I couldn't go home. My feet wouldn't allow me to walk up the front steps. I had stood there for about an hour, probably looking like a loon, staring at my front door. I turned on my heel and stopped in shock when I came to find a dark blue Honda civic piece of crap car idling next to the curb. The window rolled down and Mason's eyes bore into my own.

I opened the door and got in, leaving my book bag next to the cement stairs that I had been too weary to walk up.

"I only followed you to make sure you didn't do anything stupid."

I stared down at my pants, willing him to just shut up and drive. 

He drove across the bridge and into the country, where hardly anyone lived, and no one knew what I had done. The road turned to a dirt path and then to grass. We passed a no trespassing sign, but continued driving.

He pulled the car over and turned the engine off. We were overlooking nothing. A cliff on the edge of the country, looking over a bland meadow and faraway trees, and absolutely nothing. I got out of the car and made my way to the very edge of the cliff. It wasn't too far down, but far enough to cause damage. I took a step away from it, just to be sure my legs wouldn't try anything funny.

The wind blew through my dark hair, the strands pushing their way into my eyes like tiny tentacles. I pulled it back with my hands and shoved it into the back of my shirt, trapping them in a soft prison.

I could feel his presence, lurking behind me, looking over my shoulder, gaze lingering on my face.

I scrunched my shoulders up and sat down on the freezing ground. After only a short while, Mason joined me, crossing his legs, his shoe almost touching my knee. I squinted up at the blue cloudless sky, not a bird in sight.

"I missed you."

His voice didn't startle me this time. I was sort of expecting it. I closed my eyes and let the silence calm me. He nudged me with his shoe, expecting a response.

"I Know," I said, twisting blades of dying grass between my fingers. 

"Are you going to tell me what happened? How it started? Or maybe why you cut me off?"

I shrugged my shoulders, the monster lurching inside of me, taunting and teasing.

Don't let him in. You're not good enough for him.

"Pin. After spending our whole lives together, after me expressing how I felt-"

I gave him a stern look, "Don't."

His mouth snapped shut, and he's silent. He must be thinking about something hard because his face twisted up like it always had, his bushy eyebrows scrunched above his eyes, his perfectly white teeth gnawing at his bottom lip. Finally, he came to a decision and his face relaxed.

"I deserve to know, Pin. At least give me that. Let me help you."

I shook my head furiously, the wind picking up. "No, I don't need to explain anything to you. I was an addict. I chose to try something at a party-"

"A party that I brought you to!" His booming voice startled me, sending shivers down my spine. Mason had never yelled at me before, never said a harsh word to me. His fists were balled and I automatically flinched.

"I brought you to that party, Pin. I introduced you to him. I blame myself-" his voice cracked, and he closed his eyes to get his bearing. When he opened them again, they were filled with tears. "I blame myself every day, and I wasn't there to help you because you wouldn't let me." 

I stood to my feet in a panic, my heart racing, unsafe thoughts beginning to cloud my vision.

"Just do one line, Aspin. Come on." Phoenix laughed and it was music to my ears, so I leaned over and snorted as much as I could. "Atta girl, come give me a kiss."

"I want to help you." Mason's voice called out. I could hear his footsteps crashing, chasing after me. I stopped and turned to him, almost causing him to crash into me. 

"I'm not worth this. I'm not worth the trouble, the pain, the heartache." I wiped furiously at my face, my nose burning, my feet wanting to run in the direction of a quick fix. "I will fuck you up, Mason. I will get high again, eventually, and I'll drag you down with me." 

His arms tangled themselves around me and I couldn't breathe. I shivered, my hands numb from the wet grass and the burning wind. I wanted to lie here and let myself freeze.

"I'm sorry. Just...just let me in."

"NO!" I pushed him away frantically, and he stumbled, almost tripping over his own feet. I must've look crazed. I felt it anyway, with my teeth bared like a rabid dog, my nails clawing into my skin, my eyes bulging from their sockets. "Take. Me. Home."

Mason was silent until we were almost to my house.

"I'm sorry." He mumbled. I stared out the window, ignoring him. My house came into view and I made him pull over a few houses down. The doors unlocked and I reached for the handle.

"Here, I got a new number." he shoved a piece of paper in my hand, faster than I had time to pull it away. I shoved it into my pocket, without looking at it. I climbed out of the car and briskly walked away, hoping that none of my nosy neighbors were peeking through their curtains, looking at my ugly face. I wiped at some lingering snot and tears. My mother's car wasn't in the driveway, nor was my father's. Only when I had successfully  reached the safety of my bedroom, did I take out the crumpled piece of paper.

It was a phone number. I stared at it for a while.

A bit longer.

Then I decided I didn't need it, so I shoved it into the bottom of my underwear drawer. I climbed into bed and closed my eyes, with the small flicker of hope to never have to wake up again.