Logan Nash

Waco, Texas
...over twenty years ago...

"Please, Lo-Lo.. You have to come with me.." Imploring, baby blue eyes blink at me.. Heartbreak and hope burning deep within the beauty of her gaze, pleading with me to see reason..

I know she is right.. I know this place is corrupt and the goings on within it's walls couldn't possibly be moral.. But my scuffed up sneakers feel glued to the old worn out carpet beneath them, not allowing me to move.. "Dixie, I-I can't.."

"You can! You have to!" My sister turns away from me in disappointment before she continues to rush around the small bedroom, collecting our clothes and stuffing them into a black plastic trash bag.. "The Messiah is crazy.. After what he did to us- I'm - I'm scared of what he might do next.."

I shift uncomfortably on the spot, a dull ache still resonating down between my legs as the humiliation of my sterilisation remains clear in my mind.. A punishment that pales in comparison to the vile things I know he had done to my sister, forcing her to share his bed.. "I know, Dee-Dee, but-"

"We can't let him ruin another life, Logan.. And I can't do this without you, I need you.." Dixie rests her hand over the tiny rise of her swelling belly, pausing her frantic packing to make one final attempt to persuade me.. "This baby needs you.."

If The Prophet truly believed all the evil he had done was righteous, even after my sister and I had followed his law to the letter, how would he treat us if we were caught trying to escape?
What kind of torture could a man that evil conceive?

I have been told all the rumours of retribution and know the stories about what would happen in the old grain silo known as 'The Slaughter House." It's shadow looms over the back paddocks of the compound and occasionally wailing screams of horror can be heard peeling paint from its rusted walls..

Even still, I can't imagine a worse punishment than never seeing Dixie again.. I love her too much to just watch her leave, but I'm not so certain as her.. Everything I have done, everything I have been subjected to in my life, I'd convinced myself it was all for the betterment of my family.. Now, the idea of risking their safety causes a swarm of doubts and questions that I just can't ignore..

"W-where would we go?" I lower my voice, taking a hesitant step forward, a little closer to finding my conviction..

"Anywhere.. Everywhere.." Dixie glances wistfully out the window, looking up towards the heavens as if the universe could be ours to explore.. Twinkling stars shine down, like holes poked through a velvet blanket and the full moon illuminates the compound trails that cut through the fields.. "Does it really matter? Wherever we go, it has to be better than here.."

Chewing on the inside of my cheek, I sway on my feet, starting to feel sick at the prospect of leaving everything I have ever known behind.. I don't know how we would survive on the outside.. "What about momma?"

Dixie shakes her head at me.. "She can't help us, Logan.. And you can't save her.. Momma and Daddy will always choose the Messiah over us.. But you and me- we're meant for more, I just know it.." Dixie crosses the room and throws open the window, holding out her beckoning hand to me, her urgent fingers wriggling.. "I'm begging you, Lo-Lo.. Please come with me.."

Taking one last look around the dingy little room we had shared for so long..
This is it.. This is our chance to be free..

I reach for her hand and her delicate fingers link around mine in a tight squeeze.. "Promise me we're never coming back?"

Dixie smiles, tugging me towards the window.. "Never ever.."

I scoop up the trash bag from the bottom bunk, stuffing one of my denim jackets inside before lifting my worn out copy of Absalom! Absalom! from the milk crate beside the bed.. "Let's go, before Father Michael comes around for bed-checks.."

Crouching down, I interlace my fingers and Dixie steps into my cradled hands for me to boost her up to the window ledge.. On graceful long legs she slides out, dropping down to the wet grass below, her fall cushioned by the flowing layers of her prairie dress.. Next I toss the bag out before I hoist myself up and tumble out into the fresh night air beside her..

Excitement and terror blend together somewhere in my stomach to cause a nauseous roil, but my sister is fearless, dusting off her dress as she reaches down to help me to my feet.. "C'mon, Lo..This way.."We take off running through the tall grass towards the edge of the compound, Dixie streaming ahead of me, so eager for escape.. The long ribbons of her strawberry blonde curls whip wildly in the breeze, moonlight shimmering on her flushed face.. With each step we take away from our prison, the lighter I begin to feel.. Crickets chirp a glorious chorus as if cheering on our flight and the trashbag of our belongings jostles over my shoulder..

"We're almost there!" Dixie puffs, nearing the chainlink fence that has kept us contained our entire lives.. Dogs bark in the distance as I reach down to pull back the corner of the fence, holding it open while Dixie climbs through to the outside.. She trunks around, leveraging her foot against the gap in the fence to hold it open for me and I quickly follow her..

We made it..
We're free!

Setting off again we follow the dirt road that leads to the outer boundary of the property and that is when I see them.. Headlights bounding over the gravel.. The rusty-red pickup truck speeds towards us, dust flying out from behind the tailgate, gaining on us faster than we could ever run on our tired feet..

"They're coming for us.." My hands clench into fists at my side as the hope that had burned within me is extinguished..

"No, no no!" Dixie begins to sob, slumping down to her knees, out of breath and defeated as the truck skids to a stop, pinning us down between almost and not quite..

"I won't let them hurt you.." I utter as every protective instinct in me howls in outrage..

I'll die before I let them do anything to her.. Or the baby..

"Logan, don't-" Dixie grabs hold of my wrist, but I take her hands between mine, offering her a reassuring grimace.

"You gotta let me do this, Dee-Dee- I ain't worth half'a you, and can't survive this place without ya.."

"I love you, Logan.." She sniffles, fighting back tears..

"I love you too.."I wrap her in my arms and she holds onto me like she never wants to let go..

Father Michael climbs out of the truck and Father Mathew follows with a shotgun slung over his shoulder.. Drawing my shoulders back I step in front of my sister, prepared to face the consequences for us both..

"Hey kids, where ya think you're goin'?" Michael marches forward to make a grab for Dixie.. "Father David won't be happy with you Little Miss Nash.."

"Don't fucking touch her!" I spit, lashing out to push him back..

"Shut the fuck up, boy!" Shoving me hard in my chest the holy man Michael sends me sprawling across the gravelly ground, chunks of skin are gouged from my hands and knees and the wind is knocked from my lungs..

"Thought you could run away from your responsibilities, did ya, Girlie?" Mathew sneers from his post against the truck.. "You know what happens to defectors.."

"No! It's my fault!" I clamber back to my feet, words blurting from my mouth.. "Dixie didn't want to leave- I made her do it.."

"Is that right?" Father Michael leans down to analyse my expression, searching for signs of deceit. "You know what happens to liars, Logan?"

"I'm not lying. " I swallow my fear, standing up for what is right for what feels like the very first time in my life.. "I did this and you can tell Father David that I'll do it again and again until he lets me go."

He grins, a slow, sly smile of sick satisfaction. "You can tell him yourself son, at your proselytization."

A brutal fist collides hard with my jaw and a burst of white stars explodes behind my eyes.. The sound of my sister screaming echoes around my swimming head..

"No! Don't hurt him! Please!"

Ignoring her pleas, Father Michael kicks me in the ribs before he stomps a boot down I to my spine, the weight of the man three times my size crushing me until I can barely breathe.. A burst of agony spreads through my body and the metallic taste of blood blooms in my mouth..

"Take the girl back to her room.." Michael spits at the ground before me as I strain to sit up, clutching at my broken ribs.. "I'll take this one to the slaughter house.."

"No! Logan! No, please! Stop! Let him go!" Dixie struggles, her piercing hysteria ringing out though the compound so that lights begin to flicker on and peeping faces appear in windows, checking on the commotion..

But nobody intervenes.. And I don't blame them.. They're all as scared and helpless as me..

I lift my head to see Father Mathew holding a fighting Dixie back as Michael drags me across the dirt towards the old silo where those who lose their way are taken for what the Prophet calls 'active re-education'..
But I'm smart enough to know what happens in that cursed place.. Torture..