She only nodded wistfully in response, clearly not ready for words. So I merely opened my arms, and she joined me on the floor, falling readily into my embrace as she had countless times before. 

I still remember the first time she did. It was many years ago, when I was only 14.

*flashback*

We had spent the day together after school again, something we did quite often, seeing as we were the best of friends. Instead of going to her house like we normally did, we walked around the district aimlessly, laughing and crying and talking about a million little things that I can't even remember now. For a few precious hours, I forgot all the troubles that plagued me, lost in her company.

As the day drew to a close, we sat on a bench next to the Meadow, having lost all track of time. I remember laughing at how she sniffed the flowers I picked her.

"Peeta?" she asked me, taking on a more serious tone.

"Yeah?" I answered, digging my shoe into the dirt.

"Do you maybe want to... do this again sometime?" she murmured, playing with the hem of her shirt.

"Of course! Today was the most fun I've had in ages," I replied, almost laughing at the ridiculous question. We hung out almost every day, how was this any different?

A brilliant grin lit up her face and her clear blue eyes shone like sunlight sparkling off a lake. I chuckled at her reaction.

"Really?" she queried. "I never thought you liked me very much."

I smiled. "Of course I like you!"

If it was possible, she smiled even wider. The wind blew her light brown hair into her face, but she didn't seem to notice or care about the shoulder length strands tickling her rosy cheeks.

My dopey smile still lighting up my face, I reached out and tucked and errant chocolate-colored lock behind her ear, my fingertips brushing against the sprinkle of freckles across her nose and the tops of her cheeks.

Her expression changed rapidly from joy to shock to something I couldn't quite name. A flush rose in her face and she pondered me through half lidded eyes. Curious about what caused the change, I wondered if she might faint. I pressed my hand firmly to her cheek, checking for fever.

When I found nothing, I drew my hand back, but to my befuddlement, she followed it, closing her eyes and leaning towards me. 

For a split second, I didn't realize what was happening, and I merely sat there, frozen. It wasn't until I could feel her faint breath on my face that I came to my senses and it struck me like a blow to the head. She was trying to kiss me!

I jerked my hand back from her cheek as if I had been burned, and I stumbled backward off the bench, tumbling into the dirt in my haste to get away.

Tessa's eyes fluttered open in confusion which only deepened upon seeing me in the dirt. The light blush remained in her cheeks as she gave a lilting laugh.

"Peeta you dork. Did you fall?"

"I... What...?" I panted, breathless and confused. I swallowed, soothing my dry throat enough to speak. "What are you doing?" I hissed.

Her brow creased in confusion. "What?"

"You... What...?!" I spat incoherently.

Her eyes passed over my panting form, still sitting in on the ground with my hands scraped and stinging from my fall. Her previously shining eyes darkened as she slowly fell further and further into confusion. And then it clicked. "Oh no," she groaned, hiding her face in her hands. "Oh my god I'm such a blithering idiot. Wow, Tessa, wow. You really are stupid, but this takes the cake," she said to herself, forgetting I was even there. 

My anger vanished, replaced by a desperate, blinding fear. She was my best friend. My only friend. What if she never wants to speak to me again? I stood, dusting myself off as she continued to chide herself. 

"Tessa?" I asked softly, laying a gentle hand on her shoulder.

She jerked her head up abruptly. "You," she hissed.

"Me?"

She was on her feet in an instant, her humiliation finally having a target. "You led me on for - for months! You said you liked me! My god, you said being with me was the most fun you'd had in ages! And then you had the audacity to be mad at me!"

With each statement, she jabbed a finger into my chest, and with the last jab, I stumbled back, tripping on a rock and falling to the ground. Suddenly, for no reason I could explain, I remembered hiding under a table from my mother when I was six. "Where are you, ya little twerp! I'm gonna beat you senseless!" she had shouted. I let out a shrill scream at the memory, at the pain that was inflicted on my that day, at the words and the blows. I gasped, clutching my temples and curling into a ball on the ground, completely forgetting where I was.

"No!" I shouted at the top of my lungs from my position in the dirt, my eyes clenched shut. "Please! Stop!" I yanked at my hair like pulling it out would get rid of the memories. Of the pain. "He's bleeding!"  I tore at my shirt, ripping a hole in the front and scratching at my chest, leaving long red gashes. I screamed wordlessly. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't see, I couldn't even think.

"Oh my god Peeta what's going on?!" Tessa fell to her knees, tearing my hands out of my hair and shaking my shoulders.

"STOP! That's fire! NO! Luca!" I grasped my throat violently. I can't breathe, there's no air, there's no air, there's no air.

"PEETA!" screamed Tessa, tears streaming down her cheeks. "Peeta stop you're scaring me!"

Suddenly, like I was waking up from a bad dream, I realized I was on the ground. I sat up, touching my cheeks. They were wet. Was I crying? Why was there blood on my chest? "Tessa? What are you doing here?"

She fell back, scrambling away from me backward on her hands. "What the hell...? You... were crying... and screaming?" 

I cocked my head to the side, confused. "Tessa. Why is there blood?"

Her eyes widened. "What the...?"

"Tessa. Why are you here?"

"Oh my god. It this a freaking game to you?"

"Is what, Tessa?"

"Are these just more mind games?"

"Games?"

Her blue eyes scanned my face desperately for something. What, I could not tell you, but whatever it was, she didn't find it. Tessa turned her head away from me in disgust. "You should get an acting award," she spat, and with that she spun on her heel and strode away from me, waiting until she thought I couldn't see her to break into tears

*****

I don't know how long I sat there staring out across the meadow at nothing. I strained to recall the gap in my memory, but I was utterly unsuccessful. The last thing I remembered was Tessa trying to kiss me, and the next thing I knew I was lying on the ground covered in blood and tears.

I finally snapped out of my trance when the first fat raindrop landed on my arm, long after the sun had gone down. Within seconds the occasional drop became a downpour as I staggered home, slipping on fresh mud along the way.

I rushed through the back door of the bakery, yanking off my muddy shoes and glancing at the clock. 9:13. I was supposed to be back hours ago. Careful not to make a sound, I tiptoed out of the cloakroom, towards the stairs, when suddenly...

"Where the hell have you been!" I cursed under my breath and turned to my mother. She was standing in the middle of the warm oven room, holding a pair of cookie cutters, hands covered in flour. 

"I'm so sorry I just lost track of-"

"Do you think I care! I was so swamped by myself that I missed three customers! And its all your fault!" With that, she lunged towards me and grabbed my arm. Her long fingernails cut into my flesh, drawing scarlet blood. She drew her other hand back and dug the cookie cutter into my skin, pulling it out quickly only to plunge it in again. My vision went red. 

"No!" I screamed and thrashed in her grip, not even sure what I was doing, just desperately sure that I had to get away. I whirled my arms around frantically until suddenly, SLAP. My flailing hand whacked my mother in the face. I went perfectly, statue still. I didn't even dare take a breath. 

My mother dropped the bloody cookie cutter and pressed her forearm into my neck, leaning her face so close to mine that I could feel her breath on my skin. Her face contorted into a snarl.

"I'm so sorry it was an accident," I whispered pleadingly. "Please-"

She gave me a sadistic smile. "Oh, I'll make you sorry."

In a split-second, probably very stupid decision, I slammed my skull into hers and she dropped to the floor. Without a second thought, I dashed towards the front of the bakery. I basically threw myself out the door, sprinting away as fast as my legs could carry me. I got all the way to the Meadow before I stopped, only because my lungs were about to give out.

I stumbled to the ground, clutching my head. The only thing I could hear was an impossibly loud buzzing. That's when I remembered my arm. I glanced at it to see the damage, only to look away instantly. My stomach turned, and I saw spots. I would have puked if there was anything to expel.

Instead, I tried to get up. Big mistake. As soon as I found my feet, my vision swam, and I dropped to the dirt again, busting my lip on a rock. I lay there until I felt capable of movement, which was a very long time. I knew I needed help, I was loosing a lot of blood, and for some reason, I couldn't breathe again.

So as soon as I was able, I staggered through the rain to the only palace I could go. I showed up on Tessa's doorstep in tears, blood flowing from my lip and arm, swaying slightly on my feet, the spot where I head-butted my mother starting to blacken. She took me in, the blood, the tears, the mud splattered clothes, and pulled me into her warm house without a word. 

She dressed my wound in silence, washing and bandaging quietly. While she did, I told her everything. Things I had never shared with anyone. My aspirations to paint. My feelings for Katniss. And my mother's beatings. Through all of it she listened, not saying anything. 

When I finished, we sat together on her couch, basking in the warmth of the fire. I fell asleep holding her in my arms, feeling truly safe in slumber for the first time in my memory. 

*end of flashback*

That day, Tessa moved to fill a gap in my life. Not my friend. Not my girlfriend. But my family. Now I had to let go of that family.

Today I was forced to say goodbye to my cruel, uncaring mother, my gentle but bitter father, and my kind yet distant brothers. But only at the thought of leaving Tessa did I finally crack. 

Together we wept. For my lost love, for my impending death, for all the hardships I had faced in my all-too-short lifetime.

Once her tears had slowed, Tessa shifted in my arms to face me. "You have to try," she pleaded, "Please Peeta. Just try to come back to me."

I only smiled wistfully. "You know I can't. She has to come home, Tessa. She has to." 

Tessa sighed. She of all people knew how I felt about Katniss. "You must not lose hope. I saw what you did for her when she was drawn. Make her stand above the rest, and she will live. I mean, you've seen her hunt."

 I almost laughed. Straight through the eye, every time. "Yeah."

"Help her get sponsors too. You are the most charming person I've ever met. You can convince anyone to like you." She paused, saying the next part softly, almost to herself. "To love you, even."

I snorted at her comment, ignoring the second part. "There's no way anything I say can help Katniss. She's already so kind and vivacious."

Tessa only raised an eyebrow. "Peeta, you could charm a siren out of its voice. She couldn't charm a dog out of its fleas."

"What?"

"I'm serious. She always looks like she's trying to murder whoever she's talking to."

"Huh. Guess I'm more useful than I thought." At that, Tessa gave that lilting laugh of hers. We spent a few moments in happy silence, pondering my idiocy.

"You know Tessa, my dad just came in and gave me this crazy speech about how love ruins your life and that it's the worst thing that can ever happen to you. I just... Do you think I'm a fool? Do you think he's right?" Tessa was silent for a time, truly thinking through the question, like she always did. 

"I think that love can make you simultaneously weak and strong. You have found that in Katniss. And that's not a bad thing. Your father is bitter because he let his fear overcome his love, and he hates himself for it."

A peacekeeper entered the room abruptly. "It's time to go."

She paused, tilting my chin so that she could see my eyes. "I cannot say that I hope you come home, because you would be destroyed, but I hope you find happiness. You are giving up your life for love. Some give up money or power or fame. And some... let go for the people they love. Good luck Peeta. And may the odds be ever in your favor."

Tessa stood up with a grim smile, gave my cheek the barest whisper of a kiss, and left the room.

*****

Yay another long chapter I'm so proud! I rewrote it like 20 times because I hated each version. Honestly though you guys, I was rereading my first few chapters, and I don't know why any of you are here. I am going to be editing Chapters 1 and 2 ASAP because they are so cringey. Also, check out the Book Oscars. I got a few votes for best of the beginners in the THG category, so go vote if you like my story! I'll put the Book Oscars on my reading list so you can find it. So what do you think of Peeta's back story so far? Too dark? Not dark enough? Not realistic? Let me know! Vote and comment! Lots of love!

-Siren Song

P.S. There was so much looking into each other's eyes in this chapter that it took all my (limited) self-control not to write "orbs." Who hates that word as much as I do?

P.P.S. I have a drawing of the layout of the bakery. Should I upload it?