Liam and I never talked about this kiss, but things did 'heat' up between us in a way.

Our time together, when we trained, was filled with heated glances, subtle touches, and words that stirred the bond between us.

It was dangerous. It was fire. Yet I still played with the fire.

Maybe I am just a sucker for danger...

Our training because harder and over time, it seemed that it did both of us a lot of good. Liam started to fill out. He wasn't as lanky as he was in the beginning of the summer, but he was starting to look more like a man; chiseled and rugged. He started to grow his facial hair out so he had a little scruff on his face like Levi; I always told him it made him look homeless, but that was a lie. He looked edible.

My wolf didn't make it any easier. It wasn't her fault either, not really. It was the damn bond.

That and I would be lying if I said that I didn't genuinely like Liam. He was a good listener. He would listen to me talk for what seemed like hours and not complain once. He also knew how to make me laugh, and I mean really laugh. I hadn't truly laughed in years until Liam told me a story about how Lucas and him used to prank their fathers. Apparently putting bright red hair dye in Levi's shampoo will get you on Levi's shit list indefinitely.

I started to fill out as well. There were muscles on my body in places that I never knew you could have muscles, and for the first time in a long time, I liked the way I looked.

My stomach had flattened out as the little lines of abs started to form. I didn't look hard and chiseled like Liam, but I looked fit and feminine. Ironically, it had been years since I felt feminine, since I felt beautiful. Liam also encouraged that feeling; he made me feel desired. It had been so long since I felt worthy of being desired. Yet there were days when he looked at me with such hungry eyes that it shocked me back into the reality of the situation; I was a female that he wanted. I was wanted, and not just so he could take advantage of my body as he pleases.

Levi pushed me harder every day, and to my amazement, I loved it.

If you would have asked me months ago if I would have loved the physical work that Levi was putting me through, then I would have laughed in your face and called you crazy. Funny how things change.

My wolf and I became more confident in ourselves, we trusted each other more. Levi had been teaching us not only how to fight other wolves, but how to properly hunt different game like deer, moose, elk, and a bear.

The bear hunt.

I was both terrified and thrilled at the notion. My wolf was ready to have at a brown bear's throat, as was I; but we still had a lot of work to do before we could have a bear on its ass.

Levi even started working out with us and training again, and to my surprise, he was somehow in much better shape than both of us. Levi could do more pull-ups than us, run faster and further than us, and the one time he swam with us he pulled two boats full of wood like it was nothing.

Ass.

He was a formidable wolf, a worthy alpha to my wolf. She looked up to him and I respected him more than I had respected any male in my life. He took care of me, he always took care of me.

He was furious when Liam told him about the rogues from our Wal-Mart trip. He called a pack meeting at their pack house and apparently ripped into the patrols. For a man who didn't want to be an alpha of his pack, he certainly wasn't doing a good job of staying away.

But he couldn't help it. Derek told me his wolf would start to long for his pack, long to protect them like he protects me.

I understood.

The urge to find a pack was starting to scratch at the back of my brain. It was like a subtle itch at first, and now it's more present. But I wasn't ready for that, not yet it least. I wasn't ready to leave Levi or Derek, and just thinking about that future made my heart break.

I needed Levi. It was his tough love that I never knew I needed.

We were walking to a clearing, just Levi and I. Lander apparently needed Liam for the day. It was nice to have Levi to myself again, well until he would start griping, but even that drew a smile from my lips.

We found the clearing. It was surrounded by tall trees that let sunlight blanket it. There was soft green grass on the ground and a few white wildflowers. My wolf wanted to lay in the sun and roll in the grass so she could feel the warmth of its rays on her belly. It was tempting.

"What are we doing here?"

Levi pulled his shirt off and cracked his neck. "We are going to spar girl. My father used to take me here all the time and beat my ass, I figured it was time to do the same with you."

My wolf stirred a bit. She gave Levi a long look before deciding that it would not be best if we showed him our teeth, yet. "Is that supposed to be encouraging or?"

Levi chuckled a bit while he pulled his shoes off. "I suppose it means your ready for a proper ass beating, now take off your shoes, girl."

I groaned a bit and tried to push back the inner dread that wanted to creep up. My wolf was for some odd reason mildly confident. She wanted a chance to show our alpha that we were not a weakling, that we had been learning and listening over the summer. She aimed to please.

The whole notion made me roll my eyes at her. Pushover.

"You know, one of these days I'll be the one giving you an ass beating."

Levi just let out a hearty laugh before walking into the middle of the small clearing. "I highly doubt that Charlie girl."

I let out a challenging growl. I felt the blood of my wolf start to heat up. She wanted to be taken seriously; she wanted to show this male that we were not a little girl–that we were in fact, a worthy alpha female.

I kicked off my sneakers and stalked towards him. The warm sun felt good on my skin; on my legs that I decided to display today–Derek had gotten me running shorts.

My wolf licked her lips at the challenge, it had been too long since I truly let her out; let her out so she could feed the bloodlust that lingered in us. A bloodlust that I doubted would be settled until I had Marcus' head.

Levi just watched me amusingly. I could see the wolf behind his eyes; the male that thought the female before him was playing some cute game.

But this wasn't a game.

I let out a sharp growl and looked up at him as the fur started to rise on my neck. "Are you just going to stand there, or are you going to give me a proper ass beating."

Levi's laugh only infuriated me and pissed my wolf the hell off. Before my better judgment could kick in, she pushed us forward. I was lunging towards him at full force with the anger of my wolf powering me.

Levi easily caught me and used the momentum to throw me hard on the ground. It hurt, but I quickly recovered and shot out my leg to nail him in the shin.

He hissed and dived at me. His wolf was out to play, and he wanted to make me his personal rag doll.

My beast wasn't going to have that.

I rolled away then sat up and nailed him in his kidney. He snarled at me but I jumped backward and crouched down; ready to spring at him or shift depending on his next move.

Levi just smiled at me and stood up. He walked lazily towards me; like I was nothing but a mere kitten.

I stood slowly as my wolf showed him her teeth. He snarled at her for the act; we may be on opposite sides, but he was still our alpha and demanded respect.

But my wolf wasn't having that, not now. He would get our respect when he learned to take us seriously.

Levi lunged towards me but I dodged him, then socked him right in the ribcage. He wasn't even phased. He dropped his shoulder and nailed me in my chin, sending me flying backward until I landed on my ass.

"Shit," I hissed as the taste of copper entered my mouth.

My wolf was clawing at me to let her out, but it wasn't time. It was my time now. My time to show him that I wasn't some little girl he could toss around.

I stalked towards him and threw a fake. He dodged as I anticipated and I used that as an opportunity to nail him in the nose with my fist.

Before he could recover, I socked him hard in his sternum then punched him hard in the ribs.

Levi wiped some blood from his mouth and chuckled darkly. "I won't lie girly, I am a little impressed."

He took a few steps to the side then looked at me with a wicked grin. He jumped and shifted into his wolf before I could even blink, and in one breath he had me on my back with his teeth only inches from my neck.

"Still feeling confident girl?"

I let out a blood thirsty growl and threw a fist at him, but his paw smacked it out of the way then raked across my face.

"You may be a big bad alpha female, but girl, I will always be able to put you on your ass."

My wolf had enough. I slammed a fist hard into his belly, knocking him to side enough for me to shimmy my way out of his grasp. He jumped towards me but I somehow dodged him.

I wasn't even thinking now. All my actions were driven by her. I felt my skin become fur before I even knew what was happening, and when my paws his the ground the only thing I could feel was the rage coursing through my veins.

She turned to look at her alpha and snapped her teeth at him. Her fangs that she was about to sink deep into his skin; she could practically taste his flesh in her mouth.

The male snarled low to her, a warning. But she was not going to head anymore of his warnings, not after he disrespected her.

She stalked towards him slowly. She was going to take her time with this, there was no rush.

The male stood firm in his place as low growls vibrated from his chest. A warning to come no further, but she didn't care. He had challenged her, started a fight, and she was about to finish it.

She walked a few more steps before turning her back to the male. She knew that this would really piss him off, it was a sign that he was no threat to us. A slap in the face.

The sound of his feet pushing off the ground was no surprise to her. She dodged out of the way then turned quickly on her heel. The male was recovering from his missed target, making him an easy target for her claws.

She jumped on his back and sunk her teeth into the skin between his shoulder blades while raking her front claws across his chest. It was all muscle, and hard to bite, but her teeth were sharp and made to cut through such flesh. However her little stunt didn't last long; the male decided to roll over, crushing us under his weight and almost suffocating us.

She tried to roll back onto her feet but the male bit into her leg, hard; bones crunched under his teeth. She let out a sloppy snarl mixed with a yelp and lost her damn mind. She started to claw at him and bite at every place she could, but the male was relentless. He picked her up by her scruff with his teeth and tossed her into the nearest tree.

But she wouldn't give up. She stood back up on limbs that felt close to jello; she would not quit. I would not quit. I nudged her a bit. I wanted her to know that I was with her, that I would fight with her. I wasn't scared anymore. I was pissed.

She receded a bit and let me have more control. I started to feel my bones crack as my skin took the place of my fur and my two legs took the place of my four legs. I stood tall; proud. I was bleeding somewhere, I felt blood sliding down my skin, but I didn't care.

I walked towards Levi who snarled at me. I hissed back at him and let my nails turn into claws. I was going to have his hide one way or another.

His fur rippled and he soon was on two feet stalking towards me. I stepped to the side and started to slowly circle him while my wolf eyed him up and down for any potential attack point.

"You're playing a game you won't win girl."

"And why's that?"

Levi scoffed before pushing his sweaty hair back. He had a large gash on his scalp from my claw. Good. "You may be strong girl, but your damn insecurities still eat you up. I see it in your eyes, there's no lying to me about it." I let out a cold snarl as the pain I had buried lashed out at his comment. I hated it. I hated that he was right. He was right because all I had really done was bury everything. I buried it in a hole that I stuck in a box in the back of my mind, locked it up, and threw away the key. Levi looked back at me with wicked eyes as I let out a bone-chilling hiss and shook his head. "Can't rely on your fists or teeth all the time girl. Wolves are going to find your weakness, especially in your case. Any female with a high rank is going to challenge your ass, and girl, the females are much more cruel than the males. They are going to figure you out, and tear you up from the inside out without blinking an eye."

I lunged at him. I got one good hit in and kneed in hard in the gut before he threw me over his shoulder into the dirt. I slid across the dirt, scratching up my ass pretty good in the process, and popped myself quickly up before he could lunge at me again. But he didn't. He just stalked slowly towards me, towards his prey with a smug grin. "You don't think I don't see it? How much the bond between you and my nephew entices you and how much it scares the hell out of you in the process?"

I lunged at him again. I sank my claws into his sides; drawing blood and causing a wound that I knew would leave a scar. A growl vibrated through the forest as a fist met my jaw and hands took me by the waist and threw me back down.

Levi stalked over towards me. He was done being smug, now he was just pissed off. "What girl? What the hell are you still afraid of? Every damn night, you know what happens? You have nightmares that are so bad that it sounds like Freddy Kruger is having a ball in your bedroom."

I felt my wolf urge me forward. She didn't like the fear that was starting to eat at me, the insecurities that felt like they were clawing my insides. I was scared. I was so scared of being weak again. I was so scared of being manipulated and taken advantage of. I was so afraid of having my emotions played against me and my body treated as if it was something that was disposable.

Mostly I was afraid of falling in love with a monster again.

I let out a cry that didn't sound natural. It sounded desperate. Crazy. It sounded like a female that was about to lose her damn mind.

I tackled Levi to the ground and let my fist meet his jaw then my other fist meet his nose. I hoped I broke it, it better be damn broken.

Before I could lay another hit on him, he had me on my back with my hands pinned to my sides. I snapped at him and got the lobe of his ear, which my wolf only bit harder until she tore a chunk of it off.

I kicked, I thrashed, I fought. I fought hard. But Levi didn't budge. He wasn't going to budge. That asshole was like iron.

He sighed and looked down as me as sweat, blood, and now small tears covered my face. "Unbury it. Deal with it. Let it go girl. Let it go before it comes back to bite you in the ass. You are an alpha female girl, the only thing that is higher than you is an alpha male, but that won't mean shit if you let that fear in you get the best of you. Quit lying to yourself and deal with it."

"And what about you?! What are you going to deal with it?! Deal with all your shit?!"

Levi snarled at me and sank his claws into my thighs. His eyes were glowing; his wolf didn't like us talking about his lost family that way. "That ain't your concern girl."

"Hypocrite," I spat out.

His jaw elongated a bit as he snapped at me. But my wolf and I didn't flinch. We were still not going to submit. Not now at least.

Levi just snarled at me before letting his teeth graze my neck, letting me know that I was running out of options. "Well, that makes two of us girly."

Before I could even react he had his teeth pressed against my neck. My wolf wanted to fight, but I knew it would be useless. I thrust my neck to him as best I could and he let me go.

He stood up and offered me his hand, but my wolf only hissed at him. Levi just rolled his eyes and walked over to his pile of clothes, leaving me and my raging beast at peace.

I didn't even bother to dress, I just shifted and darted out into the forest. I wanted a shower and my bed. I wanted a hug from my parents and one of my mom's famous strawberry rhubarb pies. I wanted to curl up in a ball away from the world and my life that seemed fifty shades of screwed up.

I didn't eat dinner that night. I took a long shower then curled up in my bed and prayed that the nightmares wouldn't come. Neither Derek or Elliot tried to stop me, they just left me in peace.

The thing I hated most was that Levi was right. He was always right. Damn asshole.

I was so scared still. It was like this parasite that I couldn't get rid of, and it seemed completely absurd. I was a werewolf for crying out loud! A damn alpha female! I could kill Marcus under five minutes, I was sure of that.

Yes, his face still haunted me. The smug smirk he always wore as he looked down on me after he used me then abused me, still haunted me. The scars he left both on my skin and my soul seemed to burn as my insecurities crept forward, a reminded that they would always be there, adding baggage to my already large collection.

My wolf whined and moaned in my mind. She was sad for me. She tried to nudge me and cheer me up but I wasn't in the mood for it.

I cried.

I let the tears run as they wanted to. I let my insecurities pour out and my fear spill down my cheeks in the form of salty tears that brought me back to reality. I was broken. I was still broken until I dealt with it.

But I didn't know how. How did I even begin to heal the deep scars that he had caused? I felt like I had healed many, I knew I had; yet there were still some buried deep that would take much more time.

The nightmares came that night. They always came that night. I woke up in what felt like a pool of my own sweat and tears as fur pierced through my skin. My wolf was on edge, anxious.

I took deep breaths and tried to calm her but I felt like I could barely breathe, it felt like my throat was closing in on me–suffocating. I gulped into the blackness of my room, but the pain in my chest made me cry out. The air seemed thin while my tears seemed thick; I could barely see anything as they poured down my face.

I didn't hear him or sense him come in, but suddenly there were arms wrapped around me. They rubbed my back and pushed the wet hair out of my face as I tried to control my breathing and win the war with my anxiety.

"Just breathe girl. In and out, in and out," Levi said while rubbing my back.

I was trying, but failing miserably, and he seemed to sense it. I was still angry with him, as was my wolf, but his presence seemed to calm us–it was like having my father around again.

Levi took my face in his hands, his silver eyes glowed like the moon and somehow sent waves of calmness through me. "You're okay girl. I am right here. No one's coming for ya. Just breathe girl."

I nodded and matched his breaths with my own until I was breathing normally again. The tears settled down and my wolf stepped back when she felt like we weren't in danger anymore.

Levi didn't say anything else. He walked out of the room and flicked on a light in the kitchen. I wanted to follow him but my whole body felt like it had been dug out of the grave from our fight today.

I heard some clanging, a few curses, and finally, the sound of footsteps coming back towards me. Levi scooped me up without a word and carried me into the kitchen then placed me on a barstool in front of the counter.

He poured me a tall glass of milk and place two peanut butter and jelly sandwiches in front of me. My belly let out a pretty intimidating growl of its own. I shouldn't have skipped dinner.

I tore into the sandwiches without a question while Levi made another sandwich for himself. "I used to make these all the time for my kids. Eve was always worried when they were young that we would never be able to get them to eat anything else." He laughed to himself and slathered on some dark purple grape jelly over the bread caked with peanut butter. "It was always their favorite late night snack. I always made these for them when they had nightmares of their own. Sometimes Lucas would just wake up in the middle of the night so I would make him one."

I felt my heart almost break. I put my sandwich down as a solemn quiet settled in. I didn't know what to say. What could I say?

Levi placed a piece of bread on top of the bottom half of his sandwich and cut it in two, then poured himself a cup of milk. He took a sloppy bite out of it and chased it down with the creamy liquid that left a tiny mustache over his top lip. He wiped his mouth then looked back at me almost apologetically.

"We all have our shit girl. There is not a day or night that goes by that I do not think of them, or want to be with them. Believe me, if there was an option for me to be with them again, I would take it."

I gulped and nodded before taking another bite of my sandwich. The peanut butter stuck to the roof of my mouth, but I couldn't get enough of it. I chased it down with the milk that was so divine it made my mouth water for more.

Levi sighed after he took another bite and picked at the crust. "I understand how you feel in a way. It's hard, getting close to people again, trusting yourself. You're afraid of anyone getting too close because it scares the hell out of you to think that someone might see how broken you are, or worse, that you may care for them and then they leave. You learn to trust the pain because it becomes you–becomes the only thing you know. But that ain't you girl, that pain ain't you. I am not perfect nor am I an expert on this. We both know that I still have plenty of my own shit to deal with, but that is no way to live, trust me, I have spent plenty of time dwelling in it."

"How? It's not like I enjoy it," I muttered.

Levi nodded into his glass as he took a big sip of his milk. "The reason your fear is so powerful is because you believe it. You wouldn't care if it wasn't true. I don't blame you girl, if I had been through what you had I would probably think and feel the same things you do."

I sighed and nodded. "It's so hard. This bond between Liam and I scares the hell out of me."

"Well," Levi said while picking up his sandwich. "First off, Liam isn't your husband. That boy would cut off his left nut before he ever laid a hand on you or let anyone else."

"I know, believe me, I know," I sighed out. "It's just hard when the only relationship you know is one that tore you up in every way. Some of the things I feel, I haven't felt since when I first met Marcus, and it scares me. Last time I trusted them was the worst decision I ever made."

Levi nodded as he chewed on his sandwich. "It's in the past girl, can't change that. It is what it is. We all make mistakes. Do you think that I still don't beat myself up for not leaving with Eve and my kids that day? Or for not stopping them and making them wait another day when I could go with them?"

I nodded. The pain was hidden in his eyes. Pain that I recognized. My wolf howled in the back of my mind. The pain he felt had to be excruciating. It was a miracle he even survived it.

"There are good people in this world Charlie girl, and there are very bad people. Life happens to all of us and we learn and grow from it, carry the scars it leaves us with. There ain't one person in this world who doesn't have baggage, and that's ok. Baggage makes us smarter and wiser, use that girl. Use that knowledge and rely on your gut to help you. Our insecurities are just beasts of their own, you just have to become their master just like you did your wolf."

I nodded as I swallowed a large chunk. I hated how right he was. I wanted to be mad at him, but right now I was so emotionally exhausted that I couldn't force anger to surface even if I wanted to.

"So what do I do, about Liam?"

Levi let out a long sigh as he swirled around the milk in his glass. "That boy is a lot more attached to you than I thought he would be."

"I know," I said into my glass as I took a sip. "It's hard. I mean, I genuinely like Liam, and not just because of the bond."

"I know, he's a good kid, he'll make a good alpha one day after I am done with him." Levi mused a bit as he pulled out more bread to make another sandwich. "Want another?"

I shook my head. "No, thank you, though."

He nodded. He scooped out the extra crunch peanut butter and started to spread it across the bread while he let his mind run deep into thought. He stuck his knife, still covered in peanut butter, into the jelly jar and slathered the jelly across the bread. I rolled my eyes at him. He just chuckled and plopped another piece of bread on top then poured himself and me some more milk.

"He isn't your true mate girl." I groaned and Levi just chuckled some more. "I know you're not too fond of the whole thing, but you have to also think of it this way, if you let this bond grow with him, and let's say he marks you, what happens when one of you meets your true mate? It will devastate the hell out of both of you, and out of that individual. No one deserves that."

"I know." I did know. I wasn't too fond of this 'mate' asshole that I was apparently going to have to put up with, but I didn't want to hurt Liam. I wasn't about to screw up his future because I was being selfish. "But what do I do? I mean, it's not like it's easy."

"I know girl," Levi replied before he took a large bite from his sandwich. He chewed while his brows furrowed as he let himself slip into deep thought again. "I think after the bear hunt, you should consider finding a pack."

"You want me to leave?"

Levi shook his head as he took a large gulp of milk. "No girl, and I won't send you all by yourself. I'll probably make Derek follow your tiny ass, but don't say anything yet, understood?" I nodded as Levi took another bite of his sandwich. He set it down and wiped his mouth before looking at me with a knowing wary gaze. "Here's the thing girl, if you stay here, especially in my pack, this bond is only going to grow until one of you finds your true mate; and who knows when that could be. It isn't fair to either of you. That and your wolf is going to want to join a pack, I can see it in her eyes now, she's already itching for it."

"She is, it's like a scratch I can't find."

Levi nodded and let out a heavy breath. "That and you will be safer. With the number of rogues up, it's getting more precarious for you to be so far away from a pack where they have pack warriors and patrols that can protect you. It would be good for you girl, it's a healthy and natural thing for you to find a pack of your own."

I felt my insides churn at the thought of leaving. It wasn't a notion that sat well with me. "Where would I go?"

"Well, I have a few connections that I could call. Derek has some ideas. We don't need to make a decision now. You shouldn't leave before winter anyways, that would be too hard. So we have time to make a decision."

"I don't want to leave," I whispered out more to myself than to him.

He sighed and gave me a half smile. "I would be lying if I said that I wanted your tiny ass to go, but it's what's best for you Charlie girl."

"Okay," I sighed out. "I'll think about it. No rush right?"

"Nope, not at all girly."

"Good."

I yawned and Levi laughed quietly to himself. He took our plates and placed them in the sink before walking back to me and scooping me up again.

"Don't get used to this girl."

I laughed and nodded as he kicked the door open to my room. He placed me on my bed then turned to leave, but I felt my heart pang at the loss. "Levi?"

"Yap?"

"Will you stay? Just until I fall asleep?"

He sighed then nodded. I scooted over and pulled the covers over myself as he scooted next to me. He wrapped a large arm around me as I leaned on his chest; it was something I used to do with my dad all the time before he died. He would stroke my hair and tell me stories as a girl until I would finally fall asleep.

I felt like I was home.

"You did good today girl. I know I may push you hard, but it's only because I know you can take it."

"Good enough to take on a bear?"

His quiet laugh vibrated through his chest and through me, drawing a small smile through my lips. "I feel bad for that bear, but only a little." He patted my head and let out a long yawn himself. "You'll do good girl. We just need to make sure we get you a big enough bear."

"You're taking me bear hunting; me, a former human who never even killed a spider before all of this, and you're concerned that I won't get a big enough bear?"

Levi laughed some more and I couldn't help but join him. The whole notion was absurd. Months ago I was walking around with bleach blonde hair and completely oblivious to the supernatural world.

"You'll do fine girl, I wouldn't take you if I thought you couldn't do it."

My belly swirled with pride from the compliment. It pleased my wolf; she relished in the compliment and settled back down on a new high.

My eyelids got heavier and heavier and heavier. Levi sighed and pulled the blankets a little tighter around me. "Go to sleep Charlie girl, I'm not going anywhere."

With that, I drifted off into the blissful darkness of sleep.

A sleep without nightmares.