Xander's POV -

I groan at the noise invading my senses and destroying my sleep. I blindly search around the bed for my phone, too tired to open my eyes.

Finally, I find the destroyer of my sleep. Slowly I open my eyes, trying to rub away the sleep and focus on the blaring phone. I see the name 'Becy' flash on the screen. I quickly look at the clock which shows 3:13 a.m.

What can I say my best friend has a knick knack for oddities?

But another thought dreads me, what if she needs my help?

Halting my overactive thoughts, I pick up the call.

"Hello Andy! Good morning," a chirpy, excited voice greets me as I groan at the loudness, just wanting to go back to sleep.

"Hey Becy," I reply back groggily, still trying to clear the haze of sleep.

"Are you okay? You sound a bit sick?" Becy asks me, concern lacing her voice.

"I am fine. My voice is like that because I just woke up."

"Oh, you slept in today? I mean usually around six you take Oreo out for a walk. So, I thought you'd be up."

"Six? It's not six, it's three damn a.m," I reply bitterly, my sleep clouding my rational thoughts.

"What? Three a.m.? Andy I think your clock broke, it's clearly six a.m. So, rise and shine!" Becy cheerfully argues.

"You mean my wall clock, watch and mobile clock all are broken at the same time?" I reply, flatly.

"It can happen, speaking from experience."

"How did you even manage to break all three at the same time?"

"Hey! Don't say it like that. Everything is possible, especially when a girl's on her period and had a sh!tty day," Becy argues back.

"Rebecca, honey, where are you right now?" I ask, sighing from sleep and exhaustion.

"In my room?" she replies, but it comes out like a question.

"I was referring to the state."

"New York," Becy answers as I patiently wait for her to understand her own answer.

"Oh sh!t, I forgot San Francisco is three hours behind New York. If it's six here, obviously it's going to be three there. Damn it, I am so sorry Xander. I didn't intend to wake you up. But, now that you are already awake let's just get over this long overdue conversation. I know you have been trying to call me these days, but the studio has been keeping me on toes. I am so sorry, I am a horrible friend," Becy says in one breathe.

It takes a few seconds for my sleepy brain to let her words sink in.

"No, Becy it's okay, we all have those crazy busy days. I am just happy to see you are liking it there and yes, you definitely are a horrible friend for killing my beautiful sleep," I reply dramatically.

"Oh shut up, Grumpy. You'll do just fine if you sleep an hour less. Anyway, back to New York, I like the studio and everything, but still I miss San Francisco. So, as soon as these auditions and trial rounds are over, I am coming back home from the first flight."

"How are the auditions going?" I ask as I run my hand through my hair in a poor attempt to tame my bed hair.

"They are going great. I mean, I am giving my best, but let's see how it turns out," Becy answers, uncertainty slipping into her voice.

"Rebecca, you are one of the best RJ's I have ever heard or met. So, don't doubt yourself. We both know better than anyone else to not listen to others, but our own voices and belief. I am sure you'll do great, with or without this job. You have true talent which cannot be hidden for long. So, don't let this job be the grader or judge of your talent. Yes, it's a great job that can boost your career. But, it's not the only job out there. So, no matter if you get this job or not, you'll always end up being a RJ, if you wish to be one."

"Damn, that was deep. Did I just wake your inner psychologist?" Becy jokes, but I know she needed to head this.

If we ourselves won't believe in us, then how can we convince others to put their faith into us?

"I guess the vocational music psychology course is paying off," Becy laughs as I shake my head at my best friend.

"Okay, enough about me. How have you been? Did you get... nightmares again?" Becy asks hesistantly, long gone was the humor in her voice replaced by concern and caution.

If there was one person, who knew everything about me, that was Rebecca Anderson. She was not only my best friend, she was my family. Annoying as a little sister, but crazy as a friend. Despite all this, we still believe that the main reason we bonded was not over our similarities but over our pain and past.

"Andy? Andddyyyyyy? You there? Hello? Is this damn thing broken? God, I shouldn't have thrown my phone from second floor of the building. But, at that time it did seem like a good idea to stop that thief," Becy grumbles as I laugh.

"You threw your phone at a thief? From second floor?" I ask, incredulously.

"Yes and yes. You can laugh as much as you want, but if I had not thrown my phone, the thief would have stolen away that lady's belongings," Becy answers as I start laughing, imagining her throwing her phone at the thief. Damn, that must have hurt.

"I know I said you could laugh, but you didn't have to!" Becy says in an accusatory tone.

"Hey, I just followed your lead."

"Whatever, back to topic. How's everything?"

Translation - This is my attempt at being nice. Just answer my questions.

"Good."

"Oh really, that's great. How are you?"

Translation - Stop dodging the topic and just tell me about your nightmares.

"Good."

"What about your nightmares?" Rebecca asks directly.

I guess her patience ran out, but it lasted till two questions, that's a progress.

I am brought out of my thoughts by the sound of someone clearing their throat.

I sigh before continuing, "They are back as usual, Rebecca. Nothing new about them. The same thing, same sequence going on in a chain."

"How are you coping with them?"

"The normal routine - get up sweating, drink water, roam around the house, take sleeping pill if very necessary or take Oreo out for a walk, depending on the time frame I wake up. But usually I wake up around four, so instead of going back to sleep, I just opt for the walk," I explain, calmly, not letting any panic or distress slip into my voice.

The last thing I need is to distract my best friend in another state, preparing for her job interview.

"I see. So, basically you wake up completely in haze, disheveled, unable to synchronize your movements or think about anything except the nightmares."

"Now, who's being a psychologist?" I joke weakly, already knowing that she saw through my sentences.

"You know it's okay to tell me how you really are Andy," Rebecca replies softly.

"I know, I just, it's too much at times to deal with," I answer weakly.

"I know," she states, both of us getting lost in our own memories of the past and pain.

"However..."

I start, but stop allowing Rebecca to first collect her thoughts, before continuing.

"There was a day when Cocoa, I mean Jasmine, had stayed back at my place. So, on that night too, I had seen a nightmare, but it didn't get worse. In fact it got subdued and when I woke up in the morning, I saw her sleeping on the floor while sitting beside my bed, with me clinging onto her arm as if my life depended on it," I slowly speak, letting my thoughts out.

"You mean to say that your nightmare actually stopped in between?" Rebecca asks, her disbelief noticeable in her voice.

"Yes," I barely whisper back, but I know she heard me.

"Wow, that's great Xander. This means you are improv--"

"No, it just happened on that day. A few days later, I fell back again in the previous routine."

"Hmm... Maybe Xander, what you need to do is to let someone in, to let someone through those thousands of metre long walls that you carefully created to guard yourself. Maybe Xander, what we both need is not a psychologist, but a true friend with whom we can share our pains, grievances," Rebecca says as I let her words sink in.

"I am not saying we are not true friends to each other. We both know we are stuck with each other for life. But, at the same time we also know, that our pains, our pasts are so much alike that we never needed to express our pain to each other. We were already living through it."

"What are you trying to say, Rebecca?"

"Nothing and everything. It depends on how you view it Xander. I just feel like you shouldn't let your past suffocate you or guilt you in being numb. If you ever want to speak it out to someone, if you feel like you have found the person worthy of your trust, then don't let yourself drown in the past but try to open up," Rebecca answers softly.

"Where's all this coming from?"

"From my confused mind and broken heart," Rebecca says, letting out a humorless laugh.

"Come on, Xander. We are already broken people. What more harm can anyone do to us? So, I guess it's safe to allow one person in our terribly high forts guarding our hearts."

"I'll do so, when I see you following your own words," I reply back, not liking the idea of letting someone in after years of building walls.

"I have a hunch, your fort will go down before mine," Rebecca replies smugly, as if knowing something I don't have the knowledge of.

"Anyway, good night, dear best friend. Work calls. Take care!!" she cheerfully adds, before ending the call, not even waiting for my reply.

I shake my head, keeping my phone back, before laying down on bed. I turn to see the clock showing four a.m. Well, I had almost an hour or two, before I take Oreo out for a walk, might as well catch up on sleep.

As I close my eyes, instead of sleep, Rebecca's word echo in my mind.

"What you need to do is to let someone in, to let someone through those thousands of metre long walls."
______________________________________________________________________

Author : SURPRISE!!

Jazz's inner voice : Seriously woman you go MIA for two weeks and then you come back saying 'Surprise'.

Author : I-

Jazz's inner voice : Save it, I didn't even get to make an appearance in this chapter.

Author : Then what are you doing here? -_-

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Anyway, I sincerely apologise for my irregular updates. I had my presentations going on, which account for 20% of my total grade/marks. But they got over yesterday and I updated as soon as possible.

I'll be trying my best to update this week more frequently in order to cover for my absence.

Thank you for understanding and your support.

Till the next update keep shining ;)

- Love Addy :)