Logan Nash

… a few days later …

"Maybe she just forgot about us?" Sitting on the corner of my desk, Dallas swings her little sneaker-clad feet as she continually glances back towards the office door with forlorn puppy dog eyes.. "Are you sure you didn't do something to upset her?"

"She didn't forget.." I mutter, forcibly distracted by my lack of desire to torture myself with thoughts of the insatiable Army Barbie as I enter the numerical sequence from Hendrix's notebook into my latest cipher program for analysis, still no closer to cracking the code..
Hendrix Quinn is as big a mystery as his unreadable daughter.. "And I didn't do a damn thing.. She probably just got caught up at work.."

Even as the excuse leaves my mouth it feels like a lie and I hate keeping secrets from Dallas.. Maybe I'd fucked up by letting things with Shelby get so far since no good could possibly come if it.. I hadn't stopped to consider the impacts beyond myself in that Shelby is an important influence on Dallas' chances of getting anywhere with her pageant aspirations.

What a cluster fuck I've created..

"Really? Cus' I know how you can be.." My niece offers several examples of my less than charming behaviour.. "Remember that one girl, Becca, you called her 'brainless' and made her cry.. Or how about the time you told my babysitter to have some 'self respect' after she tried to grab your--"

"Yeah, I get it, Tex– I'm not really a people person.." I hold up a hand to cut her off.. I've got no need to hear her recount my less than charming lack of patience.. "But in my defence, people are assholes.."

Dallas laughs, a feathered girlish giggle.. "No, Lo-Lo.. You are an asshole, that's my whole point!"

"Gee, thanks, kid.." I crumple a nearby piece of paper and toss it at her head, chucking as the gentle projectile bounces off her honey blonde crown..

She lifts her hands to deflect the attack.. "Besides, Shelby isn't an asshole.. She's super sweet!"

"Whatever.." I shrug noncommittally, unsure if I actually agree with Dallas..

Is Shelby sweet?
I mean, I know that she can be, but overall I'd place her temperament somewhere between snotty and short..

I suppose she had been sweet that day at the Blackstar building when my stress had gotten the better of me..
She'd given me comfort and offered me secrets that made me feel much less alone.. At least I thought we had made some kind of connection.. Especially after the mind blowing sex that followed...

But then she cut out on me.. And I'm forced to remember the other side of the woman, the calculations and manipulation she is capable of and the expert manner in which she twists me around her finger..

She's still a fucking Fed after all.. I can't forget that..

Dallas, completely oblivious to the real reason that Shelby has been avoiding me, pouts in disappointment.. "So if you really didn't do anything, then why hasn't she called?"

Pinching the bridge of my nose I blow out an exhausted breath, having done nothing but work on her father's case for the last six straight days despite her ignoring me.. Now my tolerance for all things Shelby is at an all time low.. "Christ, Tex.. I dunno! I got no idea where Shelby Quinn's is, or why she does the things she does! The woman is a mystery to me and I ain't fixing to figure her out."

"Well, yeah.." Dallas hums.. "But like– couldn't you just take a teeny tiny peek?" Her eyes flick to my screen, almost daring me..

"Nuh-uh.." I shake my head, drawing my shoulders back to a prideful posture.. "I ain't spying on her.."  I'm not about to do something so desperate just for scraps of Shelby's attention..
If she wanted to see me, she'd see me.. I'm not about to stalk the woman just to have my ego crushed beneath her self righteous boot once again..

"But she promised she'd be here.." Dallas whines dramatically, scrunchie her sweet face which only intensifies my guilt.. "How am I supposed to win Miss Darkport without a coach?"

Swallowing my remorse I turn my eyes back to the computer screen, happy to have that one reliable shield to hide behind.. Work has always been that for me, a safe haven to hide in.. "I dunno what to tell ya, Tex.. Some people are just full of–"

"Shelby!" Dallas squeals in excitement, causing me to look up from the keyboard..

"Good afternoon, Miss Quinn! Mr Nash is up in his office.." The loud and bubbly voice of one of my second year interns chirps from the first floor below and I turn to the window to see Shelby crossing the room to climb the stairs to my office..

It's the first time seeing her since she dipped out on me after we spent the night together and my blood sears scalding hot in my veins at the memory of what her dangerously divine body looked like beneath that tight denim and simple white t-shirt combos she wears.. Those hips, so full and curvy, my hands craving get a good grip of them and never let go. Those perfect tits, two handfuls of heaven, firm and perky just pleading to be played with.. That tight snatch, so wet and warm, just begging to be filled by my aching cock..

Fuck!
I need to stop thinking about her.. Stop obsessing..

"Shelby! You came!" Dallas jumps to her feet and races across the office, visibly excited as The Beauty Queen reaches the doorway.. "Whoa! You look fire!"

"Uh, thanks.." Shelby winces doubtfully, glancing down at her casually immaculate outfit.. Dallas is damn right, The Barbie looks hotter than hell, the way her form fitting jeans cling to her curves is enough to have my appetite whet with lust..

She's fucking gorgeous..

"Sorry I'm late, I was looking for something and it took me a minute to track it down.." Shelby smiles at the bubbly teen apologetically before she digs through her bag to produce a small slip of paper which she then hands to Dallas.. "Here, Tex, I thought you might like to have this.."

Shelby's sparkling sapphire gaze floats curiously over to meet with mine, a sweet smile of acknowledgement painted on her peachy soft lips.. Lips that I know for a fact taste like ripe berries.. "Hey there, Lone Star.."

"Howdy, Barbie.." I nod curtly in return, my admiration of the militant temptress cut short by Dallas's gasp of shock..

"Oh my God! Lo-Lo! Look! it's mom!" Dallas rushes back to my desk and thrusts the worn paper in my direction.. I take it and I turn the aged photograph over in my hand to see that it is a picture of several teenage girls, all wearing sparkly dresses and their prettiest pageant smiles.. There, stood right beside a younger version of Shelby is my sister, their arms linked together as they pose like royalty for the camera..

I don't believe in fate or anything of the like, but coincidence seems such an unlikely description to the serendipitous situation.. The world can be so very small sometimes and the chances that my life would intersect with Shelby's is one in a million.. Yet here we are.. Inexplicably connected by some kind of cosmic force..

My stomach wrenches at the sight of Dixie's innocent and unknowingly smile, the darling image of my best friend almost enough to unravel every terrible memory we shared.. Together, Dixie and I had been though so much and still there was nothing that could come between us, no water thicker than blood.. We understood one another in a way nobody else ever could..  Remembering her is like a punch in the gut, forcing me to recall the last time I had seen my sister and the last words we'd shared.. A stupid argument about her Blackstar obsession.. An obsession she had passed onto me, along with her daughter..

"You– You knew Dixie?" I tear my tormented eyes away from the heartbreaking image of the beautiful teen girl so, happy and blissfully unaware of the terror she would endure ahead..

Shelby nods gently.. "A little– I mean– We went through some pageant camps together.. We weren't close or anything.. But Dallas told me you guys lost all your pictures of her and I remembered I had this one.. I just thought you might like to have it.."

"This is–" The words catch in my throat as I pass the picture back to Dallas, unable to bear the sight a second longer.. "This was nice of you, Shelby.. Thanks.." I force a flat facade to aid me in coping with the painful ache of grief..

My niece clutches the photo to her chest, treasuring the rare gift.. "I can't believe you met my mom! You have to tell me what you remember about her?"

"It was a long time ago.." Shelby hums, glancing nervously at me as if she senses my discomfort.. "But I remember she was so beautiful and that everybody liked her.. She won her crowns because she was the best, always so kind and gracious.. Actually, Dallas.. She was a lot like you.."

I smile as Dallas beams and does a happy little dance in her white sneakers.. The kid glows with appreciation, smiling over at me.. "That's exactly what Lo-Lo always says!"

"I'm not surprised.." Shelby adds before she produces a stack of papers from her bag next.. "Now, we should probably get started on the Q&A study if we're going to get you a crown of your own.."

Dallas groans, her lithe shoulders sagging in reluctance.. "Ugh really? I suck at Q&A!!"

"All the more reason to prepare yourself..". Shelby chuckles encouragingly, her crystal blue eyes softening in sympathy. "Trust me, I never enjoyed public speaking either, but the best way through it is to know what you're going to say and how you're going to say it.."

As Dallas takes the papers with a look of utter dismay I offer my niece a gentle reminder.. "Shelby's giving up her time because you wanted this Tex.. Don't waste it.."

"You're right.." Dallas nods, her commitment renewed.. "Maybe you could help me write a cheat sheet, Shelby? One I can memorise? "

“Great idea.." Shelby smiles.. "You take half an hour to read up on the material and then I'll quizz you.. After that we can make some flashcards, sound fair?"

"Okay.." Dallas hums, trotting off to find herself a quiet corner out in the hall, pulling the door closed behind her and leaving Shelby and I alone..

"You're good with her, you know.." I clear my throat and nod towards the door my niece just exited through..

"She's a sweet kid.." Shelby compliments much to my pride.. Dallas is the one thing I have done right in this life and to see her recognised as the angel she is, is all I ever wanted for her.. I just hope this pageant doesn't crush her beautiful spirit or make her compare herself to other girls, because she's one of a kind and absolutely perfect..

And I'm becoming increasingly convinced that Shelby is too..

"I was startin' to think we wouldn't see you today.." The obvious words are out before I can consider their inflection properly, sounding more cold and distant than I'd intended as she collapses into the seat opposite me..

I can't seem to stop myself..
Dallas was right, I really am an asshole..

"We have a deal, so I'm doing my part.." Shelby shrugs.. "Speaking of, have you made any progress?"

"Yeah-huh.." I nod with a cough to clear my throat, attempting to reset my prickly attitude.. "I've found a couple broken locks to pick, so to speak, they should get us into Gabriel's back end and from there I can probably start digging around the backup data from the dates Hendrix disappeared.. How about you?"

Shelby's jaw tightens in agitation.. "Well, I got the supposed footage from Blackstar's security system from the week my father went missing .. But there's something strange about the timestamps and the pictures are all so grainy.. It's impossible to tell for sure, but I think they might have been doctored because they don't tell me a damn thing.."

"Forward them to me, I'll have somebody downstairs verify the authenticity.." Her news doesn't surprise me in the least since I had been expecting Wyatt to continue covering his tracks.. "We'll have the real ones soon enough, Shelby.. We're gonna find the truth.."

"The truth–" She smiles tiredly, the light behind her midnight sky eyes now dulled by a sadness that I hate to see.. "Whatever that means.."

"What's wrong?" I frown, keeping my eyes busy and focused down at the keyboard as I continue to type, giving away no hint to her that I have been all kinds of strung out since she skipped out on me..

"I just–" She bites her bottom lip when I peek in her direction, picking at the purposefully frayed holes in the knees of her jeans.. "Nevermind.."

"What?" I pause my typing to glance up at her, pressing for an answer.. "You can tell me.."

"It's nothing.. Really.." She shakes her head, whipping about that long, silky black ribbon she wears tied into the sunshine strands of her ponytail..

"Al'riiight.." I him with the roll of my eyes..

Of course she doesn't want to talk to me about her problems..

So we fucked.. That doesn't suddenly make us friends or anything more..

I should have known she'd take just another slice of what she wanted from me, as meaningless as every other portion of my dignity to her..

What is it about this woman that makes me so goddamn gullible?
I had honestly started to believe she was different..

Am I really such an easy mark?

We sit in tense silence as I type, he staring at me and me, staring at my screen.. I won't be the one to break..

"I've just been thinking about what you said.." Shelby finally admits after much too long..

"Aw yeah?" Suddenly I struggle to recall anything I've ever said to the woman because she is staring into my eyes with those electrifying oceans of hopeful misery.. All I can think of is holding her again.. Kissing her.. I want to make everything right in her life.. "What's that?"

Shelby sighs.. "That I might never get to see my father again because.. Because you think he's dead.."

Right.. I did say that..
Goddamnit.. I can be such a fucking jackass..
I tug at the collar of my sweatshirt which now feels tight enough to strangle me..  "Shit, Shelby.. You know I didn't mean that–"

"Yeah, you did.." She sniffs bravely.. "And  I'm starting to believe that maybe you were right.."

"I shouldn't have said that, Barbie.. I was outta line.." Guilt grows in my guts for all the times I'd discouraged Shelby and made attampts to douse her hope with my critical cynicism..

Why do I always do that?
What is wrong with me?

"You were just being honest.." She offers the explanation, giving me way too much credit and overlooking the worst in me..

"I was just being a dick is more like it.." I scoff,. infuriated with myself for being so cruel..

"Well.. Either way, I needed to hear it.." She shifts uncomfortably in her seat, slumping forward to lay her hands down on the desk.. "It hurt and I didn't want to believe it but, I have to be realistic and prepare myself for the worst.. Even if I'm hoping for the best.."

"We're gonna find him, Shelby.." I reach across to place a hand over hers, my thumb brushing softly over her dainty knuckles and I can hear the hitch in her breath at the contact.. "I promise.."

She glances down at the site of our shared connection, placing a second hand over mine as if in comfort before she lifts her beautiful eyes to meet with mine once again.. "Logan, about the other night.. That was a mistake–"

Damn..
I knew she'd been thinking it, but to hear her say it out loud only confirms what I had already known.. That I'll never be good enough for The Beauty Queen.. I'll always be a mistake to her..

"Sure." I reply coldly as I withdraw from her touch, and my hand slides away from hers..
I'll be damned if I'm going to spend my time trying to convince her otherwise.. If I'm a mistake then she is something far more regrettable, because I'd been dumb enough to fall for her tricks..

I'd let the stress of those stupid panic attacks and my crippling anxiety distort my feelings, skewing reality to the point where I could convince myself she might look at me with anything other than pity..

But I was wrong to trust her.. Even for a second..

Shelby blinks, seemingly taken aback by my shift in demeanor.. But she shouldn't be.. She knows exactly what she's done and I can barely stand to look at her now as she spews her excuses.. "I didn't mean it like that––"

"I know exactly how you meant it, Beauty Queen.. Don't you worry.. Wouldn't want you slumming it a second longer than you can stand.." The harshness to my timbre cuts through the cold air and she opens her mouth to no doubtedly lie some more..

But I've heard enough..

"Logan, please don't–"

Just then the door flings open and we both sit up straighter to see Dallas the doorway, waving her phone in the air.. "You guys won't believe it, my application was accepted! I made it through the preliminaries! I'm officially in the running for Miss Darkport!"