ever again,” he warned. Nobody answered him because we were all watching the map go tumbling down the road, ripping and attacking the cars.

                “Perfect,” Alfie and Hunter grumbled in unison.

                I’d had just about enough of the wind and everyone’s moods so I climbed back behind the wheel and rested my forehead against the cold rim. Hunter and Alfie followed suit, Seb holding up the rear when he finished smoking.

                The only person that hadn’t come back was Lee, who was – presumably – still peeing. Eventually, he came running out the woods like he’d just crapped himself.

                “Guys, I just pissed on myself!” he whined, opening the door. Alfie stuck his foot out, stopping his brother getting in. I couldn’t stop a smirk from spreading onto my face.

                “Aw, is your dick so little that it got blown around in the wind?” I asked and Lee flipped me off, pushing Alfie’s foot and tumbling inside. An eruption of laughter followed my words and then a groan when we all saw that Lee’s jeans, were in fact, stained.

                “That is foul,” Dylan complained, shoving at Lee’s shoulder. Lee scowled, slumping down in his seat.

                “It’s not my fault, that wind was insane!” he defended. Everybody ignored him and I started up my singing again, only going for the classics to piss them off even more.

                We arrived about two hours later in a small village, only to have wasted half of our day driving around like a bunch of idiots because we lost the map. I was hoping that along the way, the map would hit our windscreen and I’d been able to read it from there, but no such luck.

                Just to add our endless spiral of bad ‘karma’, we all had to sleep in the same room because the ‘inn was full’. I didn’t overly mind sharing a room, as long as I didn’t have to sleep next to Dylan or Lee. I knew from experience that the pair of them were gassy buggers and sleeping next to them didn’t really float my boat.

                “I shotgun the bed,” we all exclaimed when the door burst open. If you hadn’t known the circumstances, it would’ve looked like a massive game of pile on. Shooting forward, everyone made a running jump for the bed and the first one to touch it, would’ve been the winner. Only problem was, pretty much everyone threw a touchdown at the same time and the only way to solve it was through a game of ‘rock, paper scissors’, to which Seb and Hunter lasted until the final round.

                Seb won, leaving me on the floor and Hunter on the sofa. I’d asked him to share but he just said that I took too much room up and made his legs numb. So much for sticking together, he could go and find someone else to spawn his children.

                When Lee and Alfie left to go and get out a take out, Kenzi and I decided to keep up with being ‘prim and proper’ by waxing our legs and trimming each other’s hair. We’d been waxing for so many years that pulling it off only resulted in a wince and a curse word, rather than the whole I-screamed-so-loudly-that-my-mum-came-barrelling-up-the-stairs-thinking-that-I-was-being-brutally-murdered type scream.

                After dinner, we had a coke bottle left, meaning that a game of spin the bottle was inevitable. For obvious reasons, we’d ruled out anything sexy or anything that involved stripping. If we didn’t, I reckoned that e very boy there could’ve left with a broken nose.

                “Right, Alfie,” I said with a grin, glancing towards my makeup bag. The bottle had landed on me first and my task was to flash an old guy on the street from the window, but for Alfie’s go, I had something more brutal in mind

                “You’re going to experience waxing,” I said and his mouth dropped open, his head already shaking. Lee let out a splutter of laughter when Alfie started to argue.

                “C’mon, man, it’s just waxing. Grow some balls, chicks do it all the time,” he assured and then my grin widened.

                “Well, Lee, if it’s not all that bad, maybe you should do it, too. For moral support and all that jazz,” I said and he chuckled nervously, edging backwards.

                “I’m alright, thanks,” he replied but I raised an eyebrow and Seb joined in.

                “Why, man? Too chicken?” he asked and Lee narrowed his eyes with a sigh.

                Both brothers had accepted the challenge, mainly because they didn’t want to look wimpy in front of the others, but they didn’t recline all the same.

                Lee rolled up the bottoms of his khakis and when I was about to place the strip on his shin, he yelped.

                “Thigh. I’m not walking around with one strip of bare skin,” he seethed. I held in a chuckle when he pushed the trousers further up and I put the pad down on his very hairy thigh. It was going to absolutely murder. Alfie was a little braver, he just sat there quietly as I applied it and put the pressure down.

                Dylan and Seb were teasing them for the complete application time, only making them paler. Hunter pulled a single hair from Alfie’s leg, making him yelp like a puppy.

                “Shit, man, what the hell?” Hunter laughed, leaning back against the sofa.

                “Imagine that times, like, a hundred,” he taunted.

                Lee physically gulped, looking at me pleadingly as I took position next to him, Kenzi tending to Alfie.

                “I’m not really sure I want to do this, anymore,” Lee mumbled, edging away from me. I chuckled, shaking my head. I put my finger under the bottom part of the waxing pad and gave him my best evil grin.

                “Well, the only way is off!” His eyes widened and bugged so much that I thought they were going to jump out of his head.

                “Fuc-“ I cut him off before he could get any further.

                “What was that? ‘It’s just waxing?” I asked, echoing his words from earlier. “Chicks do it?” Lee wasn’t listening to me, he was just rubbing his leg, looking down at the patch of hairless skin.

                “Shit, get it off without hurting me,” Alfie begged and it was then that I realized Kenzi hadn’t taken his off.

                “I can’t do it, he’ll punch me!” she protested and I chuckled. Before I could even offer to do it, Lee reached over and ripped it from his leg. Both brothers got up, cursing and groaning.

                I threw the pad with Lee’s hair on at his back and grimaced, washing my hands with a makeup wipe.

                Giving Hunter a sad look he shook his head.

                “There’s no way on Earth that you’re doing that to my leg,” he interjected, pressing a kiss to my lips.

                “God, you’re whipped,” Alfie taunted from the bathroom door and Hunter laughed.

                “God, you nearly cried when you had one patch waxed,” Hunter countered and Alfie smirked, nodding.

                “Touché, man, touché.”

A/N: Not edited, so please don't point out any mistakes. I'm not overly happy with this but hopefully it's okay :) please vote and comment!:')